The inclination of a heart

I am trying to figure out what to do with whatever might be left of my life.

I've never been outgoing or had an easy time making conversation with people, so the traditional adage of the church, that we need to go out and share Jesus with others, is something I've never effectively done.  Or maybe, if I'm honest, it's simply something I haven't done, effectively or not.  Yet, Jesus is the Savior of the world, our only hope for release from the curse of destruction.  I must speak.

I would be lost without Jesus, and without hope.  I would not be able to find any point to anything.  I long for home, which I have finally come to understand is heaven, although I have spent, literally, decades of my life pining to live in geographical proximity to family members.  Now I finally know that home is not here.  It's in the hereafter.  This frightens me, because it will be utterly different from anything I have ever known.  Yet, I try to hold and believe the promises of God, that this is the fulfillment of all I have ever desired and the healing from all I have ever suffered.

I fear because I am not good at loving people.  I am scared of people.  From the time I was a small child, I have been afraid of people, and have experienced them as much more hurtful than trustworthy.  But God tells us that we are to love our neighbors as ourselves.  I do try, but I am incredibly bad at being loving.  I am selfish and self-protective, and above almost all else, I do not want to experience pain.  By the grace of God, I do not have impulses to hurt people.  This is not to say that I don't hurt people.  I do.  But it is usually by mistake.  I try very hard to be kind and safe.  Yet, I still find myself doing hurtful things, even if they are by accident, or accidental collateral damage that comes from my self-protective nature, or the explosive chaos that breaks out of a panic attack.

I am afraid of what selfishness may be exposed in my nature as this virus bears down on us.  May God forgive me, and help me to be loving.

God is good, although His ways are often inscrutable.  I do not know why He allows fallible people to try to act on His behalf in bringing the news of His grace to the world.  I do not know why He allows wolves to get in among His flocks in disguise, and savage His sheep.  I do not know many things.  But I do know that the world is irreparably broken, and Jesus is our only hope of rescue, and He promises that if we cling to Him, it will be better, so much better, a weight of glory beyond all comparison.

I think God might save more people than we expect, and perhaps different people than whom we expect.  (C.S. Lewis said that, in better words.)  In my own words, I think it depends only on the inclination of the heart.  Is your heart inclined towards Jesus, or away from Him?

A long line stretches from sin, at one end, to righteousness, at the other.  What I'm saying--about the inclination of your heart--is that it doesn't matter where you fall on the line, how close to the righteous end, or how close to the sin end, at any given time.  What matters is the direction you are heading.

"Whosoever will may come."  All who long for Jesus and look to Him--agreeing with Him and admitting our desperate need--will be saved, only held accountable for whatever revelation of God we have been given (Romans 2).  But even the most apparently "righteous" person, if he looks away from Jesus, will be lost.   Everyone will be held accountable for what he does with whatever revelation he has received, but only God can be the judge of that, for some "revelation" comes through such flawed sources that it is distorted to a point where Satan's deception makes it impossible for the listener to receive.  Only God can be the judge, but if He knows that you know the truth about Jesus and relentlessly reject it, that is the sin that will condemn you.  The ultimate sin is when you say in your heart, "I know who you are, God, and what Jesus did for me, and I don't care.  I don't want any part of you.  I want my own way."  For any other attitude, I believe the Lord has grace.  His great desire, His passion, is for the salvation of all people.

There may be more people seeking God than some of us realize.  Although they may not be able to name Jesus, they will know in their hearts the value of humility, kindness and compassion, His righteous example.  When they meet Him, they will not turn away in pride, but will run with open arms to the one they have always longed to know.  They will realize that the voice inside their hearts, exhorting them to goodness, was never their own, and always His; His call.

Jesus taught that true, effective righteousness is love.  He explained that to keep the Law and the prophets, you need to love God with all your heart, soul and mind, and love your neighbor as yourself.  Righteousness is worked out in love.  Love is humility, humbly counting others as more significant than ourselves and seeking others' interests rather than our own, but truly seeking their best interests, not just indulging their desires (which could be quite detrimental for all parties).  

The opposite of righteousness is sin.

The opposite of love is selfishness.

The opposite of humility is pride.  

So, if you go back to imagining the line, you see that sin, selfishness and pride are at one end, and humility, love and righteousness are at the other.  

RIGHTEOUSNESS

SIN

LOVE                                                       <------->-------->--------<----------<-------->

SELFISHNESS

HUMILITY

PRIDE

The direction in which we incline is the factor that determines our standing for eternity.

Satan loves to deceive us in regard to pride, because that is the easiest way for him to trick us.  There is a truly distressing amount of pride in the world, and it doesn't usually look the way we think it would.  It is forever creeping up on me.  The moment we experience a bit of victory over sin, the temptation to pride becomes an imminent threat.  I'm so thankful that God is merciful.  We must always remember that everything good is only ever from Him, never from any other source.

I pray we can find joy and gratitude and peace as we wait out these days, wondering what is to come.  I pray that time in quarantine in our homes will lead us to consider, and then to speak with God, to examine our hearts and our ways under His light.

Seek the Lord while He may be found

call upon Him while He is near.

Let the wicked forsake their ways

and the unrighteous their thoughts.

Let them turn to the Lord, 

and He will have mercy on them,

and to our God, for He will freely pardon.

Isaiah 55:6-7