A wise woman once told me... "All jobs can be divided into two types: those which require that you shower before you go to work, and those which require that you shower as soon as you get home."
House-guests can also be divided into two types: those for whom you clean before they come, and those who necessitate that you clean after they leave. I could have saved myself much angst if I had realized years ago that Early Childhood Birthday Parties fall into the latter category.
And then there is my friend Marie who, when she used to come over, would tidy my kitchen so nicely that when she left it was in much finer order than I ever could have attained before she came, no matter how hard I tried. She moved to Michigan, which is a shame.
Monday, June 11, 2012
Weather reports
I could check the weather at any time on the internet.
When I was young and growing up in a small town that lay just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota, my mother played WCCO most of the day long. We heard the weather numerous times each hour, plus a recap of the actual high and low at the end of the day. There is no station in the Syracuse area that gives you that kind of weather information. I suppose Minnesota had more farmers who cared about the meteorological details.
But, since we now have the internet, I could check the weather at any time.
I don't.
This is how I keep track of the weather:
I keep coconut oil in a recycled glass jar in my bathroom. It is a fabulous moisturizer. Each morning as I moisturize, I get a read on what the weather is going to bring me that day.
If the coconut oil is hard and white, I have to use my fingernails to dig out chips of it and warm it in my palm before spreading it on my skin... then I know I should wear a few layers of clothing and a warm-but-stylish scarf around my neck.
If the coconut oil is thick and creamy, it's going to be a gorgeous day! (My heart sings when I open the jar and find it all soft and swirly...)
If the coconut oil has melted down to a clear liquid, it's time to turn on the air-conditioning.
If my body aches and twitches, there will be precipitation.
I usually realize this after the fact, as in, "Wow, look at that rain come down! I should have known... my legs were driving me crazy last night."
I have faith that some day I will begin to put this information to use before the fact.
As long as I have coconut oil and legs, I guess I don't need the internet. Not for weather reports, anyhow.
When I was young and growing up in a small town that lay just outside of Minneapolis, Minnesota, my mother played WCCO most of the day long. We heard the weather numerous times each hour, plus a recap of the actual high and low at the end of the day. There is no station in the Syracuse area that gives you that kind of weather information. I suppose Minnesota had more farmers who cared about the meteorological details.
But, since we now have the internet, I could check the weather at any time.
I don't.
This is how I keep track of the weather:
(1) My coconut oil.
I keep coconut oil in a recycled glass jar in my bathroom. It is a fabulous moisturizer. Each morning as I moisturize, I get a read on what the weather is going to bring me that day.
If the coconut oil is hard and white, I have to use my fingernails to dig out chips of it and warm it in my palm before spreading it on my skin... then I know I should wear a few layers of clothing and a warm-but-stylish scarf around my neck.
If the coconut oil is thick and creamy, it's going to be a gorgeous day! (My heart sings when I open the jar and find it all soft and swirly...)
If the coconut oil has melted down to a clear liquid, it's time to turn on the air-conditioning.
(2) My legs (and other joints and muscles).
If my body aches and twitches, there will be precipitation.
I usually realize this after the fact, as in, "Wow, look at that rain come down! I should have known... my legs were driving me crazy last night."
I have faith that some day I will begin to put this information to use before the fact.
(There are three legs in the foreground of this picture,
and the hairy one belongs to my husband.)
and the hairy one belongs to my husband.)
As long as I have coconut oil and legs, I guess I don't need the internet. Not for weather reports, anyhow.
Monday, June 4, 2012
Giving Criticism--5 questions to ask yourself
This is a difficult post to write. It's a sequel to a post I wrote about taking criticism, which was also difficult, but not nearly as difficult as this.
I am not an expert on giving criticism. Actually, I am probably worse at it than anyone. I think I usually give it when I should not, and I withhold it when I should speak up.
But the fact remains, we all give criticism all the time. Even people who say, "You shouldn't criticize me!" are offering a type of criticism: criticism of the people who criticized them.
Since we criticize, often unconsciously, all the time, I think it is worth examining the phenomenon so that we can recognize it and make strides towards improving how we handle it.
Here is a list of 5 questions to ask yourself when you think you feel compelled to give criticism:
(1) Why do I feel compelled to confront this issue?
Is it because I am annoyed? If so, I would be wise to slow down, think it through, pray about it, and perhaps not say anything. Personal annoyance is rarely a credible reason for confronting someone.
Is it because I fear that the person will do himself harm? If so, there may be cause to confront. But be honest! Often we hide our personal pride in quasi-concern for others. Perhaps we fear how something our spouse or our children do will reflect on us.
Is it because I fear for the welfare of a third party, or third parties? If so, there may be good reason to take action, but the best action might not be the first one that comes to mind. People whose behaviors affect others are often the most angry and defensive because they feel publicly humiliated. Keep in mind, too, that you may not know the whole story and might be prone to misinterpret. Be careful!!
Is it because I am suffering hurt? We must be aware that the line between annoyance and hurt is very thin. We must take the utmost care to avoid being selfish. Sometimes we feel that an issue drives a wedge in the relationship we have with someone. If so, we must carefully consider whether our method of confronting the issue will help to remove the wedge, or whether it will drive the wedge deeper. It often requires great wisdom to discern the difference.
(2) Have I taken the log out of my own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
Often the things that bother us most in others are the things we fail at most ourselves. We must make sure that we are not being hypocrites by condemning in others the very faults with which we ourselves are beset.
At the same time (if we are honest and humble) if we do suffer from the same failures and temptations, it provides an opportunity to confront with sympathy rather than condemnation. We can share stories of personal failures that later turned into triumphs, and perhaps encourage someone more than we had ever imagined. This requires transparency and vulnerability, and the ability to talk openly about our own past shortcomings.
(3) Am I the right person to address this?
Sometimes we see something happen, something we perceive as a wrong, and we rush in to "right" it... where angels fear to tread, as the saying goes.
Sometimes it would be better left for someone else to handle.
One way to figure out whether you are the right person to address an issue: Assess your relationship with the other party. Has God put you in a position of authority over this person? Do you share a fairly close, trusting relationship? If not, is there someone else who is in authority or who does have a close relationship, whose life also overlaps into this issue?
If you have no authority, and you are not particularly close to someone, and if others exist who meet these criteria, then often it is best to wait and pray. Let God move the heart of His chosen instrument. On the other hand, if you are the only person around to confront something, sometimes you have to do it, whether you want to or not. Ask God for clear leading.
Ironically, often the more you desire to confront an issue, the more likely it is that you probably should not. And the more you dread confronting, the more likely it is that you actually ought to. Often. Not always.
(4) Can I do this in love?
We are supposed to speak the truth in love, with a loving motivation for the other person's best interest. It's all about restoration, about helping another person get back on the right path, back into a healthy relationship. It's not about humiliating or punishing someone.
We need to ask ourselves, in brutal honesty, Bibles open and hearts lifted to God in prayer, whether we are motivated by love or revenge.
If you can't do it in love, filled with compassion and hoping for a good result, then you probably ought not do it at all.
But if you can approach the person in love, honesty, transparency and (very important) privacy... God may use your words in a powerful way for good.
(5) Is there a point to confronting this?
The Bible is full of warnings against reproving a scoffer and casting your pearls before swine.
If there is little to no chance of a favorable outcome, you should probably save your breath. Apply your energy in a more productive direction.
Pointing out the error of someone's ways is not something you do to prove that you are a wise, discerning person with a burning need to exhibit your finely developed sense of justice. You do it to save a brother or sister (Galatians 6:1-2, James 5:19-20). Unless you have hope that your words can effect a positive outcome, you should not speak them.
If people only ever criticized while believing that there is great hope for good, it might drastically change how people receive criticism. Put yourself in the position of the person being criticized: how would you feel when someone criticized you if you knew that he was only confronting you because he had faith in your potential? What if being criticized meant that someone was confident that you could receive correction and benefit from it? It's an interesting thing to ponder, and makes one think of Hebrews 12:5-11.
I am not an expert on giving criticism. Actually, I am probably worse at it than anyone. I think I usually give it when I should not, and I withhold it when I should speak up.
But the fact remains, we all give criticism all the time. Even people who say, "You shouldn't criticize me!" are offering a type of criticism: criticism of the people who criticized them.
Since we criticize, often unconsciously, all the time, I think it is worth examining the phenomenon so that we can recognize it and make strides towards improving how we handle it.
Here is a list of 5 questions to ask yourself when you think you feel compelled to give criticism:
(1) Why do I feel compelled to confront this issue?
Is it because I am annoyed? If so, I would be wise to slow down, think it through, pray about it, and perhaps not say anything. Personal annoyance is rarely a credible reason for confronting someone.
Is it because I fear that the person will do himself harm? If so, there may be cause to confront. But be honest! Often we hide our personal pride in quasi-concern for others. Perhaps we fear how something our spouse or our children do will reflect on us.
Is it because I fear for the welfare of a third party, or third parties? If so, there may be good reason to take action, but the best action might not be the first one that comes to mind. People whose behaviors affect others are often the most angry and defensive because they feel publicly humiliated. Keep in mind, too, that you may not know the whole story and might be prone to misinterpret. Be careful!!
Is it because I am suffering hurt? We must be aware that the line between annoyance and hurt is very thin. We must take the utmost care to avoid being selfish. Sometimes we feel that an issue drives a wedge in the relationship we have with someone. If so, we must carefully consider whether our method of confronting the issue will help to remove the wedge, or whether it will drive the wedge deeper. It often requires great wisdom to discern the difference.
(2) Have I taken the log out of my own eye? (Matthew 7:3)
Often the things that bother us most in others are the things we fail at most ourselves. We must make sure that we are not being hypocrites by condemning in others the very faults with which we ourselves are beset.
At the same time (if we are honest and humble) if we do suffer from the same failures and temptations, it provides an opportunity to confront with sympathy rather than condemnation. We can share stories of personal failures that later turned into triumphs, and perhaps encourage someone more than we had ever imagined. This requires transparency and vulnerability, and the ability to talk openly about our own past shortcomings.
(3) Am I the right person to address this?
Sometimes we see something happen, something we perceive as a wrong, and we rush in to "right" it... where angels fear to tread, as the saying goes.
Sometimes it would be better left for someone else to handle.
One way to figure out whether you are the right person to address an issue: Assess your relationship with the other party. Has God put you in a position of authority over this person? Do you share a fairly close, trusting relationship? If not, is there someone else who is in authority or who does have a close relationship, whose life also overlaps into this issue?
If you have no authority, and you are not particularly close to someone, and if others exist who meet these criteria, then often it is best to wait and pray. Let God move the heart of His chosen instrument. On the other hand, if you are the only person around to confront something, sometimes you have to do it, whether you want to or not. Ask God for clear leading.
Ironically, often the more you desire to confront an issue, the more likely it is that you probably should not. And the more you dread confronting, the more likely it is that you actually ought to. Often. Not always.
(4) Can I do this in love?
We are supposed to speak the truth in love, with a loving motivation for the other person's best interest. It's all about restoration, about helping another person get back on the right path, back into a healthy relationship. It's not about humiliating or punishing someone.
We need to ask ourselves, in brutal honesty, Bibles open and hearts lifted to God in prayer, whether we are motivated by love or revenge.
If you can't do it in love, filled with compassion and hoping for a good result, then you probably ought not do it at all.
But if you can approach the person in love, honesty, transparency and (very important) privacy... God may use your words in a powerful way for good.
(5) Is there a point to confronting this?
The Bible is full of warnings against reproving a scoffer and casting your pearls before swine.
If there is little to no chance of a favorable outcome, you should probably save your breath. Apply your energy in a more productive direction.
Pointing out the error of someone's ways is not something you do to prove that you are a wise, discerning person with a burning need to exhibit your finely developed sense of justice. You do it to save a brother or sister (Galatians 6:1-2, James 5:19-20). Unless you have hope that your words can effect a positive outcome, you should not speak them.
If people only ever criticized while believing that there is great hope for good, it might drastically change how people receive criticism. Put yourself in the position of the person being criticized: how would you feel when someone criticized you if you knew that he was only confronting you because he had faith in your potential? What if being criticized meant that someone was confident that you could receive correction and benefit from it? It's an interesting thing to ponder, and makes one think of Hebrews 12:5-11.
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes,
but a wise man listens to advice.
Proverbs 12:15(ESV)
Friday, June 1, 2012
Happy June
I didn't do so well blogging in May.
I wrote a post called "Taking Criticism." I sort of alluded to the idea of writing a companion post called "Giving Criticism." I can't get excited about writing it, though.
We give criticism all the time, and we would do well to think about whether we are doing it appropriately or well. Somehow, we don't seem to notice when we give criticism as much as we notice when we receive it. So maybe I will write that post. Maybe tomorrow.
June arrived here cold and rainy. I don't mind. It felt wonderful to pull socks onto my feet this morning. It is a good day for tea and blankets, naps and novels. DJ is asking for coffee. I'll brew up a pot of strong stuff, relishing the aroma.
This morning I studied Ephesians 1 with a beautiful little group of women. I got to hold a baby, too, a gorgeous one. And she didn't cry, even though her mama left the house for a few minutes!
It's Friday. It's June. And despite the rain, my peonies are still mostly upright, thanks to a marvelous staking job by my husband and the bountiful grace of God.
I wrote a post called "Taking Criticism." I sort of alluded to the idea of writing a companion post called "Giving Criticism." I can't get excited about writing it, though.
We give criticism all the time, and we would do well to think about whether we are doing it appropriately or well. Somehow, we don't seem to notice when we give criticism as much as we notice when we receive it. So maybe I will write that post. Maybe tomorrow.
June arrived here cold and rainy. I don't mind. It felt wonderful to pull socks onto my feet this morning. It is a good day for tea and blankets, naps and novels. DJ is asking for coffee. I'll brew up a pot of strong stuff, relishing the aroma.
This morning I studied Ephesians 1 with a beautiful little group of women. I got to hold a baby, too, a gorgeous one. And she didn't cry, even though her mama left the house for a few minutes!
It's Friday. It's June. And despite the rain, my peonies are still mostly upright, thanks to a marvelous staking job by my husband and the bountiful grace of God.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Berry Birthday
DJ turned 21 yesterday. And he did not go drinking!
We had a lovely dinner of steak (grilled perfectly by Jon, of course)...
and Nasty Salad...
Also, fresh pineapple and strawberries!
Shawn said, "Wow!! It feels like MY birthday!!"
Later, instead of hitting a bar, DJ enjoyed a delicious dessert of Berry Crumble and tea.
The Berry Crumble Recipe was worth keeping.
(I'd cobbled it together, a melange of various internet recipes.)
Berry Crumble
4 cups blueberries
2 cups raspberries
2 cups blackberries
(I also added a couple of apples, peeled and coarsely chopped,
because we like a LOT of fruit)
1/2 cup sugar
2 Tbsp. cornstarch
1/2 cup orange juice
2 tsp. melted butter
2 tsp. vanilla
Put the fruit in a large bowl. If the berries are frozen let them thaw.
Mix the sugar and cornstarch well. Stir in the orange juice, butter and vanilla. Pour over berries, toss and set aside. Make the topping.
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup oats (oatmeal)
2 cups brown sugar (I did not pack it, so maybe more like 1.5 cups packed)
1 tsp. cinnamon
1/2 tsp. nutmeg
1 cup walnuts
3/4 cup butter
Place all these ingredients in your food processor and pulse until evenly mixed.
Lightly butter a 9 x 13 glass baking dish. Stir berries and sauce and pour into pan. Top with topping. Bake at 350 for one hour. Allow to cool at least 20 minutes. Serve with whipped cream, ice cream, or just plain cream poured over the top.
Friday, May 18, 2012
Taking Criticism
~~This post will be filed under "motherly advice."~~
People don't like to be criticized. I don't, and I'm pretty sure that you don't either.
However, we must be real here. Nobody is perfect. Nobody is perfect.
Ergo (like my Latin?) everybody could always stand to improve--a little or a lot--in some area of life.
Ergo (again, yes) everybody could stand to benefit from certain criticisms.
I am not giving blanket permission to all the people in the world to go out and criticize everybody else. We will discuss being on the giving end of criticism next time. Today we are talking about receiving criticism.
Chances are, we need to receive some criticism. And by we, I mean all of us.
I have an uncritical husband. I am thankful for him. I think it would be hard for me to live with a husband who was constantly telling me that I need to spiff up my appearance, work harder at keeping the house clean, spend less money and get up earlier in the morning. If I had a husband who criticized these qualities in me, I might even wilt, especially if he were unkind and impatient. However (just being real here), these would be mostly fair and accurate criticisms of me, and if I had a husband who--by some miracle--was able to confront these problems in my life in a loving and gentle manner, I and my home would probably be much better maintained... there would actually be a benefit.
You see, as I stated at the outset, we are all imperfect people. Add to that the fact that, if left alone without intentional input, nearly everything in life will tend to decay. That includes our bodies, our homes, our habits and our behavior. We are imperfect people tending to increasing imperfection.
This is why people don't like the Christian religion. It implicitly involves criticism of the way things are: hell-bound. It offers a miraculous, merciful, effective solution to the problem, but most of the people who reject Christianity reject it before they ever consider the solution; they can't handle being told that there is a problem.
My son David is sort of an anomaly. He plays saxophone, and he is very good. Criticism does not phase him (when it comes to playing his saxophone). In fact, if he goes to a music lesson and the teacher only says, "That was very good. That was very nice. You played that very well," David comes out disgusted that he payed money and was not instructed on how to improve. His attitude is very logical, but not one that most people can handle.
Most of us hate criticism, and yet we all understand and agree that nobody is perfect. The only conclusion I can draw is: people want to be imperfect and have everybody tell them it is OK to be imperfect.
And, on one hand, it is OK to be imperfect, because we all are, and we all will be until the day Jesus returns and makes us perfect (1 John 3:2). But at the same time, it is not OK to wallow contentedly in our imperfections. The Lord says, "Be holy as I am holy." (Leviticus 11:44-45, Leviticus 19:2, Leviticus 20:7, 1 Peter 1:16) This does not mean that we suddenly, magically become perfectly holy. It means we are to have hearts that pull us to become more and more holy, more and more like Jesus each day. Some days we will fail, and that ought to bother us, spurring us on to cooperate better with the Holy Spirit on the next occasion.
It isn't about where we are. It's about where we are headed. And this is why it is of utmost importance to learn how to take criticism. If you won't take criticism, you will simply drift away into a slough of mediocrity which will culminate in something much worse than mediocre. A person who will not take criticism is like a house that will not take paint. Think about it.
The Bible is a critical lens which the Lord has given us to help us improve ourselves according to His will. James 1: 22-25 says:
But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently at his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like. But the one who looks into the perfect law, the law of liberty, and perseveres, being no hearer who forgets but a doer who acts, he will be blessed in his doing. (ESV)
This means that we aren't supposed to just read the Bible; we are supposed to apply what it says to the way we do things. If the way we live doesn't measure up to what God asks of us, we need to adjust the way we live. If you look into a mirror and see broccoli stuck between your teeth, you don't just walk away with the broccoli still between your teeth. You remove the offending flora. If you read the Bible and see that an attitude or habit of yours is sinful, you don't just walk away and continue to sin, you ask God to forgive you and cleanse you from the sin.
When God convicts us through His Word, that is the most certain form of criticism we can possibly receive. If God said it, it's true. There should be no arguing with the Word of God. You might not like it (chances are pretty good that you won't -- we hate to accept criticism), but there is no question that it comes from a credible Source who is motivated for our best interest. We must accept it and pray for Him to help us change.
Besides reading the Bible, we can receive criticism from other people, and also from the whispers of the Holy Spirit in our hearts.
By far the most difficult criticism to discern is the whispering of the Holy Spirit. There are always other voices whispering back, the ones that rationalize and justify the things we do, and also the ones that condemn and shame, leaving us without hope. If you think you are hearing the Holy Spirit whisper to your heart, check what you think He is saying against the truth of Scripture. If it matches up, you were probably hearing Him correctly. If it does not match up, you were definitely not hearing Him correctly. If you have trouble finding things in the Bible, speak with a pastor or a friend who is well acquainted with scripture, and ask for help in discerning what you think God is telling you. Remember that the Word of God is the final measure of truth, always.
Hearing from the Spirit is the most difficult type of criticism to discern. But hearing from other people is the most difficult type of criticism to receive.
Criticism from our fellow man can be so difficult to take, many people advise simply ignoring it and continuing on in denial. Once I heard of a teacher who told her class, "The best thing I can tell you to do if you are criticized is: go home and take a warm bath in a room lit with candles." I believe that there are times when this might be the appropriate response to criticism. However, the Lord works in many ways, and often He uses people in relationships with one another to sanctify one another (Proverbs 27:17). It is a very dangerous thing, indeed, to write off all criticism that comes from our fellow human beings. God could be speaking through that person to you, and you should consider carefully what you heard before you turn to aromatherapy for comfort. In any case, God is sovereign over all things, so whether or not the criticism itself is valid, God allowed those words to come to you for a purpose, to teach you something through the experience. You must not neglect this truth.
Here are some steps which I would advise you to take when you encounter criticism from a person:
1. Consider the source. A person who doesn't love you may be perfectly content to refrain from saying anything when you are headed in a defective direction. Sometimes our friends are more likely to risk saying the tough thing (Proverbs 27:6). Is the person criticizing you a person of wisdom, or a typically shallow person? Does this person confront people often, or rarely? Is this person spiritually mature or (if it is a professional issue) gifted in his area of work? Did this person come to you directly, or did you hear about the criticism in a round-about grapevine-gossip sort of way?
If you are confronted by a competent, wise, gifted person who rarely confronts anyone, you would do well to take heed and carefully measure what he told you against whatever objective truth you can find. If the person is wacky (there are wacky people), unstable, a chronic grumbler or whiner, you can take the criticism with a grain of salt. But even when the source seems unreliable, it is wise for you as recipient to sift what was said before the Lord, asking Him to show you if there is a morsel of truth buried in the stew. God can teach us lessons of value in even the strangest circumstances.
2. Commit the issue to prayer. Surrender the conversation to the Lord. Ask Him to help you be measured and fair in your response. Ask Him to make you willing to see a fault in yourself as it truly exists and to help you change in whatever way He desires. Also, ask the Lord to protect you from unfair criticism, from being wounded in ways that would impair your ability to live out His purpose for your life. Beg Him for wisdom.
3. Seek humility. James 3:13 says, "Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show it by his good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom" (NIV). We can clearly see that we need wisdom to discern what is applicable in the criticism we receive from our fellow man. We sometimes forget that wisdom results in humility. Humility means that we don't automatically assume that we ourselves are right and anybody who criticizes us is wrong. That is a very prideful assumption. A humble person stops, listens, considers. A humble person does not have a knee-jerk reaction to defend himself. A humble person remembers that God is sovereign, and that God could use many avenues to speak into a life, even an unpleasant or unexpected one. A humble person says, "Is this a word from you, Lord?" and humbly waits for God's answer.
4. Search scripture. Ultimately, if what the person said to you matches up with scripture, you need to take heed. You have no excuse for ignoring a message that someone brings you if it is scripturally supported. If God could use a donkey to speak to Balaam (Numbers 22:21-34), He can use any person to speak to you, even a child, a fool or a scoundrel. If the message aligns with God's Word, you'd better sit up and listen. If you don't, I think God will hold you accountable.
Nobody is perfect. We all have room to improve. We all need to grow. To that end, we will encounter criticism throughout our lives. Constructive criticism is criticism which, if we act on it, will improve us, build our character, construct our lives.
Rather than burying our heads in the sand, let us listen, consider, pray and search the scriptures. God may work mightily in us through the criticism of another.
Friday, May 11, 2012
Slump
I am in a slump.
This means that my dogs are not brushed. Crumbs and fuzz-balls adorn the edges of my kitchen floor. My refrigerator overflows with Romaine that has passed its freshness date. A couple of days ago, I threw out about three pounds of raw broccoli that turned yellow and squishy because nobody ever ate it. The kitchen table is littered with mail, crafts, study materials and small electronics. None of these are mine, except possibly a few coupons. Do you know that I actually rejoice when coupons expire so I can throw them away?
I walk into a room. Look. Sigh. Walk away.
Hoodies, dress shirts, baseball caps, sunglasses ooze up in piles from chairs, desks, counters. Speaking of counters, the countertop in front of the toaster oven is always sticky these days. I do wipe it down. I think. Unless I am only doing it in my imagination. That's possible.
I need to vacuum.
I did clean the bathrooms the other day. Then the medicine cabinet fell off the wall. In the boys' bathroom, that is. I wonder if I should call someone, or if Shawn will be able to get to it between business trips. Laura will soon arrive home from college. She will not be pleased if there is no medicine cabinet (read: no mirror) on the wall over her bathroom sink.
I just feel sad all the time. I don't even know why, particularly. Sad and tired with a headache, and slightly sick to my stomach.
My perennials are overtaken with weeds. And I have zero motivation to do anything about it. I think I wish someone would come and mow them all under and just plant grass.
There is fungus growing on the handrail of the steps up to the pool.
Our screens are not yet back on the windows. I should hose them off. Last week was cold and rainy, so I was unmotivated. It wasn't weather to open one's windows to, anyway.
For dinner, I usually come up with something, but often it is bad. I made something the other day that I could barely choke down. It was vaguely like chili, but watery and tasteless. One of my boys said, "This tastes like homemade soup when I have it at other people's houses." I think he was trying to be nice. I laughed while trying to swallow. (This is a post I will not be linking to Facebook.)
Mostly I have been cooking chicken with rice, varying the seasonings and vegetables. The other night I made a version with chicken, rice, broccoli and Parmesan cheese (this was some broccoli that had not yet gone bad before I found it). It was a big hit, but I couldn't eat it because I am allergic to broccoli. I had toast.
Each morning, I get up and make Jon's coffee and send him off to school. Then I go back to bed. I get back up almost in time for whatever appointments or obligations I have, and I usually arrive late, unless it is Wegman's and there is no set time-frame. I do some laundry, wash the dishes everyone else has left for me, read a little (I'm back to reading through the Bible, and I am just starting the parts about King Solomon's reign), maybe walk a dog if the weather is decent. By then Jon is home from school needing snacks and rides to places. By the time I finish carting him around, there is limited time to throw together some chicken and rice... which gets eaten over a long span of evening as different people come home at different times. There have been days when I've washed supper dishes three times.
Sometimes I sit on the sofa and watch Star Trek TNG with Shawn, drinking decaf Earl Grey and eating dark chocolate, waiting for the last boy to come home and eat his dinner so I can finish cleaning up.
After the tea and TV have lulled me into a sleepy state, I realize that I need to wash yet a few more pots, cajole Jon into taking his shower, and let the dogs out one last time before bed. By now it is usually 11, and my final tasks, including my own bedtime routine, always seem to keep me up until midnight. I get excited for every single minute I achieve before midnight. Even getting to bed at 11:59 feels like a major victory. I wonder how I can stay up so late and get so little done.
When my alarm goes off at 6:30, I start all over. It is easier to drag oneself out of bed when one plans to return shortly. On days when I have no obligation, I sometimes sleep until 9:30.
I don't care. I am tired.
I am in a slump.
I never feel good. But lately I have felt worse. Does anybody else ever feel this way?
I read on another blog something about, "Today I will transfigure all things into beauty," and I just want to weep.
This means that my dogs are not brushed. Crumbs and fuzz-balls adorn the edges of my kitchen floor. My refrigerator overflows with Romaine that has passed its freshness date. A couple of days ago, I threw out about three pounds of raw broccoli that turned yellow and squishy because nobody ever ate it. The kitchen table is littered with mail, crafts, study materials and small electronics. None of these are mine, except possibly a few coupons. Do you know that I actually rejoice when coupons expire so I can throw them away?
I walk into a room. Look. Sigh. Walk away.
Hoodies, dress shirts, baseball caps, sunglasses ooze up in piles from chairs, desks, counters. Speaking of counters, the countertop in front of the toaster oven is always sticky these days. I do wipe it down. I think. Unless I am only doing it in my imagination. That's possible.
I need to vacuum.
I did clean the bathrooms the other day. Then the medicine cabinet fell off the wall. In the boys' bathroom, that is. I wonder if I should call someone, or if Shawn will be able to get to it between business trips. Laura will soon arrive home from college. She will not be pleased if there is no medicine cabinet (read: no mirror) on the wall over her bathroom sink.
I just feel sad all the time. I don't even know why, particularly. Sad and tired with a headache, and slightly sick to my stomach.
My perennials are overtaken with weeds. And I have zero motivation to do anything about it. I think I wish someone would come and mow them all under and just plant grass.
There is fungus growing on the handrail of the steps up to the pool.
Our screens are not yet back on the windows. I should hose them off. Last week was cold and rainy, so I was unmotivated. It wasn't weather to open one's windows to, anyway.
For dinner, I usually come up with something, but often it is bad. I made something the other day that I could barely choke down. It was vaguely like chili, but watery and tasteless. One of my boys said, "This tastes like homemade soup when I have it at other people's houses." I think he was trying to be nice. I laughed while trying to swallow. (This is a post I will not be linking to Facebook.)
Mostly I have been cooking chicken with rice, varying the seasonings and vegetables. The other night I made a version with chicken, rice, broccoli and Parmesan cheese (this was some broccoli that had not yet gone bad before I found it). It was a big hit, but I couldn't eat it because I am allergic to broccoli. I had toast.
Each morning, I get up and make Jon's coffee and send him off to school. Then I go back to bed. I get back up almost in time for whatever appointments or obligations I have, and I usually arrive late, unless it is Wegman's and there is no set time-frame. I do some laundry, wash the dishes everyone else has left for me, read a little (I'm back to reading through the Bible, and I am just starting the parts about King Solomon's reign), maybe walk a dog if the weather is decent. By then Jon is home from school needing snacks and rides to places. By the time I finish carting him around, there is limited time to throw together some chicken and rice... which gets eaten over a long span of evening as different people come home at different times. There have been days when I've washed supper dishes three times.
Sometimes I sit on the sofa and watch Star Trek TNG with Shawn, drinking decaf Earl Grey and eating dark chocolate, waiting for the last boy to come home and eat his dinner so I can finish cleaning up.
After the tea and TV have lulled me into a sleepy state, I realize that I need to wash yet a few more pots, cajole Jon into taking his shower, and let the dogs out one last time before bed. By now it is usually 11, and my final tasks, including my own bedtime routine, always seem to keep me up until midnight. I get excited for every single minute I achieve before midnight. Even getting to bed at 11:59 feels like a major victory. I wonder how I can stay up so late and get so little done.
When my alarm goes off at 6:30, I start all over. It is easier to drag oneself out of bed when one plans to return shortly. On days when I have no obligation, I sometimes sleep until 9:30.
I don't care. I am tired.
I am in a slump.
I never feel good. But lately I have felt worse. Does anybody else ever feel this way?
I read on another blog something about, "Today I will transfigure all things into beauty," and I just want to weep.
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