Undeserved forgiveness

Forgiveness is the heart of true Christianity.

Forgiveness is the remedy for sin, which is the core of all the trouble in the Universe.

We cannot survive if we do not receive and extend forgiveness.

Forgiveness is absolutely essential.

Given the importance of forgiveness, we need to have an accurate understanding of what it is, and what it is not.

Forgiveness is a gracious response to a wrong.  Forgiveness is what you do when someone sins against you, and you respond with grace rather than vengeance.  Forgiveness is what you receive when you sin against someone, and the person chooses to give you grace rather than punishing you.

Grace--by definition--is not deserved.  Therefore, forgiveness is not deserved.  Nobody deserves to be forgiven.  You cannot earn forgiveness; you can only accept it.  You should never try to demand forgiveness, because that would deface its very nature.  If you need to be forgiven, but the person you wronged struggles to forgive you, you must wait patiently and pray for the person to heal from the hurt you caused.  Tender wounds get in the way of forgiveness, and if you caused the wound, you must not then compound the problem by condemning your victim for not immediately forgiving and forgetting.

Christians, in particular, can have a hard time with this.  Jesus commanded us to forgive.  Forgiveness is absolutely essential.  Yet, as we consider this, we must only apply it to ourselves:  I must forgive.  I must not demand that others forgive me.  Jesus did not command forgiveness so that I could go to someone I've hurt and say, "You have to forgive me.  Jesus said so."

At the same time, it is much better for people to forgive.  If you hurt someone, and that person cannot seem to forgive you, it is a compassionate thing to pray and ask God to help that person find the freedom of forgiveness.  If you can do it humbly, and in the interest of the other person, it can be good to pray for God to help someone forgive you.

When we sin, we need to feel the weight of our sin and be sorry from the depths of our hearts.  We need to examine what we did and consider the effects.  We need to honestly assess the damage we caused.  We need to imagine the way others felt in the wake of our behavior.  When we sin, we should experience sorrow over what we have broken, be it a dish, a promise, or a heart.

If the person against whom we sinned needs time to heal and recover, we must be patient.  We should try to help the healing process in any way we can.  We should ask what we can do to improve the situation.  Understanding how deeply we have hurt someone should lead us to prayer and acts of compassion, not impatience and judgment.

We also need to understand that forgiveness does not mean that what happened was okay, or that it doesn't matter.  Both the forgiver and the offender need to understand this.  Forgiveness would not be required if what happened was no big deal.  Forgiveness is when we radically give up our right to shame someone for hurting us, and say, "I do not like what you did, but I will absorb the consequences, trusting God to work for good, and hope that by grace you will be able to do better in the future." 

And when we receive forgiveness, we should receive it humbly, recognizing and acknowledging that we do not deserve it, that we could never deserve it.  We should receive forgiveness with gratitude and thanksgiving, with a heart that says, "I don't know how you can forgive me, but thank you."

This, after all, is what we say to the Lord who, while we were yet sinners, died to obtain forgiveness for us.  The human forgiveness process is to be patterned after God's forgiveness process.

Be kind to one another,

tenderhearted,

forgiving one another,

as God in Christ forgave you.

~Ephesians 4:32