And then there were none

Schubert

Best little dog a family could ever have had

6/6/2007-8/11/2018

Oh how thankful we are that you came to brighten our lives

and show us what it means to love unconditionally.

You wagged your tail so hard you would nearly throw your hips out

because you were full of joy and wanted to share it.

You were truly a wonderful gift from our Creator.

I hope you are frolicking in the presence of the Lord,

and bringing a smile to His face.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away.

Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Job 1:21

What will I do with such empty arms?

Onward to August

Happy August!

Actually, it is always bittersweet to welcome this beautiful month.  The flowers bloom in profusion.  Tassels sprout atop cornstalks; the harvest is coming.  Nights lengthen and cool.  Summer is in its last chapter.

Speaking of blooming flowers, nasturtiums can be a confusing plant to grow.  They hold back their blossoms if you fertilize them, or even if you water them too much.  Usually they thrive on being left alone, but mine have been temperamental this summer, perhaps because it has been so hot.

Yet, they were bringing me joy:

Yesterday, though, I noticed a ravaged patch of them.  Do they look crushed to you?

This may be a result of the heavy downpour we experienced yesterday afternoon, thunder and all, traumatizing Schubert and inciting him to attach himself to my leg.  Yes, it rained quite hard, a deluge of water streaming straight down from the sky.

After the storm, a neighbor boy and his friend emerged from his house across the street, with a soccer ball.  I know, because an earth-shattering thud impacted my home, and the screens rattled in the front windows.  Wondering what could cause such a ruckus, I left my laundry and ventured outside to investigate.  It was then I saw the two youths, barefoot and full of teen bravado, awkwardly hurtling a soccer ball around their yard, driveway, and the street.

It could have been the rain, or it could have been a soccer ball, falling hard off our porch roof and onto these floundering flowers.

I am trying to psych myself up to bake some cookies for this kid, so he will not want to wreck my gardens.  It's hard to tell whether it happens because he is malicious, or because he is inept at controlling his ball.  We find quite a few soccer balls in our yard, and I must confess that we are sometimes tempted to drive over them.  I need to bake some cookies.

But.  On a bright note, seeing my crushed flowers helps me think about how much the Lord loves us, how much He even loves me.

When my flowers are struggling, failing to thrive, I do not get angry at them.  I feel bad for them, and I want to help them.  I deadhead the spent blossoms, and pinch back the broken stems.  I pull out weeds and try to arrange the plants around them to accommodate the right amount of sunlight.  If my nasturtiums are parched, I give them water.  I work to help them.  I am for them.

God is for us.

God is for us.  He is on our side.  He loves us, and His heart is set to help us, to give us aid.

I've been studying the Holy Spirit.  It is a tremendous blessing to read passages in the Old Testament about God pouring out streams of life on the earth to make it flourish.  Psalm 65 is one of my favorites:

You visit the earth and water it;

You greatly enrich it;

the river of God is full of water;

You provide their grain,

for so You have prepared it.

You water its furrows abundantly,

settling its ridges,

softening it with showers,

and blessing its growth.

You crown the year with Your bounty;

Your wagon tracks overflow with abundance.

The pastures of the wilderness overflow,

the hills gird themselves with joy,

the meadows clothe themselves with flocks,

the valleys deck themselves with grain,

they shout and sing together for joy.

~Psalm 65:9-13 ESV

Of course, God does send the rain and make the crops grow.  God is our Provider, giving us water and food so we can live.  But this psalm is also a metaphor for spiritual truth.  The Holy Spirit--the Living Water of God--comes down, poured out from above, to bring spiritual life to the children of men.  God nurtures us with his Spirit.

God is for us.  God loves us.  God demonstrated His love for us, clearly and decisively, when while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).  Amazingly, it doesn't stop there! Since our great God did not spare His own Son, but gave Jesus up for us all, we can be assured that He will also--along with the gift of salvation through Christ--graciously give us everything else we need for life and godliness (Romans 8:32, 2 Peter 1:3).

God loves us.  His desire is to see us succeed, to grow in grace and godliness, and to walk in righteousness and victory.  He is here with us, through His Holy Spirit, and He never stops working on our behalf, helping us learn how to access His power and His wisdom which He graciously, freely offers.

God is for us, and He loves us.  He envelops us and indwells us with love.  Romans 5:5 tells us, God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.  This is amazing.  Maybe you've heard about God's love so many times, the words stopped meaning anything.  Stop and ponder it:  God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

I was thinking about God's love, and also about the prayer in Ephesians 3, and I realized something.  Read the prayer, carefully, and then I will tell you what I realized:

I bow my knees before the Father . . . 

that according to the riches of His glory 

He may grant you to be strengthened with power

through His Spirit in your inner being,

so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--

that you, being rooted and grounded in love,

may have strength to comprehend with all the saints

what is the breadth and length and height and depth,

and to know the love of Christ

that surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

~Ephesians 3:14, 16-19 ESV

This is what I realized:  God strengthens us with power, through His Spirit inside of us, so we can comprehend the vastness of His love and know the love of Christ.

We can't even begin to understand His love for us, until His Spirit in us strengthens us for the task.  We are rooted and grounded in His love, yet in order to comprehend and experience the infinite dimensions of this all-surpassing love, we need the strength and power of the Holy Spirit.  And here is the best news of all:  He pours His Spirit out on us abundantly, precisely so this can happen.

Dear Lord Jesus, thank you.  
Thank you for your all-surpassing love.  
Please pour out Your Spirit on me and into me, drench me and fill me.  
Help me to know and experience the fullness of Your love.  
Please give me more of You, more of Your love.  
Please enable me to feel how much You love me.  
Please make my heart sing because of how much You have done for me.  
I want to overflow with eager anticipation for what You are doing in me each day, and how triumphantly You can use me to reflect Your glory and draw people into Your kingdom.  
Even when I am crushed and beaten down, You are preparing for me an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.  
Please help me confidently wait in steadfast faith for the unimaginable delights You have prepared for us in our eternal future with You.

But, as it is written,

"What no eye has seen, 

nor ear heard,

nor the heart of man imagined,

what God has prepared 

for those who love Him" --

these things God has revealed to us through the Spirit.  

For the Spirit searches everything, even the depths of God.

~1 Corinthians 2:9-10 ESV

Grace for hidden faces

Today whilst sprinkling blossom booster on my flowers,

I saw this this lonely bloom, and it caught a tender spot in my heart.

Don't we all feel like this sometimes?

We hide our faces, lean against a wall, cry.

Often when we hide our faces in shame,

we think it is God who is hiding from us.

David wrote about it in Psalm 143:7-10

Answer me quickly, Lord, 

for my spirit is pining away!

Do not hide Your face from me,

lest I become like those 

who descend to the pit.

In the morning, proclaim to me 

Your covenant love,

for I have put my trust in You.

Make me understand 

the way I should go,

for I lift up my soul to You

Deliver me from my foes, O Lord,

for to You I have fled for hiding.

Teach me to do Your will,

for You are my God!

Let Your good Spirit lead me 

on level ground!

The Holy Spirit of Christ will lead us.

He helps and comforts.

He guides and encourages.

He shines His face on us and 

makes us beautiful.

May the glorious image of Christ be reflected 

in my life and yours,

because of His grace.

Jesus loves us.

Coming clear

I've been doing a Bible study about the Holy Spirit.  Usually I try to study books of the Bible.  Topical studies are not my forte, but I've been impressed by the importance of this particular topic.

I don't think we understand nearly as much as we could, or should, about the power available to us through the gift of the Holy Spirit.  I'm not talking about speaking in tongues or similarly outward (and sometimes sensational) manifestations.  I'm talking about being filled with the presence and power of God, through His Spirit, and walking in victory.

Here is a diagram we are using in our Holy Spirit study:

(You can click on this image to see it bigger.
I should have included the reference Revelation 22:2 with the tree on the right)

Chiasm is a literary device that uses symmetry to create a central idea. What comes before the central idea points ahead to the central idea.  What comes after the central idea points back at the central idea.  The things leading up to and out from the central idea reflect each other symmetrically in a pattern that can be described as:

A B C D X D C B A

where X is the central idea.

I explained the Story of the Bible in a previous post, where I wrote:

The Bible is the story of God's plan for humanity.  The Bible begins with a perfect garden that contained two very significant trees, one whose fruit would lead to eternal life, and another whose fruit would burden humanity with the knowledge of evil.  The Bible ends with a city that has a river running through it, and on each side of the river stands the tree of life, yielding fruit every month, with leaves for the healing of nations.  At the center of the Bible, at the heart of this story, there is a single tree, a bare, cursed tree.  This tree bore no leaves, nor any fruit.  From its limbs hung our precious Lord and Savior, with nails through His hands and feet.  He was undoing the curse of the tree that brought the knowledge of evil, so that eventually all evil will be eradicated, all trees will bring forth pure blessings, and paradise will prevail for all eternity.

Can you see how this relates to the above diagram?

God's eternal purpose is to dwell with the people He created, with us.  This is what it means to say, "Thy Kingdom come."  It is all for our good and His glory: The dwelling of God with man.

During the time after the fall into sin, and before the triumph of the cross, God instituted the Law as a way for people to access and relate to Him by seeking forgiveness through sacrifice.  The Law explains what is good, what is righteous in the sight of God, what is beneficial for health and well-being.  The ceremonial parts of the Law provided pictures and symbols to illustrate what God would one day bring to pass in perfection, through His Messiah, Jesus Christ.  You can read more about that in my post called, Sin, the Promise, the Law and the Word of God.  God instituted the guidelines for worship through cleansing and sacrifices at the tabernacle (and later the temple), so that He could dwell in the midst of His people.

Of course, the cross of Christ is the focal point of all history.  Jesus became God in flesh, a mystery I don't know if we will ever be able to fully comprehend.  The Word became flesh and dwelt among us, (John 1:14).  Yes, Jesus dwelt on earth, among men.  Yet, constrained by space and time, Jesus could only minister to a limited number of people during His time here.  "I must go away, and you think you need to grieve this, but actually, it is better for you!" Jesus told His disciples right before He was crucified. "It is better for you if I go, because only then can the Holy Spirit come to you and live in you and be your constant helper and guide," (see John 14 and 16; I've very loosely paraphrased).  Only if Jesus went away could His Spirit come, transcending time and space to indwell all who will accept Him.

Jesus told the truth.  Jesus always tells the truth.  Jesus is, in fact, Truth.  So it happened just as He said.  He was crucified.  He gave up His Spirit, and the curtain in the temple tore in two from top to bottom.  The Holy of Holies no longer embodied the presence of God, as it had for so many centuries.

Through Jesus, God made a new way to relate to us, to dwell with us.  He sent His Spirit at Pentecost, to enter and indwell each believer, uniting us to form the body of Christ, the church.  "He raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus," (Ephesians 2:6).  Raised us.  Not "will raise us," but raised, already.  We are seated with Christ.  We are united with Him, now.  We are indwelt by the very Spirit of God.  We are indeed partakers of the divine nature (2 Peter 1:4), and, from the moment we ask Him to forgive our sins and make us His own, we are immortal.  We carry eternal Truth in our physical bodies.

I hope you are amazed as you read this.  I hope it takes your breath away.  This is the promise and the gift of God to us.  Think about it.  Take a minute and just stop and think: we are filled with the divine nature of God, the almighty power of God, and the immortal life of God.  If that doesn't encourage you, I don't know what will.

Anyway, I had all these thoughts in my head the other day, while I was reading the story of the Samaritan woman at the well, in John 4.  And, for the first time, I clearly understood what was going on in the conversation Jesus had with her.

First, they talked about Living Water, which is the Holy Spirit (compare John 4:10-14 with John 7:38-39).  Jesus told the woman that if she knew what He had to offer, she would ask for water that would bubble up in her to eternal life, and she would never thirst again.  He was promising the future to her.  He knew what He was on earth to accomplish.

Then the conversation took a strange turn, and Jesus brought up the uncomfortable issue of the lack of marital faithfulness in this woman's life.  Perhaps feeling awkward, she turned the conversation to a question about the law:  "So tell me, why is it that you Jews insist that Jerusalem is the only place of worship, while we Samaritans claim it is here at Mount Gerizim, where our ancestors worshipped?"

In essence, she was asking, "Where is the dwelling place of God?"

Jesus told her, "My dear woman, the time is coming when it will no longer matter whether you worship on this mountain or in Jerusalem..." (John 4:21).  I believe He said this because He knew she needed cleansing so she could fellowship with God, and He also knew that the temporary, imperfect cleansing of the ceremonial sacrifices were not the cleansing she needed, whether on an unholy mountain or at the temple in Jerusalem.  She needed the cleansing of Jesus' own precious blood, soon to be poured out on her behalf.  And she needed the indwelling power of the Holy Spirit, who would live in her and transform her into the holy image of God.  No longer would people need to figure out where to go to worship, because God was coming to dwell with us in a new way, through His Holy Spirit.

Jesus said, "The time is coming--indeed it's here now--when true worshippers will worship the Father in Spirit and in Truth.  The Father is looking for those who will worship Him in that way.  For God is Spirit, so those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and in Truth" (John 4:24).

Jesus knew that He stood at the fulcrum of all time, when the way for God to dwell with man would change fundamentally: God's Spirit now comes to indwell all who surrender to cleansing from sin by the sacrificial blood of Christ.  The Spirit of Jesus dwells in our hearts through faith: living water, quenching our thirst for righteousness.  "Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness; they shall be filled," (Matthew 5:6).

This is the guarantee and downpayment on our eternally glorious future inheritance in paradise, when we will dwell face-to-face in His unveiled presence forever.

Oh, Jesus.  How You understood Your mission and loved the people You came to save.  You spoke in mysteries that we can only begin to unravel.  Help us understand and appreciate what You have done for us, and what Your Spirit is doing in us.  Help us worship You in Spirit and in Truth.  Thank you for the incomprehensible grace of Your gift of Your Spirit, for giving Yourself to us.  How can You, Holy God, give Yourself to us?  And yet, You made us and You love us.  Thank you, Jesus.  Show us Your glory.

Unappealing stories

I have had The Portrait of a Lady for approximately 33 years, yet I cannot bring myself to finish it.

I have never been able to finish Where the Red Fern Grows, either.  And I've never even forced myself to start The Red Badge of Courage.

Some books are simply too terrible; I can't face them.  Tess of the d'Urbervilles was a similarly horrible story, but I did read that one.  I also read The Book Thief, but it left me depressed for weeks.

When a movie gets too sad, or too violent, or just too intense for me, I leave the room.  I check the laundry, take the dog out, wipe down the kitchen counters, floss my teeth, anything to center me in the real, seemingly-safe environment of my familiar home, and away from the turmoil.

Why do people like to watch sad, scary or gory things?  It makes no sense to me.  If we seek entertainment to escape, why not escape to something lovely?  Countrysides, mountains, blue sky over an ocean, lush flowers, kindness and grace.  Who would opt for a shoot out and a car chase that ends in a tangle of mangled metal?  Why?

Days come when I wish I could set down the story of my own family's life like a book, close it and walk away.  You can't escape your own real life, though.  It's always there waiting for you when you get home from the beach.

My heart is distressed within me,

and terrors of death come down on me.

Fear and trembling get hold of me

and horror overpowers me.

So I said, "Oh, had I the wings of a dove,

then I would fly away and be at rest.

Yes, then I would wander far away,

and lodge in the desert.

I would hasten to my place of refuge,

from this raging wind and storm."

~Psalm 55:4-8

Hard things can seem surreal, but they aren't.  It's the easy things; the perfect days are the fantasies.  Except, the perfect days can be gifts.

Actually, the hard things can be gifts, too.  It is humbling to admit and accept this.  It is hard to trust in His work when He uses suffering to produce character (Romans 5:3-4), and He makes His power perfect through our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).  It is hard, and it is humbling, but if we can submit to the process, we will find joy.

God has set eternity in our hearts (Ecclesiastes 3:11).  We long for paradise, but it isn't the right time yet.  Only God knows when He will deliver us into the New Heaven and the New Earth.  In the meantime, He is mercifully gathering more souls into His Kingdom.

For now, we walk by faith in His goodness.  We believe that He will accomplish His good purposes, and that there will be relief.

This world is not my home

I'm just a passin' through,

My treasures are laid up

somewhere beyond the blue.

The angels beckon me 

from heaven's open door,

and I can't feel at home 

in this world anymore.

Yet, He sustains us here and now with His Spirit, carrying us along, through the pain and the loss and the disappointment.  He gives us hope.  He strengthens us for each day.

He strengthens us, and we persevere.  We endure.  We hope and we trust.  We keep turning the pages and reading the story He writes, even when we don't relish it.

Because, where else would we go?  He has the words of eternal life (John 6:68).

Please remember me as I was at the beach

This sweet child

(she'll always be my child)

kindly took pictures of Shawn and me while we were at the beach. When I take the pictures, I'm not in them.  She made sure there was proof I was there.  Since this blog is, "Memoirs for my children," I'd like to assemble a beach post for my children to remember us by in years to come.  (I'm always wishing for more pictures of my own parents, so perhaps my children will like these shots of their mom and dad.)

When we lived in New York, one summer I returned from the beach and an acquaintance told me, "Wow.  You seem so much more relaxed, and happier.  Maybe you should move there."  

Honestly, I wasn't sure quite how to take her words, although I'll own that the northeast was generally hard on my psyche.  Anyway, I am content at the beach, and relaxed, except when sharks surface.

As years pass, I hope my family will remember us the way we were at the beach.

Smiling

Leaning

Sun kissed

Walking

Lingering

Wet-footed

Sandy-toed

Windswept

Feeling

Laughing

Appreciating

Loving

The beach in July

We went to the beach again.

It's so strange, when everything has changed, 

to go somewhere you used to go in the past,

and be with people who were with you in the past,

though not all of them,

yet the ones who are there were yours

--most of them--

even if now you rarely get to see them,

but there they are

--for a spell--

in this beautiful and oddly familiar place

of memories.

First sight of the ocean from the boardwalk 

never fails to thrill.

Men grilling steak 

over charcoal

under a house.

  

The dunes behind us.

The waves in front of us.

A day at the beach.

We saw multitudes of pelicans.

While we swam in the ocean, they glided so close

we could practically count their feathers.

Once a flock of fifty flew overhead.

It was a veritable festival of pelicans.

Two beloved daughters and a dad and a mom.

A wife and a husband.

The sisters, doing a hornpipe.

Clowning around.

Joy