Confidence?

Every year since 2015, I have chosen a word to focus on.  To be strictly accurate, sometimes it has been a few words.  I call them Words of the Year.  I don't do New Year's Resolutions.  I do New Year's Words.  This is an exercise in learning, in mindfulness, and in examining my heart.  I am thankful to the Lord for giving me the idea and helping me grow through it. 

Many of these words hang with me: humility, abide, listen.  The process teaches me about important ideas and goals.  I have never mastered one of my year's words, although God has taught me much along the way.  I don't discard my words at the end of a year.  I keep them, like a list in my pocket.  I could, literally, write them into a list for my pocket, but I would lose the list, so I catalog them here.  I revisit them every so often, not probably often enough, but always in January.

Here is the history of my words-of-the-year:

2015--Peace

2016--Restoration (which changed to Goodness, Mercy and Unfailing Love)

2017--Faith and Gratitude (which grew to encompass Joy)

2018--I tried to make my words Power and Glory; however, God said, "Okay, but I actually want you to consider Humility.  Looking at my power and glory will help you understand humility."

Looking back, I can see that a fundamental shift occurred in 2018.  

I began this exercise in 2015, in response to a heartbreaking relational issue and family crisis.  Peace was what I wanted--peace among the members of my family, and freedom from worry and fear in my heart.  God responded gently, patiently, and let me spend a year seeking peace.  

I petulantly chose Restoration in 2016, because I was tired of waiting, tired of living in a broken place, impatient for things to be fixed and finished.  The Lord moved me in a different direction, redirecting my focus to Goodness, Mercy and Unfailing Love--He wanted me to look up at Him, not around at my circumstances.  

I made a step of progress in 2017, as I started to understand the importance of not simply "picking a word," but asking the Lord what He wanted me to work on and learn.  He led me to pursue Faith and Gratitude that year, then kindly, generously demonstrated to me that His path is the path of Joy.  

Nevertheless, in 2018, I tried again to take the helm.  I decided it was time for God to act, to show His Power and Glory, time for Him to fix my problems and give me a comfortable life.  He did show His power, by unmistakably letting me know that Humility was what I really needed.  My power and glory verse, 1 Chronicles 29:11, makes me grateful to be humble.

I never finished with humility.  I'm still pondering it, still learning about it.  Some days I stand in awe of the beauty of humility, and some days I stand in terror of the process of learning it.  Since 2018, I have tried (not necessarily successfully, but with conscious effort) to set aside my own goals, my own ideas of what life should look like, and especially my own timelines.  I have tried to entrust everything to God and be thankful that He is in control.  I have a prayer that helps me when I pray it: "Thank you Lord Jesus, that I can trust you because you are faithful, and good, and able to do all that you purpose and promise to do, through your almighty power."  

2019--I was not done with Humility.  My words that year were Humility, Love and Acceptance, but mostly Humility, because Humility is Love and Acceptance.  Particularly, Humility is loving people sacrificially by putting their interests above your own, and Humility is accepting what God brings into your life with faith that He is good, wise, and faithful, and can be trusted when nothing seems to make sense.

2020--Abide.  This was a good word, something that really cannot happen apart from humility.  I need to abide in Christ, and I need Him to abide in me.  Neither can happen when I cling to pride.  

2021--Listen.  This was an important word.  2021 showed me how much I fail to listen.  I also learned more about my lack of humility, as--in trying to improve as a listener--I also became more aware of other people's poor listening.

It's discouraging to me when I try to grow in a particular area, and then find myself noticing how others around me lack growth in the same area.  So much pride.  I can hardly wait to get to heaven and be completely relieved of this monkey on my back, this stinking pride that refuses to let go.

For the past two years, we have quarantined.  I have not made many friends in my new state.  We go to church, but have not forged relationships there, throughout a year of attending.  Granted, we often attend through zoom, and when we go in person, we wear masks.  Our other social contact comes through neighborhood and family.  We have met some sweet neighbors, outside in our neighborhood.  We see my son and his wife and their baby.  Occasionally we visit or are visited by family from out of state.  But it has been a quiet and lonely two years, even for me, a hard-core introvert.  Always skittish of people, I think I have developed some deep fears of people during this hiatus from the discipline of regularly challenging myself to leave my home and participate in the social landscape.

Because of these fears and anxieties, because sitting at home is akin to Abiding, and not talking is something like Listening, I thought perhaps God wanted me to consider the word Confidence this year.  I thought He might want me to walk more confidently as His child, in confidence that He loves me, will never forsake me, will complete His good work in me.

Then on New Year's Eve, something happened that rocked me violently.  Whatever confidence I had that God was working in me, growing me, forgiving me, and possibly beginning to bear fruit through me, whatever hopes I had that He was accomplishing anything in me, were attacked and battered.  Accusations assailed me and cut my legs out from under me, knocked the wind from my lungs: You will never be worthy.  You are a farce, a hypocrite.  You have failed, and your failures will never be undone.  You are awkward, an embarrassment, but even more than that, you are evil.  You are guilty.  It's all your fault, and you should be ashamed.  I looked back through years of old prayer journals.  The handwriting, the words looked like someone else's, or like lies.  Who are you, to think God would hear those prayers?  You think you know Jesus so well, and love Him so much.  But nobody who loved Jesus would do the things you've done.  You are despicable.

I know that some of these thoughts are accusations from the accuser, from the devil.  I know that they are not all true.  But the devil is a clever liar.  He doesn't tell far-fetched lies.  He tells lies that can easily be confused with the truth; that is why his deceptions are successful.  I am awkward and do stupid things.  I do have a track record of failures.  I am guilty of sin.  From these truths, it is a quick and easy slide to believing that I am beyond the grace of God's forgiveness, and that none of my spiritual growth could possibly be authentic.

They often say that unforgiveness only hurts the person who refuses to forgive, and I do not know why they say such a thing.  Unforgiveness deeply hurts anyone who is longing for forgiveness and reconciliation, and finds them unattainable.  When people withhold forgiveness from each other, it makes God's forgiveness very difficult to conceive.  How can I decide to walk in the freedom and grace of God's forgiveness, if someone next to me on earth insists that I am unforgivable?

Why did this happen on the eve of my starting a year with the word Confidence?  Literally, that is when it happened.  I thought I would wake up on January 1 with the word Confidence, and move to get up and out, carrying the light of Christ to places that need Him, because of His power at work within me (Ephesians 3:16, 20).  Yet, on December 31, I was struck a blow that made me more inclined than ever to stay in my house, in my bed, with a blanket pulled up over my head.

I do not know if Confidence is the word God has for me this year or not.  In the past, when I missed the right word, Jesus gently changed me mid-course.  So it's okay; I can start with Confidence and trust the Lord to lead me where He wants me to go.  

As I ponder it, I am frightened to think of Confidence being my word, because so often God works in us through creating oppositional circumstances.  For instance, we learn patience by enduring circumstances that make us feel impatient.  We learn trust by being afraid.  We learn joy by finding it in the middle of our sorrows, losses and lack.  I can surmise that learning Confidence will come through being mocked and scorned.  Well, if that is the case, maybe I did choose the right word, and God started me off on it a day early?

The plan was for Confidence to be the word of 2022.

The scripture, as of now, is 

~ 2 Corinthians 3:4-6 ~

Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God.  

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, 

but our sufficiency is from God, 

who has made us sufficient to be ministers of a new covenant, 

not of the letter, but of the Spirit.  

For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

In other words, through Christ's unfathomable love, demonstrated on the cross, we have access to the Spirit of God, who lives in us, imparts life to us, and makes us sufficient to be His temple and participate in His ministry of lovingly offering life to all who will come.  This is our confidence.

2021 is coming

We are almost to the end of 2020, which some may say is a good thing, but I hesitate to rush eagerly into 2021.

For one thing, there's that old saying, "Out of the frying pan, into the fire."  Nobody yet knows the extent the impact of COVID-19 will have on the world economy.  The current regime change in United States government is unlikely to be helpful in that regard.  I am not particularly pro-anything, in terms of our government and the options it has been offering us.  Still, you have to admit that major changes are not generally a key to stability during times of crisis.  Providentially, the United States government is not particularly significant in relation to the vast eternal plan of the God of the Universe.  Even the entire world economy has no power over our God, who created heaven and earth, matter, space and time.  Humankind is prone to worship money and power and fame.  Humankind is prone to put faith in riches to buy peace, joy and health.  Humankind looks to earthly leaders for all these things as well, and when the powers of earth fail at knowing how to manage a virulent virus that nobody has ever seen before, people get angry regardless of what is done or left alone.  Nobody, absolutely nobody, is going to come close to pleasing everybody, and yet we are always looking for a gifted leader who will lead us into utopia.  We are always angry at each woebegone emperor, king or president who fails us, as all will, who attempt to perform in a role that is truly only God's.

God will teach us.  God is teaching us.  When we put our hope in the wrong things--governments, leaders, scientists, businessmen, economic systems--bad things happen.  Bad things are happening, and they will continue to happen, yet those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength, they shall not be put to shame, they will not be disappointed.

I've been immensely thankful for my word of the year this year: Abide.

I memorized a number of verses about abiding: 

John 15: 4 -- "Abide in me and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me."

Psalm 27:4 -- "One thing have I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell [abide] in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in His temple."

And the one I think may be my favorite...

Psalm 91:1 -- "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty."

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.  I love that picture so much.  As we sheltered in place these last months, quarantining at home, quiet, alone, isolated, I pondered the shelter of the Most High, a high and lofty place (Isaiah 57:17), yet somehow, through the power and presence of the Holy Spirit, a place that reaches down to both fill and surround me.  I take refuge in the shadow of His wings (Psalm 57:1), until the storms of destruction pass by.

Psalm 5:11 has been a similar comfort to me, although it does not use the word abide, or even the word dwell.  Still, it speaks of God's refuge and protection, precious gifts we needed so much this year:

But let all who take refuge in you rejoice.  Let them ever sing for joy, and spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may exalt in you.

Then it goes on, in verse 12, to say:

For you bless the righteous, O Lord; you cover him with favor as with a shield.

Refuge.  Protection.  Cover.  Shielding.  Shelter.  This is what God is for us when we abide in Him, when we make Him our dwelling place (Psalm 90:1).

We, in our weakness, take refuge in the perfect, holy, righteous and merciful God.  Although we are broken and full of flaws, He gathers us in, close to His heart, and washes us with the blood of Jesus.  He breathes His Spirit into us, bringing forth new life, new creation.  He plants His word and His ways deep into our hearts, transforming them into hearts that seek Him, desire His goodness, long for His Kingdom.  He does all these things.  He covers us with favor, with grace, because He has implanted His own righteousness in us when we had none of our own.  

He is everything.  

He is our breath; the very life that courses through our bodies comes only and directly from Him.  He creates physical life, and although--through sin--physical life has become separated from spiritual life, God is always at work putting them back together again as He redeems His people and implants His Holy Spirit into us.  He makes us alive.

He is the water of life, pouring Himself out over us, softening our ridges and enabling us to receive the seed of His Word of Truth, which is ultimately Christ Jesus the Lord, who came to show us the Father.  Wherever God pours out His Spirit, life grows and flourishes.  He makes us spiritually fertile.

He is our food, the nourishment of our souls, our daily bread.  We need to read His Word and listen to His voice each day, taking Him in, ruminating, swallowing, feasting on His great love.  He gives Himself to us to make us whole, to open our eyes to truth, to strengthen us so we can comprehend His incomprehensible love and thus be filled with all His fullness (Ephesians 3:18-19).  He makes us strong and full.

He is our shelter, our abode.  We dwell in Him and He in us, and He protects us, covers us.  He Himself holds the fate of our faith in His Holy hands, promising that not one of His children will be plucked away from Him (John 10:28).  He is the invincible tower of strength, the rampart around us (Isaiah 26:1).  He keeps us safe.

He is our clothing.  He removes from us our garments of sin and shame, and replaces them with the very righteousness of Jesus Christ who lived a perfect life of love and humility (Isaiah 61:10, Colossians 3:10-14).  As we wear this clothing and seek to walk in Jesus' footsteps, filled with His Spirit, we take on the beauty and nobility of Christ.  He makes us glorious.

Without Him we are like a dead branch, hanging loose in a tree until a storm knocks it to the ground and someone finds it and burns it up in a bonfire.  But when we come to the Lord, open our hearts to Him, respond to His love, we become treasured children, cared for with the utmost compassion and wisdom.

I have loved the word Abide this year.   It was especially helpful to me as I went through another cross-country move.  Where do I live?  I live in Christ.

Thank you, Lord, for leading me to contemplate what it means to abide in You.  When You help me learn to abide, You are gently teaching me humility and dependence, while You simultaneously comfort and protect me.  You truly are my hiding place, my fortress, my stronghold.  As such, because You are full of miracles and paradoxes, You do not sequester me, but You send me out, a vessel full of Your Spirit--in fact, by some mystery, Your abode--to touch others with Your loving power with which you have touched and filled me.  How can I possibly be worthy of this calling?  Only because You clothe me with Your righteousness and shine on me in order to shine through me.  I am filled with both gratitude and fear as I think about these things.   Help me remember that all things are possible with You.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.  Thank you for being all, and everything, and more than enough.  Amen.

I think my word for 2021 may be Listen.  I need to listen, listen hard, find out if this is right, find the way.  Lord, help me find the scripture that will teach me about listening as You would have me listen. 

Abide

I think the word of the year is going to be abide.  It just keeps coming back to me.

Abide in me, and I in you.  As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.  ~John 15:4

I love the way this abiding is a "both-and" endeavor.  Yes, I abide in Christ.  But He also abides in me.  His abiding in me enables my abiding in Him.  Our part of abiding is asking for His presence.  His part is constantly bestowing His presence, even before we ask.

I have written before, and I reiterate now, that I think abiding in Christ is synonymous with being filled with the Holy Spirit.  This is a mystery, because He never leaves us nor forsakes us, and yet, we need to ask regularly to be filled with His Spirit, even though He never leaves us.

Dear Lord Jesus, please abide in me.  Fill me with the peace and the power of Your holy presence in my body, in my life.  Let me see the fruit of Your work growing out of my life and nourishing those around me.  May the Word of Christ dwell in me richly, and give me Your compassion for others.  Fill me with Your love and teach me to serve effectively, humbly, divinely, by Your power alone.  

Amen

Happy New Year!

Well, in 2019 I wrote fewer blog posts than I've written since 2010.  Perhaps that is a good thing.

Actually, I don't know if it was good for me, personally.  People adopt various therapies to help them cope.  I blog, sorting through my feelings, often wrestling my thoughts from the depths of despair to a plane where I can remind myself to hope in the Lord.  Maybe this should not be a public exercise, and yet, I do not think it is bad, as long as I tread carefully and protect people's privacy.

Our move to North Carolina dovetailed with a family medical crisis involving a little baby.  Between the two, I found myself unable to focus on blogging.  The baby is stable now.  As they often say this time of year : "We don't know what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future."  This could be seen as a silly, trite platitude, but in the end, it's true, whether you embrace it or scoff at it.  Well, it might not be true for those who do not know Jesus, because they don't know the One who holds the future.  We must pray that they will come to know Him, and that His image can be adequately reflected through our lives, so they can see how He is wonderful and worthy.

He is worthy of our faith in His ability to handle the future with compassion for His creation.

The past few years, I have picked a word for the new year, a word to work on, to study, to ponder.  I will not belabor this post with my past years' words, but if you are curious you can look back at them through this link.

This year is the most unprepared I have ever been to pick a word.  Some years, I've had my next word selected months in advance.  Today we enjoyed (as we have for the past two weeks) winter holidays in mild weather.  We walked in the park in the sun.  It was lovely.  I walked in my sneakers, crunching brown leaves and pine needles, smelling the aroma of pine as it rose like a dream from the ground.

On December 11, when I saw the full moon hovering gloriously between and above the bare treetops, I realized that Christmas would be near the new moon this year, and very dark.  I did not realize that Christmas would be smack on the new moon, but in fact, it was.  Do you ever see the new moon?  I never do, never think to look for it.

Leading up to December 11, when the moon was waxing, one evening I was driving home, looking up from the road at where the moon lay above leafless branches like a lazy slice of mandarin orange, reclining low in the black, black sky.  The smell of pine rose from the forest along the side of the road, a forest that is being cleared for roads and houses and thus emanates the scent of bleeding evergreens, crushed and beautiful in the mild winter air.

Progress, nature, beauty, night sky, country road, people, property, business opportunities, all tumbling past my car as I sped along towards home.  I wanted to write about it then.  I tried to capture the images and feelings in my head, encode with words and memorize, hold on, protect within the cup of my mind so I could record the experience at some point.  I fear I have not remembered to its best advantage, but I salvaged something of it.  It seemed important, although I cannot tell why.

I thought all day about what my word or words for 2020 might be.  I have come up with three possibilities, but I'm not sure where I will go from here.  Like the waxing moon in early December, these three words need to be written down, remembered and made available for consideration, for further pondering until a decision can be reached.

Abide:  I need to abide in Christ and I need to remember that the Spirit of Christ abides in me.  This is fundamental, paramount.  There is no sanctification, no growth, no life apart from this.

Compassion:  In all of the hullabaloo these days over Emotional Intelligence, I would like to focus on compassion, true compassion, God-fueled compassion.  Compassion is not my strong suit, I don't think, although sometimes I have a secret hope that maybe I have some compassion like the Tin Man's from The Wizard of Oz--the way he thought he needed a heart, and then he discovered that he had one all along.  I'm sure that is self-aggrandizing, and I am embarrassed to write it down, but it is a true secret hope nonetheless.  It isn't self-aggrandizing if I realize that the compassion I need is in me because Christ is in me, and it isn't me, but yet by the power of God it is part of me.

Vision:  With a year numbered 2020, how can you avoid thinking about vision (20/20)?  My prayer is for God to pour out a great healing of spiritual blindness and grant clear spiritual vision to men and women far and wide.  We all need Him desperately.  We all, every one of us, have so much to learn.  May He be our light, our wisdom, our illumination.

Which of these words shall I use?

I will try to decide soon.  2020 is already here, after all.

Bitter cold

It is the last day of January, and I think about how the compassion of God must have influenced our calendar, that the passage of the first month of the year is such a marked blessing and relief.

We've been setting records for cold, apparently, although the winter of 1996 was at least this cold, when we went to Minnesota for Shawn's sister Wendy's wedding.  My memory is that it was -50, with windchills of -80 that year, and it made me almost thankful that we had moved to New York.

Five years ago, our first winter here, it was cold enough to freeze the drainpipes from our washing machine, and when my wash load went to spin out, water flooded into the laundry room, channeled down the heat vent, and pooled in a duct in our storage crawl space, where it seeped out onto the things we had stacked on the shelves, mostly in plastic bins, so the actual damage was minimal.

At any rate, I haven't been brave enough to wash any laundry for the past few days, which is unfortunate, because there is an accumulating pile of old towels, soiled because of the sad fact that our small dog does not like to go outdoors in these arctic temperatures.  Currently, he is crying in his crate, but he has proven himself untrustworthy, and I am tired.

[aside-- Here's a random question:  Why are weeks seven days long?  Our entire number system is based on fives and tens, because of the number of fingers and toes we have (presumably).  Yet our calendars and clocks are based on sevens and twelves, Biblical numbers.  I wonder about that.  It seems to lend credence to the truth of the Bible, the seven days of creation that started everything.  Not that I need convincing, but for those who do, it is a point worth pondering, I think.]

The night before last was the record setter for central Illinois.  I think it was about -25 degrees, with a roaring wind that must have lowered the felt temperature considerably further.  Throughout the night, I heard the wind howling, and the house cracking, which was more alarming than the wind.  I'm not sure what, exactly, was cracking, but there were ongoing creaks and pops and groans, punctuated with a sharp, shuddering crack every now and again.  Nonetheless, the structure still stands.  I've taken to bumping the heat up to 72 in the evenings; I guess I'm old enough for that now.

Yesterday I had a skin excision, which was more invasive than I'd expected, and that's all I will say about that.  It's nothing to worry about, except that the bills will be significant, and probably also the scar.  Heaven will be free from bills and scars, and for that I am thankful.

After the excision, I went to Walmart to stock up on bandages and petroleum jelly for wound care.  Since it was so cold, I decided to take the opportunity of being in a large store to walk a few laps (it is not weather for exercising outdoors).  After walking as much as I dared, fearing that someone would mark me as a lunatic the third time they saw me whirl my cart through Automotive, I went to check out.  As I made ready to scan my items through the self-check, I realized that I had lost one of my gloves.

So, I circled the store yet again, searching without much hope, just a vague sense of annoyance and a dread at going outside with one bare hand.  Miraculously, though, I found my glove on the floor in the wide aisle between Grocery and Women's Fashion, in front of a display of icy pink velour ladies' pajama pants.  It was a dark glove, the kind that I always lose, not one of my pink striped ones, which I ought to have worn.

All this happened before the novocaine wore off from my excision.  I picked up Jon and brought him home for dinner, which was a sausage and potato soup that I made up out of my imagination, and it was good, as things usually are when the stakes are fairly low.  After we delivered Jon to work the night shift at FedEx, I was resting on the sofa when small Duffy pranced across my belly, planting a tiny paw directly on my incision site, through layers of clothing and bandages, of course, but still.  It's been hurting pretty significantly ever since, although I slept decently last night, and did not hear the wind howl, whether or not it did.

I'm sorry that this is a worthless post, just stupid, simple things from my completely unexceptional life.  I am finally now coming to terms with the fact that I am, indeed, unexceptional, and it is okay, even good, to be unexceptional.  It is a protection to have the privacy of insignificance, a blessing.  Yet, I hope that in my ordinariness I can somehow be pleasing to the Lord, to radiate His love where He wants me to.  I am so afraid of people.  The Lord needs to teach me to love my neighbor.

Wow.  Looking back at that last paragraph, I see God's hand, because I can identify that, in letting myself go to "stream of consciousness," He has guided me to a beginning of work on my words for the year: Humility, Love and Acceptance.  You may choose to believe that I did this on purpose, but all I can say is that I didn't.

Accepting what He has created me to be and to do, and learning to love the people in my sphere of influence.  This is my job.  May God help me.

2019 Words of the Year

In 2018, I chose Power and Glory as my words for the year, listing them and stating, "But I also want to grow in humility."

On 1-8-2018, I wrote:

I am desperate to see the power and glory of God, and I want to see it this year, now, soon.  I don't want to wait and watch evil have its heyday before God reaches out His hand to do an awesome deed of righteousness.

So (I'm owning this, my brokenness, my flawed strategies), I decided to adopt "Power," and "Glory," as my words for this year.

I'm sure there is a root here, where I am trying to control, manipulate the very God of the Universe.

Dear Jesus, I'm sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  It's just that I am desperate to see your hand work.  You probably want me to seek humility this year, but I beg instead for you to show me your power and glory.  I am in favor of humility, I know it is a treasure I need to seek.  But I desperately crave the unveiling of your power and glory.  Please forgive me and make your power perfect through my weakness.

Perhaps ironically, but perhaps not surprisingly, Humility became the major theme of my year.  God knows what I need, and He is gracious to give it to me if I have any receptivity at all.  By January 19, 2018, I had tacitly accepted Humility as one of my year's words.  By February 8, 2018, I was overtly writing about it.  And thus it went.

So it may be no surprise that I've decided to keep Humility as one of my words this year.  I want to explore how humility is accomplished through growing in concern for the glory of God and the interests of others . . .  how humility is, in large part and perhaps ultimately, the expression of pure love.

In that vein, I am also going to take Love as a word for the year, lofty as it sounds.  Anyway, seeking love can't be any loftier a goal than seeking humility.  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philippians 4:13).  Apart from Him, I can do nothing (John 15:5).

Humility leads to joy.  I've written about this before, but I need to examine it more.  Joy comes directly from gratitude, and we are grateful for what we recognize we do not deserve.  Humility helps us accurately comprehend the undeserved blessings God bestows on us.  It's a chain:  Humility leads to a clear comprehension of how gracious God is to us, and a clear comprehension of grace leads to deep gratitude, and deep gratitude leads to fullness of joy.

So, I considered taking Joy as my third word, but I think I will save Joy for next year.  I'll focus instead on a step along the path to Joy: Acceptance.  I need to accept humbly and gratefully what God has given me.  Sometimes it is easy, like when I think about my forgiveness, my salvation, and my sure hope of eternal life in paradise.  Sometimes it is hard, like when I think of how far I exist from virtually all of my family, and how I am missing out on the daily growth and development of my amazingly beautiful, brand new grandson, who lives approximately 450 miles away.  I crave joy, but I obviously need to work on having an attitude of acceptance.  If I can attain it, perhaps I will be surprised by joy (didn't C.S. Lewis write a book with that title?).  I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, right?  That's a promise, isn't it?  And God is faithful.  God is faithful.  I'm not exactly feeling optimistic about this, but I'm trying to trust in what I know is true, rather than letting my feelings drag me down.

So those are my words of the year:  Humility.  Love.  Acceptance.

I've got two scriptures to go with them.  For Love, I picked a verse we've already learned in our 1 Corinthians Bible study:

Let all that you do be done in love.  ~1 Corinthians 16:14.

For Humility and Acceptance, I picked this:

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires.   Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent, and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.  ~James 1:19-21

Okay then.  Onward 2019.  We have a lot of work to do.

Power, Glory and Humility

I'm pondering my words for the year.

Power.

Glory.

Humility.

At first, I was thinking of them from the perspective that power and glory are God's, and humility is for me.  This is not a bad way to see it.

Yet, I was struck by how, together, these words tell the story of Jesus.

Jesus was full of power and glory.  Through Jesus, and by Jesus, and for Jesus, all things were created (Proverbs 8:23-31, John 1:3-4, Colossians 1:15-17).  He is the power behind all life and the glory of all that is good.

Yet, in humility, Jesus emptied Himself of divine glory,
became a man--the perfect God-man who never sinned--
and offered His life for the atonement of our sins (Philippians 2:6-8,  Hebrews 9:14, 1 John 2:2).

Of course, after He humbly finished his work for us, Jesus was raised to the right hand of the Father (Ephesians 1:19-21, Philippians 2:9, Hebrews 12:2).  Now Jesus lives in glory for all eternity, constantly interceding for us and defending us from accusations and attempted condemnation by the enemy of our souls (Romans 8:34, Hebrews 7:24-25).  Jesus has paid the price to redeem us (Titus 2:14, Revelation 5:9-10).  There is therefore now no condemnation for those who have run to the Savior (Romans 8:1).

Power and glory.  Jesus relinquished them for awhile, exchanged His heavenly robes of infinite light for a frail human body that could break and bleed.  Instead of remaining the Source, Jesus allowed Himself to become the perfect channel through which God would broadcast light and life into the world.  Through Him flowed as much power and glory as could be cloaked by the skin of one human male, which was plenty.  Jesus poured out a bounty of love, healing, wisdom and hope, all for the benefit of His beloved created ones.  In return, He endured insults, ridicule, hunger, fatigue, abandonment, betrayal and death.  Yet, by the miracle of grace, He triumphed.

Jesus' radical act of ultimate humility accomplished the purpose of God, once and for all.

How could you ever imagine that a King would conquer His enemy by walking right into enemy territory, laying down His life and dying?

Yet, this paradoxical action undid the power of sin.  We cannot totally understand it, but we can believe it.

And afterwards, Jesus returned to His glory, by the mighty power of God.  I can't understand this either; somehow the post-resurrection glory is even greater than the glory before Jesus died.

We haven't seen anything yet.

But wait, there's more.

God invites us into this glory, to share it with Him and to live with Him, in His presence, for all eternity (2 Thessalonians 2:14).

Did you get that?

He invites us into His glory.

How?  How can He even want to do this?  Why does He love us like this?  We do not deserve this.  We don't even appreciate it.  We can't comprehend the outrageousness of it.  Lots of people simply reject the truth altogether, as ridiculous.  They have a point.  It is ridiculous.  That God should love me enough to become a man and die for me is absolutely ridiculous.  But He does and He did.

Do you know what else is ridiculous?  It's ridiculous that so many believers take this all for granted.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus died for me.  Yes, I get to go to heaven.  We just assume.  We take it in stride.  Of course God loves us.  Of course Jesus died for us.  Of course we are going to go to heaven.

This is why we need humility.  Humility enables us to realize that the truth about Jesus is mind-boggling.  Humility allows the wonder of grace to wash over us like waves that take our breath away.  Humility helps us internalize some wisdom about who God is, and what He does not owe us but miraculously gives us anyway.  Humility allows us to experience gratitude and joy.  Humility results in joy.

So many things are paradoxical.

Power, glory, humility.

My verse for the year:

Yours, O Lord, 

is the greatness and the power and the glory 

and the victory and the majesty,

for all that is in the heavens 

and in the earth is Yours.

Yours is the kingdom, O Lord,

and You are exalted

as head above all.

~1 Chronicles 29:11

Power and Glory

I'm desperate to see the power and glory of God.

As 2017 came to an end, the word "power" often jumped out at me from Bible passages I read.

For Thine is the Kingdom, 
and the Power 
and the Glory forever.  Amen.  
(Matthew 6:13)

I settled into Psalm 65 for a few weeks.

You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Savior, the hope of all the ends of the earth and of the farthest seas, who formed the mountains by your power, having armed yourself with strength, who stilled the roaring of the seas, the roaring of their waves, and the turmoil of the nations.     (Psalm 65:5-7)

God formed the mountains by His power.  He created the heavens and the earth with His awesome power.  He is the Source of all time, space, matter, energy, light and life.  God is the power behind every other power.  God stills the raging storms.

God also freed us from the power of sin by the exercise of His mighty power:

I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which He has called you, the riches of His glorious inheritance in the saints, and His incomparably great power for us who believe.  That power is like the working of His mighty strength, which He exerted in Christ when He raised Him from the dead and seated Him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come.     (Ephesians 1:18-21)

For we died and were buried with Christ by baptism.  And just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glorious power of the Father, now we also may live new lives.    (Romans 6:4)

The same glorious power that raised Jesus from death where He lay beneath the crushing burden of the cumulative sins of all humanity, past, present and future, that same power is at work in us, connecting us to the life-giving, life-changing love of God.

If God is for us, who can stand against us?  (Romans 8:31)

I am desperate to see the power and glory of God, and I want to see it this year, now, soon.  I don't want to wait and watch evil have its heyday before God reaches out His hand to do an awesome deed of righteousness.

So (I'm owning this, my brokenness, my flawed strategies), I decided to adopt "Power," and "Glory," as my words for this year.

I'm sure there is a root here, where I am trying to control, manipulate the very God of the Universe.

Dear Jesus, I'm sorry.  I'm so very sorry.  It's just that I am desperate to see your hand work.  You probably want me to seek humility this year, but I beg instead for you to show me your power and glory.  I am in favor of humility, I know it is a treasure I need to seek.  But I desperately crave the unveiling of your power and glory.  Please forgive me and make your power perfect through my weakness.

We recently went to the movie, "Darkest Hour," about when Churchill became Prime Minister and fought against his own government, trying to convince them not to appease Hitler.  At one point, Churchill shouted at his cabinet, "You cannot reason with a tiger when your head is in its mouth!"  The music, the mood, the portrayal of a good, honest, trusting populace, the absolute impossibility of the situation wrecked me.  I sat in the darkness of the theatre and wept.  It was the story of Helm's Deep (another one I can hardly watch), only it was true history and not a fairy tale or an allegory.  Even when the humble fishing boats successfully rescued most of the troops at Dunkirk, I continued to weep, maybe even harder.

Evil terrifies me.  The way people in this world give themselves over to evil terrifies me.

Against all odds, Hitler did not win.  This should fill me with hope, assuring me that there is a good God who controls outcomes.  Hitler did not win.

But the collateral damage that crushed Europe's spirit in the wake of WW2 crushes my spirit, too.  Not completely, but impairingly.

I am impaired by the fear of evil.  Yet, God's word tells me that there is no fear in love; perfect love casts out fear.  The one who fears is not made perfect in love.  (1 John 4:18)

O God, what is the matter with me?  Please help me in my fear.  Please show me your power and your glory.  Please cover me in the shelter of your wings, and comfort me.  Sing over me and quiet me with your love (Zephaniah 3:17).  Please answer my prayers with awesome deeds of righteousness.  My hope is in you, in your awesome power and your unfailing love.

Who can show us any good?  Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord.  (Psalm 4:6)  Please, Lord Jesus, Creator and Redeemer, unveil your power and glory for me to see.  Help me this year.  Heal my fears.  Increase my confidence in you.

Amen

Revisiting my words for the year, halfway through

My words for the year are:

FAITH and GRATITUDE 

or, alternately,

TRUST and THANKSGIVING

I use them interchangeably.  Admittedly, faith and trust may have more nuances of difference than gratitude and thanksgiving, but I'm not hung up about it.

You trust the object of your faith.  Perhaps faith is the inner condition that results in trust.  Faith is a noun, but trust can be either a noun or a verb.  When trust is used as a noun, I think it is essentially the same as faith.  However, when it is used as a verb, it becomes more in-the-moment and specific, as opposed to all-encompassing.

Maybe I can explain it this way:

When I have faith in God, I believe that there is a God, and that He has made many beautiful promises, which He will absolutely keep.  I believe that He has sent His Son to be the atoning sacrifice for sin, so I can be forgiven and have fellowship with God through the Holy Spirit now, and so I can have eternal life in the unveiled presence of God in all His glory in the age to come.

When I trust God, I trust Him to keep His promises.  Often when I use this word, the word trust, I mean that I am trusting in a specific promise at a specific time.  I trust Him to meet my needs, take care of me, be near me always, listen to my prayers, watch over the world, and bring His good will to pass.  I trust Him with my fears, my disappointments, my pain.  I trust Him to forgive me and clean me up after I've found myself sinning again.

Lately, I have been trusting in the goodness of God.  Goodness is not so much one of His promises as it is one of His attributes, but I believe that we can trust in God's attributes as well as His promises.

God is good.  Sometimes it is hard to remember this, when we see all that is wrong in the world.  But God is good.  Because He is good, He has a plan to fix everything, all the brokenness that sin has precipitated around us.  His goodness results in forgiveness, healing and restoration.  Romans 5:8 tells us that God demonstrated His love by dying for us while we were still captive to the blinding forces of sin, while we were blind and unappreciative.  He died so we could be forgiven, but now He takes His time before unveiling His full glory, so the many can be gathered in.  Pain runs rampant during the waiting, but we can bear it because He is with us.  He strengthens us.  He has good plans for us, and He gives us sure hope for a glorious inheritance in eternity.

Trusting in the goodness of God enables me to to be thankful for what He is going to do, before He does it.  This is something I've learned this year, and it's a big deal to me:  Faith is being thankful to God for what He will do, trusting that He will do the right thing, and the best thing, every time, because He is good, righteous, loving, wise and omniscient.

Let me try to boil it down:

Faith is being thankful in advance for what God will do, 

based on what we know of the character of God.

Additionally, thankfulness is the key to joyfulness.  Philippians 4:6 shows us this connection when it encourages us to rejoice in the Lord, praying and presenting our requests to Him with hearts full of thanksgiving.  In other words, thank Him as you ask Him, knowing that He hears, cares and knows exactly how to respond.  When we learn to bring things to the Lord this way, He fills us with confidence and joy. 

Here is something that I've been praying this year:

Thank you, Lord God, that I can trust You, 
because You are faithful and good.

What better to be thankful for, than a God who is faithful and good?  What better source of joy, than knowing that the Almighty Designer and Creator of the Universe is my own good Lord, who gave His life to save me from the consequences of sin, who faithfully promises to forgive me, to purify me, to be present with me always, to strengthen and uphold me, to anticipate my needs even before I ask, to bring me safely home to glory in heaven?

What a relief, that God is in control, and He knows exactly what to do.  I don't have to come up with a plan for Him to follow!  He's had all the plans figured out from eternity past!  What a relief, that all I have to do is surrender to Him and trust that He will do the right thing, and He always does the right thing, so it will be okay.  Everything is going to be okay, because God is God. Hallelujah!

I can pray, from the Lord's Prayer, "Your will be done," and I can rest in confidence and joy that He will do His will.  He says, "My purpose will stand, and I will do all that I please," (Isaiah 46:10).

Thank you, Lord God, that I can trust You, 
because You are faithful and good.

Your will be done.

That's enough.  That's all I need to pray.  I don't need an agenda.  I need to surrender, in faith and gratitude.  Trusting.  Giving thanks.

And that, I've been surprised to learn, is where I find the joy.

Generally, partway through a year, my word(s) for the year morph into other words.

In 2015, I started out with the word Peace, and halfway through it changed to Hope.

In 2016, I started out with Restoration, and halfway through it changed to Goodness, Mercy and Unfailing Love.

This year, 2017, I started out with Faith and Gratitude.  I wouldn't say they've changed, but they've grown to envelope the word Joy, which is a gift I never anticipated--more evidence of the stunning goodness of the Lord.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for giving me joy.

Joy goes hand in hand with gratitude, with thanksgiving.  But another word has been surfacing regularly, and this one goes with faith.  The word is Power.  I've been so thankful for the almighty power of God.  He is not only good, He is able to make good on all His goodness, because He is almighty, omnipotent, perfect in power.  He is trustworthy in every sense and from every direction, every perspective.  He is not only willing to do good, He is able to do good.  He can do it.  He can do anything.  He has the power.

Thank you, Lord God, that I can trust You, 
because You are faithful and good.

I look forward to seeing Your glory displayed as You handle my concerns.

Your will be done.

For Yours is the Kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever.

Amen

(I also pray the Lord's Prayer a lot.  I pray it slow, from my heart.  I've been astounded to realize how complete it is, how it covers everything I need to bring to God.  I learn more about it all the time.  Someday I might share what I've discovered about, "Give us this day our daily bread.")

Faith and Gratitude

(I already wrote a long post about this, but here I intend to write a shorter one.)

Faith and Gratitude are my words for 2017.  I am excited about these words.  They don't frighten me.  They point me victoriously to Christ.

Faith comes first.  Our spirits are dead within us until God grants us faith.  Faith is the ability to perceive God, to believe in God, and to love God.  We cannot muster up faith on our own; it is the gracious gift of God (Ephesians 2:8).  Unfathomably, God reaches down to us while we are dead in sin--while our spirits are literally dead in sin--and shines a life-giving light into our souls, enabling us to perceive, believe and respond to Him with love and thanksgiving.

Yes, thanksgiving--Gratitude--is the result of faith.
When, by faith, we perceive that God exists,
When, by faith, we believe that He sent His Son to purchase our deliverance from sin--
paying with His very own life-blood,
When, by faith, we joyfully accept His offer of forgiveness, fellowship and eternal life,
then we find our hearts full of gratitude.

Gratitude is more than being thankful for salvation--

it is about rejoicing in the very essence of who God is, 

giving thanks for all of His attributes and His mighty acts.

Faith is more than the moment of conversion--

it is an unwavering confidence in our sovereign God 

and all of His great promises.

Faith is being planted in the Holy Spirit, as though I am a tree and the Holy Spirit is the fertile soil along the riverbank where I am planted, into which my roots dig deep for stability and nourishment so that I will grow up tall and strong, bearing fruit to feed people and medicinal leaves to heal them.  Having faith, abiding in Christ, walking by the Spirit--these are all different ways of saying the same thing.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord,

continue to live in Him,

rooted and built up in Him,

strengthened in the faith as you were taught 

and overflowing with thankfulness.

~Colossians 2:6-7 (NIV)

We receive Him, open our hearts to Him.  We make ourselves vulnerable to Him so He can change us.  This, too, is faith: knowing and trusting that my Lord is the only one with whom I can be completely vulnerable, and still be completely safe and secure.

Faith results in gratitude and joy.

The Lord is my strength and my shield;

my heart trusts in Him, and I am helped.

My heart leaps for joy

and I will give thanks to Him in song.

~Psalm 28:7 (NIV)

Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!

Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, 

by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving

present your requests to God.

And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding

will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

~Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)

I must point out that we are to rejoice always, but the rejoicing is in the Lord.  We don't rejoice in the plane crash, the addiction, the rape, the abortion, the war, the cancer or the hurricane.  We rejoice in the Lord.  We rejoice that our hope is in Him, not in any part of this poor old broken world.  This is where the gratitude originates: we are thankful for the hope He gives us, enduring hope in His unfailing love.

When we are grateful for the hope He gives us, an amazing thing happens:
We start to be able to thank Him for what He will do in the future.
We start being grateful in advance.
This is the kind of faith I strive for:
To be grateful because my confidence is in Him,
and He is good,
almighty,
faithful,
compassionate,
merciful,
sovereign,
Lord of all.

He is for us.  He is on our side.  He never leaves us nor forsakes us.  He never forgets, never sleeps, never misses anything, never makes a mistake.  He fights for us, and He always wins.  When we live with this kind of confidence in the Lord, we walk in the victory of faith.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you for who you are and for your Divine nature, even though I will not fully comprehend until the day I meet you in glory.  

Thank you that you are completely faithful.  Thank you for all the wonderful promises you have fulfilled in the past, and thank you that I can trust you to continue to be faithful for all eternity.  

Thank you for the cross, where you demonstrated that you are good, kind, compassionate and full of mercy and grace.  Therefore, I can put aside my fears and trust your work in my life and the lives of those around me.  Thank you that you are working and will continue to work until your perfect purposes are all accomplished.  Thank you that you never fail.

In the triumphant name of Jesus, who died and rose again, I pray in confidence:  Your will be done!  Show me your glory at work in the world.

Amen

2017 Words and Verse

Faith -- Thankfulness -- Colossians 2:6-7

I never picked a word-for-the-year or a verse-for-the-year before January of 2015.  This new tradition must be another example of how difficult times shape us, how trials improve us.

In 2015, I picked the word Peace and, for my verse, I picked John 14:27 --"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.   Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid."

At some point during 2015, it seems to me that I transitioned to the word Hope, and Romans 15:13 -- "May the God of hope fill you will all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (NIV)

I'm not sure if I accurately remember the timing of it, but I did a Bible study on Romans over the summer of 2015, and I think my interest in Romans 15:13 sprang from that.  I spent a considerable amount of time pondering the connections between hope, peace, joy and the Holy Spirit.  The Lord nurtured me.

At the beginning of 2016, I had more hope than I had had in 2015 (or 2014).  Although I cannot find specific records about what was happening in my heart, in January 2016, in a prayer journal, I wrote down my words for 2016:

Restoration
Goodness
Mercy
Unfailing love
Restoration

I was ready for restoration.  More than that, I had hope that restoration would come, hope in the infinite mercy of God and the power of His unfailing love.  I was beginning to grasp what the term, "unfailing love" means.  His love will not fail to accomplish His purposes.  Unfailing love.  Yes.

The main idea I clung to was, as you may deduce from the repetition, restoration.  "Behold, I am making all things new," the Lord proclaims.  "He restoreth my soul," writes the Psalmist; Psalm 23:3 became another one of my favorite verses.  Ezekiel 36:26 has been a longtime favorite: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh."

I could hope for restoration because of the goodness of God, the mercy of God, and the unfailing love of God.

Romans 15:13 remained my verse, the one that comforted me most when I needed a filling of the Spirit, along with the infusion of peace and joy that He always brings.

Throughout 2016, I became more and more cognizant of the goodness of God.  I've struggled with this idea because of trials, because bad things happen to good people, because God doesn't often do what I want.  God never follows my directions.  If it ever appears that God is following my directions, it is only because, in that particular instance, I did something or asked for something according to His will.  More often than not, though, my requests are associated with my comfort.  I desire what I think will make me comfortable or happy, immediately.  God doesn't see things the same way.  God doesn't necessarily associate comfort with goodness or righteousness, although they are not mutually exclusive, and (in fact) God's good and right ways do lead to ultimate comfort and joy in His perfect timing.

In 2016, God helped me gain an understanding that His goodness is demonstrated perfectly at the cross of Christ.  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.  We were dead in our sins, but God, because of His great love and because He is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ.  Whenever I am tempted to doubt the goodness of God, I can look to the cross, where I see Christ willingly lay down His life to be crucified on my behalf.  The perfect one, the Lamb without a single blemish, died in my place while I was shackled in sin, blinded to my plight, unapologetic and proud, completely ungrateful and uncomprehending.  While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, and thus we gain opportunity join Him in paradise for eternity.  Why would He even want us?  But He does, because He is loving, and He is good.

Furthermore, I began to see the goodness of God all around.  I began to understand goodness in ways I had never before understood it.  Everything good comes from God, every single good and perfect gift (James 1:17).  I wrote about this idea once or twice, alluded to it.  But it's huge, a huge important concept that we often totally miss:

God graciously rains goodness down all around us, although we do not deserve it.  All the beauty of the earth, nature and creation comes directly from God.  All love and kindness come from Him as well, whether or not the people who act in love and kindness know Him or hallow His name.  The same is true of healing and growth, the germination of a seed, the birth of a baby.  Beauty and life flow from God, and He has left these things in our fallen creation, remnants of divinity, so that we can see them, and through them find Him, their Source.  Atheist farmers and doctors ply their trades without knowledge of the One who empowers all their success, and yet He is there, working good through all things for the benefit of His children and the magnification of His glory.  Every good gift comes down from the Father of heavenly lights

We think it is normal and natural that we should eat delicious food, buy beautiful clothing, and live in warm, comfortable houses, sleeping in soft beds and entertaining ourselves with state-of-the-art electronics. We do not realize that these are mercies, graces, and undeserved.  Either we forget, or else we never knew, that apart from God we have no good thing.  In the absence of His presence there is only death, destruction, pain and anguish.  Misery is the normal state of being for a fallen planet, a planet full of souls who have chosen to spurn their Maker. But in His unfathomable mercy, the Lord gives us abundant grace, innumerable undeserved blessings, as He zealously works to woo mortal humans into an eternal relationship with Him.

Because Satan is the great deceiver, one of his most common tactics is to trick people into believing that they deserve all the good things, that they somehow own a right to blessings, and that God is totally out of line if He ever removes any of His divine intervention, allowing the natural results of sin to run their course.  Satan whispers that suffering is cruel and unusual, and how could God do something like that, nevermind the fact that the only reason suffering exists at all is because he, he himself, the devil, purposefully introduced sin into God's perfect, beautiful world.

Satan, who first deceived Eve by telling her that God was withholding great benefits from her when He prohibited one type of fruit, continues to deceive, whispering and crooning lies about how God causes suffering, when really, the devil himself actively (and intentionally!) increases suffering every time he successfully tricks someone into rebelling against God, God who embodies goodness, life and beauty.  "You have the right," Satan susurrates, "to do whatever you like and have only good consequences.  No matter what choices you make, you can expect, demand, require a nice result.  You are entitled to that."

An entitlement mentality is a dangerous and ugly thing, but so easy for us to be tricked into adopting.

The goodness of the Lord is all around us every day, from the rising of the sun to each breath we draw and each sip of water we swallow.  Of course it climaxes in the death and resurrection of Christ, but His goodness reverberates around us in a multitude of new mercies each morning.  When we become aware of this, sensitive to it, we can better rejoice and give thanks for the goodness of the Lord.

This is why one of my words for 2017 is Thanksgiving.  I am learning the relationship between hope and joy and thanksgiving.  Thanksgiving, a grateful heart, is the only appropriate response to God's goodness, and critical to the health of my spirit.

My other word for 2017 is Faith.  I hope to write more about this soon, as I have continued far too long today.  For now I want to leave you with just two more things:

(1)  Here's a thought I had -- True faith is being so confident in God's character that you can feel and express thanks to Him before you see and understand what He is doing.  In other words, true faith is being thankful to God in advance.

(2)  My verse for 2017:
So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, 
continue to live in Him, 
rooted and built up in Him, 
strengthened in the faith as you were taught, 
and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7 (NIV)

Aftermath, restoration, and a new year

It is quiet now, in our home.

The refrigerator, once stuffed to the gills, is mostly empty.  Shawn and I polished off a bunch of leftovers last night--roasted vegetables and lamb, some sausage and spaghetti squash lasagna--after our fourth trip to O'Hare in three days.  I finished the last cup of yogurt for breakfast this morning.  There's still quite a bit of ham, and a dwindling container of cheesy mashed potatoes, so we won't go hungry tonight.

The Christmas decorations.  At this point in the season, they always seem to adopt a sag, a droop, a tiredness.  They remind me of my own body, giving in to gravity with age.  Once perky, red-plaid bows hang loose on evergreen garland that has slowly worked its way downward along the slope of the stairway railing.  I wanted to leave the decorations up through the new year.  Tonight will be the last night we turn the Christmas lights on; then the tear-down will begin.

Yes.  Four trips to O'Hare in three days.  Shannon and David had flights out on Monday at 8:30 p.m.  There was a big storm in Chicago on Monday, but it was mostly over by evening.  We spent the day checking for cancellations, but were apprised of nothing.  So, we set out on the 2.5 hour drive up to Chicago at about 4 p.m. as the sun was going down.

After we'd driven for about an hour, David received notification that his flight was cancelled.  Shannon, however, did not.  So we soldiered on.

We dropped Shannon at O'Hare at about 6:30 p.m.  Darkness had descended over the wintery earth, and it felt much later than that.  Shannon's flight still claimed to be departing on time, so she braved the disgruntled crowds spewing their misery all over the airport, and shouldered her way through to the concourse where her flight should eventually be assigned a gate.

Not sure whether to believe that her plane would really leave, we hung around the area, eventually looking up a place to go out for dinner and kill some time.  Finding the restaurant was an adventure in traversing poorly plowed roads. I'm not sure how Shawn did it, actually.  Sometimes we couldn't tell where the road was, and once he had to bust through a snowbank.  Finally, we got to a Lou Malnati's somewhere north of the airport and settled in for some deep-dish pizza.

Meanwhile, Shannon's flight was delayed from 8:30 to 10:30.  While we slowly chewed and swallowed savory sausage, cheese and mushrooms in a cozy restaurant north of the fray, Shannon's gate attendants made announcements: "The plane has arrived!"  and, "We now have a gate assignment!" and, "The pilot is here!" and, "We are just waiting for the crew to disembark from a different aircraft!"

It sounded like it was going to be a go, against all odds.  We headed home, texting Shannon often as we looped southward around the airport.  We passed the airport, continued down the beltway, and eventually merged onto 57 south toward home.

At 11:26 p.m. Shannon texted us that her flight was cancelled after all.  She was rescheduled to a flight on Wednesday afternoon.

At 11:30 p.m. Shawn found an exit on 57 and turned around to go back up to O'Hare.

Meanwhile, David had been working on rescheduling his own flight.  It looked like there was a 2 p.m. flight on Wednesday that he could take, that would coordinate nicely with Shannon's rescheduled flight.  However, when he used his "smart"phone to try to get it, somehow the system automatically assigned him to a 2 p.m. flight on Tuesday.  He tried repeatedly to change it, and to call in and talk to someone about changing it.  He could not get through.

At 12:26 a.m. we arrived back at O'Hare and retrieved Shannon, and thus began the 2.5 hour drive home, which would be longer, because we couldn't go straight home, but had to deliver Jonathan to his apartment, for he had to work Tuesday morning.  (Jon had joined us for the company and hoping for dinner at Lou's.  He is the only one who got what he wanted that night.)

We fell into bed sometime between 3:30 and 3:45 a.m.  We just dropped the suitcases in the entryway and fell into bed.  I did brush my teeth.  By some miracle, neither of the dogs had had an accident during the 11.5 hours we'd been gone.  God is good.

The dogs woke up and needed attention Tuesday morning at 7:52 a.m.  I tried to handle this quietly so Shawn could rest after his marathon drive.  While the dogs ate, I brewed a large pot of strong coffee, just in case, but after walking the dogs, I passed up the coffee and slipped back into bed. However, David never did get through to his airline, so there was a tap at our bedroom door at about 8:45 a.m. We were back on the road to O'Hare by 9:37 a.m.  David drove this time, and Shawn tried to do some work on his computer on the way.  We pulled back into "departures" at O'Hare shortly after noon, and David set out for his own adventure in flying.  He was technically standby, but he was able to get a seat and make it to Durham.

Shawn and I arrived back at our house by about 3:00 p.m. where I crashed for a quiet late afternoon with Shannon, who had kept the dogs company during the Tuesday airport excursion.  Shawn worked at home in our study.  He had also scheduled a Homeowners' Association Meeting for our neighborhood HOA, at our house, that evening at 7.  Shannon and I hid antisocially in the family room and watched Chip and Joanna Gaines on "Fixer Upper."

After a decent night's rest, we were up and on the road to O'Hare again Wednesday morning, this time with Shannon.  The good news: she was upgraded to a first class seat.  So there is that.  We took the dogs this time.  They were good.  It was a decent day.  Shannon got home as smoothly as could be hoped.  Additionally, here is a picture of when we dropped her off:

Do you know what time it was at that moment?  It was 11:11 a.m.  The fact that God worked out the detail of that picture being taken at 11:11 was a blessing, a mercy, a divine act of lovingkindness which helped me rest in Him and not fret about the travel situation for the rest of that day.

Today.  Today I did not go to O'Hare.  The house is quiet.  Schubert is literally trembling at the changes in who is home and who is not, sensitive little animal that he is.  It is quiet.  Dark.  Lonely.  Cloudy.

It's been a cloudy, rainy Christmas season, and I don't mean just the weather.  Actually, on Christmas day, we went for a walk in the park, and there was golden sunshine.  It was rather fantastic.  Christmas Eve was a pretty, blue-skied day as well.

There was a song this year, "A Different Kind of Christmas."  It wasn't my favorite, but I think it was intended for people who have lost someone this year (to death, presumably).  I keep thinking, though, that this year was a different kind of Christmas for us, so many different things.  For one thing, it was the first Christmas we didn't spend with Laura.  Shannon, David and Jonathan are all going through various issues and transitions as well, which cast lenses of many different colors over our festivities and traditions.  Two years ago, Christmas 2013 was "different," in that we'd moved across the country, and I had surgery on 12/5 that year, and I'd done essentially no Christmas preparations.  But this Christmas, Christmas 2015, was profoundly different, almost frighteningly different, sliding-off-the-edge-of-the-earth different.  However, we are still here.

Christmas 2015 was a different kind of Christmas, and 2016 will be a different kind of year.

2015 was a year where I sought the Lord and clung to Him, where I depended on Him for peace.  I craved His peace, and He came through.

I began the year with John 16:33, "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." (niv)

Somewhere during the year, I transitioned over to Romans 15:13, "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." (niv)  

He's been speaking to me.  He's been comforting me.  I asked for peace, and He gave me peace, hope, joy and the Holy Spirit.  He didn't give me all of the solutions and outcomes I wanted to see, but He gave me Himself.  There is nothing better that He could give me, but I long to see Him give Himself to people I love, in the same way that He has given Himself to me.

This year,  I want to ask for restoration.  Restoration.  His restoration.

Psalm 23:3 says that He restores my soul.  I yearn to see Him restore my soul, and the souls of a number of others whom I love dearly.  I desire the glory of His handiwork displayed, restoring joy to the sorrowful and rest to the weary.  I want to see Him restore sight to the blind and truth to the deceived.  I want to see the restoration of comfort to the hurting, community to the lonely, home to the homeless, and hope to the hopeless.  I want to see the power of His loving hands at work in the world.

I see a shepherd lovingly following after a tattered and filthy lamb, injured yet stubbornly heading its own way.  This gentle shepherd knows where the lamb is struggling; He knows in which thorny bushes it attempts to hide from His loving eyes.  The cold and the rain and the snow will beat down on this vulnerable sheep, but the Shepherd will not leave it out in the wilderness alone.  He is right there, in the storm, zealous to take the battered lamb into His arms and carry it home, to restore it to the fold where His sheep abide in safety while He Himself guards the gate.

The Lord is our shepherd.  He provides all our needs.  He restores our souls.  Surely goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our lives as we dwell under His loving care.

Dear, merciful, kind Lord Jesus, please let 2016 be a year of restoration.

(this is a picture from back when we lived in New York, where the sky is usually white)

For 2015. Three things.

It's been the New Year for awhile now, and I haven't said anything about it.

Which probably doesn't matter.  Plenty of other people have had plenty to say.

(Sometimes when I go into a book store, it takes all the wind out of my sails on the "I-want-to-write-a-book" front.  There are already so many books.  Many are much better than anything I could ever write, and some are actually much worse.  But the point is, does the world need any more books?)

But now that we are in the double digits of January, here are three things I would like to record.

1.  My life Bible passage

Rejoice in the Lord always.  
I will say it again: Rejoice!  
Let your gentleness be evident to all.  
The Lord is near.  
Do not be anxious about anything, 
but in everything, 
by prayer and petition, 
with thanksgiving, 
present your requests to God.  
And the peace of God, 
which transcends all understanding, 
will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
~Philippians 4:4-7

2.  My verse for 2015

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled
and do not be afraid.
~John 14:27

3.  My word for 2015

Peace