New series

I'm working on a new series over at Seeking Wisdom, Craving Grace.

It's about what I believe. In fact, it's called, What I Believe. Snappy title that, eh?

Anyway, it seemed more appropriate to post it there than here, so I might not be around here much for a little while... but you are always welcome to visit there!

Hope is an ethereal green mist

Today is a sunny, windy, cold day.

I guess we have reverted to a more normal March.

The cherry blossoms on my little Japanese cherry tree are budding. The temperature is supposed to get down into the twenties these next few nights. I hope the cold doesn't kill the flowers.

Yesterday I was driving and I could see the fine green mist of newly budding leaves on many of the trees along the highway. It isn't the most beautiful time of year. Autumn colors are more dashing by far. But there is just so much hope and promise in spring, so much beauty and warmth yet to come.

My neck still hurts, but not as much.

The massage therapist left me a message on Saturday. I called her back as soon as I found it, and left her a message. I haven't heard from her since. Sigh. Phones. Not my forte. Do you think communication is a chore? I do.

I guess I don't have much of anything to say here, although it was burning on my heart to write about the misty leaves.

They are there, and God-willing they won't get frost-bitten.

Usually I hate titling things, but today the title is the best part of the post. Maybe I'm burned out. I wrote on my other blogs today.

A post here.

And a (very short) post here.

And I composed a new page at a tab here.

Bad back

Today's list was

1. Clean bathrooms
2. Bake cherry almond bars
3. Walk dogs
4. Buy eggs, and some fish to cook for dinner
   

It was going to be a fairly easy, fairly fun day. I actually like cleaning bathrooms because it usually involves minimal decision making. You shine the porcelain, throw out the empty bottles of stuff, change the towels and you're basically done.

However, somewhere along the line, my neck went out.

Badly.

So I am stuck in the recliner, taking pain meds and applying heat. Except, the hot rice bag I was using started to hurt me because of its shape and weight, so I switched it for a light, summer scarf. The pain meds--along with the pain they failed to handle and a bunch of tea and vitamins --upset my stomach. I wondered if I were going to vomit until about 1:45 p.m. when I forced down a sandwich.

My neck muscles are so hyper-sensitive, chewing and swallowing that sandwich was excruciating. Another excruciating moment was this morning after my shower when I was applying moisturizer to my face. Pushing the moisturizer back onto my face with my fingertips was an incredible strain on my neck and upper back. Needless to say, I am not wearing any makeup.

For a long time all I could do was sit here in my recliner, staring at the striped wallpaper and obsessing over the dirty toilets I am not cleaning. Then I fell asleep a little bit.

I wish the massage therapist would call me back. She will call when the worst of the pain has passed. I know because this is my life and I've been living it long enough to figure out how these things work. Anyhow, I am probably too sore to get any worth out a massage today. How's that for looking on the bright side?

Staring at the wallpaper stripes gave me time to think and to get annoyed with Piper who would not stop licking his paws. I don't want to take him to the vet again. I spoke sharply to him and told him to knock it off, and it reminded me of how cross I used to get with my children when they were little and Shawn was on a business trip and my back went out. That used to happen quite often, and I am sad that it did.

Now I have my netbook in my lap. I am a poor typist ordinarily, but I am particularly bad on this little guy. Even so, I am thankful to have something I can do. Piper has stopped licking his paws and is sleeping next to me, breathing hard. Jon is roasting coffee beans in the kitchen. It has been a long time, maybe even a year, since my back has done this, and for that I am thankful. It used to happen every 4-6 weeks.

Life is not so bad.

Spring... or summer?

The daffodils are in full bloom now. Amazing. I was perusing my blog entries from a year ago, and I realized that back then I was visiting potential graduate schools with Shannon, braving treacherous weather to travel hither and yon.

Things are so different now. It's no wonder I am off-kilter. What a year of transitions. Just one year. Phew.

Speaking of being off-kilter, today I was running some errands in 80 degrees of sunny loveliness, driving the rusty old van around with the windows down, smelling the freshness of awakening plant life. I hit the Dollar Store (that's a great place to buy note-cards and dish soap) and then headed up to the drugstore.

I've been parking at the outer-reaches of parking lots. I almost always do this anyway, for multiple reasons (exercise, safety, etc.), but today I was deeply enjoying my summery walks. As I headed up toward the drugstore from the back of the parking lot, I noticed a little old man, a grisly one, standing outside the store on the sidewalk in the shade. And speaking of shade, he looked a little shady. You know that sort of pale, alcoholic look some people get? His clothes were faded and his face covered in stubbly whiskers. He walked back and forth, nervously, jerkily. I thought he made a motion to me with his hand, but I averted my eyes and continued on toward the entrance to the store.

Then he made another motion with his hand. I did not know if it was meant for me, because I was certainly doing my best not to look at him. I was now close enough to perceive that he definitely looked seedy and I hoped he was not going to try to panhandle me. Suddenly he lurched in front of me with his arms out. "Excuse me ma'am!" he hollered, "But only men can go in there!"

Without looking at him I said, "No. I can go in there." And I reached for the door. As I did, he screamed--literally screamed--with crazy laughter. Adrenaline-laced fear surged through my body and I moved faster, grabbing the door and propelling myself through.

Cool air-conditioning and familiar drugstore smells of soap, toothpaste, shampoo and hard candy encompassed me. I took a breath. I found what I needed and paid the cashier, who was in a cheerful mood to match the weather.

The man was gone when I stepped back outside.

I was relieved.

And confused. What was I supposed to have done in that situation? Had I been unkind? Lacking compassion? Rude? I never know what I am supposed to do when such things happen.

I walked the length of the parking lot to my car. All was quiet and peaceful. The sun gleamed bright. Out on the road, cars drove methodically past, stopping at the red light, starting when it turned green. The blinking sign at the jewelry store told the community that it was now 83 degrees. I climbed into my familiar old van and thought, "Why? Why is he in my world? Why did he have to come into my world?"

And I felt my sin, but I had no idea what to do about it.

The Vernal Equinox

Tra la la la!

Today is the Vernal Equinox. The first day of spring...

Today marks the beginning of MY MOST FAVORITE QUARTER OF THE YEAR!!!

Today is the first day in approximately six months when there will *not* be more dark hours than light hours! They will be exactly EQUAL (hence the term Equinox).

Today there will be TWELVE hours of sunlight followed by twelve hours of darkness...

And best of all, tomorrow there will be a bit MORE THAN TWELVE hours of sunlight followed by a bit less than twelve hours of darkness. And this trend will increase and increase and increase until...

MY FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR,

which is...

THE SUMMER SOLSTICE!!! The summer solstice is the longest, brightest day of the year. Perhaps I will have a party and celebrate it with flowers and fountains and fresh fruit.

This year the summer solstice will be June 20th. Once again, that comes before the end of the accursed NYS school year, but what can you do?

First Day of Spring

Tomorrow is the first day of spring.

We've had such a mild winter! Only two snowstorms, I think. And yesterday it was over 80 degrees! Central New York just doesn't do this.

But I'll take it!

It's going to be a long end of the school year, I fear. Warm weather and long, bright evenings after the Daylight Savings Time switch never bode well for homework and other academic pursuits. Usually the struggle to keep the kids going until the end of school starts in May, though...

My daffodils are budding. The robins have been chirping and busily scouting out nesting sites. The sun shines warm on the asphalt driveway, the road, the grass (which could use a good raking) and the prickly weeds sprouting in our winter-compressed mulch. How does the winter compress mulch when there's hardly any snow?

Yesterday I walked about five miles in an old pair of flip-flops. Now I have a little blister, but I flooded it with a special oil I make from calendula, lavender, tea tree and evening primrose oil. If anything can heal it up, this will.

There is so much sun before the leaves grow.

I love leaves. Leaves are my favorite scenery. When we moved into this house, the very first month we were here, we planted trees outside the windows so I could look out and see them. Oh, how I have enjoyed the birch outside the front living room windows. The maple that shades my west-facing kitchen window has been a lifesaver at dinnertime on many summer evenings.

The leaves are not out yet, but it feels as though they will be soon.

The air feels like coastal North Carolina, warm, kind of humid, fragrant.

There is such a connection the first time in spring when you go for a drive with the windows down and hear everything clear, not muffled by winter protection.

I love the sun. I love longer days. I love leaves and flowers, birdsong and the shouts of happy children outdoors in the afternoons.

We need to get our screens rinsed and replaced on the windows so we can open up to all this glory around us.

Ten reasons why I do not like cleaning

(1) No matter how hard I try to sweep or vacuum before I apply moisture to the situation, I always end up chasing nasty wet dustballs around, those ones that are virtually impossible to wipe up.

(2) There is no end to hairs in the bathrooms. No end. Often, I feel as though I could keep trying to pick up "that last hair" until eternity. And if, by some miracle I actually get all the hairs removed at some point, another hair is sure to drop from my head before I exit the room.

(3) The cleaning product that cleans my showers gives me a wicked headache.

(4) If I use a different, less toxic cleaner on my shower, my neck goes out from the scrubbing action.

(5) There is almost always a hole in my rubber gloves.

(6) Even when there is not a hole in my rubber gloves, I get water and cleaning solution inside my gloves. It runs in the back end. Because I am inept.

(7) I always hurt myself. Usually this involves the vacuum and my shins, but it can take many forms. I also lose a lot of fingernails (mind you, these are not manicured fingernails).

(8) I damage things because I am clumsy. Usually this involves the canister vacuum and walls that the canister runs into and dents while I am working at the other end of the hose. However, yesterday I had an entirely new damage experience. I was trying to wipe down the baseboards in the tiny (2'x5' I figure) half-bath downstairs, and as I ran the sponge along the woodwork, my finger caught on the wallpaper and pulled it loose. R-i-i-i-i-p went the wallpaper and the hope in my heart.

(9) My buckets spill, my vacuum cord comes unplugged, my back hurts, I sneeze or gag or get headaches from the different smells, my hands get chapped, I bump my head (mostly around low cupboards), and no matter how many times I run the vacuum over this carpet, there are spots that never look clean.

(10) And pretty much as soon as I am finished, it all needs to be done over again.