I've been away from the computer for a long time, and even today it was a great struggle to sit down here. All I want to do is wear my pale gray plaid flannel pants and do sudoku.
Shawn says I like sudoku because, unlike life, it always comes out nice and neatly solved in the end. The solutions are so tidy that I find myself marveling at how these puzzles are made. They must be even more complex to design than they are to solve.
I've been having trouble writing, talking and eating. Like I said, all I want to do is wear these pants and do sudoku, preferably in bed, because it is warm there. It's been bitter cold, although today was warmer and I took Schubert for a walk in the neighborhood.
Shawn has been amazingly patient with me, and I do not know why. I secretly wonder if I am crazy and he's not telling me. On Wednesday, I literally did nothing except shower and go back to bed with a sudoku book. Shawn got takeout from Texas Roadhouse and fed me steak, salad and a baked potato for dinner. On Thursday, I got up and walked for an hour with a friend, then grocery shopped, did laundry and changed the sheets on my bed (I'd been in it so much, it really needed to be freshened). I meant to make fish and kale for dinner, but we had leftover chili instead.
When I think about things, I get worried, so I think about sudoku. I can solve sudoku. It feels so good every time I get to the last phase of a puzzle where all the missing numbers unzip to the solution. There's a small thrill of euphoric satisfaction at how everything lines up correctly, and then I want nothing else than to do another one.
I don't have much appetite. I'm tired, quiet and a bit nauseated. Did I mention that we got a new furnace? That was a very cold day. The day before was minus 15 degrees, and so was the day after, but the day they installed the furnace was 15 degrees (positive 15), so I should be thankful, and I am. Nonetheless, it was cold. You can't run an old furnace while it is being taken out, and you can't run a new furnace while it is being put it, so I wore my coat and huddled with a small space heater, a dog and a comforter. The house dipped to 49 degrees before it began to heat up again. My peace lily isn't looking so good anymore. I don't remember which day this was. The bill has not yet arrived. I'm trying not to think about it.
On another note:
There isn't any conflict of interest between my words for the year: Power, Glory and Humility. The power and the glory belong to God ("for Thine is the ... power and the glory forever..."). The more aware I am of God's power and glory, the more humble I will be. Even when God's power works inside of me, it is no cause for pride, because it's all Him and not me.
Andrew Murray, in his book, Humility: the Beauty of Holiness, says it this way: "Just as water always seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds the creature humble and empty, His glory and power flow in to raise up and bless."
That's all I've got.
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