wondering

Laura took this picture of my feet when we were at Cross lake with the Hills yesterday.

Looking at it makes me wonder...

When I die, will anybody miss my ugly little toe or my blue spider veins? How about the awkward fold in the flesh at my waist, my scrawny neck or the bags beneath my eyes?

To feel loved, really truly and completely loved, is to feel that there is someone who knows every detail about you, the delightful ones and the embarrassing ones, the physical, the emotional, the mental. Someone is familiar with every fact about you, from the random trivia you have memorized to the deepest unspoken dreams of your heart, from the shape of your face to the little brown mole on the back of your upper thigh to your favorite black silk and cotton sweater. And in the end, that same someone loves you regardless of and because of every idiosyncrasy that belongs to your being.

God loves us like that. He really does. This is so amazing.

If we can begin to love someone like that, we are emulating the Father's love. A worthy goal.

the week

This post will be about this week, which is pretty lame, because last week was a lot more interesting. But this week is freshest in my mind. I think.

Last week we went to the DCI (Drum Corps International) show in Allentown, PA, where we met my brother, sister-in-law and niece and watched my nephew drum on the quads with Phantom Regiment, his drum line, which won first place in the national finals last year, but only ended up coming in eighth this year. Nevertheless, Paul, Alison and Esther came home with us and we had a grand time hiking in Fillmore Glen State Park, swimming in our pool, eating and generally relaxing and having fun.


(us hiking at Fillmore Glen)

This week started with dinner out with our good friends, Ann and Walter. Monday may not be the most common night to go out for dinner with friends, but it worked. We hadn't seen each other for a long time and had a lot of catching up to do, so much that the restaurant closed and they set up all the tables around us, vigorously wiping off the table at the booth adjoining ours, so as to shake the back of our seats, and then they flickered the TV screens, at which point we realized that it was imperative that we leave.

We went to Walter and Ann's house and talked until nearly midnight. Ann kept asking me if I had a headache, which I didn't, but I was apparently rubbing my head.

So began a four day stretch of headache. Imitrex didn't kill it. I've rotated Imitrex, Tylenol, and Aleve (that was the most successful).

Tuesday I had an orthodontic adjustment, which did not help the head.

Wednesday I drove to SUNY-Geneseo for a college visit with Laura and her friend Aubree. It was a beautiful day, very nice college, gorgeous campus, positive experience... except that I got a throbbing, gooey-eyed, hurts-to-breath kind of headache on the way home. It was scary, and made the level of headache leading up to it seem like confetti (as opposed to, say, cement blocks).

That headache hung on with great force through Thursday and Friday, despite drugs and attempts at rest. Shawn finally turned the A/C on full force Wednesday night because I was in such agony. Usually we keep the A/C on 78 during the day and turn it off and run fans in the windows at night, but we turned the A/C to 75 during the day and 73 at night to try to alleviate some of my miserable discomfort. On Friday, Laura said, "The air conditioner sure seems to be working well, lately." Amazing the difference a three degree setting can make. I wonder what the difference in the utility bill will be. I'm thankful Shawn was willing to spend the money.

Thursday I interviewed for a job as a reading tutor to underprivileged children. I had a headache. Also, just that morning I had learned that my Aunt Joy passed away on Monday. I thought the interview went OK, but Laura, who kindly drove me there because of my headache, asked me what was the matter when I came out. I did not think anything was particularly the matter, but apparently I was pretty droopy, so I don't hold out great hopes for that job at this point.

Yesterday I drove to and from Syracuse University (well, actually the Veteran's Hospital next to SU) repeatedly and by every route known to mankind, and DJ who just got qualified to volunteer at the VA Hospital, finished his qualification process and was awarded a certificate and a pizza lunch (in honor of all hospital volunteers) on the very same day. Also, I took Jon around to sell ads for his marching band. The headache rose again to epic proportions. I spent the afternoon floating on an inflated vinyl lounge chair in our pool, which was relaxing, but the sun on my face didn't do anything for the pain behind my eyes.

Today I woke up headache free. I'm not sure how long it will last, but I'm truly grateful.

It's really hard to think when you have a headache. Hard to read, hard to be on the computer (I haven't much), hard to do anything. Hard to keep up with Bible study.

I've discovered that if you can laugh, find humor anywhere, lighten the mood, it helps. If you can swing it, it is good medicine. Pain tends to put you into a bad mood, but if you can separate the mood from the pain and improve the mood, it sometimes helps the pain. Now that I know this, I'm responsible to do it... augh. I hope I can live up to it.

Funny story. This morning I was eating cornflakes, not sure why; I very rarely eat cornflakes (except on amazingly bad days). They tasted stale to me. After I finished the bowl, I got curious and looked for the sell-by date on the box. It was 10-23-06. Did I mention that I very rarely eat cornflakes? Clearly I was not exaggerating.