Pondering humility once again

Humility is selflessness, self-forgetfulness.

This is well nigh impossible.

When you are trying not to think about something, intentionally trying not to think about it, it is impossible not to think about it.

The harder I focus on not thinking about myself, the more I think about myself.  Yet, to become humble, I must forget about myself.

Since that is impossible, I must try to do the next best thing, which is to concentrate on something else.  In the case of humility, I need to focus concentration and attention on the glory of God and the interests of others.  Which is also incredibly hard.

Here is another thing:  Humility is not being a doormat, and letting others take advantage of you.  In the same vein, humility is not simply shutting down and avoiding conflict by withdrawing.  Being passive, limp, withdrawn and conflict-avoidant are not humble because they are self-protective mechanisms.  Beyond that, these types of behaviors and responses are not in the best interests of others, because they often enable others to behave in a manner that is destructive to themselves as well as those around them.  Indulging the sins of others is not humility.  A humble person does not stand by while his brother misses the mark and simply shrug and say, "You do you."

A truly humble person enters into the mess, and confronts problems in order to find beneficial solutions that multiply peace for all concerned.  It sounds good, but it is incredibly hard, because how does a person muster the wisdom to know when and how to confront in a truly selfless and altruistic manner?  Especially, how does a flawed person in need of grace come to a place of wisdom and confidence in helping others find grace?

Do you see what I wrote there?  "Helping others find grace."  Do you catch the difficulty inherent in that?  Here it is:  Grace is undeserved.  A fallen, undeserving, miserable person receives kindness and blessing.  Grace is, essentially, forgiveness.  And the sticky thing about helping someone receive forgiveness is this:  To receive forgiveness, a person must first acknowledge his need for forgiveness, which means that he must face what he has done wrong and be sorry.  In other words, he must repent.  Nobody wants to repent.  Nobody wants to admit that he has been wrong.  Nobody wants to say, "I'm sorry."

God offers forgiveness to all who will come to Him, but nobody actually receives this forgiveness without confessing sin and repenting of it (1 John 1:9).

There have been instances in my life where I have mentioned that someone needs Jesus, and the person with whom I was speaking defensively countered me with the phrase, "We all need Jesus!"  Of course this is true, but there is a marked difference between needing something that you have, and needing something that you don't have.  For instance, I need food, clothing, and shelter.  I have a house, a closet full of clothes, and a refrigerator full of food.  I need them, and I have them.  The same is true of Jesus.  I need Him, and I have Him.  I know Him and I read His Word.  His Holy Spirit lives in me.  I am far from perfect.  I am nowhere near fully sanctified.  But I have Jesus in my life, and He makes a big difference.  I know where to go for help.  When I remark that someone else needs Jesus, what I mean is that the person has not yet laid hold of the grace, forgiveness and help that Jesus holds out for him.

And yet, people are so prone to be angry and defensive whenever they are confronted with the fact that they have a need.  No one wants to be found lacking.  This is a shame, because in the paradox of the gospel, it is only when we come to Jesus with our emptiness that He fills and fulfills us.  It is only when we confess our sin that He bestows His righteousness on us.

How?  How do we humbly help those around us find the love of Christ?

Who is sufficient for these things? 

( from 2 Corinthians 2:16)

Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, 

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, 

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, 

for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, 

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

(Matthew 5:2-10)

Humility and polite words

Manners are fading from our culture, which is a shame.

Manners are training that teaches us to put the interests of others ahead of our own interests.

Fairly recently, somebody blew me away with the comment that you should teach your children always to hand someone a cup or a pitcher with the handle extended, so the other person has an easy time taking hold of it.  I had never been taught that, nor had I ever done it, or even thought of it.  Yet, it makes perfect sense.

Think of others.  Care for others.

Here's the thing:  When everyone is humble, caring for others, it frees people not to need to protect their own interests.  When all the people are grasping for their own individual rights and privileges, it is terrifying to think of being the first to let go and lay down your own rights for the good of others.

What are our rights, anyway?

The United States of America has given unprecedented rights to her citizens.  Never before in history have the people of a nation been granted so many rights and freedoms.  However, along the way, we have become accustomed to our rights.  We take them as a matter of fact.  I can vote.  I have the right to a fair trial.  I have the right to a free education.  I can own property, travel basically anywhere I wish, and express myself freely.  I can even run for political office, if I am so inclined.  These things are a matter of assumption, and in the case of the free education, many don't even appreciate it.  They see the blessing as a burden.  I'm not sure how it is in Western Europe, but here in the USA, the prevalent attitude is one of assumed entitlement.  We do not tend to be thankful for our freedoms; rather, we assume that we deserve them.

As this attitude becomes more habitual, we forget to guard our freedom, because we forget that it is precious and that it was won at a cost, at the price of many who died in battles to attain it.  We do not remember life before the Bill of Rights.  We somehow become deluded into assuming that freedom has always been.  We think freedom is simply the natural way, and everyone knows that everyone is free and equal, and everyone automatically ought to be able to do whatever he wants to do, so long as he isn't killing or stealing, and actually, it's okay to kill or steal, too, as long as you are only doing these things to those who don't count because of certain factors, like their belief system or their income level or their age or their abilities (or, more accurately, disabilities).  I hope that you can see that I am saying that these assumptions are crazy and dangerous.

I long for a return to humility.  We used to be ashamed to be selfish and prideful, but now we revere selfishness and admire proud people.  I long for a return to humility.

Humility listens.  Humility wants to know what others think and feel.  Humility cares.  When there is a conflict, humility rolls up its sleeves, enters into the muck, seeks resolution and says, "I'm sorry," for whatever part it played in the problem.

Humility says, "I'm sorry," when someone gets hurt.  Humility is more concerned about restoration and resolution than about defending its own position.  Humility is willing to examine whether or not it was right, and admit when it was not.  Humility says, "I'm sorry."

Humility doesn't presume to deserve things.  So, when humility wants or needs something, humility says, "Please."

"Please pass the salt."

"Please, can you help me find my glasses?"

"Please, could you put gas in the car today?"

"Please listen to me."

"Please forgive me."

When we say "please," we are not ordering or commanding. We are requesting that someone do something for us that we do not deserve, something that requires kindness of heart.  Some people misuse the word please.  They add it to a command, to promote additional obligation: "Please stop hitting your brother."  This is unfortunate, because it warps the meaning of the word.  "Please" means, I know I am asking for something I do not deserve, but if it would please you to do this kindness for me, I would be very grateful.

Speaking of being grateful, the last polite phrase I want to discuss is, "Thank you."  Humble people are much more thankful than prideful people, because they see life from a different slant.  Instead of raking in advantages as a matter of course, humble people accept each good thing as a blessing and a gift, unexpected and delightful.  Humble people recognize grace for what it is: undeserved.  Since humble people do not set out expecting to receive assets and boons at every turn, they respond to blessings with gratitude and joy, wondering why they, of all people, should gain such treasure, whether it be a cozy home, a caring phone call, a faithful spouse, an award, a soft blanket, a check in the mail or a glass of milk.  They are filled with gratitude.

In fact, I think a return to manners in our culture could possibly start with the cultivation of grateful hearts.  If we could learn to feel grateful and say, "Thank you," perhaps we would soon become more automatic at saying, "Please."  By the time we get those two truly ingrained into our hearts, perhaps we would find ourselves enough attuned to others that we would also say, "I'm sorry," when it needs to be said.

I'm sorry.  Please.  Thank you.  When spoken from the heart, these are hallmarks of humility and the building blocks of healthy relationships which, ultimately, form healthy cultures and civilizations.

Preliminary thoughts about 1 Corinthians

We've dug into 1 Corinthians in our ladies' Bible study.  I couldn't figure out what 1 Corinthians was about until after we started.

It's about humility. 

In that vein, I've been pondering whether the fear of the Lord is actually humility.  Have you experienced the phenomenon where people recoil from the phrase fear of the Lord, saying things like, "Of course God doesn't want you to be afraid of Him!"

I have a new puppy.  He is a delight.  I love him dearly, and I also want him to be a little bit afraid of me.  I do not want him to cower and flinch when I come near, but I want him to watch and listen to me carefully, and do what I say.  I want him to know that I am his owner, and the Boss, and he is my dog, my good buddy, and we get along much better when he realizes that it is not okay to piddle on the floor, bite my ankles, or chew my shoes.  I want him to be afraid to piddle, bite and chew inappropriately.  I want him to respect my boundaries and fear my displeasure.  We are working to teach him to go outdoors for his potty needs, eat his food, chew his toys, sit, lie down, come, stay (stay is not coming very fast), and cuddle on the sofa in the evening (that is also turning out to be a difficult skill for him to master, but with patience and perseverance we will prevail).  I think there may be some similarities between the way I feel about my puppy, and the way God feels about me.

This is why I think fear of the Lord is very much connected to, and possibly the same as humility.  Humility is understanding our place under God, in His Creation.

On Wednesday, when we were studying together, we considered the following:

The world sees humility as foolishness.
God sees humility as wisdom.

We wrote it in a diagram:

  The world                                 foolishness.
                     sees humility as 
      God                                       wisdom.

Had we not been diagramming it to show the relationship of the ideas, I think I would have said it this way:

The world thinks humility is foolishness,
but God knows humility is wisdom.

Now, 1 Corinthians is not exclusively about humility before God.  It is also very much about how to live humbly in fellowship with other believers.  Every one of the issues Paul takes up and deals with, throughout this letter, will be solved when the people involved give up their pride and surrender in humility, willing to do whatever is best for others, and to do everything for the glory of God.

Humility is also based in love, as Paul explains clearly in 1 Corinthians 13.  Love is the only motivation that can save us from our sinful pride.  No good deed counts for anything, unless it is done in love, and love is humble: "Love is patient and kind.  Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude.  It does not demand its own way.  It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged," (1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NLT).

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.  Jesus told us these are the first and second commandments (Matthew 22:36-40, Mark 12:29-34), the ones that are at the root of every other commandment.  Jesus told us that if we can keep these two commandments, we will keep the whole law.

Humble before God and man.

So simple, yet so profoundly difficult.  The power of paradox.  Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up (James 4:10).  Have this mind among you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, giving up all His divine privileges and taking the form of a servant, a humble slave, a mortal human.  In obedience to God, He humbled Himself to a criminal's death on a cross.  Therefore, God raised Him up, highly exalting Him, and bestowed on Him the name that is above every other name, that at the name of Jesus, every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father (Philippians 2).

On the night before He was crucified, Jesus washed His disciples' feet.  He literally wore the dirt from their feet on a towel around His waist.  When He was done, He said, "If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet.  For I have given you an example, that you should do just as I have done to you." (John 13:14-15)

Dear Lord, please help me understand what it truly means to have the mind of Christ. 

(1 Corinthians 1:16)

Words coming together

Many years ago, I started to pray for joy.

I did this out of selfishness and self-defense, primarily because I was afraid to pray for patience.  I'd heard stories about praying for patience.  "If you pray for patience," everybody said, "watch out!  You will get all kinds of trials, to test your patience."

Of course I wanted to avoid trials.  So I decided never to pray for patience, but to pray for joy instead.  I didn't think there could be a downside to praying for joy.

Well.  I had a lot to learn.  I could probably write a whole series of books about everything I've learned related to this.  And that is not saying that I learned everything there is to know--I'm sure that I've only learned a small fraction of what there is to know.

So, instead of trying to tell you "everything," I'm going to distill it to a few words:

Pride.

Dignity.

Humility.

Grace.

Gratitude.

Joy.

Pride is the problem.  Pride is putting yourself first, focusing on your feelings, and working hard to control your circumstances.  Pride is not so much thinking that you are better than other people, although that's what we automatically associate with pride.  Rather, pride is assuming that your perspective is correct and your feelings are very important.  Most of us do this without thinking about it; it's so automatic, it's invisible to us.  That's Satan's favorite.  He loves to keep us blinded to our sins.  Pride is a sin--a very fundamental, basic sin--that hinders our relationship with God.

Dignity is what we should have instead of pride.  Dignity means that we have an appropriate, accurate view of who we are and what is called for in our behavior.  When we have dignity, we act with respect for others and respect for ourselves--true respect, dignity, acting with grace even in difficult circumstances--because this is who we are.  And who are we?  We are children of God, created by God, redeemed by Christ and indwelt by the Holy Spirit.  Dignity knows Whose we are, and carries His banner like an ambassador.

Humility is the opposite of pride, but it is inherent in dignity.  Humility is understanding that God is sovereign, and we are not.  Humility is realizing that none of us are the center of the universe, God is.  Humility is realizing that God does not need us, but we need Him, desperately.  Humility is understanding the way we have been born mutated by sin, and in need of repair by the Master Creator of the Universe.  Humility understands that God created people to glorify Him--to love Him and to reflect His glory into the created Universe.  Humility also understands that we--created men and women--have pridefully rebelled against God, and thus failed to fulfill His purpose for us.  Thus, humility understands that we deserve nothing from God except destruction.  When something is too broken to fulfill its purpose, the normal conclusion is to throw it away.

Grace is what God gives us in place of our deserved destruction.  We cannot understand grace if we do not understand what we truly deserve.  If we assume that we deserve heaven (or even just "all the good things"), then "grace"--under that assumption--simply would mean that God is nice and comes through to provide what we thought we ought to have received anyway.  But if we understand that God had every reason and every right to crumple us up and discard us, that He could have started over with a new, unblemished creation, but instead He chose to die for us, in our place, while we were sinners, so He could purchase us back from Satan and embark on a massive restoration project, then we begin to grasp what grace means.  Grace is undeserved, by definition.

We can't understand grace if we don't have any humility.

But when, through humility, we grasp the concept of grace, we arrive at gratitude. Thanksgiving.  Gratitude.

Gratitude arises when we receive something outrageously generous, something we could never have hoped to attain or afford, outside of an intervening miracle.  We are thankful when we brush the edge of destruction and the hand of God delivers us into life, instead of death.

When we are truly thankful, to the depth of our being, in the reverberating center of our hearts, then we experience joy.  Joy comes from gratitude and thanksgiving.

Joy is the fruit that grows in a grateful heart.

A grateful heart comes from an accurate understanding of what we deserve, and what we are not entitled to.  In other words, gratitude originates in humility.

Humble people experience joy, and (sadly) prideful people cannot.  That's another one of Satan's lies: "Have pride in yourself.  You are important.  You are where the buck stops.  You can call the shots, and anybody who tries to stop you from calling the shots is a bad person.  Seize your rights!  This is how you pursue happiness!"  But it simply doesn't work that way.  Satan is a liar, and pride will never bring you more than a flashing glimmer of happiness.

Pride is the pitfall.

Dignity is the escape route.

Humility is the cousin of dignity and the key to appreciating grace, which ultimately results in gratitude.

And gratitude leads to joy.

Words coming together.

In conclusion, here is a short analysis of the result of praying for joy: You will get the pride beat out of you.  But it's a really good thing.  It's worth it.



Also, you'll find all of this in the book of Philippians, in the Bible, if you are inclined to look.  I realized this today at church, as our pastor is preaching through Philippians.

Humility

That's a bad picture, the one I put up at the top of this post.

Humility is not about posting bad pictures.  Yet, pride can be about only posting beautiful pictures, only showing what you want to show, presenting an image that only reflects the best light.  "The me I want you to see," that's pride (also, it's social media).

The Lord seems to be teaching me a lot about humility lately.  Although, by virtue of what humility is, one can never become exactly adept at it, or comfortable in it, or proficient.

What would it even look like to be proficient in humility?

One thing I've learned that humility is not: Humility is not pre-emptive self-deprecation.  A lot of us can fall into doing this, this pre-emptive self-deprecation thing.  We apologize in advance for our shortcomings, the ones we are aware of, in hopes that people will then go soft on us, understand that we already feel bad about ourselves, desist in looking deeper for further flaws, since they've already been presented with some really outstanding flaws to distract them.  Yes, I do this.  It's a self-protecting technique.  It rises out of insecurity, and it is not humility.

Humility is the opposite of pride.  Sometimes when it is hard to understand a concept, it helps to look at the thing opposite it, to determine what it is not.

Pride is believing that you are important.  This may not mean that you think you are important to the world, like a king or a queen or an army commander.  It means that inside your head, you operate under the assumption that your feelings are very important.  You may not consciously realize it, but you think that people ought to treat you as you wish to be treated, fairly and kindly and respectfully.

Unlike a proud person, a humble person does not assume that he is entitled to be treated well wherever he goes.  Instead, a humble person thinks about how he is treating other people.  He is much more attuned to whether he himself is being fair, or kind, or respectful than to how others are treating him.

It's tricky, too.  Because it becomes pride again if, while thinking about the other person's perspective, you start to focus specifically on how the other person perceives you.  It's not about your image in the other person's eyes.  It's about the other person's feelings.  You have to lose track of yourself, and attend to other people, if you are to escape pride.

This sounds pretty good.  The idea of thinking about the needs of others, and being able to get one's eyes off one's own needs, actually sounds pretty freeing.  In fact, I'm sure it is very freeing.

But it's also stinking hard.

They have always said, "Don't pray for patience.  You'll get all kinds of experiences that test your patience."

Well.  Let me tell you.  If you pray for humility, you may find yourself having experiences that humiliate you.  Humiliate, shame and embarrass, not necessarily in that order.

Still, if God has chosen to grow you in humility, you won't escape the process by not asking for it  (that would be the proverbial you, which is to say, me).  The same holds true for patience, and any other virtue.  God will do what He needs to do.

It will probably hurt a lot.  But it will be good, profitable, worth every agony.

If Jesus emptied Himself of all His divine glory and became a human with a body of skin, bones and blood, we need to be willing to empty ourselves of our ideas of what is due us.

If Jesus humbled Himself to death on a cross, we need to be willing to make personal sacrifices and pour ourselves out for the good of others.  (Oh how difficult this is.)

If Jesus was raised and glorified following His obedience, we can have hope that our faithful God will also raise and glorify us, after we have served in obedience, and there is great joy to come in the future, certain joy that gives us strength to carry on.

In humility.



This post is based on Philippians 2:1-11 and Hebrews 12:1-3.