Showing posts with label home. Show all posts
Showing posts with label home. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Hanging out at home

Well, yes, I've been sick.

Sigh.

So, I really ought to be writing this post over on my lupus blog.

Except, I don't want to write about being sick.

The sunshine in this house is quite remarkable.

The other day I took a hiatus from my bedroom and wandered down to the family room in the late afternoon.  Jumbled circles of golden light bounced against the closed blinds over the doors to the deck, teasing to get in.  I padded down two steps, across the floor.  Quiet in my pajamas, I stood by the blinds watching the light play for a moment, then turned the rod to open the slats.

Brightness flooded the room.  I could have focused on the deck, which sorely needs sweeping, but I chose to gaze beyond, through the foliage.  Trees grow along the swale that is sometimes almost a stream running down to the lake.  We have a maple and some pines, while our neighbor, across the swale, has a lovely weeping willow.  Willow fronds dangled and danced, dappled and dappling, all interspersed with slanted light shining through.  Across nearby plains and cornfields, wind flies fierce, but trees and rolling terrain in our neighborhood restrain and tame the gales.  Gusts still whirl, of course, but not as ferociously.  I watched a group of willow fronds tossed back and forth in the breeze.  Jungle-like, yet quintessentially Midwestern, luminescent yellow-green foliage swinging loose and free, sparkling.

There are so many things I want to write about, but the ideas get tangled up in too many words.  I want to write about being present, about reality, about not living a virtual life, not worshiping images of things.  I want to write about how the Sabbath year for cancelling debts and the year of Jubilee (Leviticus 25, Deuteronomy 15) demonstrate the same principle as the parable of the Laborers in the Vineyard (Matthew 20:1-16).  But I don't have the words for it.  Or rather, I have too many.  So I skip to the punch: Truth illuminated.  Unmerited favor.  Grace.

Grace.  Light.  Beauty.


Dear Lord Jesus, please shed your grace on us.  
Show us the light, the beauty that is You, 
the wonder of Truth, the gift of Wisdom.
Amen



Here are a few pictures I took today,
trying to capture the beauty of light,
and one picture Shawn took
with quite a remarkable capture of light.
Please look for the light.

Petals

Contrasts 

Noon 

Sunshine on a sunporch
(I thought I was better today, so I dressed and tried to go out,
but I landed back at home in comfy fleece lounge pants,
with my Bible and my dog.)

He has made everything beautiful in its time.
He has also set eternity in the hearts of men;
yet they cannot fathom what God has done
from beginning to end.
~Ecclesiastes 2:25



Saturday, September 30, 2017

Saturday night

I'm feeling very thankful tonight.

Because this handsome, heroic guy


helped me clean windowsills today.

And by "helped," I mean he manned the vacuum.  Actually, first he used the central vac, until it wouldn't reach anymore.  Then he journeyed down and retrieved his vacuum from the basement, to finish every far nook and corner.  He did such a good job that when I came behind him with spray cleaner and paper towels to polish the next layer, there wasn't much left to wipe off.

We've had an incredible number of spiders this year, spiders and webs by the dozen, every single night.  I haven't been able to keep up.  Then I got seriously behind.  My windows were terrifyingly infused with cloudy white webbing, dangling black egg sacs, and the crusty remains of fly entrees.  Whenever I thought, "I ought to open up those windows and get after that," my next thought was immediately, "Nope.  Not when I'm home alone, I'm not getting after that."

My HERO helped me overcome this.

Spider-extinguisher.  Web-obliterator.  Insect-refuse-eradicator.  Rescuing hero and lover of my soul.

Thank you.

Fresh air blew through the house for the rest of the day.  The sills gleam, shining white.

It was a good day.  I will sleep well.






Thursday, August 10, 2017

Welcome to my August

It is a fantasy, to imagine someone I love appearing, unannounced, on the doorstep for cake and tea.  Of course, if it were unannounced, the cake would not yet be made, but we could nip on chocolate while we waited for it; there's always a store of chocolate.  Or we could have a bonfire in the backyard, with hotdogs roasted over open flames.  And long, sweet conversation with lots of laughter.

I keep the beds made up with clean sheets, and I stock the guest bathroom with my favorite soap, moisturizer and shampoo.  There is even a stash of new toothbrushes in the bottom drawer!

Oh, the dream of a balm for loneliness.

August is so pretty, when the flowers finally reach their full bloom.

This is the walk to my front porch, crossing in front of my wild tangle of growing things.  Do you see the magnificent rosebush from our 30th anniversary?  There's another on the other side of the garage, but that one only has five or six blooms.  They make my heart overflow with gratitude.

Here is a closer shot of this fabulous bush in its prime.

And a close up of a gorgeous rose.

And another!

This is the bush as it stands today.  Each day, I tell myself, "Today I must deadhead it so it can go again."  And each day, I decide to wait one more day.

Just around the corner, my hummingbird feeder hangs nestled among red four o' clocks.  
The hummingbirds like the four o' clocks even better than the syrup. 
(1 cup boiled water plus 1/4 cup white sugar)

The cosmos are always slow, but hope springs eternal for these lovely blooms.

Further down the line, mini zinnias.  
Last year's zinnias were supposed to top out at 48 inches, 
but they surpassed 7 feet!  
Shawn doesn't like really tall flowers, so I got these minis.  
They offer me a precious surprise each day, 
tucked between four o' clocks and marigolds.

My front door in early morning light, 
while the four o' clocks are still mostly open.  
These flowers are at their best between 8 pm and 8 am. 
and they smell divine all night long.

A riot of four o' clocks

More four o' clocks

Pink four o' clocks at about 8:30 or 8:45 a.m. as they are closing up for the day.

This is how my front door looks most of the day, without early morning light or open flowers.

My front yard lamp-post island garden. Oy, have we worked to remake this!
We'll take a tour around the circle:

Luscious cleome winding in and out of pink coneflowers.  Coneflowers are perennials, and cleome self-seeds, so this is some low-maintenance joy for me.

Coneflowers are so photogenic, I can't stop myself photographing them.

Here we have coneflowers in front of purple salvia.  
I bought the salvia for super cheap this spring, because it had been frostbitten.  
I cut it back and planted it.  It's grown and bloomed like a champ ever since.  
Makes my heart swell a little.

More of my survivor salvia.

And a close up, just because I love this plant.

Here it is in context, between a lily and a daylily (which are both done), 
and in front of sedum (yet to bloom), yellow four o' clocks, and coneflowers.

Beyond the sedum, an obedient plant 
(the one with white flowers--it's also called false snapdragon) 
which I was thrilled to find at the nursery.  
I had one of these in NY and loved it.  
This time, I bought three!

Another view of the obedient plant.

Apricot coreopsis.  I also had coreopsis in NY, and it was a favorite.  
I always seem to plant this guy on the side of the bed 
that I have to walk around to see, but in this case it is also the street side, 
so I hope it does well and gets appreciated.

I adore these pink asters, and they are adding to the butterfly appeal of this garden.  
(This bed holds a collection of plants that attract butterflies, 
and the monarchs have already been visiting!) . 
Unfortunately, I am allergic to these beauties, 
and had a bit of a reaction after deadheading today.

 This is a new plant that I have no experience with.  Malva zebrina.  The literature says it is tough and easy to grow.  Almost invasive, says one source.  
I can only hope that such a pretty (and butterfly attracting) plant will be invasive!!

That's my front yard, my August joy.

When I'm lonely, I can putter in the dirt.
I suppose it is not a strange thing that older women 
turn to plants and pets 
when their children leave home.  
Something to fuss over and care for.



Monday, June 19, 2017

My shade garden

Late yesterday afternoon, as I walked past my front door, I saw a baby bird through the sidelight.  It hopped up onto one of the chairs on my front porch, and then fluttered hither and yon, awkwardly, behind the yew and under the porch ceiling.  It had a funny, long, straight tailfeather, like a skinny popsicle stick, jutting out behind itself at an angle.

I didn't run for my camera.  I just stood still and watched the funny, fat little bird.  My impression is that he had white spots on his back, like a fawn, but this may be the poetic license of a hazy memory.  As he darted back and forth between the potted begonias, the hanging ferns, and the porch furniture, I realized that there were two of them.  Indeed, at one point the two tiny birds perched across from one another, right at the edge of my front step.  Then one, perhaps the first one, took off for a low branch in the nearby maple tree, whizzing his little wings heroically as he made his way back to shelter and safety.  The other soon followed, bumbling his directions, but set on gaining shady protection along with his brother.  My heart cheered for him silently as he disappeared among the leaves.

It's been so very dry for the past three weeks.  After our early May travel escapades, Shawn and I spent some time at home.  He bought a little rototiller, and we installed a collection of plants in the lower terrace behind our garage.


We worked on the upper terrace last year, and salvaged some of what had already been there.  The lower terrace was a total overhaul, absolutely nothing to save.  I guess at some point, we'll have to go back and remulch the upper tier to match.  But for now, it is so much better, so exponentially better than it has been ever since we moved here, that I cannot feel too worried about the two-toned mulch.  We've added stepping stones, because it is nearly impossible to tend a garden you can't access.  I loved my upper path--we laid it out according to where my feet fell as I walked through.  My lower path is even cuter, if not quite as ergonomically designed for my paces.

I did a project, and photographed the gardens from the same vantage point, every hour on the half hour through the day, to gauge how much sun exposure there is.  (I will not bore you with those pictures!)  Nothing gets more than 3 hours of sun back here, but the hydrangeas that we planted last year get three hours from 11:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. which wilts them every day over lunch.  I am at my wits end concerning what to do about this.  Nothing but a hydrangea could withstand so much shade, but even three hours of sun is offensive to them.  They will simply have to toughen up.  Apparently, I am not helping them toughen up, as routinely, when I see them withering on the ground, I run back to turn a sprinkler on them until the hot sun passes.  Training spoiled plants; yes, that's me.

Earlier in the season, we saw some beauty in the upper terrace:

This is lungwort.  A neighbor gave it to me, dug some out of her garden.  It is interesting because its flowers come out in both purple and pink. Two-toned leaf, two-toned flower.

The same neighbor gave me this lavender columbine.  It delighted me; I had no idea it would be so pretty.

This is an earlier columbine.  We planted it last fall and waited until this spring to see what the flowers look like, thankful that it bloomed early.  The other columbine we planted last fall was smashed in our roofing job, just before the blossoms opened.

This is another plant we put into the top terrace last summer.  The pink flowers were a precious surprise this April.  It's called ajuga.

Those flowers are all past now, but my astilbe has burst forth--

I just adore pink flowers.  Last year, I was a stickler for planting nothing but pink (well, and blue hydrangeas).  This year I got undisciplined with the colors, I'm afraid.

I bought this for the lower terrace, before the lower terrace was prepared.  This is quite a magnification; it's actually a tiny flower at the top of a stalk.  This is a second bloom I was able to garner by an early deadheading of the original bloom.

I bought this plant after doing a great deal of research on plants that thrive in shade.  It is called Jacob's Ladder, because it has a ladder-like leaf structure (the technical term is pinnate, I believe).  For some reason, I had this perennial mixed up in my head with one called Jupiter's Beard.  I kept reading about Jupiter's Beard, and everything suggested that it liked full sun.  Since I was looking for shade plants, I was confused as to why this was on my list.   At one point, I did a Google image search to try to figure out exactly which plant I was looking for, but in the search bar, I typed, "Jacob's Beard."  Imagine Shawn's chagrin when he stopped by to see what I was doing, and discovered me peering in horror at a computer screen filled with hairy men's faces.  Anyway.  It's Jacob's Ladder.  It's nice.  It's also in the upper terrace, because I stuck it in the ground to wait until the lower terrace was prepared, and there it has remained.

We've had such dry weather, I've been having to water.  I should deep water, but I've been using the sprinkler.

Here you can see the spray of water, which is so gorgeous to watch in real life, sparkling and flying every which way before falling in nourishing, life-giving drops to the ground.

Because it has been so dry, all the little creatures gather in my garden when the sprinkler runs.  Robins glory in the cool mist.  A family of cardinals lives in our lilac bush, happily enjoying both the water and the birdfeeders that project from the deck.  A striped chipmunk tears about amongst my plants, digging holes and chattering angrily at me when I come out to weed or water.  He is astonishingly cheeky.  The other day as I approached, he ducked into a loose space between the steps, then turned around from inside his stronghold, clucking at me in a fury.

One day I looked out my kitchen window and saw something dangling in a spider's web that had appeared, strung from a euonymous to my astilbe.  My first reaction was disgust at a spider's web on my astilbe, but then I saw that the caught insect was a shining black and silver dragonfly.  He was hanging from his tail, spinning madly as he fought to free himself.

Immediately I left whatever I was working on in my kitchen sink, running back to the terrace where I pulled the dragonfly free and knocked down the spider's web.  The dragonfly was bound up in webbing; it had bent the end of his tail, and one of his wings also bent askew when he tried to move it.  I did the best I could to loosen his bonds, but in the end, I just placed him amongst the leaves of the lilac bush.

I hope cardinals do not eat dragonflies.  We have plenty of nice birdseed out for them, songbird mix.

It is astonishing to me how water brings life, making the plants grow, attracting the little animals and birds.  Water is amazing, inexplicable, a substance that behaves unexpectedly according to the rules of science, yet exists as a totally necessary compound for life.  We drink it.  We wash in it.  We are made of it.

This is Lady's Mantle, covered with water droplets.  It's one of the new plants I'm trying in my lower garden.  It doesn't have pink flowers.  Its flowers are a soft, almost unnoticeable yellow-green, with tiny, furry blossoms.  They are subtle, tasteful, understated.  This is why the plant is called "Lady's Mantle."  The flowers are said to adorn the most gentle and modest of ladies, the kind of ladies who do not like to draw attention to themselves.  Old European folklore has it that the Virgin Mary herself wore Lady's Mantle.

This is another picture of Lady's Mantle, at a different time of day, with different light, and not right after I turned off the sprinkler.  The leaves have a way of cupping morning dew in gleaming globes, holding it there, as if to invite a woodland creature or a tiny fairy to come have a delicious drink.

This is the view down the path that runs through my lower terrace.  We got that tiny Rose of Sharon for $11.98, presumably because it was so little.  It's blooming up a storm.  The nursery people seem to have really outdone themselves with fertilizing.

Here's my most recent shot of it.

Further down the path, we have two new hydrangeas.  These are not to be confused with my three droopy hydrangeas from last year.  These only get about an hour of sun per day.  They are happy.

You can also see some pink geranium blossoms in this photo.  These are perennial geranium, not the annuals that you see all over.  Between the pink geranium and the Rose of Sharon, I did still manage to insert some pink this year.  I was surprised when the hydrangeas turned blue, because originally, they looked like this:

But.  I will never complain about a blue hydrangea!

Off on the far side, I've planted some foxglove and some lilies of the valley.  That's the poison section of my garden!

I deadheaded this foxglove, and got a small rebloom.  I don't know what it will do next year.  Since it's a biennial that supposedly self-sows, I'm hoping it will reseed itself, and meanwhile I can plant more blooming foxglove from the nursery next year.  I wish I had bought three instead of one this year, but we shall see what we shall see.

I killed two tiny rhododendrons which I planted up near the water spigot.  They were just too tiny, I think, and had been overfertilized to produce a striking bloom for the store shelf.  I made the mistake of adding some plant food for acid loving plants after I put them in, and they just couldn't handle it all.  This afternoon, I cut them back to the ground, as I think their only hope is if they could somehow come back from the root.

Anyway, that's my garden, my shade garden in the back.

It never fails to amaze me when I put things into the ground and they actually grow.

Miracles abound.




Thursday, June 4, 2015

Home and hope and better things



I spent twenty-five years living in New York, and never really feeling at home.  I used to think this was because I was in New York, and not Minnesota.  Now, I suspect there is a time in your life when you start to seek your identity and your place, and if you undergo a major geographical move coincidentally with this internal crisis, you have an especially difficult time figuring out where you belong.  Even though I have reached an age when some people are thinking about retiring, I am not sure what to become when I grow up.

So I got myself a little part time job, and I kind of like it.  Compared to other jobs I have had, I think this is a good one, although I might not recognize this if I hadn't had some jobs that didn't work for me.  I hope I don't get fired, because I'm not very proficient yet (actually, not the least bit proficient).  But it is a nice job.  I don't have to carry a lot of supplies back and forth, or do work at home, and those are two very nice features of a job.

This morning I was driving to work (how odd it feels to say that).  I drove down one freeway and merged onto another.  While doing so, I checked the traffic behind me in my rear-view mirror (this is generally a good thing to do while merging).  Behind me, I first noticed that the road was clear.  Then I saw a mother goose leading her fuzzy goslings in a festive, waddling procession across the asphalt expanse of highway.  Then I saw a huge semi approach from behind, bearing down on the goose parade with its gargantuan, muscular cab.  I watched as the truck swerved slightly one direction and then the other.  Presumably, the driver was trying to figure out how to minimize the damage.  Another car sped into view on his left, filling the other half of the road which mercifully crested so I couldn't see what happened next.  I wrenched my eyes off the mirror and out the windshield, focusing on what was ahead rather than on what was behind, feeling sick and sad, trying to tell myself that there are too many geese anyway (and not quite able to believe it).

Sometimes I am just tired of this world and all the tragedy, disappointment and destruction it holds.  I am tired of cancer and car accidents, sexual predators and stock market crashes.  Tired of weeds and thieves and sleepless nights.  Tired of denied insurance claims, and lies, and wars, and waste.  Sometimes I just don't want any more of it.

You know what I'm really tired of?  I'm tired of worrying.

Of course, there is a cure for all of it:  God.

We have to have faith.  We have to put our faith in the ultimate victory of the Lord who created us.  We have to believe that there is a better world coming, and if we hang on, have faith, love Jesus, cling to the good, think about the pure and lovely, follow the narrow path, we will arrive in the Promised Land, the real one.  There will be an eternity of paradise.  There will.  There really, really will.

We just have to get through this life first, and somehow do it with grace and love, radiating God's beauty to the devastation around us.

We are broken, but He is fixing us, and when we get there, we will be flawless.

We are sinners, but He forgives us, and when we get there, we will be pure.

We are under attack, but He protects us, and when we get there, we will be safe.

We are miserable, but He comforts us, and when we get there, we will be filled with joy.

We are lost, but He seeks us, and when we get there, we will be home.


Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Looking back a year later

Shannon will write a post for me soon, and it will be much better than what I am capable of at this time.  Look forward to it!

At the same time, I feel a deep need to write about the past year, here on the somewhat-anniversary of our move to the Midwest.

I don't have the exact dates.  I was a wreck back then, an absolute wreck.  Right now, I am a bit of a wreck simply in remembrance.  I think I could figure out the dates, even by looking back a year at my writing here.  But I don't want to read those posts.  Not today.

Approximately one year ago, we drove out from Syracuse to close on our house, this house we had never seen.  I remember my gut-wrenching panic at the discovery of the eight-foot-tall weeds overtaking the yard, the clematis dying around the foundation of the house where the previous owner had sprayed Roundup, and the utter lack of storage space in the kitchen.  I remember looking at the corroding gold faucet extending over the dirty pink kitchen sink, and choking back tears.  I remember the realtor smiling brightly and saying in a pushed-cheerful voice, "Do you love it?"

I remember going to a burger place called Meatheads for lunch and crying over my burger but somehow still choking it down.

I remember the closing.  I believe it was on a Friday, the last Friday in July, 2013?  The seller's realtor was a nice lady who kept saying nice things to try to make us feel better about the house we were purchasing.  Honestly, she was trying to be nice.  And the seller's lawyer was obnoxious and kept talking about her recent trip to a water-park in Indianapolis, and how much the kids loved the breakfast buffet, which was not just any buffet, now this was a real buffet.  Because of her prattle, we were having trouble hearing the pertinent parts of the transaction we were going through, signing form after form as in a nightmare, and finally Shawn, who never snaps at anybody, snapped at that lawyer and asked her to please be quiet so he could hear what he was signing his name to.

And then we went back to the house, newly ours, and slept there on an air mattress.  I remember struggling to figure out which switch controlled which light, and walking up the narrow oak steps to the second floor in the dark, and how different it felt from my house on Sugar Pine where the upstairs hall that connected the bedrooms was actually a balcony that overlooked an open two-story foyer.  I remember walking the hallway in this house from the kitchen to the front door, making a 180 degree turn and heading upstairs in the dark, giving up on the light switches.

We left the air mattress there, and some other things, a few towels, and pictures and china we had elected to move ourselves rather than leave them to the movers.

We drove back to Syracuse where commenced surreal days--Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday--of packing and loading the moving truck.  It was all like a dream, and possibly a very bad dream.  I remember not being able to eat, not knowing what to do, but somehow it was miraculously happening without me.

We finished in Syracuse, sad, empty, overwhelmingly grateful for Kevin and Jeannie, whom we had just met, who fed us our last supper in Liverpool, and also to Ed and Donna, beloved friends who put us up beautifully, lovingly on our last night there.  Ed and Donna also helped us with a few last touch-ups on the empty house, and with loading our vehicles for the last drive away.  I remember lying in their son Adam's bed (he was away on a missions trip), unable to sleep.  I got up and stared out the window for awhile, just soaking up the Liverpoolness of it, the green grass beneath the streetlight. 

We drove across the states on Thursday: New York (I will never forget that last drive down John Glenn Boulevard, wondering if I would ever see that road again, familiar as it was, the grass, the trees, the stoplight at 370), then Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana, Illinois.  Ohio is a wickedly thick state, full of dug-up roads, and every time we drive around Columbus, somebody almost kills us. On that trip, there were two near-death incidents, but God kept us safe.  Shawn drove his car, David drove his, and Jon drove me and the dogs in the silver van.  Jon's red van had been towed off to the Rescue Mission.

We arrived here late Thursday night.  We'd hired the house cleaned, and the carpets shampooed.  They did this on the wrong day, and the carpets were soaking wet when we walked in, the windows fogged with condensation.  We never complained to anybody.  We just laid out our air mattresses on the wet carpet and did our best to sleep through the night.  Schubert became disoriented and urinated on Jonathan's bedding.   An early morning cell phone call alerted us that the truck with our furniture would arrive in about 30 minutes.

And so we were here.  A year ago.

Since then:
  • David went away to medical school.
  • Jonathan began his first year of college, in PA, with Laura.
  • I was alone, alone, alone like I don't think I have been since we moved to NY before any of the children were born.
  • Laura got engaged.
  • I had to have a breast biopsy.
  • I had a hysterectomy.
  • We remodeled the kitchen (that is all I'm going to say about that).
  • Laura graduated from college.
  • Laura got married.
  • Laura moved to Ohio and got a real job.
  • Shannon moved from New Haven to Boston, I think on the anniversary of our moving here.

Those are the big ones.  That's enough.

That's enough.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Some pictures that make me happy

I was going to write over on "To Sleep..." today, about how well I am doing as a person with lupus.

But...

I didn't quite feel good enough.

I'm chuckling over that, don't worry.  I really am doing quite well.  I've been so thankful each day, for the sun, the flowers, the birdsong and the cornfields.  And everything...  the hope of heaven, and Jesus who loves me all the time.

Here are some pictures that make me happy.  I hope you enjoy them too.

a zinnia

a different zinnia

my front door
I love walking up to my front door these days, 
even though the flowers crowd the path
and could be a tripping hazard.
I feel a little bit naughty 
to be so delighted by this wild
riot of color and leaves.

These giant dahlias are ridiculous.
The dark purple morning glories are vining all over them.

Honeysuckle
How amazing is it to have honeysuckle?
Yes, I've tasted some.  It's good!

Yesterday I was walking the dogs.  
A neighbor called to me from her driveway,
"You aren't looking for a plant stand are you?
I'm trying to get rid of this."
As a matter of fact, I have been looking for a plant stand.
Thanks! (I might paint it brown...)

In front of the porch, I planted two canna lilies.
One is blooming.
It is red.
Shawn insists on calling it a "bird of paradise."

a close up
(canna lily, aka bird of paradise)

some flowers I picked and brought into the kitchen

a favorite picture from the wedding
(thanks for taking it, Ann!)

another favorite picture from the wedding:
Shannon in the dress I made her
holding hands with flower-girl Kristi
listening to Shawn give a speech.
 and a dahlia from behind
because I cannot get over these dahlias

~The end~