tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post3866805820541103985..comments2024-03-18T03:18:23.620-04:00Comments on Memoirs for my children: Communication issuesruthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15293058709021665140noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post-40798876475256691102017-06-27T12:16:42.783-04:002017-06-27T12:16:42.783-04:00Right, we can only be responsible for our own atti...Right, we can only be responsible for our own attitude and response. Yet, I am learning more and more that this is never an excuse for quitting the process, as in when we are tempted to think, "I've done the right thing. The other person responded badly. It's off my shoulders and I can go work on something else now." If it is a permanent relationship, such as a family relationship, a relationship that (by definition of and in respect for the type of relationship) deserves to be salvaged, we need to be willing to try as hard as possible to get inside the other person's head, and have compassion for the other person's viewpoint. "Compassion for" is not the same as "acceptance of." You can be compassionate while disagreeing. However, if you start from a foundation of compassion, you will be able to disagree more kindly. In an argument, you pretty much categorically never win anyone over to your side by being unkind.<br /><br />I wish I'd outlined the other side of the three layers of communication, above, because it's important always to be considering both points of view:<br /><br />1) There's what you meant to say--<br />(conversely, what the person speaking to you meant to communicate)<br />2) There's what you actually said--<br />(conversely, the words the person spoke to you in an attempt to express him/herself)<br />3) There's what the person you were speaking to understood you to say--<br />(conversely, understand that you are interpreting what you heard someone say, and you may need to ask clarifying questions to determine whether your interpretation is accurate)<br /><br />It is such a pity and a shame when people decide to take offense at particular words and proceed to insist, "But you SAID. . ." regardless of another person's attempts to clarify his/her meaning. When we decide to take offense because of our own rigid interpretation of what someone said, we can do a lot of damage to a relationship, and we are not growing in humility or grace. Ruthiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02530688574636829317noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post-75780465744274317672017-06-25T21:07:31.657-04:002017-06-25T21:07:31.657-04:00Great points, Ruth! Thanks for taking the time to...Great points, Ruth! Thanks for taking the time to communicate this wisdom so well. I like the idea of asking for time to go apart to think and pray it through before continuing the discussion. Of course this could backfire, if the other party is unwilling or offended by the request. But we can only be responsible for our own attitude and response.Gloria H.noreply@blogger.com