Friday, February 17, 2012

In an empty nest

I used to spend the bulk of my time washing, feeding and cleaning up after my children.

Now it seems that I spend the bulk of my time washing, feeding and cleaning up after myself.

Who even am I?

I have no goals, no purpose, no anything.

All I have is a nagging, low-level headache that never seems to go away, and a gaggle of drawers and closets that need to be cleaned out.

Oh, but I'm a good whiner.

God, be merciful.


Hope T. said...

Ruth, I ♥ you.

You know that you and I are almost the same age but I still have young children at home. Sometimes their care absolutely overwhelms me. And youngest just turned four and it is so strange and different not to be pregnant or have a nursing baby or toddler. I am really good at having babies; I am really good at nursing and caring for toddlers. Some days, I feel "washed up", as if my purpose is behind me now and I wonder what I could find to do that is more fulfilling than creating and sustaining a human being.

If I want to have a career when my kids go to school, I should start cracking down now and pick up some area of study because my BA in psychology won't get me very far. But I doubt I will do that because it is too hard to have a career and have five kids at four or five different schools. In fact, it is too hard to do that even without a career.

So what I am trying to focus on now are just the little moments of pleasure throughout the week. Some moments I have had this week: a chance to sleep late, a wonderful dream, an unexpected phone call from someone very dear, a hug from a friend, and right now, the way the sun looks on the bare branches outside my window. I get more pleasure from these than I could ever have thought I would.

My mother has been emailing me about all her lunch dates with her friends. I think she has "lunched" four times in one week alone. It sounds so fun and so special to take time to connect like that. I have decided that when I am at a point when my responsibilities let up somewhat , I am going to find friends and then I am going to "lunch". I hope one of the friends will be you, Ruth, or if we never meet, someone like you.

Ruth said...

I would love to have lunch with you! Or maybe brunch. Brunch is good because sometimes lunches get cramped by the high school bus which arrives back at 2:37. And breakfast is too early. A 10:30 a.m. brunch with lots of good tea sounds just about perfect! :)