I am far too old for this.
For Lent, I gave up Facebook. I love doing that, because it really helps me blog. Somehow, Facebook has a way of sucking up all my blogging time. I think, "I will just go there for a moment, check my notifications and leave, you know?" And then I never do. Leave, I mean. Facebook has sucked an obscene amount of my life away.
And yet, I feel that Facebook is somehow less narcissistic than blogging. On Facebook I can say hi to people who live far away. I can wish people a happy birthday and maybe even encourage someone who is going through something I've gone through. I can learn about prayer requests, pray for people, and let my friends know when I am praying for them.
On Blogger, I just write, because writing is what I love to do. Once long ago, I was pretty good at writing. Looking back at some of my old work makes me feel like the character in "Flowers for Algernon." Seriously. I used words that I don't even know anymore.
Lately, the stories I want to tell and the ideas I want to explore are just too big. I am so tired. I just get more tired every day. Sometimes I pray and say, "Jesus, if I die, that's OK. I'm OK with whatever. If I don't see my children married and my grandchildren born, it's all OK. I love you, Jesus." This is not so much because I hurt or feel sick, just because my energy is seeping away and I can't imagine how long I can go on like this. So tired. I wonder whether I will die before I go bald, or go bald before I die. Part of what makes me so tired is trying to clean up after all the hairs that incessantly fall off my head.
Today I scrubbed the tub and showers. I used to do this once a week, or once every-other week, at least. Then it fell to more like once a month (thank goodness we'd installed a water softener by then, and the scum wasn't building up much). This last time, I think it went something like two months. My back and neck went out in March, and I've been waiting and waiting to improve, for my left arm to stop aching. Yesterday I looked at the condition of the bathrooms, and I decided that aching arm or not, it must be done. So I did it. When DJ comes home from campus and asks me what I did today, I can tell him that I scrubbed the tub and showers.
I also did laundry and started a corned beef. I did not, however, make it to the store, and we are out of a few things. On the bright side, we have corned beef, and we will eat tonight.
Yesterday I bought bananas at the store and they punched the code in all wrong. They charged me for "sno pea leaf" which (whatever it is) costs $5.99 per pound. Bananas are 44 cents per pound. What should have cost me $2.04 came to $27.73. So, besides getting some things we are out of (most traumatically, puppy treats), I need to go get my $25 back from the wrong charges. Oh joy.
Well, this was a whiny one, eh? Just imagine how bad it would have been had I written it in a private notebook and not in a public forum.
The lemons are wizening up in the fruit bowl. Ice has been spitting down from on high at random intervals all day, pelting the poor little spring leaves and blossoms. I need to send back our Netflick. I bought a van yesterday.
Oh yes, I bought a van. My husband is proud of me. I am still second-guessing the whole thing. My husband is in Baltimore for the week, which is why I had to buy the van. I used to be so frightened when he traveled. Funny how things change when you have two great big sons living with you.. two great, big, tall, muscular sons who love your cooking.
This is Jon, last year at the beach. You can see his muscles here, but not how tall he is. He is 6'4". He has a black belt in karate.
This is DJ recovering on the floor of the dining room after a massive intake of turkey last Thanksgiving. He is 6'1", 190 pounds, and he lifts weights nearly every day. Although he did not dress for dinner, I love him very much.