Pondering humility once again

Humility is selflessness, self-forgetfulness.

This is well nigh impossible.

When you are trying not to think about something, intentionally trying not to think about it, it is impossible not to think about it.

The harder I focus on not thinking about myself, the more I think about myself.  Yet, to become humble, I must forget about myself.

Since that is impossible, I must try to do the next best thing, which is to concentrate on something else.  In the case of humility, I need to focus concentration and attention on the glory of God and the interests of others.  Which is also incredibly hard.

Here is another thing:  Humility is not being a doormat, and letting others take advantage of you.  In the same vein, humility is not simply shutting down and avoiding conflict by withdrawing.  Being passive, limp, withdrawn and conflict-avoidant are not humble because they are self-protective mechanisms.  Beyond that, these types of behaviors and responses are not in the best interests of others, because they often enable others to behave in a manner that is destructive to themselves as well as those around them.  Indulging the sins of others is not humility.  A humble person does not stand by while his brother misses the mark and simply shrug and say, "You do you."

A truly humble person enters into the mess, and confronts problems in order to find beneficial solutions that multiply peace for all concerned.  It sounds good, but it is incredibly hard, because how does a person muster the wisdom to know when and how to confront in a truly selfless and altruistic manner?  Especially, how does a flawed person in need of grace come to a place of wisdom and confidence in helping others find grace?

Do you see what I wrote there?  "Helping others find grace."  Do you catch the difficulty inherent in that?  Here it is:  Grace is undeserved.  A fallen, undeserving, miserable person receives kindness and blessing.  Grace is, essentially, forgiveness.  And the sticky thing about helping someone receive forgiveness is this:  To receive forgiveness, a person must first acknowledge his need for forgiveness, which means that he must face what he has done wrong and be sorry.  In other words, he must repent.  Nobody wants to repent.  Nobody wants to admit that he has been wrong.  Nobody wants to say, "I'm sorry."

God offers forgiveness to all who will come to Him, but nobody actually receives this forgiveness without confessing sin and repenting of it (1 John 1:9).

There have been instances in my life where I have mentioned that someone needs Jesus, and the person with whom I was speaking defensively countered me with the phrase, "We all need Jesus!"  Of course this is true, but there is a marked difference between needing something that you have, and needing something that you don't have.  For instance, I need food, clothing, and shelter.  I have a house, a closet full of clothes, and a refrigerator full of food.  I need them, and I have them.  The same is true of Jesus.  I need Him, and I have Him.  I know Him and I read His Word.  His Holy Spirit lives in me.  I am far from perfect.  I am nowhere near fully sanctified.  But I have Jesus in my life, and He makes a big difference.  I know where to go for help.  When I remark that someone else needs Jesus, what I mean is that the person has not yet laid hold of the grace, forgiveness and help that Jesus holds out for him.

And yet, people are so prone to be angry and defensive whenever they are confronted with the fact that they have a need.  No one wants to be found lacking.  This is a shame, because in the paradox of the gospel, it is only when we come to Jesus with our emptiness that He fills and fulfills us.  It is only when we confess our sin that He bestows His righteousness on us.

How?  How do we humbly help those around us find the love of Christ?

Who is sufficient for these things? 

( from 2 Corinthians 2:16)

Blessed are the poor in spirit, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, 

for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, 

for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied.

Blessed are the merciful, 

for they shall receive mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart, 

for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, 

for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness sake, 

for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

(Matthew 5:2-10)

Fears and Faithfulness

Today I feel paralyzed with fear, overwhelmed.

I haven't seen Jon since I can remember, and I've been hearing from him only very sporadically.

After being a constant presence in my grandson's life for almost two weeks, and bonding with his dear, sweet little self, I've returned home where I can't hold him, or whisper to him, or sing to him, or walk him around and around the kitchen island.  I miss him and I imagine he misses me.  He doesn't know what happened to me, and ultimately he will forget that I was there.  This makes me almost unbearably sad.

I have a Bible study to prepare on 2 Corinthians.  I open my Bible and stare at the words, "Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."  I don't feel the comfort.  I feel shaky and fearful and overwhelmed.  We start in one week, and I am not ready.

The same day our 2 Corinthians study starts, my niece is scheduled to have a c-section to deliver a baby that has been diagnosed with a heart defect and missing kidney.  I pray over this situation every day.  I hope that the diagnosis will turn out to be wrong, that the baby will be healthy, healed by the grace of God.  I hope and pray, and fear.  I try to trust Jesus.  I am so bad at this.

I am supposed to teach a ladies' retreat in April.  I have been working on it, making more progress there than on the 2 Corinthians study.  I feel panic in my heart every time I sit down to prepare lessons and must decide where to place my effort.  Oh God, help me, I pray.  Have I disobeyed You and taken on too much?  Please make Your power perfect through my weakness.

My dear, kind uncle died last week, and we want to go to his funeral, to support my precious aunt, but we wait on the weather forecast.  February is a terrible time to drive in the north central United States.

All this, and my good, good friend is herself going through a hard time.  I need to be supportive to her, but I am so shaky, so weak, so prone to fail.

No negative self-talk, I need to remind myself.  No negative self-talk.  It will be okay.  God is in control.  God is on my side.  God is for me, and He is for His glory.  He will not abandon me as I struggle to do my part to reflect His glory.  He will not abandon me.  He is with me wherever I go. 

God says, "My counsel shall stand, and I will accomplish all my purpose... I have spoken, and I will bring it to pass; I have purposed, and I will do it."  (Isaiah 46:10-11)

Our God is in the Heavens; He does all that He pleases.  (Psalm 115:3)

It will be okay.

It will be okay.  These are words I said over and over to my grandson when he was fussy.  It will be okay.  Words of comfort, words of hope.

God comforts us by giving us hope, hope that it will be okay. 

We know that it will be okay, because Jesus has already risen victoriously from the dead.  Jesus triumphed over the grave, entering bravely into death and bursting forth from it with abundant life (1 Corinthians 15).  We have this life in us, even now, before the coming of the New Heaven and the New Earth, through the indwelling, life-sustaining presence of God's Holy Spirit who abides in our hearts and begins our eternal salvation from the moment we believe in Him.

And it is God 

who establishes us with you in Christ, 

and has anointed us, 

and who has also put His seal on us 

and given us His Spirit in our hearts 

as a guarantee.  

(2 Corinthians 1:21-22)

He who raised the Lord Jesus

will raise us also with Jesus

and bring us with you

into His presence.

(2 Corinthians 4:14)

For this light and momentary affliction

is preparing us for an eternal weight of glory

beyond all comparison,

as we look not to the things that are seen

but to the things that are unseen.

For the things that are seen are transient,

but the things that are unseen are eternal.

(2 Corinthians 4:17-18)

For while we are still in this tent,

we groan, being burdened--

not that we would be unclothed, 

but that we would be further clothed,

so that what is mortal

may be swallowed up by life.

He who prepared us for this very thing 

is God

who has given us the Spirit

as a guarantee.

(2 Corinthians 5:4-5)

Yes, Lord.  It will be okay.  Your promises comfort me, Lord Jesus.  It will be okay, because You have said it will be, and You are forever faithful.

Light and hope

(Light in a guest room.  

Afternoon sunshine 

this time of year 

makes me hopeful 

for the coming of spring.)

I've been away awhile.  Longer than I realized, apparently.

Funny story:

I wanted to study 2 Corinthians.  This is because I like 2 Corinthians 1, and 2 Corinthians 4 and 5, and 2 Corinthians 12.  I never knew how they all fit together, and I wanted to discover the pattern, the woven-through message, the theme.

So, because I wanted to study 2 Corinthians, I did what any logical person would do, and began by leading a study on 1 Corinthians.

Studying 1 Corinthians wore me out.  It is not an epistle for the faint of heart.  It tackles a host of issues, many of them ferociously controversial: sex, women's roles, speaking in tongues, you name it.  At the heart of it all, this letter tackles the most pervasive and insidious sin of all time: pride.  All our other problems will melt away if we can only set aside our pride and replace it with humble love.  Stop grasping for what you think is due you, Paul exhorts us, and lay aside your so-called rights.  Look to the interests of others.  Love is humble, love is kind.  Let all that you do be done in love (1 Corinthians 16:14).

Let all that you do be done in love.  "That's huge," said one of my friends.  "That doesn't leave any loopholes for me."

There's no point in studying if you aren't going to apply and use what you learn.  The Ezra method is to study, then do, and then teach (Ezra 7:10--"For Ezra had set his heart to study the Law of the Lord, and to do it, and to teach His statutes and rules in Israel").  So there I was, essentially teaching about humility, when I have nowhere near mastered it.

As we finished 1 Corinthians, I was a quivering mass of fallen flesh, pleading for the Holy Spirit to help me with this gargantuan calling to humility that I absolutely cannot succeed at without His help.  Thank goodness He knows I am dust.  He knows that apart from Him I can do nothing.  He promises that nothing is impossible for Him.  All things are, in fact, possible for Him, and I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.  Even so, the mountain looks so very steep and high when I stand at the foot of it.  How can I get rid of my selfishness when I live inside myself and feel my own feelings, every single day?

I wanted to take a break.  At the end of 1 Corinthians, I asked my friends, "What do you want to study next?"  I thought maybe a nice book, written by somebody else, with discussion questions all pre-packaged.  My friends said, "Let's do 2 Corinthians!"  Some even said, "Didn't you want to do 2 Corinthians?  Isn't that why we did 1 Corinthians?"

Honestly, I feel frightened and hopeful at the same time.  I'm so lacking, as I stare at the pages of 2 Corinthians in my Bible.  I don't have it together.  I don't have it all figured out.  I do not feel smart or wise or insightful.  The verses I have always loved are still beloved and clear to me, but the verses in between them are still largely murky, and often confusing.

Yet, I am discovering something, a pattern that helps me with the overwhelmedness I felt at the end of 1 Corinthians, as I faced my need for growth in humility.  2 Corinthians is all about hope, hope in the sufficiency  of Christ...

Not that we are sufficient in ourselves

to claim anything as coming from us,

but our sufficiency is from God,

who has made us sufficient

to be ministers of a New Covenant,

not of the letter, but of the Spirit.

For the letter kills,

but the Spirit gives life.

2 Corinthians 3:5-6

But He said to me,

"My grace is sufficient for you,

for my power is made perfect in weakness."

Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses,

so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

All our hope rests on God and His promises:

He delivered us from such a deadly peril,

and He will deliver us.

On Him we have set our hope

that He will deliver us again.

2 Corinthians 1:10

It will be okay, because God is sovereign, and God is faithful, and God is good.  

"It will be okay."  

Those are words of comfort, the comfort that comes from hope in a good and loving God who keeps His promises.  

2 Corinthians is also about comfort (see chapter 1, verses 3-7), and I hope to write a bit more about that tomorrow.

Limitations

Once in awhile I get bummed that I have lupus.

This is not a subject worth delving into.  It's just that I was thinking about my life the other day, wondering what I am good for, if anything I do is pleasing to God or helpful for His Kingdom.  There are things I wish I could do, that I cannot do.

The Lord reminded me of my first and second houses.

My first house was a little cape cod, built in 1930-something.  The previous owners had a very different aesthetic from mine.  We were young and our budget was limited.  Yet, I had a lot of fun trying to make that house cute.  The many parameters and design challenges were like puzzles to be solved, and every time I figured out a solution, it was an occasion of joy.  I am not a designer, and I was not on a quest to win a design award.  I only wanted to get rid of some bothersome aesthetic issues, and over the six years we lived there, I was (amazingly!) largely successful.  When we were ready to move to a bigger house, we called the realtor who had sold us our first house.  As she walked through it, she kept saying, "Wow.  Wow.  This doesn't even look like the same house.  This is amazing.  You guys have done an amazing job here."  We felt happy about our contribution, a deep sense of satisfaction.

Our second house was a two-story colonial, a brand new builder's model, all decked out in the lightest, brightest, most neutral options available.  We moved into room after room of white painted drywall and palest beige carpet.   It was, very literally, a blank canvas.  Within a six weeks, I had four littles.  Four littles, in a big, empty, white house.

As I tried to figure out ways to decorate that house, I made many mistakes.  When you start with a little old house full of crazy carpet and paint, it is easy to improve, because nearly anything you do looks better than what went before, and there is a certain inherent charm in the quirkiness of the place.  But when you start with a big, bare, generic, white-interiored house, it is easy to make a decision that doesn't look very good once it's implemented.

God showed me that if I had a perfect life, with unlimited energy and resources, it would be easy for me to mess up and regret how I had squandered my resources.

Having lupus limits me, but when I get something done, I know enough to be thankful.  My limits give shape and direction to my decisions.

It's okay.

It is going to be okay, and it is okay.

Goodness

People who don't believe in God say that they can be good without God.  They don't need God in order to be good.  They can work out their own good.  We, as cultures and societies, can be good without a God.

This is untrue.

People cannot be good if there is no definition of goodness.  They think they can define goodness themselves, without any divine standard.  It's a nice idea, but it fails in practice.  Even two people cannot agree on a standard of goodness between themselves, if it is up to them.  Certainly entire societies cannot do so.

Western civilizations place a high value on freedom, compassion, and the value of human life.  This is a lingering result from the permeating influence of Christianity, whether or not anyone will admit it.  Cultures that have never benefitted from the ethics of Christian belief, and cultures that have departed from these ethics, are cold, miserable places where the strong oppress the weak without conscience, and there is no recourse for seeking justice.  Contemporary western thought despises its Christian roots, often celebrating the intrinsic worth of "all cultures."  But all cultures are not equal in value and goodness.  No culture is perfect, but cultures with at least the sense to strive for liberty and justice certainly do better than those who do not.

We have a movie called, The Gods Must be Crazy, about some happy tribal people in Africa whose lives are upset when a Coke bottle falls into their midst from a plane flying overhead.  It is a whimsical, funny movie with a gentle feel to it.  The natives are happy, content and peaceful until the influence of the west upsets their balance, and eventually they return to their cheerful, charmed existence.  However, our DVD also contains some background footage of the project, film of the actual lives that the "actors" in the film lived, in their third world country.  We watched the movie with our kids and felt happy at the end of it.   We liked it so much, we started watching all the rest of the material on the DVD.  When we saw the seamy side, the things that had been airbrushed out of the story the movie told, we felt not only disappointed, but violated.  All was certainly not as it had originally seemed.

In the west, we have so ingrained an idea of what our rights are (life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, right?), and what sort of justice we "deserve," that sometimes our kids go off to countries on the other side of the world, break the rules, and are shocked when they receive a harsh punishment.  Sometimes they even die, and their outraged parents try to sue the foreign government, apparently not realizing that when you aren't in your own country, you can't insist on people respecting your country's values.

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights . . ." says our Declaration of Independence.  And people don't realize--godless people do not realize that when you erase the Creator from the sentence, the truths are no longer self-evident, and there is no reason to believe that people are equal anymore.  It becomes about the survival of the fittest, the strongest, the richest, the most clever and the most heavily armed.  So, watch your back.

Whenever people think they have the right to define what is good and what is bad, they literally think, "I have the right to define what is good and what is bad."  We are so inherently selfish and prideful, we always think, "I am the one who is right.  I am the one who will be offended if it doesn't go my way.  I am the one who must not be offended, because I am the one who is right."

Essentially, we all insist on our own way, and we live at an impasse with others.

This is at the root of the sin Adam and Eve committed in the garden of Eden.  What's so bad about eating a bite of fruit?  Nothing, on the surface.  The bad part is that they insisted on their own way, declared their independence from God's standard of righteousness.  In essence, they said, "You can't tell us what to do, God.  You can't tell us what is right and what is wrong.  We will decide for ourselves what is right and what is wrong.  We know best what is right for us."

Satan had told them, "If you eat the fruit, you will become like God, knowing right from wrong."  Such clever words, just a few degrees off from the truth.  He would have spoken truth if he had said, "If you eat the fruit, you will be usurping God's rightful position as judge, and although you will not have the wisdom to know right from wrong, you will insist on trying to define right and wrong, forever after."

This is the human problem.  Heinous crimes are committed and we are shocked again and again, but we should not be.  People do evil because they are hopelessly lost in selfishness and foolishness, because they want what they want, without regard for God or the best interests of others.  There is no natural humility in us, no true concern for the interests of others--at least not if the interests of others will cost us anything.  This is the result of the curse of Adam.  Additionally, we have no wisdom to help us mitigate our selfish impulses.  Some people have a farther reaching view of their own best good than others.  Some people will tell the truth or refrain from stealing from you, or even be kind to you, because they realize that it is in their best interest to do so in a particular situation.  Others operate at a base level of animalistic greed.  But everyone works for his own personal best interests, until the Lord gets ahold of him and the Spirit of God changes his heart.

We have turned--every one--to his own way.  Isaiah 53:6

In those days there was no king in Israel.  Everyone did what was right in his own eyes.  Judges 21:25

If every person on this earth considers himself (or herself) to be the center of the universe, the one true hero, the most deserving of consideration, then there will never be any peace.  If there is no God, and we believe that each one of us has the right to decide what is right and best for us, there will be constant conflict and competition.  You see, when we adopt this mindset, we are all trying to be "god."  Billions of little, selfish gods spread across the globe, we compete for the chance to call the shots, when none of us is remotely qualified for this role.

It is only when we surrender to God as the rightful authority over the Universe that we find peace and harmony.  He is the Creator who knows how it works, and He is the only one who truly knows how to love.

God demonstrated His love for us in this: while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.
~Romans 5:8

Jesus, the very Son of God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but emptied Himself of His divine glory, took on mortal flesh, and humbled Himself to death on a cross.
~Philippians 2

God loves us, and He is the only one we can trust.  He is the only one who knows what our best interests are.  He is the only one who has the power and the lovingkindness to help us achieve them.  He is the only one who could and would sacrifice His own blood to provide us with hope, peace and joy.  He is the only one wise enough and sovereign enough to repair the universe for the benefit of all who will cooperate with Him.

I think it is safe to say that His promise goes something like this:  All Creation is broken by sin because of rebellion, but I am working to repair and restore it.  I am both able and willing to do this for you.  All you have to do is come to me and trust me.  Work with me, believing that I have your best in mind, and let my Spirit work in you.  Sometimes it will be hard, because there is trouble in this world, and I am not going to destroy my original creation just yet.  I am waiting to gather in all who will come to me, and that means I am letting this broken creation continue for longer than you will find comfortable.  But believe me, trust me.  In the end, it will be worth far more than any affliction you face in this age.  I have prepared for you an eternity that is far more wonderful than anything you could ever ask or imagine.  Come to me.  Trust me.  Cooperate with me.  Obey me.  I am working for your good.

God is the only completely unselfish being.  This is what the Bible means when it says that Jesus is humble (Philippians 2:8, Matthew 11:29).  He is completely unselfish, and wants only the best for us.  His desire is to share His glory with us.  He sacrificed Himself so we could become partakers of goodness and light and life.  Therefore, in our quest to find a standard of goodness--which we mortal, flawed humans obviously can never agree upon among ourselves--we discover that only God can be trusted to provide the standard that miraculously, by His grace, benefits all creation.

There is no good apart from God, only selfishness and conflict.

But God is good.  His love and faithfulness endure forever.

If you reject Him, He will give you opportunity after opportunity to change your mind and come back.  But if you continue to refuse to listen, to refuse to come, to refuse to let Him heal your spiritual sight so you can see the light of His glorious face, in the end He will give you what you want.  In the end, if you insist on your own way, He will give you your own way.  He will turn you loose to run into the abyss of darkness that you in your independence think you crave.