This kid.

There was a guys' youth retreat at church last weekend. Among other things, they went paintballing. Unbeknownst to anyone, my Jonathan stowed away a bunch of paintballs.

He took said paintballs to school with him on Monday.

In social studies, somebody dared him to eat one, so, of course, he did. At least, he put it in his mouth and bit it and exploded the paint. His teacher saw and was certain that he had poisoned himself. She began to scream and cry. He spit the stuff out and told her (and I have my doubts about his honesty, but this is what he said), "Oh, don't worry. I ate, like, fourteen or fifteen of these last weekend when I was paintballing. I'll be fine." She nearly had a nervous breakdown and sent him to the nurse. And the principal.

Poison control was consulted, and it was found (as Jonathan had stated) that paintballs are made mostly of vegetable oil and are basically non-toxic. However, the principal called my husband at work and told him that Jonathan must have a Saturday detention on December 6.

Jonathan is indignant because his charge is "Reckless endangerment," and he says he didn't do anything reckless or dangerous; he should only be charged with "Class disruption," which he does admit he did. He says "Class disruption" would only be an after school detention, not a Saturday detention, and he wants justice.

We are trying hard to avoid giving Jonathan attention for this escapade, because I think attention is what he ultimately wants. So we are not letting the other kids in on it. The whole issue kind of cracks me up every time I think about it, though. I'm such a bad mom. Jonathan got in trouble in sixth grade once for making awful faces. His teacher said, "Jonathan! What would your mother do if she knew you were making those faces?" When he shared the story with me (with a twinkle in his eye), I queried, "You didn't tell her that I teach you all to make faces and that we practice together in a row in front of my bathroom mirror, did you?" He grinned and replied, "Of course not."

(For the record, David is far too cool to make faces with the rest of us. It would be important to him that this disclaimer be made.)