Fears and Faithfulness

Today I feel paralyzed with fear, overwhelmed.

I haven't seen Jon since I can remember, and I've been hearing from him only very sporadically.

After being a constant presence in my grandson's life for almost two weeks, and bonding with his dear, sweet little self, I've returned home where I can't hold him, or whisper to him, or sing to him, or walk him around and around the kitchen island.  I miss him and I imagine he misses me.  He doesn't know what happened to me, and ultimately he will forget that I was there.  This makes me almost unbearably sad.

I have a Bible study to prepare on 2 Corinthians.  I open my Bible and stare at the words, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  I don't feel the comfort.  I feel shaky and fearful and overwhelmed.  We start in one week, and I am not ready.

The same day our 2 Corinthians study starts, my niece is scheduled to have a c-section to deliver a baby that has been diagnosed with a heart defect and missing kidney.  I pray over this situation every day.  I hope that the diagnosis will turn out to be wrong, that the baby will be healthy, healed by the grace of God.  I hope and pray, and fear.  I try to trust Jesus.  I am so bad at this.

I am supposed to teach a ladies' retreat in April.  I have been working on it, making more progress there than on the 2 Corinthians study.  I feel panic in my heart every time I sit down to prepare lessons and must decide where to place my effort.  Oh God, help me, I pray.  Have I disobeyed You and taken on too much?  Please make Your power perfect through my weakness.

My dear, kind uncle died last week, and we want to go to his funeral, to support my precious aunt, but we wait on the weather forecast.  February is a terrible time to drive in the north central United States.

All this, and my good, good friend is herself going through a hard time.  I need to be supportive to her, but I am so shaky, so weak, so prone to fail.

No negative self-talk, I need to remind myself.  No negative self-talk.  It will be okay.  God is in control.  God is on my side.  God is for me, and He is for His glory.  He will not abandon me as I struggle to do my part to reflect His glory.  He will not abandon me.  He is with me wherever I go. 

God says, "My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose... I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it."  (Isaiah 46:10-11)

Our God is in the Heavens; He does all that He pleases.  (Psalm 115:3)

It will be okay.

It will be okay.  These are words I said over and over to my grandson when he was fussy.  It will be okay.  Words of comfort, words of hope.

God comforts us by giving us hope, hope that it will be okay. 

We know that it will be okay, because Jesus has already risen victoriously from the dead.  Jesus triumphed over the grave, entering bravely into death and bursting forth from it with abundant life (1 Corinthians 15).  We have this life in us, even now, before the coming of the New Heaven and the New Earth, through the indwelling, life-sustaining presence of God's Holy Spirit who abides in our hearts and begins our eternal salvation from the moment we believe in Him.

And it is God 

who establishes us with you in Christ, 

and has anointed us, 

and who has also put His seal on us 

and given us His Spirit in our hearts 

as a guarantee.  

(2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

He who raised the Lord Jesus

will raise us also with Jesus

and bring us with you

into His presence.

(2 Corinthians 4:14)

For this light and momentary affliction

is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory

beyond all comparison,

as we look not to the things that are seen

but to the things that are unseen.

For the things that are seen are transient,

but the things that are unseen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

For while we are still in this tent,

we groan, being burdened--

not that we would be unclothed, 

but that we would be further clothed,

so that what is mortal

may be swallowed up by life.

He who prepared us for this very thing 

is God

who has given us the Spirit

as a guarantee.

(2 Corinthians 5:4-5)

Yes, Lord.  It will be okay.  Your promises comfort me, Lord Jesus.  It will be okay, because You have said it will be, and You are forever faithful.