Tuesday, August 27, 2013

7 steps to REALLY BEAUTIFUL looking skin.

At the tender age of 47, I have finally discovered the secret to having skin that looks gorgeous and flawless.

(1)  Buy a house in another state that you have never looked at (the house, not the state... you know what I mean).

(2)  Walk through the house on the day you are closing, and discover that you do not want your master bedroom and bathroom to be painted the color green that they are painted.

(3)  Decide to have the rooms repainted in Silver Gray, a Benjamin Moore color.

(4)  Realize, while planning the painting project that (a) you do not care for the light fixture in the bathroom, and (b) the large mirror over the vanity is corroding along its bottom, and also it does not offer any storage.  Ask the painters to remove the light and the mirror, and to dispose of them before they paint.

(5)  Move into the house, but do not replace the mirror for a week or two.  However, and this is the real key: do not replace the light fixture at all.  You may set a lamp on the vanity to help you find your toothbrush at bedtime, but leave the wires hanging out of the wall, and do not put up any vanity lights over any mirrors.

(6)  The dimly lighted vanity mirrors will (trust me) make your skin look more beautiful, fresh, silky and smooth than it has ever looked in your life.  Who needs airbrushing?

(7)  To make it even better, start to lose your vision on your 45th birthday, so that by the time you are 47, you have a desperate need for reading glasses in order to make out anything within four feet of your face.  And do not ever wear your glasses in your bathroom.  Combine severe farsightedness with no overhead vanity lighting in your bathroom: it's sure to put an end to any wrinkle, blemish or patch that ever appeared on your face.



Shannon said...

hahahahahahaha oh mom I thought this was going to be a series that had raw honey in it (mine is lovely and crystallized and scrubby now, and it's my favorite thing that I've ever washed my face with), but this is so much better. you're gonna get this house up to speed, don't you worry!

AmyC65 said...

A fixer-upper is precisely what you need when moving to a town where you know no one & have emptied your nest all at once. Lots of projects to do! To keep your mind occupied.

ruth said...

Yes, raw honey is the bomb. I've currently been using a mask of Australian blue clay mixed into raw honey with a few drops of tea tree oil. So maybe my skin would even look nice if I had lighting and eyesight... :)

Amy-- the thing is, I don't know who to call to do work for me anymore!