Nothin'

I got nuthin.

This 500 word challenge that I signed up for is the worst thing I've ever done.  It's given me the worst writer's block I've ever had.

I just have a headache and a sense of dread, nothing to say.

Perhaps it is best not to try to write when one has nothing.

I could make a list:

1.  

I hate Downton Abby and am increasingly disgusted with the plotlines.  It is just like a daytime soap opera, except that it is British and shown in the evening once a week.  It is not classic, and the writing is really bad.  Sometimes I do enjoy picking it apart while I watch, but that makes the other viewers angry.  Also, Mr. Bates has always given me the creeps, and I think he's going to commit a murder pretty soon.  Not that he shouldn't, but it won't go well for him.

2.  

Our neighbors' house flooded while they were in Mexico.  They went south to escape the Polar Vortex for six days.  First they endured flight delays at the airport.  When they finally got to Mexico, their luggage did not join them.  Three days later when their luggage was recovered, hundreds of dollars worth of items had been stolen from said luggage.

Then, when they returned home, the pipes in their master bathroom had frozen and cracked, causing hundreds of gallons of water to pour through three stories of their home.  Their first clue was when, upon driving into their driveway upon their arrival home, they pushed the button to open the garage door and water gushed out, down the driveway, as the door lifted.  Their second clue was that a soggy heap of garage ceiling (sheet-rock, insulation, etc.) buried the hood of the car they'd left at home.  I wish we had discovered it for them in time to have lessened the damage. 

3.  

Laura made some decisions and got some things done for her wedding this week.  She does an excellent job.  I think this wedding will be nice, and fun too.  No letting cats out of bags with secrets and spoilers, though.

4.  

We ordered some stuff for our kitchen this week.  I alternate between feeling excited and feeling depressed.  Sometimes it seems like nobody liked the things I picked in the end, and everybody will think I have an ugly kitchen.  Apparently I must have liked what I ordered, because I ordered it, despite feedback to the contrary.  I don't even want to talk about it.

The whole thing gives me a sick feeling in my stomach.  And the money.  Oh my.  The money is not settled.  It is going to cost more than we had budgeted, that's for sure, and that makes me feel sick, too.  I shopped for appliances today and didn't like anything about the things I saw, from the features to the designs to the prices.  Spending money is not fun for me.  Spending money is about as enjoyable as throwing up.  I must really hate the kitchen as it is, to be putting myself through this.  Why should I have the right to so hate a kitchen, just because I, personally, think it is ugly?  The people who planned this kitchen liked it.  And possibly nobody besides me would think the kitchen I am trying to plan is any good either.

The guilt.  The guilt is paralyzing.  How can I justify ripping out serviceable cabinets and appliances when there are so many legitimate needs in the world?  I should be giving this money to charity, supporting a missionary, feeding starving children, paying for my lupus blood tests, something worthwhile.  Instead, I am ripping my house apart, making a huge mess, doubting and fearing my design choices, and opening up an expense account with a black hole for the bottom line.  I can say, "At least my house didn't flood," but if it had, there would be a justifiable reason for the renovation, and an insurance settlement to cover it.

Well there.  That is probably more than 500 words, but they are words that make me feel ashamed.  Except #3.  I am not ashamed of #3.  Then again, I was quite circumspect in #3.