listening well

With the new year coming tomorrow, I found myself perusing my blog a bit in contemplation, looking back over the path I've trodden.

My word for the year has been Abide.  It was the perfect word for this year.  With Covid quarantining and sheltering at home, a focus on abiding brought peace and comfort.  Even the concept of sheltering at home becomes different and beautiful when I realize that Christ is my home, and I take shelter in Him (Psalm 57:1).

Today, meandering through past posts, I came across this one, which is about abiding, but I never would have remembered by the title.  It is astonishing to me that way back in 2015, God was already teaching me about sanctification through His indwelling Holy Spirit, being transformed into His likeness from one degree of glory to another by Him, His power, His presence.  It is always astonishing to me when I see a record of what I was learning years before I learned it again on a deeper level.  His grace is astounding.  He truly has been my dwelling place throughout all the decades of my life, when I have been aware of Him and, even more unfathomably, when I have not.

I do not think I can give up the word Abide in 2021.  I still need it desperately.  Yet, I feel led to connect my abiding with listening.  

Listen.  It seems a good word, important, and with potential to instigate growth in humility.  The past couple of days, I've been looking for my new verse-of-the-year to go with Listen.  Presently, I'm considering Mark 9:7, or a repeat of James 1:19.

I've been thinking about listening, what it is and what it does:

Listening is being still, and opening yourself to someone else.

When you truly listen, you stop thinking your own thoughts, and absorb the thoughts of others.

You allow yourself to consider their perspective, 

or perhaps you push yourself to do this, force yourself.

Good listening is hard work, until someone has practiced for a long time.

You do not have to agree with the people you listen to, 

condone their opinions, or celebrate their choices,

but you do have to hear, consider, imagine what it is like to be them.

If you think you are listening, but you are not trying to understand,

then you are only hearing sounds.

Listening well is listening for the heart, 

being eager to discover what the other person wants me to understand.

A good listener uses both ears 

and both eyes, 

as well as heart and gut.

It is scary for me to look deep into people's eyes, but I will need to 

as I strive to listen better.

I can also watch people's bodies, 

the tilt of a shoulder towards or away, the angle of a head up or down, a jawline loose or clamped.

Are hands open, active, reaching out?  Tightly clasped or wringing?  

Arms circled protectively around a threatened body?

What is behind the loudness or softness of a voice?

A good listener looks behind everything, gently, kindly probing to bring out the truth.

A good listener asks questions to clarify what she thinks she understands, 

and she is willing to change her understanding as information unfolds.

A good listener never reverts to pinning a speaker to the wall because of specific words he spoke,

placing the importance of a moment's phrase above the intent of the heart.  Never.

A good listener believes that winning is understanding and mutual benefit;

the other kind of "winning", where someone beats someone else, where there is a loser...

in relationships, that is not winning at all.

A good listener works hard to draw out;

when a speaker is reticent, frightened, overwhelmed,

a good listener asks pump-priming questions,

and keeps going.  A good listener does not quickly give up on a conversation

or pridefully assume that she tried and gave her all, but the other person was not cooperative,

especially if the other person is simply quiet and slow to speak.

A good listener prays for the Spirit of God to help her as she listens, 

to help her not be afraid to let go of forming a rebuttal,

to help her hear, empathize, enter in to the other's experience,

consider the validity of the other point of view.

A good listener knows that she is as fallen and fallible as anyone,

so when she sometimes hears things that she knows are a result

of someone being deceived by the spiritual forces of evil,

she responds by remembering her own failings,

and how utterly hopeless and lost she would be without the grace of God.

When one becomes a truly great listener,

compassion will always trump anger, 

and each exchange will communicate hope.

Relationships will heal over time, with good listening.

Listening to God is the best listening of all,

and a healthy relationship with Him

will breathe grace into all other relationships.

Are you as astonished as I, to think about how 

God listens attentively to our prayers?