Sad

We've had a wonderful summer. Really. The weather has been beautiful, the pool has been delightful, the food has been good.

Laura went to Disney World for a full week. Jon went to two camps. DJ did a job shadowing program at the hospital and earned a fair bit of money playing his saxophone around town. Shannon had a stable job and good income over the summer--a true blessing for a college student. And we had a great family vacation to Texas.

But today we had a disappointment. Funny how one unexpected punch to your gut can seemingly wipe out the happy effects of a whole summer. It was a major disappointment for one of the kids--a life-altering one, to be fair, although one tries not to think about it that way. God is in control, and if a life has been altered, a door closed slightly, it is in His divine hands.

I wish I were not teaching Job this fall. I do not feel up for this. I don't feel strong enough to learn first hand the things I am going to have to teach.

I feel so bad for my child. I should be strong, positive, stiff-upper-lip and put-on-a-happy-face and all that. But I stink at self-control. Try as I might, I keep crying... about everything, because nobody is yet ready to talk about what has happened, and I am not going to be the one to bring it up prematurely. I may not be able to control the way sadness lurches up my throat and spills out my eyes, but at least I can control what I talk about.

In a way it is not such a big deal, but then again in another way it is huge. I pray for wisdom in what I will say when the time comes--not to make a mountain out of a molehill, but also not to belittle an event that will undoubtedly have an effect on the next step in someone's life.

In the meantime, there are things to be celebrated. It is Jonno's thirteenth birthday today. I am making a three-layer chocolate mocha cake with chocolate-mocha-cream cheese frosting, and so far so good. I will wrap his presents. I will wash my face and smile, and it will be OK.

God is in control. Psalm 57:2--"I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills His purpose for me..." (and my children).