Memoirs for my children

Memory Lane, furtively

2012-02-14T14:09:00.003-05:00

This morning I got to watch the adorable four-year-old daughter of one of my friends.

She came over to visit while her mother helped with her older brother's Valentine party at school.

We got out the old toys and the old games, and I had so much fun.

I hope she did, too.

I guess I just love playing with toys. And I don't get much of a chance to do so anymore. So today was a riot.

The crowning glory was a tea party. I got out Lulu's old tea set and washed it up, then stocked it with chocolate milk, Honey Comb cereal, Cocoa Rice Krispies and sliced banana.

The Adorable went to town, busily mixing, pouring, stirring, pouring, sipping and pouring. She really enjoyed pouring, especially after she realized that paper towels are very absorbent and ladies who are mothers of grown-ups are very calm about using them.

"Would you like a cup?" she asked graciously, pouring, peering up under thick black eyelashes.

"Thank you," I said.

We sipped and nibbled. She stuck a sticky finger into the sugar bowl which was filled with Cocoa Rice Krispies, then luxuriously ran it through her mouth, catching the krispies on her tongue.

"I think," she said, "it will be better if we don't tell my mom that you gave me all this unhealthy food."

"Oh?" I said, "I think we probably should tell her that we had a tea party."

"It will be all right," she eyed me conspiratorially. "Sometimes when I am at my Bamma's, she gives me treats like these, and we just don't say anything."

Birthweights

2012-02-08T12:28:00.017-05:00

Babies have been born lately.

This makes me think back to my own children's births.

They say that a baby gains 1/2 lb. (or 8 oz.) per week in the last month of pregnancy.

If that is true, all my children were on track to be 9 lbs.

I am thankful that they were all early.

Shannon was due on November 6, but she was born on October 23. That made her exactly 2 weeks (14 days) early. If she had been born two weeks later and gained 8 oz. per week, she would have added exactly 1 lb. to her birthweight, which was 8 lbs. and 0.5 oz. She would have weighed 9 lbs. and 0.5 oz. on her due date.

David was due on June 20 but was born on May 22. That made him 29 days early. Divide 29 days by 7, and you come up with 4 weeks and 1 day early. The four weeks would have added 2 lbs to his birthweight, the extra day would have added a hair more than an extra oz. ...David's birthweight was 7 lbs. 2 oz. but had he stayed in the oven until his due date, he would have weighed 9 lbs. 3 oz.

Laura, like Shannon, was due on November 6, but she came on October 8. Like David, she was 29 days early, so as we did for David, we would add 2 lb. and 1 oz. to her birthweight to determine what she would have weighed on her due date. Her birthweight was 7 lbs. and 0.5 oz. So she would have been 9 lbs. 1.5 oz. on November 6.

Jonathan was due on September 6, but he was born on August 27. He was 10 days early (it felt pretty late to me! ...although I always thought he was 9 days early until I actually figured it out on the calendar today). Using the formula above (babies gain 8 oz. per week the last month in the womb), we can do math: 8 oz. per week equals 8 oz. per 7 days, which if you plug it into a calculator equals 1.14 oz. per day. Over ten days, that comes to another 11.4 oz. that Jon would have packed on in addition to his birthweight, which was 8 lbs. 6 oz. Addition gives us 8 lbs. 17.4 oz. which is really 9 lbs. 1.4 oz. Bingo. Right in the pocket.

I think this is pretty interesting, even though probably nobody else in the world would.

And I think it bears repeating: I am thankful that they were all early.

Poor Piper

2012-02-06T11:22:00.006-05:00

Piper is in a cone.

When Schubert has to wear the cone, he goes from being a jolly, exuberant dog to being a morose, depressed dog. It is rather heartbreaking.

When Piper has to wear the cone, he goes from being a morose, depressed dog to being a slightly sadder morose, depressed dog. It is not quite as heartbreaking.

Also, he has strong drugs. This all happened on Friday, while Shawn and I were getting ready to go out and visit Shannon to hang thermal draperies over the drafty windows in her apartment.

Usually when Piper sees a suitcase, he freaks out and begs to be held from first-sighting until we exit the door. On Friday we packed openly, right in front of him. All he did was lie in the middle of the kitchen floor breathing heavily. As I said, strong drugs.

He ripped his dew claw loose. I do not know how this happened. All I know is, last Wednesday morning he and Schubert came downstairs for their breakfast and Schubert, bounder that he is, leaped around and bumped Piper, at which Piper let out the most distressing, blood curdling, extended yelp. I went to check and saw that he was limping around, favoring his left forepaw. At the time, I thought perhaps Schubert had caused some musculoskeletal injury to the Pipester. DJ had not left for college yet. He gently examined Piper and we decided to see if it got better.

Over Wednesday and Thursday, Piper huddled on the blanket on the sectional in the family room and whimpered. Shawn arrived home from a business trip on Thursday evening, and we discussed what to do. That night, Piper started obsessively licking his left forepaw, so I got out the cone (it seems to be a handy thing to keep around) and put it on his head.

On Friday I took him in to the vet. By then we had determined that it had something to do with the dew claw, but really, it didn't look all that bad. A tad swollen, is all. He cried like a human baby all the way to the vet's office, and I had a hard time choking back my own tears.

They surgically removed the dew claw with a local anesthetic, bandaged him, and gave him an antibiotic and a strong painkiller.

The bandaged paw.

I guess he will heal in about two weeks, or so they say. It's hard to get a picture of him, because whenever I get near him, the poor baby tries to climb into my lap.

New Blog!!!

2012-02-02T14:44:00.006-05:00

Hey! I started a new blog!

Why?

Because I spend a lot of time blogging, and I think I need to try to recoup something by trying to, well, monetize something.

I cannot monetize this blog or Seeking Wisdom, Craving Grace for two reasons...

(1) It feels wrong ... the thought of selling out on my family memoirs and my devotions.
(2) These blogs get no traffic anyway.

So... if you are some of the very rare and treasured readers who stop by around here, maybe you wouldn't mind helping me out by visiting over at my new blog and upping the traffic stats.

Thanks!

Bass clarinet

2012-02-02T07:12:00.003-05:00

David is playing a gig this week, a pit orchestra in Hamilton.

He is 20, so I do not know if this is Hamilton as in Hamilton, NY (where Colgate University is) or Hamilton as in Hamilton College in Clinton, NY.

I don't know what show he is playing, either. He did tell me once, but I'd never heard of it.

Somebody emailed him and asked him to play one of the reed parts for this show. The money was good, and he hasn't had a paying job since he quit his summer stint at Lowes, so he took it. It involves playing alto sax, bari sax, clarinet and bass clarinet.

David has his own alto sax and b-flat clarinet. He does not have a bari, but he has played bari quite a bit and has always been able to find one he can borrow.

He had never touched a bass clarinet.

The person recruiting him said he had a bass clarinet David could borrow. So off David went to play it, happily.

After the first rehearsal, DJ reported that every time he had a bass clarinet part to play, it was a solo. We asked him how these solos went. He said, "OK." Since then, he has figured the thing out and is feeling really good about it.

Can I just say? I cannot even imagine. I cannot even imagine.

Skin care

2012-01-28T12:06:00.006-05:00

I've been finding out some things about skin care.

For starters, I began using the Oil Cleansing Method.

This is actually biblical! Psalm 104:14-15 says of the bountiful providence of God,

"He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for men to cultivate--
bringing forth food from the earth:
wine that gladdens the heart of man,
oil to make his face shine,
and bread that sustains his heart."

You use a washcloth and hot water to warm your face and open your pores. Then you massage about a teaspoon of oil into your face. I use 75% sunflower seed oil, 25% castor oil and a few drops of geranium essential oil. (When I make the next batch, I'm going to try substituting grapeseed oil for the sunflower seed oil.) After massaging this into your face for a minute or two, you use your washcloth and hot water to remove most of the oil from your skin. Leave a little on to moisturize overnight. This is a night-time treatment.

In the morning, I just wash my face with a washcloth and warm water. If you have trouble with breakouts, you might want to try washing with a small dab of organic honey in the morning.

Apparently castor oil is really good for your skin. I have tried dabbing a small drop on problem areas in the evening, after using the Oil Cleansing Method. You can also dab a bit of tea tree oil on a trouble spot (it works particularly well if the skin has been prepped with castor oil). If you are using this method and still need additional moisturizer, I'd recommend massaging a bit of evening primrose oil into your skin.

If you need additional help clearing up your skin, you can try applying an aspirin and lemon juice mask (I got this idea from One Good Thing by Jillee, and she got it from Dr. Oz). All you need is 6-12 aspirin tablets and the juice of half a lemon. Dissolve the aspirin in the lemon juice (I'd suggest crushing it first), apply to your face and leave for ten minutes. Rinse off with a baking soda solution, if you wish. Do this once or twice a week.

Another huge hint for clear skin: try a sugar and gluten-free diet, like this one.

Good luck!

Awesome God

2012-01-27T14:19:00.015-05:00

We sing a song...

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns in heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God

Well, it goes something like that. We sing it happily and go home and hum it while we barbecue hamburgers in the backyard or peruse the internet in search of deals on Amazon.

I think we forget what awesome means. We think it means "really great." We use it as a synonym for "fantastic."

Awesome means inspiring awe. In other words, something that is awesome makes us feel awed. To feel awed is to be filled with feelings of reverence and fear, to become aware of the overwhelming greatness of something, and the smallness of ourselves in comparison.

(In contrast, fantastic means incredibly great, as though conceived by a wild imagination. It comes from a Middle English word that has to do with the imagination. )

Here's a story... it will relate, I promise...

When I was expecting our first child, we had a group of friends who got together weekly for Bible study and such. One of the women in the group, Meryl, had a brother who was a wonderful singer and worked on Broadway. He was in Les Miserables, and he was playing the part of Javert. Best of all, their company would be traveling through Syracuse, and we could go and see the play, right here in town. Meryl's brother could get us prime tickets, the very best seats.

One problem... the show was scheduled one week before my due date. The tickets were great, but they were not discounted. Shawn and I decided not to risk it and did not purchase a pair. Everybody else did, though.

In the end, Shannon came two weeks early, so it was a good choice. The night of the play, we were home with our brand new one-week-old baby.

Later, we heard about it. It was a great show, fantastic. Our friends loved it. But they focused on something else. The ones who went, Anthony and Elizabeth, Craig and Becky, and of course Meryl and her husband George, all went out to eat together before the show. And... they went out to eat with Meryl's brother, the one who played Javert. Before the show, they had a rollicking time together, talking and laughing and joking around. Elizabeth, in particular, was a witty young woman who enjoyed bantering with a Broadway actor.

After the show, after the stunning performance, they met up with Meryl's brother again. And at this point everybody remarked on how very changed Elizabeth's demeanor was. She was shy, overwhelmed, possibly (and you don't know how uncharacteristic this was) speechless.

She had met him and known, originally, that he was a Broadway actor. She thought it was pretty amazing to meet him and eat dinner with him and talk to him.

But after she saw him in the play, watched him perform, heard him sing... after that she had a new appreciation for who he was, and she was changed.

I think it will be like this for us when we meet God face to face in the hereafter, except much more so.

We know He is God. We think it is pretty great that He made us and that He sent His only begotten Son to die on the cross to save us.

We like the fact that we can pray to Him.

We are happy that He loves us and watches over us, provides for us, forgives our sins, comforts us and sometimes even heals us.

But somehow, I think, when we see Him face to face in all His glory, when we realize Who He is and what He can really do...

We will be changed.

We will be speechless.

We will know the real meaning of the word awe.

Getting away from MSG

2012-01-26T10:03:00.009-05:00

MSG (monosodium glutamate) is bad for you. You can read about it here -- I'm not going to get into that discussion in this post.

The problem is: MSG is everywhere. You aren't going to find it written as "MSG" or "monosodium glutamate" on all your labels, either. They have all kinds of tricky names for it.

A friend of mine told me, "Don't eat anything that comes in a box or a can."

Seriously, it's in everything. It is particularly dangerous for the very young, and it is in things that people give their children all the time, like those little orange fishy crackers, and even baby formula.

MSG makes things taste good. It is why you can't stop with just one Pringle's potato chip. It is the reason McDonald's can use the lowest possible grades of beef and chicken, and still sell things that taste great. It's in canned soup and envelopes of soup mix, onion dip and salad dressing.

It's in everything. The last time I was in a restaurant, I ordered a hamburger and french fries because I knew that if I got the "Asian wrap" there'd be a ton of MSG in that. My hamburger tasted pretty natural, but the fries had an orange seasoning on them that tasted delicious. I'm pretty sure it was partly MSG.

I figure that the frozen turkeys they sell around Thanksgiving time contain MSG, too. They always say, "injected with a solution." That solution almost certainly has MSG in its formula.

If it's in everything, how do you avoid it?

Here are three things you can do to reduce your intake of MSG:

(1) Make your own bouillon substitute for soups and casseroles.

In other words, don't buy canned soup and don't start with mixes when you make a casserole. No more Hamburger Helper. No more taco seasoning mix. No more bouillon cubes or chicken base (sorry).

Now, since MSG is the thing that makes it all taste so good, how do you make it taste good without MSG?

I have found that a splash of molasses works wonders. The amazing thing is that molasses is actually really good for you! And trust me, if you just use a tiny splash, it doesn't all come out tasting like barbecue. The molasses just adds a slightly deepened, rich flavor different from but similar to the flavor that comes from MSG.

For an average recipe, in place of a cube of bouillon or 1 teaspoon of chicken base, I add:

1 "splash" of blackstrap molasses (about a teaspoon)
1/8 tsp. crushed red pepper
1/2 tsp. granulated garlic
1/2 - 1 tsp. sea salt (depending on how much additional salt the recipe calls for)

A splash of molasses in beef dishes also gives the gravy a nice brown color. Molasses is good stuff!

(2) Make your own white sauce instead of using cream soups
like cream of mushroom or cream of chicken.

Learn how to make a simple white sauce. This is one of the most basic cooking skills. Now, this does not apply to people who are are gluten-intolerant. We are a low-gluten family. Now and then, I have a piece of whole grain toast, and I do thicken my white sauces with white flour. So we are not a no-gluten family. We have not needed to be. Therefore, this is how I make a white sauce:

Basic white sauce recipe:

1/4 cup butter
1/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp. salt
(dried onion, granulated garlic, dry mustard, black pepper, various chopped vegetables)
2 cups milk (we generally stock whole milk)

In a medium, heavy saucepan, melt the butter. If you are adding vegetables (onion, peppers, celery, etc.) saute them in the butter and add whatever seasonings you are using (onion, garlic, dry mustard, black pepper, etc.) and stir around.

Sprinkle in the flour and stir it in well with everything else.

With a spatula or a whisk, stir in a little bit (about 1/3 cup) of the milk. Stir well until the mixture is smooth. Then add another 1/3 cup milk and stir and-so-on-and-so-on until you have added all the milk.

Stir constantly over medium low heat until it comes to a boil. Boil about 30 seconds or so.

At this point, I often add cheese, but whether you would want to do that depends on what you are making.

This is what you use in place of "cream of mushroom soup" in those old family recipes. If you want a little extra kick, add the bouillon substitute that I explained above.

(3) Make your own salad dressing

You need a blender or a food processor to make dressing, and you need to experiment and get it the way it suits you. Here is a basic recipe that I shared earlier:

Salad Dressing --

2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. balsamic vinegar or lemon juice
1/8 tsp. sea salt
a small slice of fresh onion.

Blend in blender until smooth and drizzle over your salad. You can double or triple this recipe, but it doesn't keep well for more than a couple of days, due to the raw onion.

You may find that you prefer a different oil, like sunflower or grapeseed.
You may find that you like apple cider vinegar or red wine vinegar rather than balsamic.
You may want a bit less or a bit more salt.
I have found that adding whole wedges of lemon (unpeeled, but I do try to get the seeds out), and pureeing them into the dressing, provides a nice zesty flavor and thickens the dressing in a rather delightful way.
This dressing is sugar free. You could add 1/2 teaspoon of sugar--or better yet, molasses--if it doesn't taste quite right to you. Sugar is really bad for you, but we are talking about quite a minuscule quantity. While sugar is bad for you, it is not an outright toxin like MSG, and if a tiny bit helps you get off MSG, it's a good trade.

If you cut out commercially prepared seasoning mixes, canned soups and prepared salad dressings, you will be well on your way to reducing MSG in your diet. Of course, you must also stay away from all the chips and snacks that come loaded up with it, from cheesy crackers to nacho cheese flavored corn chips. There are nice organic chip options in the organic section of most grocery stores, if you need those kinds of snacks (I'd still read the label though). Raw vegetables dipped in homemade hummus is a better snack than chips.

Writing? Housekeeping? Dreaming?

2012-01-25T13:01:00.004-05:00

The thing about writing is this: you have to invest a lot of time into writing, without expectation of any payoff for a very long time. For me, this is tremendously difficult to do, not because I am impatient, but because of guilt. I feel that I ought to be doing all sorts of other things, like cleaning and organizing and being available for my children at all times. Not that I do clean and organize (I despise these occupations). Mostly I sit around and feel worthless for not cleaning and organizing. But I do not allow myself to write, because I have not done the cleaning and organizing.

Now and then, I write a blog post, because a blog post is fairly short and I can steal that much time, forgetting myself for a little bit. But the thought of starting "The Novel" is something else... something like a forbidden fruit. How dare I? How selfish would I have to be? How much would it cost my family if I devoted myself to such a passion?

I used to be absolutely paralyzed with cleaning because my mother taught me, literally pounded into me, that I absolutely must do the dusting before I vacuum. Thirty years later and 1400 miles away, in my own house, I would walk around in bare feet, feeling yucky stuff sticking to the undersides of my toes, sickened. I would wish like the dickens that I could vacuum. But I could not bring myself to dust first, and so I suffered.

Then one day I pulled out the vacuum and vacuumed. I vacuumed a dusty room. But the floor was clean then, and it felt better on my feet. A few days later, I did dust. Dusting is not so bad. It is quiet and does not require any heavy lifting. Wood furniture looks pretty nice when it has been dusted; dusting is not even a thankless job.

I can clean now and then. I can even enjoy it... randomly. But I don't think I will ever be able to clean on a schedule. It's like eating oatmeal; I do it once, and the next day the thought of it gives me a gag reflex, and I have to wait quite awhile before I can stomach it again.

I wonder if I could ever get to where I felt I had permission to set other things aside and write?

Recipes

2012-01-13T19:29:00.007-05:00

To go along with the sugar free diet, here are a few recipes...

(1) Chili

1 lb. ground beef
1 Tbsp dried minced onion (or 1/2 an onion, chopped)
1/2 tsp. garlic powder / granulated garlic (or 1 clove garlic, minced)
1 tsp. cumin
1 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes
1 tsp. blackstrap molasses (don't measure, just drizzle)
2 cups water
1 15 oz. can diced tomatoes
1 15 oz. can crushed tomatoes (or stewed or diced, but blend them up)
1 or 2 cans beans -- pinto, black, kidney, whatever you like best (don't get pre-seasoned chili beans, because they have "spices" which is code for MSG)

Brown and drain ground beef. Add seasonings and cook over lowish heat until fragrant. Add water and bring to a simmer. Add tomatoes products and beans (drained) and bring to a simmer again. Simmer at least 30 minutes, longer for best flavor. This can be frozen in individual servings. It is totally high protein, low carb.

(2) Smoothie
(this is for later in the diet)

1/4 cup plain yogurt
1/4 tsp. stevia powder, if you have it
1/2 cup orange juice
1/3 cup frozen strawberries
1 banana (if you have bananas that are getting ripe, you can freeze them and then use them in smoothies -- just be sure to PEEL them before you freeze them!!!)
1-2 cups baby spinach

You can also add ground flaxseed or chia seeds if you have them, and/or a scoop of natural peanut butter.

Blend in blender until smooth. Drink. :)

(3) Soup

about 1/2 lb. beef or chicken breast (or a bit more)
1 and 1/2 tsp. salt
1 tsp. molasses
1/2 tsp. garlic
1 Tbsp. onion
3 cups water
frozen mixed vegetables (1 bag... ~12 oz?)
1 can (15 oz.) diced tomatoes
1 can (15 oz.) black beans, drained

Cut up the beef or chicken into bite-sized pieces. Cook in a small amount of olive oil in a large-ish pot. Add salt, molasses, garlic and onion and cook over low heat to blend flavors. Add water and bring to a boil. Add frozen vegetables, return to boil and cook for 20 minutes. Add tomatoes and black beans and simmer another 15 minutes or more. Like chili, this is nice to make ahead and freeze in individual portions for an easy meal.

To make a special stock, you can cook some onion and celery (and carrots and cabbage if you wish) in a some lightly salted water until they are very soft. Then puree--broth and veggies together-- in a blender or food processor and add to the soup in place of some of the water (or in addition to the water, depending on how thick you like your soup).

Axing simple carbs

2012-01-10T11:06:00.013-05:00

Sugar is the enemy. It affects our hormones and does awful things to our waistlines, skin, mood, and endocrine system. Over-consumption of sugar can even induce diabetes. Residual sugar floating around in our systems provides nourishment for many micro-organisms we do not wish to host--viruses and bacteria--seriously impeding our immune systems.

Refined white flour is equally bad, and anything with gluten in it can also cause trouble.

Here is a diet that you can try if you'd like to work on purging the excess sugars out of your system and see if you feel any better.

Step One -- Purge out the sugar

Do this for at least 3 days. You can keep going longer if you feel OK and have enough energy.

The idea is to cut out all simple carbs for a few days. Yes, all of them.

Things you can eat:

meat (fresh, good quality meat)
chicken
fish
eggs
cheese (real cheese.. not American or Velveeta or Cheez-Whiz)
nuts (almonds are particularly good)
natural peanut butter (Smuckers has a natural, no-sugar-added peanut butter that WalMart carries for a decent price)
legumes (like black beans, chick peas, etc.)
sunflower seeds
chia seeds
flaxseed
lettuce (all types)
spinach
tomatoes
cucumbers
avocado
carrots
celery
broccoli
cauliflower
peppers (any color)
zucchini, yellow summer squash
bean sprouts or other sprouts
green beans
peas, snap peas
brussels sprouts
cabbage
onion
garlic
asparagus
lemon
milk (hormone free)
plain yogurt
kefir (plain)
butter
olive oil
balsamic vinegar
herbs and spices are fine: oregano, cinnamon, etc.
unsweetened tea
unsweetened coffee
stevia (in moderation) to sweeten coffee or tea, or to make a sugarless lemonade
lots and lots of water

With this menu, you may find that it is helpful to plan you meals around this framework:

Breakfast:

Eggs cooked with vegetables and cheese (cook chopped vegetables in a small amount of butter or olive oil until tender, add eggs and cook until set, sprinkle with cheese about a minute before the eggs are finished so it can melt, season with sea salt and freshly ground pepper)
water
coffee or tea (with cream if you need something to make you feel full and satisfied)

Lunch:

Make a nice salad of your favorite vegetables and greens.
Top with diced chicken or sliced roast beef or sliced hard boiled egg
Garnish with black beans, chick peas, slivered almonds or sunflower seeds... or any combination thereof

Salad Dressing --
(since most commercially prepared salad dressing contain sugar
and/or MSG, you can make your own if you have a blender or a bullet. )
2 Tbsp. olive oil
2 tsp. balsamic vinegar or lemon juice
1/8 tsp. sea salt
a small slice of fresh onion.
Blend in blender until smooth and drizzle over your salad. You can double or triple this recipe, but it doesn't keep well for more than a couple of days, due to the raw onion.

Drink a large glass of water with lunch!

Dinner:

Cook yourself a nice little portion of fish, chicken or beef
Serve it warm with a crisp vegetable salad and a hot cooked vegetable (2 sides)
Drink a large glass of water with dinner!

Snacks:

lemon water with ice
raw carrots, celery, broccoli, cauliflower, etc. (you may dip raw vegetables in hummus-- make your own from chick peas, tahini, fresh garlic and lemon)
a handful of nuts or sunflower seeds
celery or carrot sticks spread with natural peanut butter

When you don't feel full:

have a nice, hot cup of tea with a bit of cream, and some almonds on the side
an avocado (this will make you feel nice and full, but it's too expensive to do very often)
broth (you need to make it yourself, as commercial broth always has unhealthy seasonings added to it)

Follow the above diet for a few days, at least three. If you are feeling good and doing well, stay on it for as long as you'd like.

Step 2 -- Add a few fillers
If you are feeling empty and unsatisfied, add the following as snacks and side dishes:

sweet potatoes (boiled or baked, you can serve them with butter and cinnamon... and pecans if you have them)
brown rice (bake brown rice pilaf with seasonings and some onion)
quinoa (follow package directions, experiment sauteing with olive oil and vegetables)
squash (like sweet potatoes, serve with butter and cinnamon)
spaghetti squash (try serving with tomato based meat sauce)
oranges
grapefruits
strawberries
blueberries
(make kefir smoothies with stevia and frozen berries; add spinach and flax or chia for a bang)

After trying the diet with these foods added in, see how you do. Try to go at least another three days, preferably a week, with these foods. You should not feel distractingly hungry. A small amount of hunger is not a bad thing. It is good to be truly hungry before you eat. Try always to wait to eat until you are hungry. But if, after a week, you find that you are always hungry, go ahead and...

Step 3 -- Add a few comfort foods

bananas
apples
unsweetened (no-sweetener-added) applesauce
oatmeal
one daily glass of orange juice

Adding these few foods will really open up a large opportunity for nice snacks. You can eat oatmeal with applesauce and cinnamon. Although you should not put sugar in your oatmeal, by this point you should have been without sugar for so long that it will taste good to you even with just natural applesauce and cinnamon in it. You can also mash a banana into your oatmeal to make it sweet.

If you have trouble finding unsweetened applesauce, it is easy to make. Just peel and core some apples and cook them in a small amount of water until tender. You can add cinnamon if you wish. This can be done in a crock pot, or on the stovetop. It goes pretty fast on the stovetop, especially if you slice the apples fairly thin. You could have hot, fresh applesauce within 10 minutes of the beginning boil! You can make it as smooth or as chunky as you like, depending on how you slice the apples and whether you mash them after they have cooked.

Bananas spread with natural peanut butter are a very satisfying snack. You can also spread peanut butter on apple slices.

You can stir natural applesauce into plain yogurt, and it isn't half bad.

Try to keep your diet at this point for a month or more. After 4-6 weeks, evaluate how you are doing and feeling.

Are you often hungry to the point of distraction, or do you usually feel satisfied?
Do you have energy?
How are your mood swings? Do they happen less or more than before you started to stay away from carbs?
How is your complexion?
Have you had any issues with constipation or diarrhea since you began this diet?
Have you had more or fewer headaches?
Have you gained or lost weight?
Have you been sick?

Depending on your answers to these questions, you can decide whether to continue the diet, modify or relax it, or quit it altogether.

Remember to take vitamins and supplements.

Ornamant stories

2012-01-07T19:45:00.016-05:00

I was packing away Christmas decorations today.

I stopped.

The kids leave home and the decorations come down... and there are still four more months of winter. I seriously cannot even think about this right now.

So, I will tell you a story.

Every year, we always gave each of our children a Christmas ornament on (or around) December 1, to commemorate the onset of the Advent season. We did this because the first year Shawn and I were married, poor college students that we were, we had only two little ornaments in our possession. We bought an itsy-bitsy fake tree at Menard's for about $2.99 and hung our two ornaments on it.

The next year at Christmastime, I met a friend who had a beautiful tree filled with lovely ornaments. She also was a young wife, so I asked her how she came to own so many nice Christmas decorations so early in life. "Oh," she told me, "my mom always gave me an ornament every year until I had quite a collection." Instantly, I decided to copy the tradition.

In 1993, Shannon was four, David was two-and-a-half, and Lulubelle was a wee babe of fourteen months. That year I bought these three ornaments for them:

Not perhaps the most stunningly gorgeous ornaments, but they
were durable, and at that point, durability was important.

The white one was Shannon's, the brown one David's, and we gave the black and white one to Baby Laura. Even at the tender age of two-and-a-half, David was always figuring things out. He studied the ornaments carefully and lined them up on the sofa with his chubby little hands. "Look Mommy," he told me, "Shannon got a polar bear... and I got a honey bear... and Baby Laura got a SKUNK!"

It's a memory that still makes me chuckle when the ornaments come out... even eighteen years later.

1999 must have been a crazy year. I bought these ornaments for Laura and Jonathan, but I forgot which one I had bought for whom when it came time to pass them out.

I bought the candy cane one for Jonathan, because J (the candy cane shape) is for Jonathan. I bought the clothespin one for Laura because she was always such a good little helper.

But when it came time to pass them out, I had a mental block, and I could not remember whose was whose, or why. I looked them over very carefully and noticed that this one had a little yellow duck on it:

Laura's favorite color was yellow, and at the time she had a rubber duck collection, so I figured I must have bought that one for her.

Jonathan is my biggest adventure thrill seeker, so a sledding squirrel is not entirely inappropriate for him.

Even though I gave Jonathan's ornament to Laura and Laura's to Jon, in the end I guess it's all good.

The Christmas when...

2012-01-05T16:40:00.013-05:00

Since my purpose in writing here is to capture things that will link my family members with memories of our past life (which is currently mostly our present life, but will in the future be our past life)... I am going to list a few noteworthy memories and thoughts related to our recently passed Christmas season.

(1)
This was the year Shannon and I
trekked out to Granger's Tree Farm
and harvested a tree.
It was a mild day, probably nearly 50 degrees, with a soft gray sky. We drove out in the rusty old van, the car I finally love (I never love them until they are beat).

On the way, Shannon regaled me with stories of her chemistry department and the personalities therein. We arrived at the farm and found a person to direct us, even though it was about 3 p.m. on a Friday late in December, all the wreaths were sold, and we were were the only customers there. This man also gave us a plastic sled on which to drag our tree back.

We hiked up the hill in the wind which was turning chilly. The ground was mushy. After inspecting a number of trees, we found one we agreed on... a fat, jolly one, the fattest, jolliest tree I have ever seen. Shannon went about trying to cut it down while I held the trunk. She ended up positioning the sled beneath the tree so she could sit on it and keep her backside mostly dry while sawing. This turned out to be a good use for the sled, which was not much use otherwise.

Finally, the tree felled, we headed back to the barn to pay. The tree was so fat, it rolled off the sled twice, after which we just picked it up and carried it, dragging the sled awkwardly behind us.

The man at the barn tied up the tree for us and then asked for his money. I handed him a credit card. He said, "We don't take credit cards." So... to make a long story short, we left the tree on the ground in front of the barn and drove across the rural wilderness of northern New York State until we came upon a gas station with an ATM. And we ended up, service fees and all, not getting such a great deal on the tree as we otherwise would have. But we got a great tree, and Shawn was not angry with us.

(2)
This was the year that the girls and I
went for pedicures.
During the week between Christmas and New Year's, Lulu got a bit bored and blue from the quietness of life at home in contrast to the excitement of dorm living. So I scheduled pedicures for the three of us, and Shanny, Lulu and I went, all 17 feet and 5 inches of us (that's our combined heights), and had our feet "spa-ed" and toenails painted by tiny giggling Asian girls. It's a bit intimidating to have your feet done by minuscule creatures who chatter to each other in a foreign language and laugh while they work, but we tried not to imagine what they were saying and just enjoy the sensation of hot, damp, peppermint-scented towels laid across our calves. Shannon and Laura had their toes done in deep reds. I got a girlie, pearly lavender.

(3)
This was the year that Jonathan
played a triumphant trumpet fanfare
with four other trumpeters at church
on Christmas morning.
It was an arrangement of Joy to the World. I wish I had a recording of it. What an amazing way to begin Sunday service on Christmas Day! I really like when Christmas is on a Sunday.

(4)
This was the year when I realized
that I should be thankful
for my Christmas birthday,
because it meant that my entire family was home, in our house. That night all the beds in all the bedrooms were occupied by their proper occupants.

(5)
This was the year that we had a glorious,
warm (well, 50 degree),
sunny, green Christmas.
I have had enough white Christmases in my life. I thoroughly enjoyed the change this year.

(6)
This was a year of feasts...
A fantastic ham dinner at the O'Briens' house on Christmas day, a turkey dinner (with cranberries from scratch!) on 12/29, and prime rib and shrimp cocktail on New Year's Eve. Usually we just have nachos on New Year's Eve, so it was a pretty big deal.

(7)
This was the year I got Shawn
a contraption that would
convert his slides to PDFs,
so he went to town and got all his slides from his youth missions trips loaded onto his computer. On New Year's Eve we sat in the family room and he projected (onto a large sheet of Masonite leaning on the entertainment center) the photo-journal of his journeys to Australia and China. He took a picture in Tienanmen Square a number of years prior to the massacre. A strange thought. The kids enjoyed seeing what their dad looked like when he was about 17.

Shannon baked cookies; Laura organized David's desk; David worked on writing essays and personal statements for all kinds of things he is applying to do in the future; Jonathan was happy that his sisters were home; and we all slept until we woke up without alarm clocks every day for a week. That was Christmas 2011.

Phase next

2012-01-03T16:20:00.003-05:00

It snowed last night, finally. But Jonathan did not get a snow day. He had to go to school.

I felt so bad for him. Everyone else is still sleeping in.

Shannon goes back the end of this week. David starts the 15th. And Laura starts on the 23rd. I wonder if the spread will make it all easier or harder for me... is it easier to take off a band-aid all at once or bit by bit?

It feels as though winter just started.

Shawn is going to Minnesota the end of next week, but I won't be going with him.

Sometimes when you just start randomly typing, thoughts and creativity come to you, like hot water flowing from your shower head.

And sometimes, like a cold shower, they don't.

That's when you stop and do something else.

End of the year

2011-12-31T20:24:00.006-05:00

So it is the last day of the year.

I guess it was a better year than last year, in most regards.

Shannon has successfully matriculated into graduate school and is doing well living on her own.

David is getting healthier.

Jonathan is more interested in his schoolwork.

The situation at Shawn's company is now stable; the end of our vacation was not ruined this year by company issues.

My dad had a heart attack, but he is doing well, and it got me an extra trip out to see him.

We found a new church where we will probably stay. We will stay at least until Jonathan graduates from high school, barring something odd and unexpected.

We still haven't done anything with our land except pay taxes on it. At this point, I am in favor of selling it and putting the proceeds into college tuition. I am sick of dreaming of a dream house. I think it makes me edgy, discontented. We have a very nice house. I don't need a dream house. However, I would like some nasty carpet replaced. And I would like to replace the chandeliers that I have always disliked, because if I am staying here, I don't think it is so bad to put up some lights that I like instead of these ones I have never been able to embrace. Maybe I'm tired of trying to be a good sport. Maybe there are those who would say I never was a good sport.

I'd like to earn some money, (1) so I could hire a bit of help with the housekeeping and (2) so I could help out with college tuition. Somehow, though, it doesn't seem to make sense to go to work at Wegman's, checking groceries, just so I can pay somebody to help me clean. I'm thinking of starting a new blog and monetizing it, but I doubt if that would net me more than $20-$25 per month, if that, based on the popularity I am experiencing as a writer here.

I feel a little down today. Bet that's a shocking surprise. My girls will be leaving soon; it's been dark and gray all day; and I've been itching like crazy all over my body for about three or four days straight. Also junk I can't mention.

God is good, but there are days when I just fail to feel it. There are so many days when I want to be comfortable and creative, to experience beauty and warmth and whatever... love, kindness, cooperation, likemindedness, success, joy, accomplishment. And God just doesn't see fit to grant all that stuff just because I want it, or want it for my family members. I have to struggle like the butterfly coming out of the chrysalis, and I hate this, this struggle, discomfort, disappointment.

And I get sick of trying. And I think I might go read a book, and not the Bible just right now, either. Just a plain old entertaining book to escape into, where I can think about somebody else's life that isn't mine.

I feel like the new year is coming while I hold my hands over my eyes and huddle in a fetal position.

Holidays and celebrations

2011-12-26T13:45:00.034-05:00

This morning, feeling the effects of too much sugar, too much butter and too much food, I thought a sort of cleansing diet would be helpful... nothing sweet, nothing with empty calories.

I began with a kefir-spinach-flaxseed smoothie which also had strawberries, peaches and stevia, and wasn't half-bad (although the kefir was pretty sour, as I've been getting a bit behind with the production process).

I also started boiling some eggs at the outset. I decided just to go for hard-boiled, as I've been having tremendous issues with the act of boiling eggs lately.

Green tea with a small wedge of lemon was just the ticket. After finishing my smoothie, I sat down with my tea to chat with Shawn. He was trying out some coffee beans that he and Jon roasted yesterday as a special Christmas project. In the middle of our chat, the timer rang for my hard boiled eggs. I went and got two, rinsed them under cold, running water, and sat down to peel them.

Upon being knocked gently on a napkin on the table, the first egg leaked liquid egg white. How can this be? Even now, as I sit here typing away, I cannot for the life of me figure out how, for days, every time we tried to cook soft boiled eggs for 3 minutes, they came out hard, but here I had cooked eggs for 15 minutes in an effort to produce hard-boiled, and they were not even to the point of a good soft-boiled egg.

I can cook. Really, I can. Although, clearly, I cannot boil eggs.

I quickly melted some butter in the frying pan and added what was left of the undercooked, cracked egg to finish cooking. I returned the other egg to the saucepan with the other eggs I thought I had already hard-boiled, and turned the flame back on to try to finish boiling them.

Then I puttered around and took a picture of the messy boxes in our living room in honor of Boxing Day.

And then I got intrigued and began to download all the holiday photos off my camera, which was a fun project until DJ walked into the kitchen and exclaimed, "Mom! What in the world is in this frying pan???"

As a punishment to myself, I ate it. It had a very crispy bottom.

Here are a few of the pictures that had distracted me:

This is from the night we decorated the Christmas tree (12-21-11).
Each of our kids has an ornament collection... we have a tradition of giving them an ornament every year from birth until high school graduation. By now it is very nostalgic to get out their collections and hang them on the tree. I wouldn't trade our memories of past Christmases for all the designer trees on HGTV.

I just like this picture of Shannon and Shawn sharing a moment during the tree-decorating. By now there are too many ornaments to all fit on the tree, so the kids unpack and look at all their ornaments, then take turns hanging them one-by-one (favorites first) until the tree is full. This was taken during somebody else's turn to hang.

My birthday.
I'd asked for "Blogging For Dummies," so maybe I can figure out what I'm doing here.

Me getting the vegetable brush I'd asked for (more birthday). Now we can start having celery again!

My cake.

I said I wanted one with my name on it.

The cake with candles.
The way they arranged the candles, it looks like I am 55, but I am really 46. Either way it makes 10 candles. They went for artistry and symmetry. But really, I am only 46, not 55.

I got them all.

Christmas morning.
Jon's stocking after he had emptied it and then stuffed some things (including his Nordic ski cap) back into it. We have brassy and tasteless stockings, and I embrace them. They make the morning fun.

The tree on Christmas morning.
Isn't it an odd custom to put gifts under the tree? I wonder where that idea ever arose? It reminds me of eggs under a chicken. (I guess I have eggs on my brain these days.)

Our little family room tree.
I got a fake one this year, which was not as nice as the miniature real tree we had last year, but it made me really happy anyway. Strange, how much I like having two Christmas trees. I kept the dogs toys under this one, because I have a sense of humor that way (just saying).

The kids, ready and waiting to open gifts.

Jon sporting a new sweater.

Laura going to town... those fingers are flying.

What's in there, David??

You know she's all grown up if she gets this happy about a set of flannel sheets.

Of course, Shawn has his coffee.

Unwrapping a joint gift together.

Shawn.
For some reason, this picture makes me want to say, "Happy Christmas, Harry!" with my best British accent. I don't know why.

Well, it was a good one. I'd better go clean.

It takes a chemist

2011-12-16T20:17:00.011-05:00

I've been having a little trouble with my stomach lately.

The other day, DJ was fixing his breakfast and he asked if I would like him to make me some eggs. Being in a "delicate" condition, I wasn't up for the standard over-easy or scrambled.

"I would like a soft-boiled egg," I told him. He needed an explanation, so I elaborated: "You put the egg into a saucepan, as though you were going to hard-boil it. But then, when it comes to a boil, you only cook it 2-3 minutes instead of 15-20."

DJ proceeded to bring some eggs to a boil. We weren't quite sure exactly when they started to boil, but when he heard them start to jangle in the pan and saw them rolling around in the bubbling water, he turned off the heat, put on the lid and set the timer for 2 minutes.

Upon cracking the eggs over our toast, we found that the yolks were completely solid and rather light-colored, quite like hard-boiled eggs.

A day or two later, Shawn offered to cook me an egg.

"I would like soft-boiled, please," I said, "And we need to watch very carefully, because it is easy to overcook them."

Shawn watched very carefully, but he was not exactly sure what we meant by "boiling," so once more the eggs made it to a rolling boil. Upon being served a couple minutes later, they were again, for all practical purposes, hard-boiled. (It's a good thing we like hot hard-boiled eggs.)

This morning, I tried my own hand at making a soft boiled egg. I watched the pot meticulously (can you watch a pot meticulously?). Anyway, as soon as small bubbles began to rise, I turned off the gas flame, covered the pot, and set the timer for three minutes. Then I went to work on something else. Suddenly the timer went off, and I realized that I had forgotten to make the toast! I let out a cry of despair and Shawn came running from his computer where he had been beginning the day's work. "What's the matter? What happened?" he exclaimed.

"It's nothing. Just eggs," DJ told him. "I'm very sorry it disturbed you."

We put the eggs into a bowl of cool water in an effort to halt the cooking process, and I hurriedly made the toast.

Hard-boiled again.

DJ was a good sport and said his were the best yet, not really completely hard-boiled. I, however, got the top egg, the one that never made it down into the cool water in the bowl. It was very firm.

Then Shannon (who is home for the holidays) decided to try her hand at soft-boiling. After implementing the process as we described it to her, she brought her eggs to the table and cracked one over her toast. The yolk came out soft and warm, and she proceeded to use her knife to remove the firm-yet-pliable white onto her toast as well. Her eggs were perfect.

As I sat there sipping my tea from a teacup and wishing I could have a delicious soft-boiled egg someday, Shawn remarked, "I guess it just takes an accomplished chemist to make a good soft-boiled egg. Here is a young woman who understands where a boiling point is."

'Tis the season

2011-12-11T20:51:00.009-05:00

I always have visions of a “perfect” Christmas season.

This would entail mysterious packages wrapped in brown paper tied with colored cotton string, and hand-stamped with red sleigh-bells and white snowflakes that I myself had skillfully carved from a raw potato. There would be a colossal, crooked, fragrant fir tree bedecked with white lights, candy canes, homemade frosted gingerbread men and hand-strung cranberries and popcorn.

Sprigs of fresh holly, boughs of pine, pine-cones and white beeswax candles would adorn every room. All plastic items, contraptions powered by batteries, and ribbons of synthetic-flocked-velvet would be thrust into outer darkness. Also, there would be no junk mail, no school papers, no homeless items anywhere. A place for everything and everything in its place.

We would do daily advent devotions by candlelight whilst wearing coordinating clothing of natural fabrics crafted in a style best described as “contemporary Victorian.”

The house would smell of pumpkin pie, spiced cider and nut breads. The sounds of instrumental Christmas carols would play endlessly in the background: oboe, violin, harp and wooden flute tootling softly through the hymnal.

Everyone would be happy, and full of secrets. There would be whispering and laughter and hustled tidying each time someone entered a room. One evening, we would pack up large cookie trays and song books, don long woolen coats, and go door to door through the neighborhood, singing of Christmas in four parts and delivering delicious baked goods up and down the street.

There would always be a fire in the fireplace and cardinals would flutter festively outside our windows, nibbling at homemade bird-feeders we would have hung from the beautiful bare trees.

At the end of each day
I would take a clove-scented bath
in a tub surrounded by candles
while listening to “Ave Maria.”

That is the vision.

Reality is busy schedules, cheap pizza, hectic shopping trips to overcrowded malls... or worse (and even more likely): Wal-Mart. Reality is chintzy wrapping paper, hastily taped over boxes at 1 a.m. Christmas Eve (if we can find boxes; sometimes the wrapping paper is taped directly to the gift). Reality is messy life, lack of time, and fallible humans who sometimes rub each other the wrong way despite the best of intentions. Reality is snacking on wheat crackers and spreadable cheese from Aldi when there wasn’t time to make supper.

But hey. Aldi has delicious wheat crackers and very decent spreadable cheese. And if we are together at the table, perhaps with one of our favorite family games, and the gas fireplace is humming away while the lights glisten on a kitschy but lovable Christmas tree, it is still a good Christmas.

When Jesus takes us to heaven, we will experience perfection. For now, we can just enjoy what we have, all the imperfections and short-cuts and even the sour notes. Because this is life, and the asymmetry of it leads us to Jesus, and that is something to celebrate.

Something I like

2011-12-10T14:21:00.004-05:00

I like going to bed at night before our outside Christmas lights have been turned off. Shawn hung white icicle lights along the roof line across the front of our house. I lie in my bed with the bedroom lights off, looking out my second story window at the white Christmas bulbs dangling in the dark, all twinkly and quiet. I like this. I like it best when the shades are up, but it is even nice to watch the twinkles shine around the edges of drawn shades.

There was a time when I hated Christmas lights, but I am over it. I like that our front entryway looks like a neon gingerbread house with the red and white tube lights that Shawn wound like candy-cane stripes around the front posts. I like the glowing multi-colored balls that line the peak of the little roof over our front step.

In the absence of any reflective snow, it is nearly as dark here as it must have been in Egypt during the plague of darkness. The winter solstice is upon us, and right now we need good cheer more than we need good taste. Light up the night!

post aborted

2011-12-05T17:43:00.003-05:00

Well, I am actually sick.

After days and days of feeling tired, achy, listless, lethargic and just a general malaise (the other day I had to stop in the middle of peeling an orange and rest and take deep breaths -- even for a lazy lout like me, this is not normal), I now have real symptoms.

So I guess I feel a little less lazy, and I have hope that what I thought was depression was actually a physical thing that will pass with this illness.

I spent a lot of time in bed today, dozing, reading Revelation and running to the bathroom.

There was going to be a point to this post, but Jon is playing some sort of rousing band song on youtube on my computer downstairs, and my poor fragile thoughts are shattered by it. I totally forgot what I was going to write about.

So today will be stream of consciousness or nothing. Probably safer to go with nothing and end here.

Depression and Thankfulness

2011-11-30T11:07:00.005-05:00

I was going to write a post about all the things I am thankful for.

And then I got depressed.

Depression is a bit like a cold. Some depressions are like mild colds, and some are like bad colds. You get through them. It helps when you realize what they are.

I think.

Sort of.

Sometimes.

Being depressed is like having to fight like crazy not to have a bad attitude about everything and everyone. You feel envious of people who are happy, energetic, focused and in possession of goals. But you know you should not be jealous, and this makes you miserable, which increases your sense of depression, compounding it with guilt.

If you didn't realize that you should not be jealous, you would not feel the guilt, but then you would sink even deeper into bitter jealously, so ultimately it's a lose-lose situation. Although I suppose God can --at some point-- use the guilt to motivate you towards a productive action.

You look at the carpet that you have been trying to get replaced in your house for the past five years or so (give or take), and you go back to bed with a lump in your throat. When you get up again, you are even farther behind and that also makes you feel worse.

You are thankful. You are.

At least, I am.

I am thankful that I have great kids and a faithful husband with a steady job.

I am thankful that I live in a relatively nice, safe neighborhood in a house with a decent roof and insulation, in a home where I find consistent shelter from the outside world.

I am thankful that we have enough good food, cars that work, money for gas, and clothing to wear. Also, I am thankful for nubby socks--particularly the ones without holes.

I am thankful for my dishwasher, my washing machine, my vacuum and especially my hot water heater.

I am delightedly thankful for our gas fireplace, hot showers, cozy blankets, my cobalt blue tea kettle and my white teapot with the blue flowers.

I am thankful for my new church and new friends there. I am thankful for old friends, too. I am usually thankful for my dogs.

I am thankful for beautiful music, flowers, sunshine and newborn babies.

I should be overwhelmedly thankful for Jesus and the fact that He came to earth and died for my sins, rose again and is planning a glorious eternal future for me in heaven. I would be more thankful for that if I could wrap my mind around it better.

I have no real reason to be depressed.

It's just kind of like having a cold, and it will pass.

Black Friday -- ha

2011-11-25T12:43:00.017-05:00

(Thanksgiving flowers)

Shawn says Black Friday doesn't exist in his world.

DJ says that Black Friday means we pull the shades and sleep until noon in the dark.

DJ also pointed out the irony that Americans supposedly spend all day Thursday giving thanks for the great abundance they are blessed with, and then roll up their sleeves to hit the malls on Friday, willing to draw blood and mow down their neighbors in their to-the-death competition to procure more stuff.

After cooking and cleaning up the turkey feast, I can't imagine who has energy to shop after Thanksgiving. Maybe it is the people who eat their dinner at a restaurant and thus (after receiving the bill) are desperate to save money on their Christmas gifts? I was exhausted last night, but blessedly able to sleep. I woke up at 8 and still felt like it was about 3 a.m. -- except for the bright sun streaming in around the edges of my window shades. I went back to bed.

We didn't sleep until noon, only about 10:00. I breakfasted on tea, leftover turkey, leftover pie, and citrus fruit.

It was a good Thanksgiving. We had the same menu as always, but we ate off the every-day dishes instead of the china. The turkey and praline squash were better than last year, and the Waldorf salad was not quite as good.

(pies, and me making praline squash in the background)

Speaking of the turkey... that was thirty pounds of deliciousness. Actually, I thought it was 29.88 lbs, so I've been happily calling it a 30 lb. turkey without any remorse. But I noticed on the label yesterday that it was actually 28.99 pounds, so I guess I was exaggerating more than I thought in my number-rounding process. But it was a gargantuan turkey.

A friend offered to loan me a turkey roaster. I don't think we could have done this project without that roaster. The turkey was technically too big, but I lined the sides with buttered aluminum foil where the turkey was plastered against them. The lid went on, and that was what mattered.

(topped the roaster with a towel to insulate)

I read up on roasting in a roaster, and applied a melange of the advice I found.

(1) I rinsed the turkey, rubbed it with olive oil, and sprinkled it with kosher salt, fresh ground pepper, plenty of sage, and a bit of thyme and rosemary. I put plenty of the seasonings into the cavity.

(2) I coarsely chopped and/or quartered some onions, celery, a granny-smith apple and a lemon and stuffed them into the cavity as well.

(3) We put about 1/2 inch of water in the bottom of the roasting pan. Sources differ as to whether they recommend this step, but I wanted to be sure to have something for gravy.

(4) We placed the turkey in the roaster with the buttered foil along the sides.

(5) We turned the roaster up to nearly the highest setting and "seared" the turkey for 30 minutes.

(6) We roasted the turkey for 2 hours at 325, and then 4.5 more hours at 350, never lifting the lid once to check until seven hours had been completed.

Upon opening the roaster, the first thing I noticed was the leg meat falling from the leg bones. I thought perhaps it would be overcooked and dried out. But it was a the tenderest, moistest, most flavorful turkey I've ever had, except perhaps when I've brined them.

The first few bites were so delicious. Unfortunately, I got full practically before I even tasted some of everything. But you know, "there's always tomorrow..."

(DJ after eating his fill)

So I guess this post is more about Thanksgiving than it is about Black Friday. And I am glad, because I think that's the way it ought to be.

(The guys raked the rest of the leaves...)

(...and watched football.)

Lulu took pictures.

We ate our first meal in the dining room since we repainted this past summer. That is sparkling cider, non-alcoholic, and it was a delicious complement to the meal.

It was nice.

All's well

2011-11-19T15:35:00.005-05:00

My kids are all at home.

Last night, it felt so good to go to bed knowing that every bedroom was occupied. Every person was present and accounted for. Six sets of DNA-sharing lungs would be breathing the air in this very house, all night long.

I fell asleep listening to them bantering out in the hall about whose turn it was in the bathroom. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Today we had a family photo shoot with a family friend who is a wonderful photographer. We walked around on this perfect fall day amongst crunchy leaves, brick buildings, metal bridges, park benches and grassy banks on the side of a canal. Our photographer took tons of pictures, and we laughed, climbed, and leaned against one another.

At the end we were chilly, so we warmed up with some fancy coffee drinks in a trendy little coffee shop, and we were just so together, so completely and totally all there. Jon smiled, DJ was nonchalant, Laura wondered how long it takes to get into NYC from Shannon's apartment, and Shannon talked to Shawn about visiting her when he goes east on business, and how she knows a place where they can get all-you-can-eat sushi for $20.

Now they are all at the phone store because Jon gets his first phone today, and the rest all want upgrades.

And I'd better come up with a dinner plan...

Holiday season

2011-11-18T12:17:00.011-05:00

The longest gaps in my posts are when there is the most going on in real life. Shannon is home now, and we're praying that Lulu-belle will arrive home safe tonight.

It's kind of weird how one's blog is quiet when one's life is full, but it makes sense.

Wegman's has turkeys for 48 cents per pound with a $25 purchase. I've been hitting Wegman's more lately, so each time I go I can get a turkey. I believe I've bought four turkeys so far! I'd like to get one more, and then I can roast one per month until spring. How is that for a fun way to pass the winter months?

The other day I took Jon with me on my turkey run. (I call it a turkey run when I go out to spend $25 and get a cheap turkey--and I don't feel guilty, because Wegman's is getting a lot of business out of me through this offer, business that otherwise would be going to Aldi.)

So Jon and I were walking toward the freezer case that holds the turkeys, and I said, "Do you want to get a medium one, or a big one?"

Of course he said he wanted a big one. I saw a 20 pounder and said, "How about that?" He considered it and told me, "Well, the one underneath it is a whole lot bigger." He dug out the really big one, and it was very nearly 30 pounds. I tried to talk him out of it. I don't know if my oven is even big enough to roast a bird that big. Oven roasting bags only hold turkeys up to 24 pounds. I was very dubious of this scheme.

He won. There is a 30 pound turkey thawing in the bottom of my refrigerator.

I hope the plastic wrapper doesn't leak.

I borrowed a turkey roaster from a friend. If the turkey doesn't fit in this contraption, we're up a creek.

Song lyrics

2011-11-14T11:54:00.011-05:00

I've written a number of times about my concerns regarding the lack of theological substance, correctness and completeness in many Contemporary Christian Music choruses.

There are some good modern songs, though. Here are links to a few of the ones that touch my heart meaningfully:

How Deep the Father's Love

In Christ Alone

The Gospel Song

All I Have is Christ

Blessings

It is not about when a song was written, whether it is a new song or an old song. It is about:

(1) What kind of truth do the lyrics of the song proclaim about the Lord?

(2) Does the form of the song (the way it sounds and feels) support the meaning that it is trying to communicate?

In other words, the song needs to have good, solid truth in it, to begin with. And then, the melody and the rhythm need to underscore and spotlight this truth, rather than distracting attention away from the lyrics. Even a really good song can be ruined by a distracting drumbeat, although I recognize that this statement drifts dangerously close to matters of personal taste. Still, it is something to beware.

Aside: I was once in a choir that sang a song with lyrics that proclaimed,
It was a great thing that He did for me!
It was a great thing that He did for me!
Jesus died on Calvary,
for the whole wide world to see!
It was a great thing that He did for me!

Now, this is all absolutely true and good and right. However, the song was sung to a loud, catchy, swinging country gospel tune. I'd say it was rollicking. If the song had been about the resurrection, it might have been appropriate. But singing in such a sing-song, hee-haw, kick-up-your-heels-and-dance style about the crucifixion of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ... well, it always made me cringe. Quite a bit.

Lyrics are important. Words are important. If Jesus is the Word of God, made flesh to dwell among us (John 1), then words are important. People who say, "You just think too much," are copping out, and the Emperor has no clothes.

I just wanted to write about this today because there is an old hymn that I have never liked, since I was a child, and this morning I thought of an analogy for why I do not like it.

I do not like the song, "The Old Rugged Cross." Here are the lyrics in particular that I do not like:

So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross,
Till my trophies at last I lay down;
I will cling to the old rugged cross,
And exchange it some day for a crown.

It has a nice, heartfelt hymn melody, so in these days when hymns are sung somewhat rarely, especially if it comes up in the middle of a head-banging set of contemporary music, I can get lulled into a sense of well-being by the melody before I realize that I do not like the words.

But really? "I'll cherish the old rugged cross..."? How about if I cherish JESUS, who died a horrible death on the old rugged cross? The cross itself was a terrible thing, the thing I'd have had to experience if Jesus had not sacrificed Himself for me on it.

The analogy I thought of: Imagine a young man who has to work for a living in a terrible machine factory. In this factory, his bosses beat him and insult him daily, working him to the bone. Day after day, in the ear-splitting din of crashing metal parts, he lifts and carries large, awkward, heavy, sharp-edged metal pieces from one end of the factory to the other. He has no hope. He is miserable, and he can't afford to quit, or he will starve.

Then, suppose his mother learns of his predicament. She moves across the country to live with him, and she goes to work in the factory for him, enduring all the harsh treatment and excruciating labor to earn money for her son, which she gives to him so he can go to college and earn a degree and get a better job.

At the end of it all, when the young man has received his college degree, paid his college bills, and begun a new job, does he say... "I love the old machine factory!"

I think not.

And neither do I love "the old cross." I love Jesus. I am grateful that He died for my sins. I appreciate with all my heart what Jesus did for me on the cross. But I do not love the cross. It is almost like saying that you love Hell, because Jesus saved you from it. That would just be ridiculous.

Identifying the problem

2011-11-04T13:42:00.007-04:00

I am trying to clean, and it is totally stressing me out.

I had to take a break.

Part of the problem, I think, is that in order for me to make things look nice, I have to take apart and hide all our haphazard systems for living and paying bills and cooking and studying. When it is aesthetically pleasing around here, it is entirely non-functional. Both of these scenarios (living in squalor vs. living in an aesthetic but non-functioning environment) cause me no end of stress, but the clean-to-dysfunction is killing me right now. It could be months before we find some of the things I am squirreling out of sight today, even though I am trying very hard to do this logically.

(side note: When things get lost, Shawn plays a game where he says, "Hmmmm. I'm Ruth. Now, where would I put the [--insert name of missing object--] if I were trying to store it in a logical place?" I can never find things this way, but he often does, which is uncanny, but I have been telling him for nearly 25 years that it is his job to read my mind, and I guess he has learned how in certain instances.)

I long for a house that is both aesthetic and functional... where I have real places to keep (not hide) the things I am working on, and I can find things readily without just piling all the important stuff in one very obvious and unaesthetic place, and bills do not get lost and I don't forget to return my library books before they are overdue.

*sigh*

Remembering to say thank you

2011-10-29T14:41:00.007-04:00

I wrote about my varicose vein surgery back when it happened.

But in so doing, I neglected to mention the most amazing part.

I did mention that I was afraid of the anesthesia, but I did not explain how afraid I was.

I was so afraid that I did not sleep for a week before the procedure. This no doubt was part of my excuse for going to pieces and weeping during my admission process. I was exhausted.

During the week before the surgery, the week when I was not sleeping, I had to do a little marching band fund-raising for Jonathan. I don't know if I have ever mentioned how much I hate and despise fund-raising. But I do. And there I was, an exhausted, frightened woman, looking down the pike at vein surgery, trying to focus on the day-to-day, and the day-to-day was fund raising. Ugh.

One of my tasks was to try to sell a print ad to a local jewelry store. This ad would appear in the program for the band show that our school was hosting. I get a lump in my throat just thinking about trying to sell an ad to a jewelry store.

It was October, so I decided, "I will go into the store and buy something for one of my girls, for a birthday gift. And after I have made the purchase, I will ask if they will buy an ad."

So I went into the store and looked at jewelry pieces, and a nice woman helped me. She was medium height, medium build, short brown hair (more stylish than mine) and nicely dressed (as you would expect of an employee in a jewelry store). She was just a really nice person.

At some point a dam broke and I gushed out my life's story, about how tired I was because I was not sleeping because I had surgery coming up and I was so, so scared. Even as I spilled my guts, I was embarrassed and ashamed. But she looked at me sympathetically and said, "What is your name? I would like to pray for you. I'll pray for you, that God will help you get through this."

Just like that.

I didn't even know what to say, so I just said, "Ruth." I didn't tell her that I was a sister in Christ, or that God had certainly put her in my path that day because He knew I needed a touch from Him, or that my heart was overflowing with gratitude. I just told her my name was Ruth, and I bought a necklace for Shannon, and I halfheartedly offered to sell her an ad but waved it away in relief when she apologetically told me that the store owner wasn't buying many ads in the present economy.

I walked out to my car full of wonder.

And then, on the day of the surgery, when I had been admitted and had stripped down to a hospital gown and was getting prepped by my nurse, the nurse pulled out a big questionnaire. As she went down through the questions, she hit one that asked, "Do you have a particular religious affiliation?"

I scrunched up my face and asked, "What do you mean by that?"

She was of medium height, medium build, short brown hair. Her hair was sandy textured, and she had a few freckles, I think, and a cute little nose that turned up just a tad. In her pale surgical-green scrubs, she looked full of kindness.

I don't even remember what I said, but all of a sudden we were having this great chat, and she was a Baptist, too, with a brother who is a pastor in the Adirondacks or Albany or somewhere. She said, "We're all born-again here!" And even though I was so afraid of the procedure, she assured me that God would be with me and that it would be OK. It was so amazing and surreal, I can't even remember the particulars, just this incredible sense of relief and astonishment that God would reach out to me like that, at a time like that, and let me know how near He was.

And then I never even told anybody about these things. I don't even know why. But I am telling now, because God deserves to be bragged on.

wonderful weekend

2011-10-27T14:07:00.023-04:00

I knew my daughters were coming home this past weekend, so I bought some flowers. They were gorgeous.

However, the roses opened too fast, and were nearly spent by the time the girls arrived...

So we replaced them with some carnations to extend the life of the bouquet. It reminds me of fluffy peppermint candies.

Every year for about two weeks, my three older kids have stair-step ages. The first year, they were 0, 1 and 2. Now, that was a challenge. This year (and in this picture) they are 19, 20 and 21. Actually, 21, 20 and 19, if you want to get technical. This was taken one day before Shannon turned 22.

While the girls were home, the boys got Lu to shave their heads. Here she is scalping DJ in the garage. It was too cold and rainy to do it outdoors. Sadly, through the whole weekend, we did not get a single picture of Jon. He, however, was the one who swept up the hair in the garage, and also the one who grilled steaks for the joint birthday dinner held on October 21.

Here is Shannon in the garage, bonding with her Schu while she watches Lu wield the electric razor.

Ahhh... the birthday cake. This is a triple-layer chocolate-mocha cake from Taste of Home. It has a chocolate-mocha cream cheese frosting, and it is delicious.

We put on 41 candles, because Lu turned 19 on October 8, and Shannon was turning 22 on the 23rd. 19 + 22 = 41. Hence, 41 candles.

It took awhile to light them all. Jonathan helped.

The sight of the cake all ablaze was quite remarkable. We took our time singing, as much as we dared, so we could enjoy the effect.

...and when they blew out the candles, there was a great cloud of smoke. We opened the slider to the deck to air it out, and averted an issue with the fire alarm.

I'm not gonna lie, that was one mouthwatering, magnificent, momentous birthday cake.

The next day, Shannon and Shawn and I went apple picking. The apples are disappearing fast. When Shawn learned that Granny Smith apples were prolific right now, and that they are only good for baking, not for eating, he was all for picking "...just a few more of these!" We enjoyed a great, big, fresh, apple crisp to eat that very evening.

That night we all bundled up and went to see Jonathan play in a marching band show. Even though we didn't take any pictures, I will try to get a generic marching band picture of Jon on here, but I'm having some trouble right now. Just imagine a very tall, dark eyed trumpet player who marches sharply and in perfect step, blowing sweet high tones through his horn into the crisp fall starlight of central New York... It was a great night, and we weren't even too cold.

AHA! I got it! Kind of a formal band uniform mugshot, but even so, you can see how handsome my boy is.

And there went another fall weekend where the pool did not get closed. Poor old pool, full of leaves and raindrops. Poor old us, that will be one cold, wet job now.

Dreams I wish I'd stop having

2011-10-25T12:51:00.004-04:00

Last night I dreamed we were in the Homeland Road house again.

The six years we lived there were probably the most unhappy years of my entire existence, which is really sad to think about, because three of my children were born there. It is ironic that the years I spent on "Homeland" were the years I felt less at home than any other time in my life.

I was so happy, so relieved, so beside myself with contentment when we finally got out of there.

And now I keep dreaming that we are going back.

Last night I dreamed that a realtor let us in and we spent the night there. In the morning, we had to run along a sidewalk next to a rough embankment to get back to this house so we could pick up socks and coffee. Shawn stayed here with the coffee, but I ran back to Homeland alone where I found that the old neighbors who used to live across the street had moved into our old house, and they were remodeling it. It was the grandma and her grandchildren. They remembered our kids and tried to be civil. Still, they were quite perturbed that we were there, as they were getting ready for company. The grandma asked me to please get my stuff out of the house as quickly as possible.

There was also a lot of stainless steel--weird 1950's style stainless steel kitchen counters that assembled and dissembled to perform different functions--and a giant steel mixer mounted to the kitchen floor. I have seen that same mixer in other dreams, in silhouette, and thought it was an animal in the kitchen until the light increased and I could see that it was a machine.

These Homeland Road house dreams are not terrifying, but I do not usually like them.

There is another recurring dream I have that I really hate. It stemmed from those dreams about being in college and not having been to class. Those particular dreams abated at one point when I dreamt that I was in a flat, ranch-style house with green carpet, chasing my toddlers around and trying to get to class. Someone came to the door to get a paper from me, and suddenly I stopped and cried out, "No! This is not real! I am not a student, I am a mother of three!" A sucking, suffocating, pulling sensation ensued and I landed in my bed, awake and shaking, but very relieved.

Since then, those dreams have morphed into a dream about being in a high school and needing to go to the bathroom. I hunt and hunt, and finally find the bathroom on a remote floor in a remote corner, but it is always unusable. There are usually many, many toilets, laid out in circular patterns, and I desperately seek for one in a stall, because it galls me to use one out in the open. There are always people in the bathroom--sometimes hoards of them, and sometimes just a few--but it is never private. The people are not nice, either. They are what one remembers from high school as "mean girls." There are also a few smokers, which is annoying and slightly threatening, but they do not produce the same sensation that one gets from the mean girls.

Eventually I will find a stall or two, but they are always full, or out of order. Sometimes I try to wait in a line. Eventually I always end up going back to the exposed toilets in circles (facing out, with a dirty ledge running behind them), because I need to go to the bathroom so very badly. People (females) are sitting on some of these toilets, but the open ones are always full of putrid feces and I gag and put my hands over my nose. I cannot bring myself to go to the bathroom on top of someone else's putrid feces, next to a stranger in an open room. I don't want to touch anything, and I cannot find soap and water.

Finally I wake up and have the privilege of going to the bathroom all by myself in my very own private bathroom, washing my hands with nice smelling soap, drying them on a clean towel and going back to bed.

I feel so weird for having written about these dreams. I haven't ever talked about the bathroom dream before. Maybe by exposing it, I can stop having it, or at least identify it concretely in my mind as a dream so the next time I have it I can wake myself up earlier. I hope so.

Coming soon... pictures of our wonderful weekend with the WHOLE FAMILY AT HOME!!!

Obfuscation

2011-10-21T10:31:00.004-04:00

Yesterday I found myself at the intersection of Soule and 57. A blue truck sat in front of me, an ordinary blue truck, not particularly old or worn or even rusty.

The light turned green and the truck took off, simultaneously emanating a thick cloud of inky black smoke. The cloud grew expansive, hovered and finally dispersed. I decelerated and waited, holding my breath, feeling as though I were under water and an octopus or a squid had just made a grand escape. The only thing was, I felt more like the prey. Trucks are far more predatory than DJ's eleven-year-old Corolla, which I was driving.

Also, I have been dreaming about our old Homeland Road house a lot lately. In my dreams, it always has huge wings we'd never discovered, long hallways filled with bedrooms and bathrooms, even lobbies. In past dreams, these newly discovered spaces have been in bad shape, requiring a lot of fixing up, particularly plumbing. A few times, I've even encountered dysfunctional jacuzzis. But lately the expanded spaces have been livable. Last night I dreamed Shawn and I were in a very large bedroom, similar to but different from our bedroom on Homeland. The blue painted walls and wallpaper border were the same, but the border was peeling near the ceiling.

Then I woke up in my four poster bed and wondered why, why do I keep dreaming myself there?

Very Strange

2011-10-18T14:52:00.003-04:00

I wrote a post today, but it got posted to 10/10/11. Bizarre.

Click the hyperlink if you want to read it. Thanks.

Coming soon...

2011-10-12T14:24:00.003-04:00

I have a couple of posts rolling around in my head, but I can't quite catch the right opportunity to get them written.

Until then, I have been fairly faithful about updating my other blog lately, so if you want something to read, you could take an amble over there.

Musing on home and other things

2011-10-10T13:30:00.032-04:00

When Shawn and I moved from our married-student-housing apartment at the University of Minnesota to our first apartment in central New York, and then from that apartment to our first house, it was surprising how the continuity of "stuff" created a sense of home. Constant through all these moves was an old basement sofa my parents had donated to us when we first married. Olive tweed, long, sturdy, it lasted through my mother's married life and much of mine. Currently it sits in our garage, awaiting a ride to the dump. The upholstery is shot, but it is still as sturdy and well constructed as ever. I wish I knew how to reupholster. Every time I open the garage door to put something into a recycling bin, I see that old sofa and I feel a pang. Memories are hard for me to dump.

There were a few things... certain wall hangings we received as wedding gifts, that sofa, the WWII army footlocker that we used as a coffee table for so many years. We'd get to a new place, and we'd unpack these things, and suddenly it seemed familiar, "ours."

Shannon's new apartment is like that, somehow. Her room at home is different now, but with her bookshelf and her desk in place, her apartment feels homey. We also took her the dresser she used when she was a little girl. Someone had donated it to us, and Shawn and I stripped it, stained it and replaced the hardware. It was one of our projects, back in the day. At a certain point we replaced it, but I kept it in the basement and filled it up with craft supplies. In honor of Shannon, I cleaned out the drawers and packed it along to her new place. It's a little piece of the olden days, standing in the corner of her bedroom.

It felt good to be at Shannon's a week and a half ago. It felt like home, like another home, another place in the world where I actually belong. I think feeling at home has something to do with being allowed into a refrigerator. You are not truly at home unless you can open up the refrigerator and get out the makings of breakfast or lunch.

Recently, Shannon wrote, "I catch myself calling two different places home, now. It's kind of odd - almost like a mental break. I still have home programmed into my GPS as New York, and I can't bring myself to change that. What do you do when going home means two different things? I think it's just out of convenience that I refer to this apartment as home. It's faster than saying 'I'm going back to my apartment.' People seem to understand."

That resonated with me, caught as I am in new York while never having stopped feeling that Minnesota was my home. In today's world, "home" becomes so fragmented, a splintering concept that disperses in all directions as family members move father and farther from one another.

When Shawn and I arrived at our first apartment here in CNY, it was July and we didn't have much more than a shower curtain. A day later, the moving truck pulled up and we arranged our stuff, made it home, and settled in.

I remembered our first NY apartment while we were at Shannon's, because they have not turned on the heat on in her building. This reminded me that they didn't turn the heat on in our first apartment building until (I think) October 1. Maybe it was November 1. We froze.

Shannon had been freezing in her apartment, too. It was about 57 degrees (inside) the evening we arrived. Her apartment handbook says, "The heat will be turned on in the early fall and off again in the late spring." I'm not sure what constitutes "early fall" but I suppose they are purposefully vague. We piled on the blankets that night and awoke to a nippy morning which we combated with hot tea, hot coffee and hot baths. Oddly, the pipe to the shower-head doesn't seem to pull much hot water, so you are better off bathing...it's a fantastic, giant, cast-iron tub. Shannon has the blue checkered shower curtain that graced the kids' bathroom upstairs until we remodeled this past year. Another shout-out to familiarity... I love familiar things.

Later, Shawn and I left Shannon studying for her organometallic chemistry exam and went for a walk. The day had warmed up to about 80, and I found myself shedding layers as we clipped along.

We decided we'd better tell Shannon to open some windows and let the warmth in, so we headed back up the hill. In front of a large gray house with curving concrete steps, a gray squirrel busied himself ravishing an oak tree. There were so many acorn treasures, he was quite overcome with joy. He leapt along with a huge tuft of oak leaf sprouting from his mouth; curling green foliage sprigged up one side, and a nutty brown cluster of acorns hung down the other.

Back in the apartment building, icy air hit us like a blast of air conditioning. We helped Shannon open up the windows. By then the afternoon sun was shining in too, so before long we warmed up luxuriously.

We walked to our favorite burger place for dinner. To get there, one must cross a town square. Through the center lies a grassy village green, and along the west side (or maybe the north side?) three churches stand in a row -- modern, liberal, main-line churches. Along the road, buses continually pull up in front of the churches to pick up and drop off riders. The many park benches, presumably placed for the convenience of bus riders, overflow with tired, sad, economically-depressed people. Some people get on and off the buses, while others huddle together beneath newspapers, trying to find some comfort in a wearisome world. Belligerent, grammatically and vocabularily challenged youths cavort on skateboards and do their best to block foot traffic. And just beyond all this, a pricey wedding spilled out of one of the churches. Formal black tuxedos, posh golden bridesmaids' dresses and white, feathered flower arrangements, a bride and a flower girl adorned with the latest and greatest NYC fashions, all posed for photos among distinguished family members and friends. The party was beautiful, and so were the church and the park. I am sure that the photographer strategically aimed her shots away from the buses and the street people. I thought how different the photos would look from the view we got as we walked down the sidewalk. A photo frame is a powerful thing.

In the restaurant, business was hopping. Since every table was full, the host invited us to sit in three chairs around the corner of the bar. Of course, this infuriated the bartender, as we had no intention of buying drinks. But he sucked it up pretty well and let us have water and Coke while we watched Notre Dame kill the Air Force Academy and waited for our food. A solitary lady next to me spread out her reading material and picked at her plate, a colorful melange of lettuce, tomato and other unidentifiable but eye-catching substances. She approached her glass of beer with infinitesimal sips. Her elbow crowded me, and I wished she would hurry up, finish her dinner and leave. But then I realized that it was a Saturday night, and she was all alone in the middle of that loud, crowded place, all alone dragging out her meal while pretending to read newsprint. When the bartender took away her not-nearly-empty-but-stagnating plate, she folded up her reading material and got out her phone, proceeding to read through old text messages and emails until she couldn't make the beer last any longer. And then I felt sorry for her. I was so happy to be with Shannon and Shawn, laughing, catching up, trading stories.

The next day we went to church, and then we did some shopping. Back once more, our arms loaded with packages from the store, we approached the steps to the apartment building only to see two squirrels cavorting in the sunshine. One was a normal looking squirrel, big and bushy. The other one was tiny. Are there baby squirrels around in October? The big squirrel ducked into the shrubbery as we approached, but the little one stood on the step, quivering, nervous, hopeful. I have never been so close to a squirrel before. His face was as wistful as Schubert's. Shannon thought he must want some food and sent Shawn in to get a piece of bread. The little guy peered up at us, as cute as a puppet or a cartoon drawing (and if you know anything about my hatred of rodents, you know that this one was excessively cute if even I thought so). We could see the varied colors in his facial hair--brown, gray, white--his small black eyes, and his upside-down Y of a mouth. His feet and hands were huge in relation to his body, with long fingers and finger-like toes. But they weren't icky the way DJ says the rat paws are in the lab where he works. They were innocent and almost duck-like, maybe because they were just so huge in proportion to his little body. Anyway, now I understand how squirrels climb across power lines. Our little guy couldn't quite decide what to do. He seemed frightened but not terrified, shaking, hopping towards us a half-a-hop and then finally darting away into the shrubbery after his companion. Shawn said that perhaps someone else has been feeding him and taming him. I hope there are no cats around those apartments, or he'll be a goner very soon.

So that was our visit to Shannon. We left DJ and Jon alone and Jon got locked out of the house for the better part of Sunday, but I am not going to write about it. It ended OK, and that's all I'm going to say about that.

I felt at home at Shannon's. She has a black futon rather than our old tweed sofa (the one that awaits its demise in our garage), but the futon makes a much more hospitable resting place for Shawn and me. It folds down into a very comfortable bed. And home is also a place where you can get a good night's sleep.

Visiting Shannon

2011-10-08T15:36:00.006-04:00

Shawn and I are visiting Shannon while the boys and the dogs hold down the fort at home.

This is a new thing.

I guess it is what we are aiming for when we begin to raise a child. We hope that the child will grow up to be a self-supporting, productive member of society.

So here we are at Shannon's, eating her waffles and her cookies and her soup and sandwiches and guacamole. I used her soap this morning, and Shawn borrowed her hair gel. Now we are all contentedly pecking away at our respective computers. She is studying for an exam on the organo-metallic chemistry of transition metals, which she has to take on Tuesday. Shawn is catching up on things for his work. And I am writing a blog post. This is family togetherness in 2011.

Of course, there is a part of me that wishes she had just gotten married, bought the house up the street, and settled down to provide me with grandchildren. But really, it is so amazing that God has allowed her these opportunities to grow and expand. She spent the summer working with a professor who was recognized recently for discovering a way to chemically synthesize a new and ground-breaking medicine that treats ovarian cancer. Who knows what God might have in store for Shannon?

It was really cold last night, and they have not yet turned on the heat in this apartment building. In addition to eating Shannon's food, we drank a lot of her tea. This morning we opened the blinds of these huge, airy windows and looked out on a sunny, blue-skied courtyard. There is a tree in the center, a tree whose leaves are still green. A deep residual cold lingered in the apartment, but outside the day is warm and wonderful. We discovered this on a short walk, after which we returned to open the windows, let in the fresh warm air, and listen to the birds in the bushes.

It's funny how things come out. I love how Shannon has organized her little kitchen. It simply delights me. I wonder if there is anything I taught her that contributed to her logical sense of order. Maybe? My life recently has been a train-wreck, as is my house, but there have been times when I have been on top of things. Maybe that's why I love it here so much. It reminds me of seasons in my own life when I have been on top of things.

Well, we are only going to be here for a short time. I don't want to waste too much of it blogging...

Theophonics

2011-10-03T10:40:00.018-04:00

My husband is in a singing group called "Theophonics." They are an all-male a cappella group, and you can listen to a few of their songs here. Don't miss the "Praise Ye the Lord" one... it's my favorite!

The guys.

The guys again. They'd been trying to induce Schubert to pose with them.

They have real jobs and wives and children, but they love to sing together when they can. I've been lucky enough to have them practicing at my house for the past month or so. It's so nice to listen to them... especially when they've pretty much got the music under their belts and are fine tuning it. They travel around to area churches to sing, and just take a love offering to help cover their travel expenses and to help them afford to buy sound and recording equipment. They sing locally and have gone as far as PA.

Because this is my blog, I am shamelessly putting my husband first. He usually sings the very top parts. If you read my blog, you know all about our family, so I do not need to belabor his bio.

This is Ron. Ron is really the guy who started the whole thing. He organizes practices, arranges music, dreams big and keeps everybody excited. In real life, he is a music teacher at a school in the area, and he also directs a really wonderful homeschool choir. Like my husband, he is a high tenor. He and his wife have a two-year-old daughter and an infant son. The group used to practice at his place, but the noise interfered with bedtime. So I got them! And I'm glad I did!

This is Brian. He is also a chorus teacher in a local school district, and he directs the school's plays (at least, the musicals). He and his wife have three children, two teenage daughters and a soon-to-be teen son. Brian has a beautiful gift for writing and arranging music and often lends his skills to the group. Brian is a baritone, and it's a good thing he is, because this group is heavy on tenors, as you will see.

Here we have Mr. Jim. He does the vocal percussion for the group, but he also sings lead sometimes. He has a wonderful, folksy, slightly-higher-than-baritone voice. Jim and his wife have a son in elementary school and a daughter in junior high.

This is the "other" Bryan. He is the newest member of the group, and what a fantastic addition he has been! He has a stunningly gorgeous high tenor voice, classically trained at Eastman School of Music. He and his wife have a preschool age daughter, a one-year-old son and a new baby due on November 17. So Theophonics will not be booking in November. Sorry, but families come first!

This is another Shawn. I will not call him the "other" Shawn, because he is great friends with Ron, and they started the group together, and he was probably the person who actually invited my Shawn to join. This Shawn is a tremendous team player with a second tenor voice. He's willing to sing whatever part is needed, which usually ends up being something super-difficult in the middle, so it's a good thing that he's a good music reader! He never complains, and he's always on time, always agreeable, always doing whatever it takes to pull things together. He and his wife have a newly potty trained daughter!

So, that's Theophonics. If God wills, maybe you will hear them sing in person some day. We'd all like that.

Dark day

2011-10-01T16:40:00.001-04:00

It is dark, chilly and rainy.

Either I have a cold, or my allergies have gone berserk.

I had very few goals today, but even so, the only thing I've managed to get done is a lasagna.

Shawn says it could be a lot worse.

A note to google readers

2011-09-28T11:04:00.003-04:00

If any of you actually subscribe to me on Google Reader, I'd just like to say this... my first draft of a post is really a first draft. I have trouble seeing what I've done when I type in this little html box, so I always publish and then read and edit a few times, and then sometimes I even edit more a few days later (and add pictures). So I fear that if you are reading what pops up on Google Reader the first time, you are getting a rough, rough draft, and for that I apologize. You may want to wait a few days before you read this stuff, or at least a few hours, and then hit your refresh button a few times...

Good-bye, girls--part seven

2011-09-28T09:14:00.015-04:00

I've been avoiding this post.

I've been writing to my daughters about all the things I wish I'd ever told them and am afraid I may have missed.

Shortly before Shannon moved out, I told her, "Come upstairs with me and watch me clean this toilet. You'll need to know how to do this on your own now." And she told me, "It's OK, Mom, you've already shown me how to clean a toilet." And I wanted to say, "But my technique may have changed since then," or "I think I use a different cleaning chemical now," or "Are you sure? I have no memory of that. I probably did it wrong; let me show you again." Actually, I probably did say that last thing.

Anyway, as promised at the end of the last post in this series, this post is about supplements. Shannon doesn't really much approve of taking supplements, and Laura hates the way the basket full of supplements looks in the kitchen, and I feel pretty self-conscious about this particular post. But it is keeping me at least one more step away from trying to talk about beauty, and for that I am truly grateful.

I take supplements because I think they keep me off prescription medications, and that is a very good thing, especially with the lack of coverage our health insurance provides.

One of the most important aspects of supplements is this: they can help you boost your immunities. Here is a list of immunity boosting supplements:

(1) Vitamin D. We talked about this earlier. Vitamin D is very important, especially for those of us who live in the northeastern USA where there is precious little sun, and small children grow up believing that the sky is gray, not blue. It boosts your immunities, eases aches and pains, strengthens your heart... actually, I forget all the things it does. If we ever migrate to Arizona, we will be able to ease up on the vitamin D, but for now, take a supplement, and some days, the darkest days, go ahead and take two.

(2) A multi-vitamin. Take a good multi-vitamin daily. I shy away from vitamins formulated specifically for women, because they always contain iron, and iron makes me sick. Men's multi-vitamin formulas often have selenium, which I always thought was good for you (in the proper amount, not too much) and helps with immunities, heart, skin, thyroid and eye health. It is a very powerful anti-oxidant and even has some effect on fighting cancer and neutralizing toxic substances that you may take in. I was a big proponent of selenium, and then Dr. Mercola came out and said that it is really dangerous and the kind they put into most multi-vitamins will actually kill you (not the kind he puts in his own multi-vitamins, of course...) But I'm sick of Dr. Mercola, so I think I'll go ahead with my recommendation that you take a muti-vitamin with selenium and no iron.

(3) Fish Oil. Fish oil is just so good for you over all, you ought to take it. Again, it is good for your heart. It helps your circulatory system, your nervous system, your digestive system and your skin, hair and nails. It's even good for your brain. The special kind of fat in fish oil helps you metabolize your food and absorb your vitamins. One of my friends told me that a psychiatrist told her that he takes four fish oil capsules a day to boost his mood and fend off depression. I'm not exactly sure if it belongs in my "immunity boosting" list, but it does everything else, so I figured that such an all purpose supplement probably boosts your immunities, too. NOTE: look for entearic coated fish oil capsules, or at least capsules that promise "no fishy burps." Cheaper is not better where fish oil is concerned. The cheap ones can give people wicked indigestion.

(4) Acidophilus or a good probiotic. The good bacteria in your "gut" (as they say) is very important to maintaining a healthy immune system. Antibiotics kill off these good bacteria. Other things do, too, specifically the chlorine in drinking water and--much stronger and more dangerous--the chlorine in Splenda (sucralose). Stay away from Splenda, almost as much as you would stay away from aspartame. (Anyway, Splenda tastes awful.) Besides generally keeping your immune system healthy, probiotics prevent and fight all kinds of fungal and yeast infections. Also, if you are having troubles with your stomach being off, or with diarrhea or constipation, a few extra probiotic capsules should help to right your system.

Then there are supplements I take for "womanly" issues. I will try to be careful about how I discuss them.

(1) Evening Primrose Oil. I love this supplement. It prevents joint pain, acne, heart disease, hyperactivity and obesity. It has a very high concentration of a fatty acid called GLA which actually works on your endocrine system and blocks certain hormones from bothering you. It is proven to help with both PMS and menopause, lessening menstrual cramps, breast tenderness, irritable bowel flare ups and hot flashes. It increases feelings of well-being. Applied topically, it also prevents wrinkles and heals wounds. Good stuff. It smells nice, too, and the capsules are one of the few without a nasty flavor on the way down.

(2) Estroven. This is an over-the-counter preparation, not exactly a natural supplement. I used to like the one that was actually a multi-vitamin with womanly help added to it, but they stopped making that one, or at any rate I haven't been able to find it. The important ingredient is Black Cohosh, which is a famous herb for PMS and menopause. You probably do not need to take this stuff, although if you run into PMS trouble, or lots of discomfort with your periods, you might want to pick up a bottle of Black Cohosh.

(3) Calcium. You need Calcium to have strong bones, and to prevent osteoporosis, which runs in my mother's family. The best way to take Calcium is in combination with other supplements that help you absorb it. One of these is Vitamin D, which we already discussed above. I also feel that it is important to take Calcium with Magnesium. Magnesium helps with a number of female and nervous system issues, and it also prevents you from getting constipated from the calcium. I have been taking a combination of Calcium, Magnesium and Zinc for many years, and it seems to be serving me well. DJ has encouraged me to take my Calcium and Magnesium at bedtime to help me relax and lessen my leg cramps. Calcium taken alone can cause indigestion, constipation and even kidney stones, so be sure to take Magnesium and Vitamin D along with it.

(4) Cranberry. I do not take this all the time, but if I run into trouble with my bladder, this is the ticket. If you get a bladder infection, or something that feels like a bladder infection, get a bottle of this. Look for one that says Cranmax on it somewhere, either in the main name of the product or in the ingredient list. To fend off a bladder infection, take the Cranberry tablets along with a probiotic and lots and lots of water. I have found that, for me, this works better than going to the doctor.

Haha. Here we are... my beauty supplements.

(1) Biotin. I take this, as the bottle says, for skin, hair and nails. I mostly notice that it works on my nails. Since I've been taking it regularly, My nails hardly ever break. I started taking it because my hair is falling out. My hair dresser says she thinks it is helping, but I can't tell that it is. I don't know whether it makes any difference in my skin, but I keep hoping it does. It definitely strengthens my nails, though.

(2) Saw Palmetto. Somebody told somebody that Biotin is useless without Saw Palmetto, so I bought some. I really can't say that I notice much difference. Saw Palmetto is a DHT blocker, and DJ says that means it should block acne causing hormones, too. My skin and my hair are holding steady at what I would call a passable condition, so maybe these two supplements are staving off excessive damage and I have no idea how bad it might be without them.

To be totally honest, I think I do notice more problems cropping up when I forget to take my supplements for a couple of days (as I have this week).

Well... scary but true... we are encroaching on the subject of beauty, and we will have to face it head-on before long. Or maybe I will end this series with this post. What will the future bring?

Other posts in this series:
Good-bye, girls--part one,
Good-bye, girls--part two,
Good-bye, girls--part three,
Good-bye, girls--part four.
Good-bye, girls--part five
Good-bye, girls--part six

A re-post from December, 2004 (just because I found it)

2011-09-27T13:45:00.006-04:00

It has been requested that I put this story down in writing, although it has very little to do with Christmas. There is a loose association, in that it does pertain to the idea of gifts, somewhat. And it might bring to mind that pagan carol about the partridge in the pear tree, the two French hens, the three turtledoves and the four calling birds—particularly the four calling birds.

But in our case, it was two calling birds. Or, to be precise, two cockatiels.

It all began in August of 2003, shortly before Jonathan’s eighth birthday. All he wanted in the world was a game system for the TV, and some games to go with it. This was his hope and his dream. I, his strict, straight-laced and fun-squelching mother, deplored the idea of a game system in our home. Keeping the Gameboy and computer game usage under control was taxing enough. I did not want a PS2 or an X-box or a Gamecube to come under my roof. No indeed!

Have you ever seen Jonathan when he is hoping for something? There is a shining light in his liquid brown eyes, and his eyebrows arch above with a perfection that it almost hurts to observe. His mouth is serious and his olive skin pales slightly as though the hope is literally radiating out of him.

But I could not get a game system. They are so bad for kids—no exercise, total time wasters, a discouragement to reading and even to social interaction. I despise them. What then could I give to this precious child that would thrill him, when a Gamecube was the only thing he wanted?

I decided to get him a bird.

When Shawn and I went to buy the bird, we should have sensed trouble and left. To begin with, the man selling the birds was blind. But, being desperate for a gift for Jon, as well as feeling pity for this poor disabled person, we looked at his menagerie and picked one. There was another bird that the man wanted us to buy and kept pushing us towards. It had something on its beak that I didn’t like. We asked about it, but he didn’t seem to know what we meant. Being blind, whether he knew or not, he could act like he didn’t. Finally, when we picked the bird we wanted, he threw in the one he’d been trying to push on us. He said two birds would be nice together. We thought two male birds in one cage sounded strange, but we took them. We named them Jeeves and Bertie Wooster after the butler and drone found in P.G. Wodehouse’s writings.

Jon was thrilled with his birthday present. I will say that. He spent that autumn at school writing essays about caring for his birds and drawing pictures of them. Although the birds were wild when we got them, with patience we trained the calmer one (Bertie Wooster—the one with the funny beak) to perch on our fingers and shoulders. They were loud and messy and took up a lot of space, but Jon was enjoying them. I will say that.

On Thursday, October 30, 2003, we were getting ready to leave for piano lessons. I was upstairs, and I heard Jon call out, “Hey Mom, Jeeves is letting me pet him!” This sounded neither right nor good to me. Bertie Wooster was the tame one—Jeeves wouldn’t ordinarily even nibble a cracker if you held it through the cage. I went running, and Jeeves was huddled on the bottom of the cage. He looked very bad. I realized that he was seriously ill, and I had no idea what to do.

Shannon and David came running to see what was the matter. Shannon lifted Jeeves out of the cage, and he lay weakly in her hands, obviously dying. Everyone started to weep and wail. I didn’t know what to do—and we were going to be late to piano lessons on top of everything else. Should I try to get the bird to an emergency vet? Would he die before we could get there? I called Shawn at work to try to get some advice.

While I was on the phone, the weeping and wailing increased. On the other end of the phone, Shawn told me it sounded like a death procession in the ancient Middle East. Jonathan fell to his knees beside the birdcage and prayed, “Please, God, don’t let my bird die!” Shannon started screaming that it was dying and she didn’t want to hold it anymore. David bravely, compassionately took it from her. A miracle did not occur. Moments later, Jeeves convulsed in a final thrashing death spasm and flopped out of David’s hands onto the table next to the cage, dead. David said, “I killed him. I killed him.” I tried to assure him that he had not. Laura by this time had exited the scene and was sitting alone, out in the van, waiting to go to piano.

Shawn was still on the phone, so I told him it was over and hung up. We put the dead bird in a box and left it on top of the cage. I had them wash their hands very carefully, and we went to piano. They cried all the way there. It was a traumatic event, and creepy the day before Halloween.

While we were at piano, Shawn heroically went home from work and buried the bird. Afterwards, I thoroughly cleaned out the cage. But even then, we felt unsettled. Why had it died? It was the strong, healthy bird—bigger than Bertie Wooster and with better reflexes. So what was up? I decided to make an appointment to take Bertie Wooster to the vet to see if he was healthy, or whether we might expect him to die, too.

Upon first examination of Bertie Wooster, the vet exclaimed, “How long has his beak been like that?” I replied that he had been that way when we bought him. The vet immediately grabbed the bird and took a tiny scalpel to his nose, scraping away a great deal of his nostril. Bertie bled all over everything and was most unhappy. The vet informed me that Bertie had a chronic nose infection that would never go away. He gave me an antibiotic to administer orally twice a day for two weeks, and some salve that he said must be put on the nose once a day every day for the rest of the bird’s life. He said, “Don’t worry, I’ve seen them live ten years or more on this medicine.” Aauugghh.

So began the treatment of Bertie Wooster. Unfortunately, his surgically altered nostril was raw and moist and had a way of attracting seed hulls from his food. So along with administering medicine, we had to learn to pick seeds out of his nostril with a large safety pin every evening before applying the nose drops. As it healed, it left a huge, gaping hole on the right side of his beak, which is perennially filled with seed hulls.

We got used to the beak treatments. We were doing okay with them. Really, we were. But then one day last March, the kids noticed Bertie wobbling and almost falling off his perch. This, I knew, was not a good sign. Of course, Shawn was in California that week, so I was on my own with the issue. Upon closer observation, I realized that the bird’s feet were bleeding. I did not want to take him to the vet again, so I got out some clean, soft rags and pinned them around the perch to make it thicker and softer. Then I pulled out the oral antibiotic drops, which we had not come close to finishing over the original fourteen days. I gave him a dose of antibiotic twice a day until Shawn came home. The bird didn’t die.

When Shawn came home, he looked at Bertie Wooster, and pity won out. He told me to take him to the vet again. So I did.

This vet is probably older than we are—I’m guessing mid-forties—but he looks younger. He is tan and relaxed and obviously has not spent years of his life getting up with crying children in the night. He wears gold chains and smiles a lot. He looked at Bertie Wooster and announced, “I can tell you exactly what is wrong with your bird. Your bird has Bumblefoot. It isn’t that uncommon. In fact, I myself just recently returned from Aruba where I treated all the swans at the Hyatt Regency for Bumblefoot.”

I was dumbstruck. And then the thought lept into my mind, “Why don’t you just take your relaxed tan face and your gold chains and this stupid sick bird and go back to Aruba and stay there?” But, of course, I didn’t say that. Instead I said something like, “How does one treat Bumblefoot?”

I did not much like the answer I got. One treats Bumblefoot by completely cleaning and disinfecting the birdcage three times per day (yes, per day) with a solution of bleach and Lysol, changing the padding on the perch every time you clean the cage, and soaking the bird’s feet twice per day for ten minutes in an Epsom salt solution. If you do this faithfully, you should see good improvement within about four weeks. (You also give oral antibiotics for two weeks, but compared to the rest of it, that is minor.)

So, I bought a Rubbermaid bin with a lid (for the Epsom salt foot baths), and the treatments began. Actually, I am not ashamed to admit that I only disinfected the cage twice per day, while the bird was in his foot baths, because I couldn’t figure out where to go with him if I did it a third time. It was all we could handle, and the nose treatments were, of course, still ongoing. Anyway, it must have been good enough. At his four week check-up, the vet said that Bertie was much improved and another two weeks ought to do it. Yay.

Can I say that I am truly tired of this bird? He is not as tame as he used to be, due to the trauma of all his treatments. He still likes Jon well enough, since Jon has never taken any role in his treatments. He got pretty sick over the summer and grew black scabby stuff all over his face. We almost thought we’d seen the end of him when we left him with a poor, dear generous friend during our trip to visit relatives in August. But when we got back and brought him home, the black scabs fell off, leaving a featherless face with a crooked beak topped by a gaping hole where there was once a nostril. Jon says, “Isn’t Bertie Wooster cute?” Yep. Even cuter than a Boston Terrier.

I’m done spending money on this pet. We have developed a procedure for fixing his beak when it grows too long and crooked for him to eat. You are supposed to take him to the vet ($35) and have his beak filed down ($15), but we find that a toenail clipper works just fine.
The real kicker? Remember why I bought the bird in the first place? I didn’t want a game system in my home. Well, about 8 months ago, David and Shannon pooled some of their money, and Shawn took them to Toys R Us, and they came home with a Gamecube. So I have gotten nothing, absolutely nothing, out of this whole deal. Nothing but hard work and vet bills.

The moral of the story: don’t ever buy a bird.

(But I know one you can have for free, if you want him.)*

*That last statement is no longer true. We gave Bertie Wooster and all of his paraphernalia away to some friends who loved him. He moved with them up to the Adirondack mountains where he died a happy and fulfilled bird, may he rest in peace.

Good-bye, girls--part six

2011-09-22T11:50:00.021-04:00

Dear daughters,

Good morning. I am sitting here in my study, virtuously drinking a smoothie made of nothing but homemade kefir, frozen strawberries and stevia powder.

But I have no right to tell you about nutrition because yesterday I blew it.

You see, yesterday, like most days, I started out with tea, followed by a fairly late breakfast. That is just how I do it. I eat with Dad while he is working at home in the mornings, and then I wait until somebody comes home from school before I eat again because I just don't like eating by myself. Ever since the old days when I never ate without company, I have trouble eating when I am by myself.

So yesterday when Jon arrived home from school, I had not yet eaten lunch. This was normal, but yesterday it was very poor planning.

Jon gets home from school at about 2:45. But yesterday he had a trumpet lesson at 3:30. And I needed to go to the bank to get money to pay for the trumpet lesson, so we needed to leave the house at about 3:05 to be sure to have enough time for everything.

By the time I realized what was going on, it was 2:50 and I had 15 minutes to think of something to eat, prepare it, and clean it up.

And then I realized that Jonathan had a doctor's appointment in the city at 5:30, to which we would have to go directly after the trumpet lesson. And directly after that I had Bible study at church at 6:30, for which I would certainly be late, followed immediately by choir practice from 7:45 to 8:45.

As I stood there realizing that I was not going to be able even to start making supper until sometime after 9 p.m., I totally panicked. I ate an apple, some almonds, a spoonful of chicken salad, and grabbed another apple just as Jonathan hustled me out the door, complaining about being late.

The trumpet lesson went until 4:45 because Mr. Coble is a generous teacher. That left us 45 minutes to get to the downtown appointment, and Cobles live closer to downtown than we do, so I was in a quandary about what to do about time and food and schedule. Would we be early? Would we be late? Did we have time to get food?

In the end, I swung into the Rite Aid at the corner of Bear and Buckley, and Jonathan and I bought a package of plastic spoons and a pint each of Edy's ice cream. Jon worked on his on the way downtown, and I started mine when we arrived 12 minutes early in the doctor's parking lot.

It was a good thing we had old Panera napkins in the glove compartment.

Here is the thing about a pint of ice cream on a warm fall day in the car, far from home: there is nowhere to put it. Unless you eat it.

It was right there, in my hand, and there was no freezer where I could tuck "the rest" away for later. Besides, I certainly wasn't full. It was good ice cream, and it wasn't particularly inexpensive. So you see, I did not want to waste it.

I did not waste it. I ate the whole thing, the whole pint of Edy's ice cream, 3.5 servings, the carton said.

By the time I got to Bible study, I was literally quivering from the sugar rush.

After 9 p.m. when I finally got home, DJ said, "So Mom, what did you have for supper tonight?" Sometimes living with DJ is like living with an extra (and fairly brutal) conscience.

I cringed and said, "I had a very bad supper tonight. A terrible supper."

"What did you do?" he pursued.

I spewed out the words, "I had ice-cream."

"Why did you do that?"

And I could not tell him, because I had no idea. He asked me, "Why didn't you at least get a granola bar? Why in the world did you get ice cream? Rite Aid has better choices than that."

So here I am trying to tell you about nutrition, and I failed yesterday.

But anyway, here are some guidelines that you ought to follow as well as possible, understanding that there will be some days... and we must have grace for one another and for ourselves.

Nutrition

Eat more than 25 grams of protein per day. This is not too hard. Milk has a gram of protein per ounce, which makes 8 grams in a cup. Eggs have 6 grams per egg. Almonds have 6 grams per 1/4 cup. And then there are your chicken, beef, pork chops and peanut butter.

Eat less than 25 grams of sugar per day. This is hard. Especially if you eat anything that comes with its own added sugar, like flavored yogurt or sweetened iced tea mix. A banana alone has something like 17 grams of sugar (fructose). So it is hard to eat less than 25 grams of sugar per day, but you will feel better if you do. I felt awful after I ate that ice cream. In fact, I still feel pretty bad this morning. When it comes to limiting sugar, some sources say you must limit your fruit consumption, but I find that counter-productive. I find that if I satisfy myself with fruit, I have less craving for sweets that are bad for me. However, you should try to eat more vegetables than fruit for your daily servings of fruits and vegetables.

Eat your vegetables. Vegetables are the bomb. They only do your body good, not harm. Nobody ever got fat on vegetables. The fresher the better--raw is best--but even frozen and canned vegetables are better choices than most of the food options out there in the American landscape.

Super foods. Just thought I'd list a few of the very best things you should eat, and things you should buy up as much as possible when you find them on sale: grapefruit, celery, blueberries, fresh organic baby spinach, raw almonds, avocados, lemons. Eat as much of these foods as you can, as often as you can.

Whole grains. I think you already know to eat whole grain bread, whole grain pasta, and brown rice. White bread has basically no good use except in egg bake (which is not very healthy, but man, is it good). Here is a wonderful hint... you can substitute whole wheat flour in most of your cookie recipes! It is very good with chocolate chips, and it makes the cookies chewier and more flavorful.

Beware of foods marketed as "low-fat". Foods marked "low-fat" often are actually high in sugar, and generally speaking, sugar is worse for you than fat. Fat is actually pretty good for you. Besides nourishing your brain and helping your body absorb many important nutrients, it makes you feel full, so you stop eating. I believe in real butter, whole milk, and salad dressings made with real olive oil. I eat an avocado for lunch whenever I have the opportunity (yes, a whole one, by myself). However, there are bad fats, most notably the ones in which they cook donuts and french fries, the hydrogenated vegetable shortening in pie crust (or in anything else... bakery "buttercream" frosting, for instance), and whatever it is that they use to make Velveeta.

Eschew white flour and white sugar in any form. Enough said. This is not easy to do, and there will need to be exceptions, but give it your best shot.

Eat one small piece of high quality dark chocolate every day. This is good for you! Dark chocolate has lots of antioxidants, it balances hormones and mood, and if you take a bit every day, you forestall dangerous cravings that would lead you to overindulge. Enjoy!

Coming up next: the supplements I recommend. (I'm sure you can't wait for this one.)

Other posts in this series:
Good-bye, girls--part one,
Good-bye, girls--part two,
Good-bye, girls--part three,
Good-bye, girls--part four.
Good-bye, girls--part five

Good-bye, girls--part five

2011-09-20T11:23:00.011-04:00

***update on what it is like to live daughterless.

(1) Yesterday we were out of bananas. I went to the store and bought two bunches of bananas, a yellow bunch and a green bunch. By bedtime, all the bananas in the yellow bunch were gone. I did not have a banana yesterday and neither (as you might have guessed) did Dad. This sounds like a set up for a math word problem, but I am going to leave it at that. Suffice it to say that food expenditures have not wavered since the females departed.

I made a huge pot of chili last night--I used my 8 quart pot and it was at least 3/4 full, so we're talking approximately 6 quarts, give or take. When I packed up the leftovers, there were about 3 cups left. Maybe. That's 3 cups left from 6 quarts, and 6 quarts equals 24 cups. So approximately 21 cups of chili were consumed last night, and we did not have company. That was Dad, DJ and Jon. I ate approximately 1.5 cups, so between the three of them, they consumed 19.5 cups of chili. Since we are intent on doing math here, you can see that each of these men ate an average of 6.5 cups of chili last night, over a quart and a half. Dad probably ate less than that, which means... I'm getting a headache taking this all in.

(2) There is less laundry. I am not sure why this is, because you never seemed to produce the bulk of what came through. However, I guess having less beds to change and less towels to wash makes a certain difference.

(3) Nobody ever throws anything away. This makes me sad. Especially when they actually put empty containers away and I think I have things and then find out that I don't (why is it harder to recycle the granola box than to put it back in the lazy Susan?). It also makes me sad to find little bicky wrappers, empty milk cartons, torn up bits of paper, tags that have been removed from new clothing, and little cardboard boxes that have been squashed but not tossed... all over the table and the counters.

(4) Bedtime has a distinctly different rhythm. I can't really explain it, but it is different, more abrupt, jaggedly lacking something. The other day I discovered that we get The Waltons on channel 286. I sat there and watched two or three episodes in a row, choking back tears the whole time. You have never even seen The Waltons, but it was a part of my childhood, probably the only show my mother ever liked. And at the end, all the Waltons lie in their separate beds in their various bedrooms and call out good-night to each other, and it is a long and loving process. Bedtime here is too short and lonely now. One of these days someone will appear in my room and have a heart-to-heart with me again while I am lying under my covers...

BUT

I was going to talk about nutrition today.

Today I think we will cover beverages, otherwise known as fluids.

My best advice is this:

Drink 64 oz. of plain, pure water every day.

I do not always do this. Especially in the winter, when I get cold, I have trouble with this. However, at those points in my life when I do it, I definitely feel much better. Here are some hints for helping you to drink 64 oz. (8 servings, 8 oz. each) of water per day.

a) Drink a glass of water first thing when you get up in the morning. This is really good to get your body going in a healthy way, and if you just gulp it down first thing, that is one glass out of the way, only seven to go!

b) Drink water with every meal. You will usually drink 12-16 oz. of water (or more!) with a meal anyway, as most glasses are larger than 8 oz. (our little juice glasses at home hold 8 oz., if that gives you some perspective). So if you use a large glass for dinner and if you fill it twice, you have probably consumed a minimum of 24 oz. right there. Suppose you do this for both breakfast and lunch. 24 + 24 + the 8 you drank first thing in the morning, and... voila, you have downed 56 oz, virtually pain free. That leaves only one more 8 oz. glass for you to swallow, which leads me to...

c) Get a water bottle (like your Sig, Shannon), and carry it with you as much as possible, drinking and refilling it. There you go. You are over 64 oz. and it was easy-peasy.

But, you may ask, "Why would we want to drink all that water?"

Drinking lots of water has so many benefits, it is hard to begin. It is good for your health, flushing impurities out of your system. In so doing, it fights infection and can also prevent illnesses. Water drinking also prevents constipation, and in so doing (and also perhaps independently) prevents headaches. It can even alleviate a headache. Drinking lots of water is good for your skin, good for your breath, and good for reminding you to get up and walk down the hall to the bathroom when you are focused on a sedentary activity and might otherwise forget to get up and stretch. It can help you keep trim and fit because if you are concentrating on drinking enough water in a day, you are less likely to think about snacks or feel that you need them. You get less of that gnawing hunger feeling in your belly if your belly is usually full of water, and that prevents overeating at mealtimes as well. It is even good for your teeth, keeping them rinsed and flushing away food particles.

You may say, "But the water where I live tastes bad!"

Some water does taste bad. There are times when the water here tastes bad. Let me know if you want a water filter system for Christmas. The Brita system is pretty good, although the replacement filters can get expensive.

When we go to NC on vacation, I hate the water there, so we buy gallons of water from WalMart. You can usually get a gallon of water from WalMart for about 88 cents. 64 oz. per day comes out to 3.5 gallons of water a week, and if you want to make a half gallon of orange juice concentrate with this water instead of using the blechy tap water, you might as well plan on four gallons per week. This will cost you $3.52 per week, which is not free, but probably won't break the bank. (The half gallon of orange juice which you make from the extra water should be a nice amount to carry you through the week. If you add the whole 64 oz. to the concentrate, it will be a bit weaker than their suggested dilution, but I've always added an extra can of water to our OJ to make it go farther, so it should taste familiar to you. In the end, that will give you 76 oz. which means you can have nearly 11 oz. of orange juice every morning for the week, not a bad system!)

Other tips for fluid intake:

Water is always delicious served with ice, lemon and a straw. For a really special treat, squeeze about a quarter of a lemon into a glass of water, then drop in the rind or zest it. Stir in 1/4 tsp. stevia powder. Serve with ice. This is natural, sugar-free lemonade, and it is delicious.

Tea is really good for you. You can't quite substitute it for water because of the diuretic effect of the caffeine, but tea is good stuff. It actually seems to help people avoid getting sick. Also, it is very soothing for almost all illnesses. It soothes tender stomachs when there is a digestive disorder, and it soothes sore throats and helps to clear out sinuses with its antiseptic steam when you have a cold, too. Keep tea on hand!

The green tea varieties at Aldi (lemon ginseng or passion fruit and jasmine) are quite tasty, even without any sweetener. You might like to brew two of these tea bags in a quart sized ball jar. After the tea has steeped for 3-5 minutes, remove the bags. Cap the jars and set aside to cool, then chill in the refrigerator. This is a refreshing way to reflavor unsavory water. I have plenty of ball jars, so just say the word if you'd like some.

Hot tea is best when you are sick. You can also drink hot water with lemon, which is incredibly healthy and purifying. Hot water with lemon and honey is an excellent remedy for a cold or a sore throat.

Please do not drink soda. It is so unbelievably bad for you. If you get a terrible craving for a sweet, carbonated beverage, try mixing half a glass of your favorite natural fruit juice with a half a glass of club soda. This is actually much more refreshing than soda. Plus, it has only half the sugar of a glass of juice and only half the carbonation of a glass of soda (carbonation contributes to kidney stones). I particularly like cranberry juice this way, but orange juice and ruby red grapefruit juice aren't half bad.

Orange juice is the best kind of juice, because they don't usually add sugar to it; oranges are naturally sweet (read your labels, though!). Most other fruit juices are loaded with HFCS. You can have some of these juices now and then for a treat, but they should not be a part of your every day diet.

Please, really, avoid soda like the plague. Please. Soda is death.

Milk is OK. I prefer to drink whole milk, because it is a more natural form of milk. If you can afford organic, that's obviously the best for you. I always try to get milk that comes from cows not treated with artificial growth hormones, even though I can't afford organic the way these boys go through milk. I encourage you to think of milk as a food rather than a beverage. Drink water to quench your thirst. Drink milk to give yourself a feeling of satiety. Kefir and yogurt are generally easier to digest than milk. If you ever want kefir grains, let me know.

Well, that's enough for today. There will be more coming.

Other posts in this series:
Good-bye, girls--part one,
Good-bye, girls--part two,
Good-bye, girls--part three,
Good-bye, girls--part four.

Good-bye, girls--part four

2011-09-18T13:46:00.025-04:00

Here is yet another post in this lengthening series of advice to my daughters, wherein I attempt to convey to them everything I hope I've taught them and am afraid I have not (or something like that).

Today's post follows Good-bye, girls--part one, Good-bye, girls--part two, and Good-bye, girls--part three.

The last post (Good-bye, girls--part three) was supposed to be about health and beauty, but ended up only being about sleep. Today we will continue to look into healthy living. We'll see how far we get...

If you want to be healthy, you need to get enough exercise.
I don't mind admitting that I am really bad about exercise. I do not like to sweat. I do not like to feel pain. I do not like to get a stitch in my side or to wake up with sore muscles. I have never experienced the runner's high. Endorphins are alien to me.

But you both know that I have a really bad back/neck/shoulder situation. When I accomplish some moderate exercise, I really do feel better. When I let the vulnerable areas of my body get stiff from disuse, or when I spend long periods of time reading in foolish (but temporarily comfortable) positions, my neck goes out and I am in considerable pain. The more regularly I walk and stretch and keep those muscles warmed up and loose, the better they work for me.

The more exercise you do, the better you will feel and the stronger your body will be. Period. End of story.

I would be thrilled if you took up a sport or started working out for 45 minutes a day, 5-6 days a week in a gym. Just saying.

And then there is real life, which just doesn't usually work quite that way for most of us.

So this is about minimums. Just try to do what you can, as often as you can.

Have an exercise buddy. This makes a huge difference. Whether you are walking a neighborhood, jogging a track, or doing stair-masters in a gym, an exercise buddy makes it so much more fun! Besides that, if you are out walking or jogging in a public area, it is important for a young woman to have an exercise buddy for safety. Most of the young women who have been raped and murdered in Central Park in NYC were solitary joggers. So get an exercise buddy. And mace. Thank you.

Exercising with a buddy is a great way to develop a friendship. Especially if you walk with someone, you have such beautiful opportunities for conversation. And it is a no-cost activity you can do with someone else for fun!

I want to encourage you to do a minimum of 30 minutes of some sort of physical activity every week day, even if it is just walking (with a buddy, of course). Try to schedule some sort of more extended exercise over the weekend: a hike with friends at a nearby state park, a trip to a beach to go swimming and play beach volleyball, a service project to do yard work for an older person or couple who has trouble getting such jobs done. Try to get in at least 90 minutes of good physical activity or labor over the weekend. Your body will thank you as you age, if you develop such habits now.

Of course, exercise is a lot harder to accomplish in the winter. Since you are both students, check into what's available in the college gyms. You can walk in the winter, but I hate going out in the cold. Some people really enjoy bundling up with scarves, mittens and boots and going out to walk in a light snow, catching snowflakes on their tongues. You could try it; you might like it. And then there is always mall-walking. A couple of hours walking from end to end of a large shopping mall is pretty decent winter exercise, and you might even be able to get your Christmas shopping done early while you care for your body. Make a list and stick to it though, or this could get you into financial trouble.

I have also heard that if you exercise more vigorously, you can accomplish a lot more in less time. So if you do, say, 100 jumping jacks in the winter, that might make up for not going on a 30 minute walk. Anyway, if you're cold, it's sure to warm you up.

Exercise strengthens your muscles, gets your blood flowing, clears your mind and even sets you up for a better night's sleep. If you take good care of your body, it will take good care of you.

It is a beautiful fall day, and I am going to go see if I can pry Daddy away from watching football long enough to walk the neighborhood with me.

I want to say one more thing. You need about 20-30 minutes of time in the sun without sunscreen every day. You also need vitamin D. Vitamin D helps you with achy junk like headaches and leg cramps. It also boosts your immunities, and it is even good for your heart. Sunshine helps your body create vitamin D, so your vitamin D levels are closely related to your time outdoors... which is often the time you spend exercising. You should take a daily vitamin D supplement (1000 IU), and you should double your dose on dark, rainy or snowy days when there is no sun.

Tomorrow we will cover more on nutrition.

Good-bye girls--part three

2011-09-15T10:38:00.017-04:00

FINALLY.

It is a lazy, mucky day, cold and rainy. I did a lot of running around yesterday and got a lot of various and sundry things done. Tomorrow I have a brunch date with a friend, and I'll need to go to Wegman's to get ingredients for weekend baking. Today I will write to you about health.

I was going to combine health and beauty into one post, particularly given my exceeding slim knowledge about how to achieve feminine beauty. But I think I have to address health in one post, by itself, or it will get too long.

In these notes to you, in which I am trying to cram everything-I-wish-I'd-ever-told-you-and-might-not-have, I did succeed in addressing the two most import topics at the outset, those being your relationship with God and your relationships with people. Today I will begin to address the third thing: taking care of yourself.

In order to be healthy and productive, to be able to reach out to others, even to be able to reflect the beauty of God Himself, you must not neglect the care of yourself. There is a fine line you must learn to walk between neglecting yourself and becoming consumed by yourself. You may find it helps you to stay grounded if you think in terms of your body being the temple of the Holy Spirit, the very place where the Holy Spirit dwells, as well as a tool that God uses to do His works of charity towards mankind. When you take care of yourself, you do it to honor God and for the benefit of others. When you keep this in mind, you will not become selfish or narcissistic. Remember how, on an airplane, the flight attendant always demonstrates how to put on the oxygen mask in case of an emergency, and she always (always) says, "Be sure to put your own mask in place before you attempt to help others around you." We are best equipped to help in any situation (certainly not just on a plane!) if we have taken care to be in good condition ourselves, at the outset.

So... on to the topic at hand!

If you want to be healthy, you need to get enough sleep.
I cannot overestimate the importance of sleep. When you deprive yourself of sleep, your mind works more slowly and your body's immunities break down. The logical end of that is that you get sick and can't accomplish anything at all. Staying up late to try to accomplish things is a backwards endeavor. It's like driving north from New York to try to get to Florida.

If someone seems to be getting a lot done by staying up all night, just try sleeping at night and working during the day, and see how much more you accomplish. Psalm 127:2 says, "In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat—-for He grants sleep to those He loves."

Jordan Rubin, who wrote The Maker's Diet, says that sleep you get before midnight is four times more productive than sleep you get after midnight. I do not understand why this should be the case, but in terms of my own experience, it certainly seems to be true. If I go to bed really late, it doesn't matter how long I sleep in the next day; I feel rotten. On the other hand, if I go to bed early, I can get up fairly early and feel quite chipper.

This being the case, if you are under a high pressure deadline and need extra time to work, I would encourage you to go to bed at 9 or 10 p.m. and set your alarm for 3 or 4 a.m. After six good hours of early sleep, with ideas cogitating in your resting mind, the time you spend working on your project from 4 a.m. until 7 a.m. will be exponentially more productive than the three hours from, say, 11 p.m. to 2 a.m. would have been. I know this from experience. When I was a senior in college, I scheduled as many classes as possible for the afternoon so that I could go to bed at night knowing I had the morning to get up and finish papers. My writing came out more clear, more fluid and more interesting when I did.

Six hours is a bare minimum for sleep, and if you have to resort to this short a night, be sure that it is on the early end... 10 p.m. to 4 a.m., for instance. If you train yourself to get up and do work early in the morning, you will learn to love it, and you will be incredibly productive.

Eight hours of sleep is ideal for most people. (Since undergoing four pregnancies and the sleep deprivation that comes with four little babies, I need nine to feel decent, but we won't go there.) If you can get eight hours, even midnight to 8 a.m. is not a bad night. But you might find that you feel better if you sleep 11 p.m. to 7 a.m., and better yet sleeping 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. Embrace the morning and learn to use it. It is a beautiful time to be up. Everyone else is still asleep, and you can watch the sun rise and spend some special time with the Lord, quietly praying about the day to come. You can also get a jump on tidying and cleaning, pay a bill online, do some prep work for a meal later in the day, apply an Australian blue clay mud mask (remember to wash it off), do a reading for the next class you'll attend, review your notes, etc. It feels good to head out for the day knowing that you've already accomplished something before you even left home-base!

If you get up very early, you might feel yourself needing a nap. Studies have proven that naps increase people's productivity. Naps are nice! Here is a caveat though: I find that afternoon naps sometimes leave me feeling groggy and nauseated (especially if I fall asleep for too long). I prefer morning naps. I also find that it is often preferable to nap on a sofa or in a recliner, rather than in my bed. If I have to nap on my bed, I make sure that I lie on top of the covers and use a throw or an afghan instead of being between my sheets. You want to be careful not to get too hot during a nap, or you may have some really terrifying bad dreams. For some reason, I find dreams that come during daytime naps to be much more vivid and memorable than those that flow through my brain while I sleep during the dark of night.

It is important to have peaceful signals that help you relax when it is time to go to sleep. This is why we had a Very Long Bedtime Routine for you kids when you were little, and probably why we never had any fussing or conflict over bedtime. If you have a habit of working on your computer during the evening (and since you are both students, I expect that you do), try to plan your study time so that you have a non-computer based task to do last.

Turn off all televisions, computer monitors, anything that glows, right before you begin your last task of the night. In fact, you might even want to wash and put on your pajamas at this point, since using the bathroom generally results in a fair dose of artificial lighting. Turn off all the lights you can, except for just exactly what you need for light to finish your last task; a single desk lamp should probably suffice. You may want to turn on some soft, soothing classical or inspirational music at this point, preferably instrumental with no words. Finish your last task and arrange your materials for the morning so you feel peaceful and prepared.

Keep a spot of sanctuary and refuge. For Shannon, this could actually be your bedroom; you could keep all of your work in other areas of your apartment. Laura, since your dorm room is a single space where you study and sleep, your refuge could be between your sheets. I know that you keep your bed neatly made while you are working during the day. At day's end, the act of folding back your covers to reveal your sheets could be your special signal that says, "This is my resting place. My work for the day is done."

Have a drink of water, read a chapter from your Bible, and lie back with your mind full of prayers and thanksgiving.

Wow. I was going to talk about health, and all I got through was sleep. Well, I hope you read this and find something useful to implement. Sweet dreams!

(P.S. This is stuff I wish I could implement for myself, but cannot because I live in a home community with others who render such a schedule impossible. You must live with grace for those around you--and you should live with more grace than I do. But as single women living more-or-less on your own, this is your golden opportunity to discover how to make the most of your natural biorhythms.)

Next up, exercise.

The Beauty of the Church

2011-09-13T10:38:00.020-04:00

The church is the bride of Christ.

The book of Revelation talks about this phenomena the most. Revelation 19:7, Revelation 21:2, Revelation 21:9 and Revelation 22:7 all allude to this beautiful allegory of the love between Christ and His church.

Besides Revelation, there is a wonderful and mysterious passage in Ephesians:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church— for we are members of his body. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church. (Ephesians 5:25-32)

I could go on and on about what this means for relationships between men and women on earth. The main point is this: God created the husband-wife relationship to be a picture of His love for His people.

We honor God when we reflect the love of Christ and the church within our marriages. This is why God says that the man should be the loving head of the relationship, and that the woman should respectfully submit to her husband's authority. Many people do not agree with this position, and that, sadly, is probably mostly because they do not seek to understand what it means to fully glorify God with their lives. They still have their own selves on the throne of their lives, and they are mostly concerned with striving to grasp all of their rights and privileges. Their priority concern is not whether they gloriously reflect the Lord who made them. All of us struggle with the tension of being tempted to live a self-centered life rather than a God-centered life, and none of us have it down perfectly. The difference is that some of us attempt to get it right; for all the times we fall on our faces in the mud, we have a God-ordained desire in our hearts to put the Lord in the position He deserves in our lives. Others work to justify their natural selfish desires, especially the desire to be the boss of themselves. They allow nobody, not even the Almighty Creator of the Universe, to tell them that they might be mistaken in their judgment.

This is not exactly what this post is supposed to be about, so far. But it is groundwork that we must understand before we go forward. If you do not agree with me at this point, you might as well stop reading, because what I will go on to say is built on what I have said. I am not going to spend any more time trying to convince with logical arguments. Either you believe the Bible and accept what it says, or you don't.

The point is that we here on earth are to reflect spiritual truths about God in the way we live our lives. Recently I heard a woman say, "Be the moon. Reflect the Son." I love the moon. I think it is unutterably beautiful, and lately it has even been full. One year on my birthday, December 22, the winter solstice (and it really was smack on the winter solstice that year), there was a full moon. I remember we were in the midst of practicing for a church Christmas pageant, and we had to do a lot of driving around after dark (it's always dark that time of year, even when it isn't very late). Usually I hate winter, hate the winter solstice and hate the dark. But that year there was this huge, brilliantly bright full moon shining in the black night sky, and it was so incredibly beautiful that I felt moved to tears each time I went out to the car, and as I drove up and down Route 31 watching it. It was the best birthday present ever, and it came from my heavenly Father.

God wants the church to reflect His glory and beauty and magnificence just the way that winter solstice full moon was reflecting the far away sun that night.

The moon has no light source of its own. If not for the sun, we wouldn't see the moon at all. I think this is significant in regard to the beauty of the church.

The church does not need to drum up its own beauty. The only beauty regimen the church should follow is that of being Christ-saturated.

When churches put on cloaks of worldliness in order to appeal to the world, I think they little realize the incredible damage they do, both to themselves and to the people of the world whom they think they are trying to help.

The church should be beautiful. It should be appealing. But the appeal of the church should come from its holiness (1 Peter 1:15-16).

I think of Victor Hugo's view of the church in Les Miserables. I do not even think Hugo was necessarily a believer, but at the beginning of his novel, he describes Jean Val Jean--a newly released ex-convict with no hope. He can't so much as purchase a meal in a lodge. Nobody will have anything to do with him. Hugo shows how Jean Val Jean will be forced to turn back to crime in order to survive and eat, because there is no grace for him anywhere. And then, somehow (I don't remember quite exactly how), Jean Val Jean meets up with a priest. Does he find the priest's house? Or does the priest find him? I am not sure. But the priest takes him in, and the description of the priest's home is beautiful. It is clean and quiet. There are white tablecloths, white curtains, white sheets that glow in the night. At the priest's house, Jean Val Jean receives food and a bed to sleep in. The priest leaves everything in the house unlocked.

In the middle of the night, Jean Val Jean gets up, steals the priest's silverware and runs away. Police go after him, hunt him down and drag him back to face the priest. They throw him down before the priest and rip open his bag, which exposes the silver he has stolen. Guilt, shame and despair overcome Jean Val Jean. And then the priest says to the police, "But of course, my good men, these were my gifts to him." And then he smiles at Jean Val Jean, walks over to his fireplace mantel, and takes down the two silver candlesticks still standing there. "But how is it you forgot these, my friend?" he asks Jean Val Jean. (And of course it is this gift, both the material worth of the silver and--even more so--the grace and goodwill of the priest, that enables Jean Val Jean to make a new start and to become a good person.)

This is what the beauty of the church should be like, not a wild and desperate attempt to emulate the exciting sights and sounds of the world, but a peaceful beauty that originates in grace and is completely unlike anything in the world. It is God's holiness, the way He is set apart and different, that will attract the ones who need Him.

My husband and I heard someone say (and I wish I could remember who, so I could credit the person) -- "What you attract them with is what you will attract them to."

If churches put on a show and try to be hip, cool, "relevant" (don't get me started on relevance), and designed to make people of the world feel comfortable in their worldly ways and tastes, I fear that these churches are utterly failing to reflect the beauty of Christ. In failing to reflect Christ, they cannot possibly draw people to Christ. They may be drawing people into a club, yes, or an organization that sometimes even does some nice outreach projects in the community, but not to Christ.

If the church is the bride of Christ, then I think it can safely take advice from the Bible about what the beauty of a wife should be like. 1 Peter 3:2 says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

The beauty of the church should come from the gentle and quiet spirit of Christ in her, not from braided hair and gold jewelry and expensive clothes. The church should not put on distracting outward adornment that obfuscates the beauty of Christ within her. The church should trust in the beauty of Christ and have faith that in reflecting the beauty of Christ she will draw the lost to Him.

We are not called, as the church, to be God's public relations committee. He doesn't need one of those. He does not need us to change His image, or massage it to make it palatable to the masses. It is astonishing that we could be so arrogant as to assume so.

If we do not understand that there is nothing more exciting than knowing and learning about our God, who created the universe, planned our redemption, implemented the greatest rescue operation of all time through the life, death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and who delivers on all His promises through the powerful and mysterious work of His Holy Spirit in us, if we do not see that there is nothing more precious than His revelation to us of Himself through His holy Word, if we do not come to Him because HE is wonderful and worthy and beyond all we could ask or imagine...

If we think we need ear-splitting rock concerts, fog machines, cotton candy and bounce houses, if we think free food and fun and speakers who tell crass jokes in t-shirts with skulls and crossbones on them are a better draw than the gospel story, if we have so little confidence that people will be attracted to Christ that we actually tell our teens to invite their friends to church without using the word "church" or (especially) alluding to the name of Jesus...

Well, if that is what the church is turning into, then I think its beauty is fading. Fast. It is Christ in us that is our hope of glory (Colossians 1:27). There is no other hope of glory. There is no other true beauty.

Travel log and preview of things to come.

2011-09-11T20:21:00.014-04:00

Precariously balanced in my mind are a post about what the beauty of the church should be like, and a post to my daughters in the "Good-bye girls" series about health and beauty.

Reminding my girls about what I know about health is probably reasonable, although the idea of me giving beauty advice is clearly laughable. When our kids move away we have this need to try to tell them about things we wish we knew about, even if we have never become accomplished at them. My hope is that true beauty flows from good health, as well as from a loving spirit toward others and especially from the fullness of Christ in us.

But before I get to those two posts, I want to write about our trip out to Minnesota where we surprised my parents with a visit. Surprising them may not have been the best of ideas, since my dad had just suffered a massive heart attack. But we wanted to spare them the angst of preparing for us, so we decided just to show up, having made arrangements to stay with my Uncle Don.

We couldn't go immediately to Minnesota upon hearing about the heart attack. For one thing, we were in North Carolina when we got the news, and we had to stop at home first. My dad was doing pretty well, was stable, so we went ahead and got Laura packed up for college upon our return home after vacation.

The time at home also enabled Shawn to set up visits with customers his company services, customers he would visit along the way to Minnesota and thus not miss another week of work.

We delivered Laura to school on August 22, as originally planned. Since we live in central New York and she goes to college in western PA, we were already headed west, which is the same direction as Minnesota.

We had to rush a bit and leave before everything was "just so." But Lu has a cozy, comfortable room that is practically identical to her room last year, albeit on a much higher floor. We felt that as we carried things up.

Here we are, saying good-bye to our second daughter. I suppose it was easier to do since we had to hurry on to Chicago where Shawn had visits lined up for the following day. There's nothing like keeping busy to take your mind off things you don't like to face.

We had beautiful weather for driving to Chicago, blue sky and fluffy white clouds, black thruway headed at 73 mph for the west, cutting through green trees and the fertile farmland of Ohio.

We arrived fairly late at our hotel and ended up eating at a Boston Market instead of taking Jonathan to Lou Malnati's. Well, beef brisket is always tasty even though it's not, well, Lou Malnati's. I guess we will just need to go to Chicago again sometime.

The next day was rainy. I drove Shawn to his first customer visit and then went back to the hotel where Jon and I relaxed. I plunked around on my little netbook while Jon watched a cable movie. Just before noon, we checked out of the hotel and went to get Shawn. He had an hour break, so even though we weren't very hungry, we went out for lunch at a sweet little place called Egg'lectic. It was awesome! I only wish we'd had bigger appetites.

From there, Jon and I dropped Shawn off at his afternoon appointment, then headed to a mall where we killed a few hours and found Jon a new pair of sneakers for school.

We picked Shawn up at about 4:30 p.m. and from there we drove to Madison, Wisconsin where we visited my nephew Dan, my brother's son, who just graduated from college and started his first job. After we went out for dinner together, Dan put us up for the night in his apartment.

Here are Shawn and me with Daniel.

Daniel and Jonathan.

Dan has a beautiful apartment. He was such a good host, and turned his whole living room over for our sleeping comfort. He inflated an airbed for Jonathan and collapsed his futon for Shawn and me.

Dan used to play quads in Phantom Regiment, a drum and bugle corps in the DCI (Drum Corps International). Jon is interested in all things field band, so he was duly impressed by Dan's commemorative drum head arrangement on the wall.

The next morning we headed to Minnesota, where we finally got to see my parents.

We arrived in the Twin Cities during my mom's naptime, so we went to my sister's house to kill time. At 4:30 p.m. we thought Mom would be up, so we headed over.

The sign was on the door: "Napping. Please do not ring the doorbell. Please do not knock." This is the sign that has been on the door during naptime ever since I was a baby, and clearly it does not leave one with many options.

We looked in the windows, and my dad was neither in the den nor the living room. Then I thought to look in the garage, where I discovered that Dad's car was, in fact, missing.

I had a key, but Shawn and Jonathan told me for heaven's sake not to use it. So we stood on the front steps of the house wondering what to do. Just when we decided to take a walk and come back later, my dad floated up the street in his Buick, peering out the windshield at our van (which was parked a little beyond the driveway) and then at us. For a moment he looked confused, and then he broke into a smile.

Dad ushered us into the house and we sat and chatted in the living room, waiting for my mom to get up. He had been at his cardiac therapy, and he was doing quite well. He looked a little bit thin and a little bit pale, but otherwise good. It was so good to see him.

After awhile my mom got up. She didn't know who was in her house, so she didn't come out to say hello. Finally her curiosity overcame her and she peeked around the corner to see who was there, but even then she couldn't figure it out until she walked right up to me, and then she very nearly had a heart attack herself. "Oh Ruthie!" she said, "Is it you?"

This is Mom in her kitchen.

We assured my parents that we would stay with Uncle Don, but they insisted that we stay with them, and so we did, in the self-same bedrooms of the house where I grew up and lived all my life. It was a blessing, that's for sure.

Jon was a champion while we were there. He mowed.That little speck in the back in a yellow shirt is Jon... it's a very big yard.

He also climbed up high on a ladder to cut some dead branches out of a tree.

And, while he was there, Jon celebrated his sixteenth birthday (a day early since we had to drive home on "The" day).

Aunt Nunie came over for Jon's birthday dinner (which was heart-healthy chicken breast and brown rice with vegetables and lettuce salad). Aunt Nunie was a missionary in Africa for 30 years when she was younger. Now she is 86 and does visitation at nursing homes, where she is older than many of the residents she ministers to. We love Aunt Nunie. She brought Jonathan a card and an elephant hair bracelet that was handmade in Africa.

It was a good visit. Dad's color improved and his eyes got twinklier over the three days we were there. I am thankful to God for the way He allowed the visit to work out. I am thankful that my dad is doing well. And I am thankful that I got to hug my dad a few times.

Beach Pictures

2011-09-03T14:05:00.002-04:00

Since I am always behind in life, I am currently trying to hold "Good-bye, girls--parts 3 through 5" in my head. A wobbly endeavor, that. My brain is leaky these days. Also, I've been wanting to write about my trip out to see my parents last week. But I was also meaning to post pictures of the beach. And that is what I will try to do today. Maybe tomorrow the Minnesota trip. Maybe not. Maybe someday.

I've always wanted to stay in a pink house! The experience did not disappoint. There is a certain thrill in coming home to the brightest house on the block every day after you've been to the beach. I had to take this picture at evening twilight, because we were so busy beaching during the day.

We felt very welcome here. Some houses are more personal than others. This one was stocked with books, games, extra pillows, charming art on the walls and friendly signs strewn about.

The name of the house was "The Three Sisters". This photo says it all.

This was our home base at the beach.

Jon spent a lot of time skim-boarding. He's not half bad!

Jon also spent a lot of time grilling... he made supper nearly every night, and we were very grateful. He may look like he doesn't like cooking, but really, he just doesn't like being interrupted by a camera.

This sign always makes me nervous. So far, we have survived. No sharks, either!

Here is the wagon in which we rolled all our gear to the beach every day. A very handy thing to have, that wagon.

My awesome kids, minus one.

Yes, there were more people at the beach this year. I guess it makes the place more colorful.

Classic relaxation.

Classic love.

David, trying to be taller than Jonno.

Posing for posterity.

Every house has a hose underneath, for cleaning off your feet before you go inside. Every house also has an outdoor shower. This is obviously so the mom can always be assured of getting an indoor shower upon returning from the beach, and, as years go by, also the sisters. It's a chivalry thing.

We watched Chariots of Fire one evening back at the house. The next day, Shawn was inspired.

We used to call these two "The Twins."

Towels drying on the front porch. Also our hammock, with Lulu in it.

This is the epitome of vacation. Just saying.

Wishing it wouldn't end.

Happy, happy, happy times.

You've heard of "Girl Power"??? Well, this is "Boy Tower"!!!

Walking into the wind, wiggling toes in the sand and the edges of the waves. Breathing.

My dad had a heart attack

2011-08-18T16:59:00.001-04:00

My dad had a heart attack.

While I was walking up and down the beach and bobbing in the swells, washing sand out of my hair and eating delicious grilled dinners by Jonathan, while I was feeling guilty for going to the beach in North Carolina instead of to Minnesota, wondering when I would ever see my parents again, asking Shawn every day, "When can we go to Minnesota again?" ...my dad had a heart attack.

They didn't, apparently, have the right cell phone number to reach me. His heart attack was Thursday afternoon a week ago, but I didn't find out until Friday evening when I noticed a facebook message from my niece, Abby, telling me that my sister and my mom had been trying to reach me.

It was a bad heart attack, but even more disturbing was that it came out of the blue. He survived, so that is truly wonderful, a blessing, a gift of more time, a relief, and great reason for gratitude.

My grandparents all lived into their nineties, so I never expected anything to happen to my dad before he hit 80.

Well, to be completely honest, Grandpa Rainbow, my dad's dad, died when he was 89. But he was a smoker, and he had lung cancer and emphysema and leukemia. He survived a ruptured aortic aneurysm when he was about 81, and he still recovered and lived to be 89. And he wasn't all that healthy, his lungs were bad. My dad's lungs are fine.

Dad has low cholesterol and he passed a stress test two months ago with flying colors. There was no reason to think he would have a heart attack.

I found myself feeling very angry. I was angry that this should happen to my dad, My Dad, who always took such care of himself and exercised and ate healthy food and worked hard all his life. And I was angry that I live so far away. I was angry that I couldn't be there to do anything, and I was angry that I've spent the past 23 years of my life 1400 miles away from my parents, against my will, all because of a job that isn't even mine. Things I thought I'd dealt with, come to peace with, trusted God with all surfaced and spilled out in tears and confusion and regret, and I was angry.

Last night I was at flock group (a small group through the church we've been attending). We are studying Revelation, which is not my favorite for many reasons which I will not get into. I don't always have the best attitude about studying Revelation. But I was there trying, trying to learn, trying to have a better attitude, trying to participate.

We were discussing Revelation 9 which is a bleak chapter about the terrible judgments that will be poured out on those who reject God. It just describes these awful horrors, and then at the end it says that the people would not give up their sin, no matter what happened, and refused to bend their wills, repent and follow the Lord. This led us to discuss the question: "Whose fault is it when people reject God? God's? Or theirs?"

I think we were supposed to come to the understanding that it is not God's fault. And yet, if you believe that it requires an act of the Holy Spirit to grant wisdom to believe (John 16:8, Ephesians 2:1-5, 1 Corinthians 1-2), it is hard to say that we have the power to reject Him when He is calling us into His kingdom.

I was pretty confused, but then the pastor leading the group said, "If God can arrange all the details of life and know exactly who will believe and who will not, if He has sovereign control over the way everything will turn out in the end, then can't we trust Him to be in control of the details of our lives, to know what is best for us in order to accomplish His purposes in us? Doesn't this tell us that we can trust Him with every circumstance and know that He will work all things for good in our lives?"

I was not sure where that came from, or how it actually related to the rest of the study, but I felt in that moment that God knew exactly what I needed to hear, and He spoke through that pastor to me, reminding me, "I am God, I am in control. You can trust me." I remembered Acts 17:26 which tells me, "From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live."

God knows where--the exact place--I am supposed to live (and everybody else). God knows--has set the time, in fact--when my dad is supposed to die (and everybody else). I do not need to struggle, strive and be angry, to feel guilty, discontented and miserable. Nothing I do will change the eternal plan of God, and God is good, so His plan is good, too.

I just need to trust God.

Frozen peas and the Atlantic horizon

2011-08-12T11:42:00.005-04:00

Last night I found part of a bag of frozen peas, lonely in the freezer.

We’d spent an extra long time out at the beach, and when we got back to the house we were so tired we saved the marinated chicken to grill “tomorrow” (today). Instead, Jon grilled up a bunch of Hebrew National franks I’d intended for a lunch, and we had a weird, cobbled together, vegetable-less dinner. I discovered that plain yogurt mixed with honey and cinnamon is rather delicious.

Of course I felt guilty for the lack of balance in the meal (Shawn ate two franks and two bowls of granola). So when I found the peas, I symbolically hit myself on the forehead and said, “Argh. Here are some frozen peas I should have served with supper!”

The kids wanted to eat them then and there, frozen, from small bowls. We ate them in the living room while relaxing with a little TV.

We are a bit sunburned now. You have to get just a tad sunburned right before you go home, or you would be far too sad to leave. The sunscreen we’ve been using, Coppertone WaterBabies Lotion Spray, SPF 50, has been impressively effective. I’ve figured out a good sunscreen; yay, me.

About six or eight months ago, I had everything figured out. Shannon would go to graduate school at Notre Dame. David would transfer to Wheaton. Shawn would get a job in Chicago. And… Ta Da! We would live within one day’s drive of my parents, and Shawn’s parents, too. In fact, we’d be about exactly in the middle between them.

David did not transfer to Wheaton. He stayed where he was. And instead of choosing Notre Dame, Shannon moved another five hours to the east, the opposite direction. Now if Shawn gets a job opportunity in Chicago, I’m not sure I even want to go.

I get things figured out, and they never come to pass. Like our land. We bought it a couple of years ago, and we keep paying taxes on it, but we never seem to build, or even to come near getting our present house ready to put on the market. I thought we would build a house with a beautiful in-law apartment and have the privilege of spending the late years with my parents after missing family fellowship for the last two decades.

While we were walking on the beach the other morning, I told David, “I get things all figured out, but God never seems to like my plans much.” David told me that we always plan what would be most comfortable for us, and God knows that our comfort is not our greatest good. He has something better for us.

When we get comfortable, we just settle in and don’t notice what is happening to us. It’s like at the beach when you go out to bob in the swells, and you think you are just hanging around in one place, but after about twenty minutes, you look back to see where your chairs and umbrella are, and you realize that you have drifted quite a distance up the shore.

Yesterday Shawn and Laura and I set our chairs in the edge of the water and sat looking out at sea and sky, watching breakers roll. The tide was coming in, and after awhile Lu and I decided that there was a little too much water hitting us. We moved our chairs back, but Shawn wanted to stay where he was.

We sat a distance behind him, and watched him sink lower and lower into the water. I’d have loved to get a photo of him there; it looked like a scene on a poster. All horizontal lines stretched from east to west: the changing, foamy white lines of the breakers, the real horizon where the sea meets the sky, the thin white clouds extending across the blue above, even the horizontal cobalt and aqua lines patterning the fabric of Shawn’s beach chair, which made a small, colorful square in the vast expanse of gray-green sea. And above the top of his chair rose his beautiful neck and the back of his strong head which looks more like the head of a twenty-five year old than that of a forty-seven year old, due to his full crop of brown hair. His beard is white and grizzly, but he was facing away (and he will shave as soon as we get home).

He sat there all stubborn as the water swelled around his legs and then around his waist. While we watched, the lines on his chair became more diagonal than horizontal. The waves began to lift him chair-and-all when they struck, lifting and then dropping him at angles ever more askew. Finally a wave struck that nearly toppled him over in a chair-inclusive backwards summersault, and then he got up and moved his chair back.

Like being at the sea-shore, living life is a matter of anticipation, keeping your eye on a mark and adjusting your path in order to reach it. Settling in is a fiction. You can’t settle in and just stay in one comfortable spot. You can fight this truth, or you can embrace it, but if you ignore it you will come to ruin.

I can plan for a week at the beach with menus and activities, movies, books and even a strategy: go to the beach later in the day so if you forget to reapply sunscreen, by then the power of the sun is waning and you won’t get burned so badly. I can thwart the prophesies of the churlish checker at Walmart and use up the food I bought for the week.

But can I plan and live my life in accordance with the will of God? Or do I have a choice?

Yesterday was a glorious beach day

2011-08-11T11:35:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a glorious beach day. It was less hot and less humid, and the waves flowed much more gently. I like to stand in the water about up to my waist and jump into the waves as they bulge towards me. My favorite is when the waves don’t break, but just loom up around my neck and lift my body in a rolling motion. I told Shawn, “I just love these waves that don’t break!” He grinned at me and said, “They are called swells… because they are swell!” He is so full of puns. Usually I don’t laugh at his puns, but I laughed at that one.

We stayed out for a very long time yesterday. Lu and I set our chairs in the edge of the ocean and sunbathed while the waves randomly hit us and cooled our lower portions. She asked, “Why have we never done this before?” I suppose it is because it was only last year that we decided to go with a cheaper house further back from ocean-front and use some of the savings to rent a beach wagon, chairs, beach umbrella and gas grill. I think it’s a good trade.

We stayed out so long I didn’t know if we were ever going to go back, it was just so nice. And then a big wave came along and hit me before I had a chance to plug my nose. I was quite calm under the water, and never lost my sense of where the top should be. But when I came up, I had the weirdest sensation in my head, all itchy and scratchy in my throat and ears. I didn’t taste any salt water, so I had apparently kept my mouth shut. I’m not sure what happened, but the discomfort in my throat and ears began to build. I stumbled out of the water and sat in my beach chair with my towel over my head, finally gathering myself enough to walk back to the house. I guess that’s the way with all of life. We rarely stop doing what we are enjoying until something unpleasant comes along and forces us in a different direction.

Two more days here and today looks like another beautiful one. I woke up at 7:30 and went to see if DJ wanted to go for a walk. He needed ten more minutes, so I read my Bible on the deck: Psalm 46, which was a nice break from Revelation and a great comfort, besides. Then we took a beautiful walk under the newly risen sun, dabbling in the edge of the gentle morning surf and watching the little birds with skinny beaks like big, black pine-needles, scuttling around, poking into the sand for their breakfast. There were a lot of senior citizens taking their morning exercise; I guess pretty soon I will be one of them. It is heartwarming to see wrinkled, white haired couples walking hand-in-hand down the beach. On the way back, we walked into the sun, and the whole ocean in front of us shone with its reflection. I think in heaven it will be bright like that, but when we are there, we will have eyes strong enough to look right into the brightness and love it without getting a headache.

When we got back to the house, it was quiet. Yesterday upon arriving back, we heard a female voice belting out operatic notes. DJ said, “That sounds like Laura.” Actually, it sounded more like Shannon, but since that clearly wasn’t possible, we figured it must be Lu. It definitely had the ring of our family’s unorthodox style. But when we went inside, everyone was still either sleeping or quietly doing morning reading in their respective rooms. The song was coming from the house behind us, the one where little children play with play-dough on the back porch and the men play cheeky baseball in the empty lot next door. It was kind of nice to realize that there are other people as quirky as we are.

So today is Thursday and the food is almost gone, even though the checker at Walmart sneered at us when he saw our cart on the night we arrived. That was a nightmare of a trip, 7000-plus clueless tourists wending their way through the mixed up aisles at Walmart with no sense of purpose or direction. I had a list, which I had made from a menu plan I had developed especially for our trip. It included meat for Jon to grill five out of our seven nights here, along with ingredients for side dishes and items from which we could produce breakfasts, lunches and a few snacks. We had a big cart full of food, but not as big as many a cart I have seen people buy. We are here for a week with two big, hungry sons, one 20 years old and one almost 16, both over six feet tall.

“You’re gonna need two carts,” the checker growled at us as we arrived at our turn in line. I thought this vaguely ridiculous, but Shawn obligingly went and got another cart to hold our bagged groceries. “You people,” said the checker, the metal jewelry in his pierced tongue dulling the pronunciation of his words, “You people waste so much food. I have friends who clean the vacation rentals you people stay in, and they don’t buy food all summer long because they can eat off what you people leave behind.” I thought he should be thankful, or at least, his friends should be, that they didn’t have to buy food. But I was pretty sure we wouldn’t be wasting much. I plan meals and pray for leftovers. I told him, “I have two big teenage sons, and they will eat this right up.” I guess it wasn’t strictly true, since DJ is now 20, but the checker just growled and said, “Humph. I’ve heard that before.”

I’m pretty sure all the meat will be gone, except for maybe just enough to pack some sandwiches for the trip home. I will probably have to get more bread to accomplish that, though. The fruit will be gone by the end of the day today, and the fresh vegetables are gone except for a few baby carrots; we’ll be moving on to canned veggies today. I can take canned food home with me if we don’t eat it, too. Jon said, “I hope his friends like mustard, because that’s about all we’ll be leaving behind.”

Well, here’s another entry that is too long and precludes advice to my daughters. Maybe later today I’ll write something to them. I need to get back to the beach, take some pictures, soak up some salt, sand and sun.

And Jon says I have to eat my last nectarine soon, because it is getting shriveled up. I was trying not to run out of fruit.

The beach is different this year

2011-08-10T11:08:00.002-04:00

The beach is different this year.

There are gobs of people, for one thing. Or perhaps globs.

There have always been people here in the summer. When we come in April, it is usually pretty deserted, but there have always been families here in the summer… families with toddlers and grandparents, teenagers in love, young couples, sibling groups reconnecting with all of their spouses and children. But they have been in quantities where they are beautiful, people groups you can identify and imagine where they came from and what their week will be like.

This year there are just masses of indistinguishable humanity on the beach. As far as the eye can reach along the strand, cabanas sit over sets of human flesh massed around coolers, stretching off in each direction until the haze of heat dissolves them into a blur.

Maybe it is the new bridge. I don’t mind saying I hate it. There used to be an old (antique?) swing bridge. It only let a single lane of traffic on or off the island, so you always had to sit and wait your turn at the light. It took even longer if you found yourself traveling “on the hour”, because then the bridge actually closed to road traffic for ten or fifteen minutes while it swung around and opened up to let the watercraft pass through the bay behind the island. But now they have built a new bridge, a towering concrete monstrosity. Driving across it feels like riding up and down a rollercoaster. And when they finished it, they tore the old bridge out. Shawn says they had to do it because if somebody had a heart attack on the island it would have taken too long to perform rescue operations. The beach is so different now though, so many people.

It doesn’t help that while we have been here, prime beach hours have coincided with high tide, meaning that the strand is at its narrowest during the time when everyone wants to be on it.

I don’t know if it’s because it has been high tide, but the beach has seemed particularly rough this year, harsh. The wind literally howls and hisses with sand particles, and the ocean crashes and booms as though it wants (along with me) to drive all these people away. When I have gone into the gray-green water, it is warm and salty but full of energy. When I least expect it, it smacks me hard on the side of the head, or in the stomach, taking my breath away as though it were punching me.

It is still therapeutic. Yesterday was very hot, something like 98 degrees with a heat index over 100, but the ocean has a way of cooling you right down. I found myself with goosebumps at times. When I went up on the sand to warm up, the unrelenting wind in my ears and eyes was wearing me out until I discovered (after watching Laura) that wrapping a beach towel around my head provided huge relief, keeping sand and noise out of my facial cavities. I could even peek out a tunnel of towel to watch Jonathan cavort on his skim board, something I had been trying to see all afternoon but had been unsuccessful because the weather conditions kept forcing me to shut my eyes and miss his best tricks.

I sat there in a beach chair with my upper half under the shade of our umbrella, my legs sticking out into the sun. I held a bottle of water from our cooler, its bottom a small circle of wet cold soaking through my bathing suit onto my stomach. I ate some ice from the cooler and drank the water, listened to the sand hissing in the wind and the ferocious waves smashing themselves into the shore, and I felt like I was on vacation.

It is Wednesday, and we are settled into the beach house now, our vitamins and supplements spilling across the kitchen counters, computers in every corner, glasses for tooth-brushing on the bathroom vanities, dirty clothes in piles in each bedroom, books spread through the living areas on every end table, our DVDs in the DVD player. Of course there are bathing suits and towels hanging from every conceivable vantage point. I try not to think about the packing up and leaving.

Today is cooler. DJ and I got up at 8:30 and went for a walk on the beach. The tide was mostly out and the strand was wide. The majority of people weren’t up yet. The breeze was the gentlest it has been; my eyes didn’t start to water once. Back at the house, I made spinach and mushroom frittatas for breakfast, then grabbed a cup of coffee with cream to bring out on the porch after I’d eaten. The sky is blue with fluffy, scattered cumulus clouds. The forecast said we were going to have thunderstorms all week, but so far we’ve had good beach weather every day. Today looks like it might be the prettiest day so far.

I was going to write “Good-bye, girls—part 3”, but that can come on a later day. Sometimes it is just right to live in the moment.

Good-bye, girls--part two

2011-08-07T11:49:00.004-04:00

Today I am writing from the beach, and Shannon is not with us. She is just starting a new season of life and could not break away for a vacation this summer, although I think she really could have used one. I booked a beach house with a bed for her, and there sits the bed, reproachfully empty, in Laura's room.

We have a pink house this year. I've always wanted to stay in a pink house. Not only is it pink, it even has a hammock on the porch.
The porch faces west, so it is a nice, shady place to sit in the morning and write, as I am doing now, although we should have gone to church. For an introvert like me, going to church in the south, with a bunch of strangers, and having to meet them and talk to them... well, that's just not "vacation." I don't want a vacation from the Lord, or His word. But sometimes I just like to indulge my hermit tendencies and hole up away from the world, and I am doing that today. I'm sitting on the porch, listening to bugs chirp and air-conditioners hum while Jon swings lazily in the hammock. I am afraid that Jon has pink eye, which I suppose is another reason to stay out of the public.

I wanted to write to my girls about relationships today. Not romantic relationships, specifically, but just relationships. So here goes...

To my daughters:

Relationships are important, probably much more important than I have been able to communicate to you over our lives together. In my last post in this series, I mentioned that some of the things I wanted to write to you had to do with hard lessons I have learned through making mistakes. Introvert that I am, I have never demonstrated to you the importance of reaching out and nurturing relationships.

I suppose it was in the seventies when they used to say, "Everybody needs somebody." It sounds "seventies" to me, anyway. Maybe there was even a song with those words in it. But it's true. Everybody does need somebody.

You need real relationships, give and take relationships. I have taught you to be fiercely independent, to cynically examine popular trends and make your own decisions based on logic, not popular opinion. I've told you the story about how once, in middle school, a friend of mine told me, "Ruthie, you need to stop getting all A's. Boys won't like you if you always get straight A's." And how I said nothing, but in my mind I thought, "Pish. If a boy won't like me if I have straight A's, then I don't think he's worth having anyway." I made the decision then and there to pursue academics over relationships, which was a good decision, the right decision, but it needs to be qualified... I was not willing to sacrifice my academics for the sake of attracting a boy, but that doesn't mean that academics should always trump love. And they definitely should not trump friendship.

In the midst of pursuing success, remember that if you get to the end and you have the stellar record, the great job, and all the awards and accolades, if you don't have anyone to share them with, life will be empty indeed.

So cultivate relationships.

Learn people's names and make a point of smiling at them and greeting them by name, even if they don't seem friendly. (I know you do this with people you like.)

When you are with people you like, ask them questions about their lives. The next time you see them, pick up where you left off... "How is your mother doing?" or "Did that interview work out for you?" or "How was your trip?" Demonstrate that you are interested in them and that you care about them. Everyone appreciates this.

When Shannon was in soccer, she once had a coach who trained the team members to concentrate on getting "touches," meaning that it was significant each time an individual made contact with the ball, whether or not she actually scored. In building relationships, concentrate on "touches." Each time you smile at someone, greet someone, ask after someone's issues, each one of these counts as a touch. Try to get in as many as possible each day.

Think about people at the end of the day. Think through the people you have contacted ("touched") and pray for them. Ask God to show you if there is anything He wants you to do for any of them. Be willing to make a phone call, write a note, or make or buy a small gift. Or He may give you an entirely unique and creative idea. Work with the Lord and be proactive about reaching out to people, not because I did, but because I should have, and my life would have been so much richer if I had.

Learn to be a giver, and I don't mean giving away all your stuff, and your cookies besides, although that may be something God would lead you to do. What I really mean is: learn to give of yourself, your time, your attention, your prayers. Train yourself to be generous and trust God to take care of the things you need when you spend yourself on others.

You do not need to do this for the whole world. Start out with a broad base, but over time, God will probably draw your mind and circumstances to 3-5 special friends. Do not form a clique, but do treasure and nurture your relationships with these people. God has created us to live in community. That's why He designed the church. Churches don't always fulfill the purpose God created for them, but that doesn't discount His purpose.

Jesus said, "Do to others as you would have them do to you." If you wish someone would be there for you, try being there for her (or him). Remember that self-focus can easily become a matter of selfishness, and pray each morning and evening that the Lord will open your eyes to the people around you and make you sensitive to what you can do for them.

There's an old adage that joy comes from putting Jesus first (J), others second (O), and yourself last (Y). I never taught you that, and I never demonstrated it very well at all. I spent a great deal of my life feeling overwhelmed and wishing that someone would miraculously appear to help me. I couldn't fathom how I could possibly help anyone else from where I was. I pray that your lives will be so much richer than that, so much more fulfilled and less isolated. I pray that you will nurture friendships and enjoy the blessing of fellowship and community that come when we get our eyes off ourselves.

Pray for me, too, that I will also do better in this area in the future. Shanny-woo, Lulubelle, I love you so much.

Good-bye, girls--part one

2011-08-02T10:05:00.002-04:00

We moved Shanny again last weekend. We moved her out of her summer sub-let and into a permanent unit where she can stay until she finishes her degree, if she so chooses. She has a bedroom, a bathroom, a large walk-in closet, a long room that serves as study, living room and dining room, and a tiny kitchen around the corner. It is an institutional building, about 60-70 years old, built of brick with block walls and linoleum tile floors. But after we cozied it up with some rugs and furniture, it is pleasant and cheerful. She has three large windows that look out onto a green, treed courtyard in the middle of these brick buildings. She will be snug there.

Three weeks from now, Shawn and I will be home after moving Lulu back to school as well. And then I will be daughterless.

I cannot really imagine what that will be like. Up to now, whenever one of the girls has been gone, the other one has been home. But this fall, it will be me and the guys. I will see what life would have been like if we had only had two children, and they were both male.

In the meantime, I am feeling a strong need to impart words of advice to my girls. As a mother, you are never prepared for them to be gone and on their own, never quite ready to stop taking care of them. You fret that you have forgotten to teach them all kinds of important things.

So here is what I would like to say to them. Some of these things are based on what I have done in my own life that has worked, and some are based on my painful mistakes, and my desire to shield my girls from traveling undesirable paths.

To my daughters...

Read your Bible every day.
You do not need to read terribly long portions of your Bible, but never let a day go by without taking in some scripture. It is spiritual food, and without it your spirit will starve. Jesus said, "It is written, 'Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.'" (Matthew 4:4, quoting Deuteronomy 8:3)

A good goal is to shoot for reading a chapter a day. Some days perhaps you will only read the section under one division heading in a chapter. Other days you might read only one or two verses, and then write them on a notecard and keep them in your pocket to remember through the rest of the day. Some days you might find yourself engrossed in something and read two or more chapters. It really doesn't matter, as long as you are reading something every day.

It is good to do your reading in the morning, because often if you put it off, it gets crowded out of your schedule. It is also nice to read a portion of scripture at night, right before you fall asleep, to set you mind on things above. I would recommend trying to do both and making sure that you do at least one.

Pick a book of the Bible and read through it. When you finish, pick a new book of the Bible. Keep a nice marker in your Bible so you always know where you are. This way you won't find yourself picking up your Bible and wondering where to turn. Here is a list of books that are good ones for when you are starting out: Mark, Philippians, Colossians, Psalms, Proverbs, Ephesians, Luke. When you finish those, move on to these: Genesis, James, Matthew, Isaiah, John, Romans, Deuteronomy. When you have finished all of these, give me a call.

Thank God for something every day.
Remember that God is the Giver of all good gifts. Cultivate thankfulness in your life. Each day as you awake, remember that God is with you, and thank Him for that. Thank Him for the gift of a new day. Thank Him that He has already planned this day for you, that He is good, and that He promises to do good to you.

Every time you sit down to eat, remember to thank Him. Thank Him for the weather, the sunshine, an encouraging conversation, a surprise meeting with a friend, a good grade on a project, legs that work, a roof over your head. Whatever is before you, be thankful. If you have to take a scary test, be thankful that you have the opportunity to go to school. If you can't sleep at night, be thankful that you have a bed and blankets. Recently, I saw someone ask the question: If you woke up tomorrow and all you had were the things you had thanked God for yesterday, what would you be left with? Live thankfully!

Turn your burdens over to the Lord every day.
God's Word says, "Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7). Pray when you are sad, lonely, frightened, nervous or bewildered. Never forget that you have a perfect friend in the Lord; He will always be there for you and never let you down. He may hide His face temporarily to teach you to become stronger, but He will never leave you nor forsake you. This is one of His promises (Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:5).

You can read the next post in this series here.

Attributes of God--Z

2011-07-29T11:50:00.003-04:00

Well, we have come to the end of this series. Although this is certainly not the last attribute of God, it will be the last post on this subject!

God is ZEALOUS--He works with ardent fervor to accomplish His purposes. This is the opposite of lazy, complacent and detached. God is devoted, diligent and intense.

Isaiah 26:11
LORD, your hand is lifted high, but they do not see it. Let them see your zeal for your people and be put to shame; let the fire reserved for your enemies consume them.

Isaiah 37:32
For out of Jerusalem will come a remnant, and out of Mount Zion a band of survivors. The zeal of the LORD Almighty will accomplish this.

Ezekiel 39:25
Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will now restore the fortunes of Jacob and will have compassion on all the people of Israel, and I will be zealous for my holy name.

Attributes of God--X and Y

2011-07-28T21:28:00.003-04:00

As far as I can tell, there are no good English words beginning with the letters X or Y that describe the character or nature of God.

This is not an area where one wants to cheat. So I am not cheating. I am punting, and there is a difference.

For X, I'm just going to be a little bit corny and use "excellent." X is the second letter, and the first sound is undeniably the sound of "x." So that is where I am going to leave it, and I hope you will let me know if there really is a legitimate x word that I should have remembered.

God is EXCELLENT

Psalm 8
(KJV)

O LORD, our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth! who hast set thy glory above the heavens.

Out of the mouth of babes and sucklings hast thou ordained strength because of thine enemies, that thou mightest still the enemy and the avenger.

When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;

What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?

For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.

Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet:

All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;

The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas.

O LORD our Lord, how excellent is thy name in all the earth!

Y is a surprisingly unusual letter. I actually got out the dictionary and looked through the Y entries, assuming that there must be an appropriate Y word. I came up with nothing. Again, please let me know if there is something I am missing.

In the meantime, the best I can do is this...

God YEARNS to gather people to Himself--Scripture only speaks of us yearning for God, not of Him yearning for us. But Jesus did say:

"Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing."
Luke 13:34

Longing for something is similar to yearning for it, isn't it? It is comforting to know that God longs to gather even those who are unwilling to come to Him. He says over and over again in Ezekiel, "I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked." It is proof of the goodness and lovingkindness of the Lord that He does not rejoice in pouring out His judgment on anyone.

Next up, Z.

Attributes of God--W

2011-07-27T09:05:00.003-04:00

God is WONDERFUL

Exodus 15:11
Who among the gods is like you, LORD? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?

Job 9:10
He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

Psalm 17:7
Show me the wonders of your great love, you who save by your right hand those who take refuge in you from their foes.

Psalm 65:8
The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders; where morning dawns, where evening fades, you call forth songs of joy.

Psalm 107:15
Let them give thanks to the LORD for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds for mankind,

Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

God is WORTHY-- The meaning of the word "worthy" is tied to the meaning of the word "worth." God's merit and character are so great, He is worth our praise and devotion. He deserves highest honors.

1 Chronicles 16:25
For great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; he is to be feared above all gods.

Revelation 4:11
“You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.”

Revelation 5:12
In a loud voice they were saying: “Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength and honor and glory and praise!”

Next up, X and Y.

Attributes of God--V

2011-07-26T09:05:00.004-04:00

God is VICTORIOUS-- God always wins. He has always won in the past, He always wins, and He always will win.

Sometimes we Christians get to feeling as though we are in a war and we are not doing so well. Sometimes the evil of this world gets us down. My son works in retail, and every day he sees people lying, cheating and stealing to try to get things that they do not deserve. Due to the policies of his store, these con artists are usually successful. On other fronts, marriages fall apart, drunk people hit parked cars and leave the scene, and when you read the news, the number of little children who have been murdered recently is alarming. It doesn't always seem as though God is winning.

But He is.

The day Jesus was crucified was the worst day any of His followers had ever experienced. Their miracle working leader was arrested, beaten and then nailed to a cross. They must have been very doubtful of the victory of God. Indeed, their actions showed their doubt... most of them ran away and hid. But on that very dark and dreadful day, God was not losing. He was implementing the plan He had designed from before the foundations of the earth. He was taking our sins on His own sinless shoulders, all our sins, past, present and future. He was doing this so that He could claim His right of ownership over us and "buy us back" from the devil. That is what redemption is, and that is what He has accomplished, successfully... victoriously. Satan no longer has any power over those who put their faith in the power of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ.

2 Corinthians 15:54-57
When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: “Death has been swallowed up in victory.”
“Where, O death, is your victory?
Where, O death, is your sting?”
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

John 16:33
"In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

1 John 5:4-5
For everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.

Psalm 60:12
With God we will gain the victory, and he will trample down our enemies.

Psalm 20:6
Now this I know: The LORD gives victory to his anointed. He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary with the victorious power of his right hand.

Next up, W.

Attributes of God--U

2011-07-25T14:39:00.003-04:00

God is UNFATHOMABLE-- A fathom is a unit of measure, and to be unfathomable is to be beyond measure, immeasurable. Here we are, considering the alphabetical attributes of God, and this attribute itself says that God is immeasurable and incomprehensible. He is beyond the scope of our imaginations, beyond what we can possibly hope to wrap our minds around. No matter how many of His attributes we study, there will always be deeper truths to plumb and more attributes to discover. This is one of the reasons why we are not going to be bored in heaven.

Romans 11:33
Oh, the depth of the riches both of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are His judgments and unfathomable His ways!

Ephesians 3:8
To me, the very least of all saints, this grace was given, to preach to the Gentiles the unfathomable riches of Christ.

Job 36:26
How great is God—beyond our understanding! The number of his years is past finding out.

Job 37:5
God’s voice thunders in marvelous ways; he does great things beyond our understanding.

Ephesians 3:20-21
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Next up, V.

Attributes of God--T

2011-07-23T20:15:00.006-04:00

God is trustworthy and triumphant, but we dealt with His trustworthiness when we discussed His faithfulness, and we will deal with His triumph when we talk about how He is victorious (a few letters down the line...)

Today, we will talk about the truth of God.

Not many people understand about truth anymore. The powers of evil have very successfully challenged the idea that there could, in fact, exist something objective called "truth." They say that each one of us has the right and ability to design our own idea of what is true, and when something is "true for me" it is irrelevant whether it is true for you or not.

You can insist that a foot is 11 inches instead of 12. I can say, "That's OK. That can be true for you. If you want your foot measure to be 11 inches instead of 12, who am I to argue?" But if this is what you believe, I don't expect that the house you build will come out right. And I would never hire you to build a house for me, or even a bookshelf. Just saying.

If your house burns down, no matter how "truly" your friends decide to believe that it didn't happen, you still have no house.

There is objective truth, whether people want to admit it or not.

There is also one true God. All religions are not equal, and this is because there is one living God who exists, who created the heavens and the earth, who hears and answers prayer, who is sovereign. And there are a whole lot of other "gods" who exist mainly in the minds of the humans who imagine them, who did not create the heavens and the earth, and who are unable to hear or answer prayers. There is one God who will judge the world at the end of time, and there are a bunch of false gods who, if they exist at all, will be judged by Him and sent to the pit of destruction.

You can say that this is not true. To do so reminds me of something one of my kids used to do when she was in trouble when she was very small. I would come to confront her about her misbehavior, and she would close her eyes and squeeze them really tightly. She was trying to wish me away, thinking that she could make me disappear if she did not see me. This is what people are like when they refuse to accept the truth that God exists. It's rather pitiful, really.

You can insist to yourself that there is no heaven and no hell. You can tell this to yourself 100,000 times. You can decide that maybe there is a heaven, but surely there isn't a hell, and if there is a loving God, "obviously" he would never send anyone to hell. You can take a vote, and 99 out of 100 people can vote that there is no God, no absolute right and wrong, and no eternal destiny. However, at the end of time, it doesn't matter how many times you repeated something to yourself or how a vote went. It matters whether God does, in truth, exist, and this truth is not up to us to decide. It is outside of us, yet it affects us, and whether we like it or not, it's the way it is.

You can disagree with me. The problem is, if I am right and you are wrong, it will not go well for you, sort of the way if your house burns down, you no longer have a house regardless of what you decide to believe about the matter.

God is TRUE

Psalm 33:4
For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Jeremiah 10:10
But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King. When he is angry, the earth trembles; the nations cannot endure his wrath.

John 1:14
The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.

John 7:28-29
Then Jesus, still teaching in the temple courts, cried out, “Yes, you know me, and you know where I am from. I am not here on my own authority, but he who sent me is true. You do not know him, but I know him because I am from him and he sent me.”

John 14:6
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me."

John 17:3
Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

Next up, U.

Attributes of God--S

2011-07-22T12:41:00.003-04:00

Well, in the last two months we have been forced to invest nearly $2000 into a van that is not worth more that $1300.

We also have to move Shannon into her "permanent" apartment (as opposed to her "summer sub-let" apartment). All information stated that her new lease would begin on August 1. I made a reservation at a hotel for the evening of July 31. You get a slightly cheaper rate if you do a pre-pay deal, so I talked to Shawn, and we thought it through, and he said, "Well, we have to go, and that is the date her lease begins, so we might as well go for it." We got the pre-paid rate which is, and I quote: "non-refundable, non-cancelable and non-changeable."

Shannon's landlady rented the apartment to a new tenant who plans to move in on July 31.

Shannon was able to get in contact with the office that handles her new unit. The good news: she can get the key on Friday the 29th. The bad news: we can't change our hotel reservation. We will just have to hope that we can get the hotel room for the previous night as well, and we will simply have to pay for both nights whether we stay both nights or not. Oh well, it's only money. Right?

My family practice doctor did blood tests on me and sent me to a rheumatologist. The rheumatologist did further blood tests on me and sent me to an endocrinologist. The endocrinologist told me, "Just because you have symptoms, and just because you have the antibody in your blood that attacks your thyroid, it doesn't mean your thyroid is failing. You can't just blame your symptoms on your thyroid." With that, she sent me away without scheduling any follow up appointments. So I continue to ache. I've had a lingering headache for as long as I can remember. I am tired all the time. My eyes burn and sting and water spontaneously at completely unpredictable times. My hair is falling out. And I have a pile of medical bills to pay, but no answers. I am looking at that endocrinologist's bill right now, and I do not want to pay it.

It is at times like this that I need to be reminded of the sovereignty of God.

God is SOVEREIGN--The simplest way to explain this, and the way I explain it when I teach children, is that God is the Boss. He is in charge of everything, in control of everything, and perfectly able to handle everything.

He knows my hairs are falling out (Luke 12:7). Although I don't enjoy going bald, it is a comfort to know that God knows about it; He planned it for a purpose, in fact.

He knows how much money we just spent on our van. The other night, before the last bill, I leaned up on my elbow in bed and told Shawn, "I am praying that God will heal our van overnight, that the mechanics will arrive at the shop in the morning, and it will just work, and they will call us and we will only have to pay for the repairs they already finished today." Then I sank back onto my pillows and sighed, "But God doesn't usually like my ideas." Indeed, I was right on that last count. The formerly $500 bill increased to $830 before the next day was over.

God knows all about Shannon's move and our involvement in it and how it will go. He already knows everything that is going to happen that weekend, and He doesn't just know, He has orchestrated the details to accomplish His purposes.

This is what it means when we say that God is sovereign, and it is quite a comfort to ponder His sovereignty when things do not seem to be flowing smoothly. I pray that someday I will have ideas that God will like, ideas inspired by Him and not by my selfish fleshly nature. He is sovereign, and those who love Him and follow Him do not change Him. He changes us. And it is for our good and His glory.

Psalm 71:5
For you have been my hope, Sovereign LORD, my confidence since my youth.

Psalm 71:16
I will come and proclaim your mighty acts, Sovereign LORD; I will proclaim your righteous deeds, yours alone.

Psalm 141:8
But my eyes are fixed on you, Sovereign LORD; in you I take refuge—do not give me over to death.

Isaiah 25:8
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.

Isaiah 40:10
See, the Sovereign LORD comes with power, and he rules with a mighty arm. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.

Isaiah 50:7
Because the Sovereign LORD helps me, I will not be disgraced. Therefore have I set my face like flint, and I know I will not be put to shame.

Ezekiel 14:11
Then the people of Israel will no longer stray from me, nor will they defile themselves anymore with all their sins. They will be my people, and I will be their God, declares the Sovereign LORD.

Daniel 4:17
The decision is announced by messengers, the holy ones declare the verdict, so that the living may know that the Most High is sovereign over all kingdoms on earth and gives them to anyone he wishes and sets over them the lowliest of people.

Acts 4:24
When they heard this, they raised their voices together in prayer to God. “Sovereign Lord,” they said, “you made the heavens and the earth and the sea, and everything in them..."

Next up, T.

Attributes of God--R

2011-07-20T10:41:00.003-04:00

R has always been my favorite letter.

88 is my favorite number. There is something about it that's round and square at the same time, a chubby symmetry that I just find pleasing. As a small child, I remember lying on my back in the bathtub, staring up at the bottom of a hanging plant that my mom had dangled from the ceiling over the tub. It was only a tub, not a tub-shower. I would lie there staring at the bottom of that jute basket, also visually aware of the white tile, the white organza curtain covering a window that looked out over a row of pine trees, and the small orange flowers on the wallpaper. Lying on my back, I would swish my hair around my head and say, "Eighty-eight, eighty-eight, eighty-eight," over and over until the water got cooler than lukewarm, and then I would add more hot from the faucet, over and over until I got yelled at to finish up and get out of there. I guess I was always a little weird.

But it is sensible that I should like the letter R, as my name was Ruthie Rebecca Rainbow. I liked the way it sounded and I liked the way it looked. When I saw other children spell their names, I felt sorry for them if theirs did not begin with an R.

But this should not be about me. It should be about God. An attribute of God that starts with the letter R is Righteous.

God is RIGHTEOUS--This means that God is right in all He does. He never makes a mistake. He never does anything wrong. And of course, He never sins. Righteousness usually means that someone is right in the moral sense, rather than, say, getting all the answers correct on a math exam. God certainly would always get all the answers correct on any exam. But much more importantly than that, when He considers the hearts of men, God always comes to the right conclusion about what should be done with them. God is righteous.

Psalm 7:11
God is a righteous judge, a God who displays his wrath every day.
(OK, that's a scary one, but it goes to show that He is right when He shows mercy, and He is also right when he pours out His wrath.)

Psalm 7:17
I will give thanks to the LORD because of his righteousness; I will sing the praises of the name of the LORD Most High.

Psalm 9:4
For you have upheld my right and my cause, sitting enthroned as the righteous judge.

Psalm 9:8
He rules the world in righteousness and judges the peoples with equity.

Psalm 11:7
For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; the upright will see his face.

Psalm 36:6
Your righteousness is like the highest mountains, your justice like the great deep. You, LORD, preserve both people and animals.

Psalm 145:17
The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 56:1
This is what the LORD says: “Maintain justice and do what is right, for my salvation is close at hand and my righteousness will soon be revealed.

Matthew 6:33
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

1 Peter 3:18
For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. He was put to death in the body but made alive in the Spirit.

If you do a word study on passages in the New Testament that address God's righteousness, you will find that the miracle is how, through the sacrifice of Christ, God imputed His righteousness to us. We are credited with the righteousness of God, because of Jesus. This is an overwhelming thought and a subject for a different day.

Next up, S.

Attributes of God--Q

2011-07-19T08:55:00.003-04:00

I have been having some trouble with this one, and would certainly appreciate help and input from others.

Two things that I came up with:

God is quiet, and God is quick. The problem is, God is not always quiet. Sometimes He thunders with a mighty voice (Psalm 68:33). And God is not always quick; I think we all know that! 1 Peter 3:7-9 explains that although God may seem slow, He is really just being patient with us, giving sinners more time to repent. That doesn't sound very quick to me.

So these are not really attributes of God. Quickness and quietness are just ways that God is sometimes, not all the time.

My favorite story about the quietness of God is in 1 Kings 19, where Elijah went out on the mountain to meet God, and God was not in the great and mighty wind, nor in the earthquake, nor in the fire, but after all that ruckus, God came and spoke to Elijah in a soft whisper, in a still, small voice.

also... Psalm 23:2
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul.

Concerning God's quickness... mostly it appears that we ask God to be quick.

Psalm 22:19
But you, LORD, do not be far from me. You are my strength; come quickly to help me.

Psalm 69:17
Do not hide your face from your servant; answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

Psalm 70:5
But as for me, I am poor and needy; come quickly to me, O God. You are my help and my deliverer; LORD, do not delay.

So I don't think that really counts. God can do anything, and in His mercy He often does respond to us quickly. But I don't think this could really be considered one of His attributes.

What do you think?

Next up, R.

Attributes of God--P

2011-07-18T12:39:00.003-04:00

I'm at one of those points.

I feel tired, sad, lazy and discouraged. And overwhelmed. I do not feel angry, and that is something to be thankful for. I've been trying to not be angry with myself. It feels sinful and indulgent not to, but I am starting to believe that those self-punishing feelings are from the pit.

Last week I was having trouble driving. I kept going the wrong way, making bad decisions about which route to take, or forgetting which route I was taking and getting into the wrong lane and having to go miles out of my way. This was very frustrating, and I found myself tensing up and mentally berating myself. Fortunately, I was alone. Laura has been telling me, "No negative self-talk." So I tried to fight my impulse, and I found myself in very odd conversations with myself. For example...

Me: That was really stupid. Now you are going to have to drive miles out of your way, and you will waste a ton of time and gas. You are so dumb!

Myself: It's OK. It isn't that big a deal. It isn't a life. So you're a little late and you use a little more gas. Just let it go.

I: Can you do that? Just let it go? You are wasting gas, and gas is expensive.

Me: Of course you can't let it go. If you forgive yourself for this, you will just keep making stupid, mindless decisions and you will bankrupt the family paying for the gas to cover your mistakes. Also you are never going to get anything done if you keep driving all over creation with no logical route in mind.

Myself: Come on now. You have to forgive yourself. And besides, what good does it do to punish yourself? You're already sorry. You don't have to heap extra punishments on and make yourself miserable. It won't even help anything or make anything better if you do. Just let it go. It isn't that big of a deal.

I: Can you do that?

Myself: Trust me. Beating yourself up is not going to save any gas.

So uneasily, I allowed the muscles in my jaw and upper body to relax a little, and I tried to think about something else, the future and not the immediate past, and I drove home feeling as though I had skipped out of working in a hot field to read a book in a shady hiding place.

Today I must admit, given my struggles and shortcomings and guilt, I am not really looking forward to pondering the perfection of God. Because Perfection is an attribute of God that begins with a "p" and it is one that I really struggle with and fail at in my own life.

God is PERFECT--excellent or complete beyond practical or theoretical improvement (and I lifted that definition directly off dictionary.com). I think I am glad that God is perfect. Some days I know I am. I long for perfection, and I consistently fall short. I should rest in the fact that God is perfect and one day He will share that perfection with me, and suddenly it will be effortless in me all because of Him. Well, it is undeniably a good thing and a relief that SOMEBODY is perfect, and obviously God is the one who should be, so it is only another sign of my miserable imperfection that I should balk at the idea at all.

Deuteronomy 32:4
He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.

2 Samuel 22:31
“As for God, his way is perfect: The LORD’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him."

Matthew 5:48
Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
(this one is a little hard for me today, but another day I will embrace it; I just need more of His power, which leads me to the next "p" attribute...)

God is POWERFUL--He has the strength and ability to anything. Amazingly, through the Holy Spirit, He indwells us and gives us opportunity to access that perfect power. I am not very good at this yet.

Exodus 15:6
Your right hand, LORD, was majestic in power. Your right hand, LORD, shattered the enemy.

Psalm 147:5
Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.

Ephesians 1:18-20
I pray that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in his holy people, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is the same as the mighty strength he exerted when he raised Christ from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms...

Next up, Q.

Attributes of God--O

2011-07-15T11:43:00.003-04:00

I am overwhelmed (speaking of "o" words) at the thought of writing this post.

And I have been putting it off.

The attributes of God that start with "o" are...

Omnipotent (all powerful)

Omnipresent (present everywhere, all the time)

and Omniscient (all knowing)

God is OMNIPOTENT--
Revelation 19:6
And I heard as it were the voice of a great multitude, and as the voice of many waters, and as the voice of mighty thunderings, saying, Alleluia: for the Lord God omnipotent reigneth.

God is OMNIPRESENT--
Psalm 139:7-10
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

God is OMNISCIENT--
Colossians 2:2-4
My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge. I tell you this so that no one may deceive you by fine-sounding arguments.

Next up, P.

Attributes of God--N

2011-07-12T13:24:00.003-04:00

God is NEAR

Psalm 145:18
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.

Philippians 4:5
Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

...and by extrapolation...

Deuteronomy 31:6
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.”

God is NOBLE--Noble means to be of high birth. The best "nobles" are the ones who are not only born noble but also act noble, living up to their family line and ruling with justice and righteousness. God is the Most High God, King over all creation. Jesus, Son of God, is King of kings and LORD of Lords.

Isaiah 9:6-7
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given,
and the government will be on his shoulders.
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Of the greatness of his government and peace
there will be no end.
He will reign on David’s throne
and over his kingdom,
establishing and upholding it
with justice and righteousness
from that time on and forever.
The zeal of the LORD Almighty
will accomplish this.

Luke 1:30-33
But the angel said to her, “Do not be afraid, Mary; you have found favor with God. You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.”

James 2:7b
...the noble name of him to whom you belong...

Next up, O.

Attributes of God--M

2011-07-11T12:36:00.004-04:00

God is MAJESTIC-- He is supreme in His greatness and authority, lofty in His dignity, and regal in His sovereignty.

Exodus 15:11
Who among the gods is like you, LORD? Who is like you— majestic in holiness, awesome in glory, working wonders?

Psalm 8:1
O LORD, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth! You have set your glory in the heavens.

Psalm 76:4
You are radiant with light, more majestic than mountains rich with game.

God is MERCIFUL-- He has compassion on us and does not punish us as our sins deserve.

Deuteronomy 4:31
For the LORD your God is a merciful God; he will not abandon or destroy you or forget the covenant with your ancestors, which he confirmed to them by oath.

Nehemiah 9:31
But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.

Psalm 78:38
Yet he was merciful; he forgave their iniquities and did not destroy them. Time after time he restrained his anger and did not stir up his full wrath.

Ephesians 2:4-5
But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

And speaking of attributes that begin with M, here is a Psalm that extols the majesty and the might of the Lord:

Psalm 93
The LORD reigns, he is robed in majesty;
the LORD is robed in majesty
and is armed with strength.
The world is firmly established;
it cannot be moved.
Your throne was established long ago;
you are from all eternity.

The seas have lifted up, O LORD,
the seas have lifted up their voice;
the seas have lifted up their pounding waves.
Mightier than the thunder of the great waters,
mightier than the breakers of the sea—
the LORD on high is mighty.

Your statutes stand firm;
holiness adorns your house
for endless days, O LORD.

Next up, N.

Attributes of God--L

2011-07-08T14:52:00.003-04:00

God is LOVE
(I don't need to explain this at all. This is the essence of God, and His scripture speaks for itself.)

1 John 4:7-8
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:10
This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

Psalm 138:8
The LORD will vindicate me; your love, LORD, endures forever— do not abandon the works of your hands.

Psalm 147:11
The LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love.

Deuteronomy 10:15
Yet the LORD set his affection on your ancestors and loved them, and he chose you, their descendants, above all the nations—as it is today.

Deuteronomy 10:18
He defends the cause of the fatherless and the widow, and loves the foreigner residing among you, giving them food and clothing.

Ezra 3:11
With praise and thanksgiving they sang to the LORD: “He is good; his love toward Israel endures forever.” And all the people gave a great shout of praise to the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid.

Nehemiah 1:5-6b
Then I said: “LORD, the God of heaven, the great and awesome God, who keeps his covenant of love with those who love him and keep his commandments, let your ear be attentive and your eyes open to hear the prayer your servant is praying before you day and night..."

Psalm 13:5
But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.

Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

Lamentations 3:22-23
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Next up, M.

Attributes of God--K

2011-07-07T10:04:00.003-04:00

God is KIND-- He has a benevolent nature and He treats us gently, humanely, considerately. He works on our behalf, to help us.

Psalm 138:6
Though the LORD is exalted, he looks kindly on the lowly; though lofty, he sees them from afar.

Isaiah 63:7
I will tell of the kindnesses of the LORD, the deeds for which he is to be praised, according to all the LORD has done for us— yes, the many good things he has done for Israel, according to his compassion and many kindnesses.

Jeremiah 31:3
The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

Hosea 11:4
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them.

Luke 6:35
But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked.

Acts 14:17
Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy.

Romans 2:4
Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, forbearance and patience, not realizing that God’s kindness is intended to lead you to repentance?

Ephesians 2:6-7
And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.

Next up, L.

Attributes of God--J

2011-07-05T12:38:00.003-04:00

God is JOYFUL--Mostly, we see evidence in the scriptures that God causes us to have joy. But there are also plenty of indications that God takes delight in us, and rejoices over us. It seems logical that this would be the case. How could our Source of joy not be full of joy? It is a good thing, I think, to realize that God is happy.

Nehemiah 8:10
Nehemiah said, “Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared. This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”

Psalm 104:31
May the glory of the LORD endure forever; may the LORD rejoice in his works—

Isaiah 58:14
then you will find your joy in the LORD, and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.” For the mouth of the LORD has spoken.

Isaiah 62:5
As a young man marries a young woman, so will your Builder marry you; as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.

Isaiah 65:19
I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.

Zephaniah 3:17
The LORD your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Luke 1:14
He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth,

Luke 10:21
At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this is what you were pleased to do."

Luke 15:7
I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

God is JUST--Justice is not our favorite attribute of God. I have heard more than one person say, "I don't want to think about the justice of God. I'd prefer to focus on His mercy." Oddly, in the Old Testament, people cried out for the Lord's justice. The justice of God is the power of God put to work to make things fair and right. Sometimes making things fair and right involves punishment, and this is why we do not like to think about it. Those who are violently persecuted do not always have the same hang-ups. Sometimes the dividing line is between those who want justice poured out on others and those who fear justice poured out on themselves. Sometimes, people simply have trouble with the idea that anyone should be punished. This, I might dare to point out, is a very modern, American sentiment, and does not have roots in the Bible. God is very clear that He will punish wrong and put an end to sin. We must trust in His other attributes: perfect wisdom, love and compassion. And we must realize that if anyone has the ability to love the sinner, hate the sin, and act appropriately... it is God Almighty.

Psalm 9:16
The LORD is known by his acts of justice; the wicked are ensnared by the work of their hands.

Psalm 11:7
For the LORD is righteous, he loves justice; the upright will see his face.

Psalm 89:14
Righteousness and justice are the foundation of your throne; love and faithfulness go before you.

Psalm 99:4
The King is mighty, he loves justice— you have established equity; in Jacob you have done what is just and right.

Psalm 103:6
The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

Isaiah 11:4
...but with righteousness he will judge the needy, with justice he will give decisions for the poor of the earth. He will strike the earth with the rod of his mouth; with the breath of his lips he will slay the wicked.

Matthew 12:20
A bruised reed he will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out, till he has brought justice through to victory.

Hebrews 1:8
But about the Son he says, “Your throne, O God, will last for ever and ever; a scepter of justice will be the scepter of your kingdom."

Next up, K.

Attributes of God--I

2011-07-01T10:40:00.004-04:00

I love to think of the attributes of God that begin with the letter "i". It always puts me in mind of the hymn...

Immortal, invisible, God only wise,
In light inaccessible hid from our eyes,
Most blessed, most glorious, the Ancient of Days,
Almighty, victorious, thy great name we praise.

God is IMMORTAL-- We already talked about how God is everlasting and eternal, and "immortal" means the same thing, basically. But there is another layer to the meaning of immortal: It means nobody can kill God. It means Nietzsche was completely wrong when he said that God was dead. It means that Jesus is definitely risen from the grave, after the atoning sacrifice he offered for us through his own body, crucified.

1 Timothy 1:17
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

1 Timothy 6:;15b-16
God, the blessed and only Ruler, the King of kings and Lord of lords, who alone is immortal and who lives in unapproachable light, whom no one has seen or can see. To him be honor and might forever. Amen.

Luke 24:5-8
In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” Then they remembered his words.

God is INVISIBLE-- God is invisible, but he won't always be invisible. We cannot see him now, but we will see him one day. God's invisibility is part of our earthly faith test. By faith, we believe in what we do not see, and one day that faith will become sight and we will live in the glorious presence of God forever.

Job 9:11
When He passes me, I cannot see Him; when He goes by, I cannot perceive Him.

Romans 1:20
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

Colossians 1:15
The Son is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation.

1 Timothy 1:17
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.
(I know we already had this verse, and it is part of the hymn I quoted earlier as well. I think I will have that song in my head for the day... I hope so!)

Hebrews 11:27
By faith he left Egypt, not fearing the king’s anger; he persevered because he saw him who is invisible.

Hebrews 11:1-3
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

Next up, J.

Attributes of God--H

2011-06-30T08:48:00.003-04:00

Yesterday we had no internet connection all day. It was a blessing, for the most part.

Today I am back at it, and we will continue our series of looking at attributes of God, alphabetically. Yesterday I had a headache in the afternoon. It wasn't the wisest thing I've ever done, but I brewed a pot of strong coffee and made myself a mocha latte with half and half, sweetened condensed milk and chocolate syrup. It cured the headache, but revved me up more than I care to be revved.

At bedtime, my mind was still active. But I lay down in my bed and started going over the attributes of God, musing over what we have looked at thus far. God smiled on me, and before I finished thinking, I had fallen into a peaceful sleep. I woke up conscious of how great God is, too. I pray that if anyone reads these posts during this series, you will be blessed as I have been.

God is HOLY--He is pure, sacred and set apart from common, earthly things. Holiness is related to perfect purity and the absence of the influence of sin. It is a hard concept to grasp, and one of the attributes of God that is most godly, most divine. Yet, amazingly, God calls us to share in this attribute as we grow in him through the indwelling power of his Holy Spirit in our hearts and lives.

Exodus 3:5
“Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.”

Leviticus 19:2
“Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the LORD your God, am holy.'"

1 Samuel 2:2
“There is no one holy like the LORD; there is no one besides you; there is no Rock like our God."

Psalm 47:8
God reigns over the nations; God is seated on his holy throne.

Psalm 77:13
Your ways, God, are holy. What god is as great as our God?

Psalm 99:5
Exalt the LORD our God and worship at his footstool; he is holy.

Isaiah 6:1-4
In the year that King Uzziah died, I saw the Lord, high and exalted, seated on a throne; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him were seraphim, each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they were flying. And they were calling to one another:
“Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory.”
At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.

Isaiah 48:17
This is what the LORD says— your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: “I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go."

Isaiah 54:5
For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.

1 Peter 1:15-16
But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

Revelation 4:8
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: “‘Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty,’ who was, and is, and is to come.”

Next up, I.

Attributes of God--G

2011-06-28T10:53:00.003-04:00

God is GOOD--I touched on this in a previous post. The upshot, in the vernacular, is that God is perfect and always makes the right decision (not only the right, but the best decision) for each of us in every situation, whether or not we understand what he is doing. God is good, but some days we need to exercise a fair amount of humility and trust in order to accept this truth. And when I say "fair amount," I may be making a bit of an understatement.

Mark 10:18
“Why do you call me good?” Jesus answered. “No one is good—except God alone."

Psalm 16:2
I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.”

Psalm 23:6
Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the one who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 145:9
The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

1 Peter 2:2-4
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good.

God is GRACIOUS--God favors us with good gifts that we do not deserve and could never hope to earn.

Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Psalm 116:5
The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion.

Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!

Romans 8:32
He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?

Ephesians 2:8
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God.

Next up, H.

Attributes of God--F

2011-06-27T13:20:00.003-04:00

God is FAITHFUL--God always keeps his promises.

Psalm 33:4
For the word of the LORD is right and true; he is faithful in all he does.

Psalm 36:5
Your love, LORD, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies.

Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Psalm 91:4
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

Psalm 145:13
Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.

Lamentations 3:22-24
Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Hebrews 10:23
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.

God is FORGIVING-- Forgiveness is a difficult concept. Often in our culture, we understand it to mean tolerance, the act of suffering someone's misdeed and saying, "It's OK; it doesn't matter." This is not Biblical forgiveness; indeed, it cannot be, because God is just and fair and always true. To say that an injustice is "OK" is not just, it is not fair, and it is not a true statement. There was only one way God could forgive us for our sins against him. He paid the price for our sins with the blood of his only begotten Son. Without the shed blood of Jesus, there could be no forgiveness for our sins. Our sins did matter, and God forgave us by paying the required ransom for our souls, not by saying, "It doesn't matter; it's OK." Forgiveness is very costly, and that is why it is so hard for us to do. However, Ephesians 4:32 tells us to go around "...forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." Those who are in Christ receive forgiveness from sins. Those who are not in Christ will be punished justly on the last day.

Numbers 14:18
‘The LORD is slow to anger, abounding in love and forgiving sin and rebellion. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation.’

Psalm 86:5
You, Lord, are forgiving and good, abounding in love to all who call to you.

Psalm 99:8
LORD our God, you answered them; you were to Israel a forgiving God, though you punished their misdeeds.

Daniel 9:9
The Lord our God is merciful and forgiving, even though we have rebelled against him;

Micah 7:18
Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.

Psalm 103:3 & 12
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases... as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

Acts 13:38
Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Next up, G.

Attributes of God--E

2011-06-25T13:36:00.003-04:00

God is EVERLASTING--He will last forever, there is no end to the duration of God.

Psalm 90:2
Before the mountains were born or you brought forth the whole world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.

Isaiah 9:6
For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

Isaiah 40:28
Do you not know? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.

God is ETERNAL--Yes, I admit, this is virtually the same as everlasting. But somehow it sounds a little different, and it is comforting to me to think of the concept with both words. God has no beginning, and he has no end. He has always existed and will always exist.

Isaiah 26:4
Trust in the LORD forever, for the LORD, the LORD himself, is the Rock eternal.

Jeremiah 10:10
But the LORD is the true God; he is the living God, the eternal King. When he is angry, the earth trembles; the nations cannot endure his wrath.

Romans 1:20
For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse.

1 Timothy 1:17
Now to the King eternal, immortal, invisible, the only God, be honor and glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Next up, F.

Attributes of God--D

2011-06-24T09:16:00.003-04:00

God is our DELIGHT--God brings us great pleasure, joy and rapture. He satisfies us in wonderful ways.

Psalm 37:4
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Psalm 43:4
Then I will go to the altar of God, to God, my joy and my delight. I will praise you with the lyre, O God, my God.

Isaiah 61:10
I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of his righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels.

God is our DELIVERER--To deliver is to bring something (or someone!) to a special, intended place. I think the best definition of God's deliverance comes from Colossians 1:13-14, "For He has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins."

Psalm 18:2
The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

Psalm 32:7
You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.

Psalm 33:18-20
But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him,
on those whose hope is in his unfailing love,
to deliver them from death
and keep them alive in famine.

Psalm 34:17
The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.

Psalm 56:13
For you have delivered me from death and my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before God in the light of life.

2 Corinthians 1:10
He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us,

Next up, E.

Attributes of God--C

2011-06-23T10:31:00.003-04:00

God is CARING--God pays attention to his children and has concern for them.

Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.

Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

God is COMPASSIONATE--God sees his children's trouble and suffering, and he feels deep sympathy for us. He purposes to alleviate our strife by the exercise of his almighty power at the right time and in the perfect way.

Psalm 86:15
But you, Lord, are a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.

Psalm 103:3-5
He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases; he redeems my life from the pit and crowns me with love and compassion. He satisfies my desires with good things, so that my youth is renewed like the eagle's.

Psalm 103:8
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love.

Psalm 145:8-9
The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.

Next up, D.

Attributes of God--B

2011-06-22T20:15:00.003-04:00

God is BEAUTIFUL-- He possesses qualities that bring intense pleasure and deep satisfaction to those who behold him.

Isaiah 4:2
In that day the Branch of the LORD will be beautiful and glorious, and the fruit of the land will be the pride and glory of the survivors in Israel.

Psalm 27:4
One thing I ask from the LORD, this only do I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the LORD all the days of my life, to gaze on the beauty of the LORD and to seek him in his temple.

Psalm 50:2
From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth.

God is BOUNTIFUL-- He is easily able to provide an abundance for his people, to dispense more than enough. He does not skimp or stretch to make ends meet, but generously showers us with gracious blessings.

Psalm 36:7-9
How priceless is your unfailing love, O God!
People take refuge in the shadow of your wings.
They feast on the abundance of your house;
you give them drink from your river of delights.
For with you is the fountain of life;
in your light we see light.

Psalm 65:11
You crown the year with your bounty, and your carts overflow with abundance.

Jeremiah 31:12
They will come and shout for joy on the heights of Zion; they will rejoice in the bounty of the LORD— the grain, the new wine and the olive oil, the young of the flocks and herds. They will be like a well-watered garden, and they will sorrow no more.

Ephesians 3:19-21
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Next up, C.

Attributes of God--A

2011-06-21T15:37:00.004-04:00

For the next 25-26 posts or so, I will be researching the attributes of God and listing them in alphabetical order, with Bible verses to back them up.

A dear friend of mine told me once that at night when she lays her head down on her pillow, she goes through the attributes of God alphabetically. I tried doing this and found that it is a blessed way to fall asleep.

Obviously, these posts will not cover all the attributes of God. However, I will try to find an attribute (or more than one) for each letter of the alphabet, except perhaps "x" because I am not trying to be ridiculous.

I'm going to try to post every day, except for sometimes on the weekends. This will be a new thing.

Here we go...

God is ABLE--God is capable of doing whatever he pleases. God can.

Daniel 3:17
If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.

2 Corinthians 9:8
And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work.

Hebrews 7:25
Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

God is ALMIGHTY--God has the power and the might to fulfill his purposes and his will. Nothing is impossible for him (Luke 1:37).

Isaiah 47:4
Our Redeemer—the LORD Almighty is his name— is the Holy One of Israel.

Psalm 80:19
Restore us, LORD God Almighty; make your face shine on us, that we may be saved.

Genesis 17:1
When Abram was ninety-nine years old, the LORD appeared to him and said, “I am God Almighty ; walk before me faithfully and be blameless.

God is AWESOME--Awe is a type of fear. It's not a fear of something evil or violent, but a fear of something huge and overwhelming. For me, a sense of awe comes to mind when I imagine the feeling of weakness I would get in my stomach and my limbs if I were about to skydive out of an airplane, the feeling I would get when they opened the hatch and pushed me forward to look down at the earth so far below. It's the paralyzing faintness I would have, knowing that I was going to have to jump out and pull the cord on my parachute to deploy it. God is awesome and will someday produce those kinds of feelings in all humanity. I felt I needed to explain this, because the word "awesome" has been watered down by vernacular usage over the last couple of decades.

Deuteronomy 7:21
Do not be terrified by them, for the LORD your God, who is among you, is a great and awesome God.

Psalm 47:2
For the LORD Most High is awesome, the great King over all the earth.

Psalm 89:7
In the council of the holy ones God is greatly feared; he is more awesome than all who surround him.

Next up, B.

Good does not equal nice

2011-06-15T13:39:00.005-04:00

God is good.

That's part of a prayer that many of us learned to say when we were children: "God is great, God is good, Let us thank Him for our food."

More importantly, it is scriptural. "The Lord is good to all; He has compassion on all He has made." (Psalm 145:9) "For the Lord is good and His love endures forever; His faithfulness continues through all generations." (Psalm 100:5) "I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." (Psalm 27:13) And in Mark 10:18, Jesus said that nobody is good except God alone.

In Great Britain, when someone eats something tasty, he says, "That is very nice!" In the USA when someone eats something tasty, he says, "That's really good!" There is a discrepancy in our vocabularies, and I think the English are closer to proper usage than the Americans (why am I not surprised?).

A double fudge cafe mocha with chocolate syrup and whipped cream is undeniably tasty. It tastes nice. But it is not the least bit good for you, with whopping levels of sugar and caffeine... and no protein, vitamins or fiber. I think you are probably pretty accurate in saying that it is nice, and pretty far wrong if you say it is good.

A person can be nice to your face, smiling and flattering you and buttering you up. You might call that person a good friend, because she never causes you any pain when you are together. She always agrees with whatever you say and always tells you that your outfit is cute. But is she a good friend? What about the friend who will tell you when you have broccoli between your teeth or when there is a stain on your pants? What about the friend who asks you the tough questions about where your heart is with the Lord, and whether you are using your time wisely or treating the people in your life with grace? Who is the true good friend?

We say that God is good, but then we craft the meaning behind that phrase to match our fancy. We define good as: that which makes me happy and comfortable and bestows on me exactly what I want. If I want a hot tub or a trip to Aruba, God ought to give it to me. If I want a good job or an A on a paper or a new car, God ought to give those things to me. If I want to be healthy and strong and talented, God ought to give me those things, and He ought to give them to my family members as well.

But God, perfectly good though He is, does not grant us perfect health and prosperity and blessings all the time. There are actually quite a few people who get sick, lose their jobs and die. To many of us, this makes no sense, because in our minds we have crafted a god who pleases us, who acts and functions according to our definition of good (see above) and our ideas of what we have decided is good for us.

This god we have crafted in our minds bears little resemblance to the God of the Bible. We didn't read the Bible, or at least not much of it, because there were parts that we didn't like. We thought it would be handier to skip over the "tricky" parts of the Bible and just pay attention to the nice, comfortable words, and base our ideas of God on the things that we liked best. The problem with this is: the thing we end up worshiping is not the true God, Creator of the Universe and Ultimate Judge of our hearts and souls, the One who has revealed Himself to us through His holy Word. No, the thing we end up worshiping is some other god of our own making. The Bible has a word for this type of god. The Bible calls it an idol.

I was listening to Colin Smith today, and he spoke of these things much more eloquently than I can write about them.

But ultimately we need to recognize: God is good. He really, truly is. In fact, He is much better than we can imagine. He knows everything, perfectly, including the future. He knows what is good for us, what is best for us even. We have limited wisdom and limited understanding. God is omniscient.

"How could God give their son leukemia and take him home at age 12?" you might ask. Or, "How could God allow her to be in such a terrible car accident and lose her unborn baby?" Or, "How could a loving God allow the devastating earthquakes and subsequent disasters in Japan?"

I am not saying I understand.

I'm saying God does.

Sometimes things that are good for us are not nice. Think about chemotherapy, open heart surgery, diet and exercise programs, studying for a particularly difficult exam. These things are not nice, but they are good and they can bring great reward.

So is God. God is good. He is not always nice (in our view), but He is always good.

When you become a Christian, you are not signing up for a cakewalk. You are signing up for "the toughest job you'll ever love." And it makes motherhood and the Army look like cakewalks in comparison.

Hold on to the faith. It will be so overwhelmingly worth it in the end.