tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post742894337692066406..comments2024-03-18T03:18:23.620-04:00Comments on Memoirs for my children: More about forgivenessruthhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15293058709021665140noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post-84399555345439661452013-12-10T00:08:54.688-05:002013-12-10T00:08:54.688-05:00I so approve of your grammar.
I've been pract...I so approve of your grammar.<br /><br />I've been practising in the last few years how to apologize correctly. I find it extremely hard to bite back that 'but', but (heh) it is worth it. It really does make a difference. Just saying, 'You're right. I'm sorry. That was wrong of me.' softens everyone, and usually that 'but' gets addressed by the other person himself at that point anyway, as he is then willing to admit his own failings in the situation. Sometimes the 'but' never does get addressed, yet the sincerity of admitting your own wrongful involvement so often leads to resolution of the argument anyway, that you wonder after, 'Did it really matter?' :)Lori Arnoldhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05600443590399882818noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post-18564665424163519812013-12-09T16:20:26.193-05:002013-12-09T16:20:26.193-05:00I agree. "I'm sorry you feel that way,&q...I agree. "I'm sorry you feel that way," means, in straightforward language, "I did the right thing, and it is a shame that you were offended by it and unable to accept it." This may, indeed, be what the speaker means to say, but in that case it is best not to pretend to be apologizing. If one does mean to apologize, one should say, "I am sorry that I made you feel that way."<br /><br />Forgiveness can and often is given when one has not received an apology. However, the point I was trying to bring out is that when we forgive that way, restoration is often not complete, because it is apology, confession, the request for forgiveness that brings total healing to a relationship. Healing on one side is never as complete as healing on both sides, but it is certainly a lot better than nothing, and it is as much as one person can manage alone.ruthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15293058709021665140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6394593369099711178.post-13886316390468801622013-12-09T15:56:10.357-05:002013-12-09T15:56:10.357-05:00I find that it is actually more problematic for me...I find that it is actually more problematic for me when the apology takes the form "I'm sorry that you feel that way."<br /><br />Where the person allegedly seeking reconciliation actually honestly believes that this is a full and complete apology and fails to take any responsibility whatsoever by putting the onus on me for feeling "that way".<br /><br />The "I'm sorry <b>but</b>" is easier for me because it is not a real apology and I cannot believe that the person offering it means it as a real apology, but rather to be able to say that there was an apology. Of course, it makes me angry, but it is a lot easier to explain why it makes me angry because the person apologizing has some idea.<br /><br />"I'm sorry you feel that way" can be a sincere apology, but it so completely misses the point: typically the apologizer means "I am sorry that I made you angry/sad/etc." without realizing that there was a behavior that caused the symptom.<br /><br />Unfortunately, forgiveness often has to be given without any kind of apology. I like to think of this as a personal action: an action that I take in order to not poison my own life. It doesn't have to intimately involve the offender, and as such, it's really hard. But we can do it!Shannonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06259383520792748719noreply@blogger.com